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Bruce awoke to the sound of pounding on his door. He shot up, heart pounding as he gathered his thoughts.
“Wake up, Neal,” he heard Peter shout. “You know that today is crucial for this case.”
Oh shit, Bruce thought, remembering that they were supposed to be interviewing possible suspects for a diamond theft that morning. He sprung up, running around his room, scrambling to put on one of Neal’s stereotypical suits. “Sorry, Peter,” he called. “I had a late night last night, and I must have overslept.”
“I’ll give you two minutes to get yourself decent, or else I’ll kick this door down and drag you out without the coffee you will so desperately need,” he responded.
Bruce, having finally finished preparing for a long day donning the Neal persona, chuckled as he opened his door.
“Well, that wouldn’t be much fun for you either, Peter. Now, let’s get this show on the road!”
After stopping by a cafe on the way to the office, Peter parked the car in the FBI sanctioned lot. However, before continuing into the building like Bruce had made to, he pulled him aside. Bruce started to get a bad feeling about this.
“Neal, I need you to know how serious this meeting is today. The suspect we’re meeting this morning is a big name around the world, but she’s known especially for her work in Gotham.”
Oh shit. She had better not be- “I’m sorry, I must have misheard you. Where did you say she was from?” Bruce asked, with a tremble in his voice that only another Bat could have picked up. He knew he was probably overreacting, but still, he wasn’t prepared for this.
“I know you heard me, Neal. She’s from Gotham, so you need to watch what you say around her. Gothamites are known for their violence and aggressiveness, and I don’t think she would take kindly to your “usual” brand of small talk.” Peter looked quite serious in his description of Gothamites, but Bruce had to bite back the laughter threatening to pour out of him.
“Peter, I’m offended that you would even assume that. I will let you know that I am quite a gentleman, especially in the presence of big names like whomever we may be meeting today.” Again, Bruce had to fight to keep his laughter in, especially if this mysterious woman was who he thought it was.
Peter threw him a distrustful look, but decided that it wasn’t a fight he could win. They went inside and got into the elevator, giving Bruce time to process his thoughts.
He knew by now that this suspect they were about to interview was Selina. And that even though she could be as slick as black ice, she usually chose not to be in favor of being chaotic. Like how cats purposefully knocked your mug off of your counter. And as much as she loved him, Bruce knew that he was screwed in regards to keeping his identity under wraps. But, in all honesty, the mission was wrapping up. He had initially been sent because there were rumors of paintings with Kryptonite in the paint being trafficked, but once the White Collar department disbanded the ring, Bruce was left with nothing to do. He loved Peter, and El, and Diana, and Jones, but he missed his family. He missed Selina, he missed Alfred, and he (mostly) missed his kids.
The elevator door opened, breaking Bruce’s train of thought. He walked towards his desk, placing his hat onto his bust of Socrates, and slowly started to steel himself for what was to come. He knew that the JL would be glad to have him back as Batman, so he wasn’t worried about breaking cover. No, his biggest worry was that one, or maybe even more, of his children might accompany Selina. Now that was a dreadful thought.
Jones and Diana walked towards Bruce’s desk, gossiping about who this "mysterious" suspect might be. Apparently Peter had been keeping her identity from everyone until the last possible moment, which made Bruce chuckle. Diana, noticing this, asked “What’s wrong Neal, you look like you might know something.”\
“Oh no, Agent Berrigan, Peter has been very secretive about this. I do, however, want to make a bet. Peter told me that the woman coming is a Gothamite, and that I should make no attempt to woo her. However, I fear that my natural charms-” here, he earned a snort and simultaneous eyerolls from Diana, Jones, and a nearby probie who was eavesdropping “- might be too strong for her to resist.”
Jones looked at him, “So what, you want to bet that you can make her like you without a single word spoken between you?”
“No,” Bruce said with a smirk. “I want to bet that she will kiss me without a single word spoken between us. I won’t even initiate anything, I’ll just stand there.”
Jones and Diana exchanged doubtful looks, but Jones finally said “You know what, I’ll take it. If I lose, I will buy you coffees every day at that place you love for a month. But if I win, you can’t complain about van duty ever again.”
“I’ll take that bet,” Bruce said, with a very self-satisfied smirk. He knew that it was only a matter of time until he won this bet, and he couldn’t wait to see everyone’s faces.
After a few more minutes of waiting, heads swiveled towards the elevator doors as they opened with a ding. Out stepped a beautiful woman. She was tall and lithe, with freshly styled black hair and immaculate style. She moved with poise, and there was a dangerous elegance to her. As this mysterious woman searched the room, her eyes locked onto Bruce’s turned back. As she stalked towards him, however, Peter intercepted her.
“Hello, Ms. Kyle. Thank you for coming in today. Now, if you’ll just follow Agent Jones over to the interrogation room, we will be just a few moments.” Peter said, with clear disdain in his voice for the Gothamite.
Unbeknownst to him, however, was how Bruce’s eyes narrowed at Peter’s tone of voice. Before Jones could lead Selina away, Bruce slowly stood and turned around to face his wife.
She sized him up, likely reading his mood, and slowly started to smile. Agents all around the room started to get uncomfortable, with the tension that they were creating becoming almost unbearable.
This was, however, broken when Diana gasped and said “I recognize you! You were just on the Gotham Gazette. ‘Selina Kyle Photographed Leaving Wayne Manor in the Early Hours of Morning’.” Recognition slowly started to dawn on other agent’s faces. “But do you know this man?” Diana asked, gesturing towards Bruce.
“Why of course, my dear.” Taking a step towards him, Selina put her hands onto Bruce’s chest, tilting her face towards his. “It would be rather unfortunate to not recognize my own husband, would it not?” And with that shocking information, she leaned in to kiss Bruce. Bruce had forgotten what it was like to be held by his wife. It was like coming
home, in the best way possible.
Vaguely, in the back of his mind, Bruce could hear the gasps and subsequent questions that his coworkers were throwing at him, but he was too focused to care. As they broke apart, Bruce whispered, “How many of them are here right now?” But Selina just chuckled, slowly backing up to a respectable distance.
“Sorry, agents, it’s just that my husband has been so busy here that he has no time at all for his family, so I had to engineer a reason for us to be here.”
“Us?” Peter faintly asked, too shocked to process anything else.
“Why yes, of course. It’s common knowledge that I am married to Bruce Wayne, is it not?” Selina said with a twinkle in her eye. Bruce’s eye twitched, as that was, in fact, not common knowledge and Selina was purposefully giving them that information.
“I’m sorry ma’am, let me get this right,” Diana said. “Your name is Selina Kyle. You are married to Bruce Wayne. However, you are also married to our CI, Neal Caffery. Which probably means that Neal, the world-renowned criminal and art forger, is the ditzy, playboy,- or, I guess, not playboy- Gothamite Bruce Wayne.”
Bruce sighed, a long, exasperated thing. “Yes, Diana, you are correct. My wife, unfortunately, likes to make my life a little bit unnecessarily chaotic. I am Bruce Wayne, and I was sent here undercover because my… acquaintance Batman needed someone to find and shut down Kryptonite trafficking circles. We shut down the last one a few weeks ago, and I suppose my family took it upon themselves to bring me home. I was going to tell you soon, I just wasn’t sure how to tell you.”
Peter was the first one to respond. “Thank you, Nea- Bruce, for trusting us with this. I know this must have been difficult. I am, however, very confused as to what “us” meant in this context.”
Jones coughed, a look of realization on his face. “Ms. Kyle, did you mean…?”
“Why, Bruce, did you not tell them? The children will be so upset to find that you haven’t spoken about them with your coworkers.” Selina said slyly.
Bruce grimaced, imagining how his children would react. Dick would be hurt, along with Cass and Duke. Damian would scoff, probably saying that they were beneath him. Jason, Babs, and Stephanie would probably plan for retribution. Cass and Tim would probably just watch, quietly observing whatever chaos and dramatics their siblings would do.
Peter, shocked by the fact that his charming, youthful CI had a wife and apparently children, started to speak, but a ding from the elevator distracted them.
As the doors opened, a cacophony started to grow, with what sounded like a horde of teenagers coming towards them.
“B! Did Mom just say that you haven’t talked about us, at all?” Jason exclaimed.
The rest of Bruce’s children started agreeing, voices piling on top of each other and making a ruckus, until Bruce shouted: “Enough!”
All of his children snapped their heads up to look at him, eerily in sync. He heard a couple agents step back, but Bruce slowly stepped forward.
“Children, what has made you decide to be so loud? Did you forget what Alfred has taught you? Need I call him up here, as he is presumably waiting outside?” When none
of his children responded, cowed by the threat of Alfred, he opened his arms for a hug.
Dick was the first to reach him, launching himself into his father’s arms. Steph was not far behind, loving physical affection. Cass slowly sank into his arms, while Tim flopped into them. Duke nervously approached, but threw himself into the hug like Dick did. Babs wheeled herself beside him to hug his abdomen. Jason and Damian, both self proclaimed as being “too old for hugs”, stood back, until Steph grabbed both of them and pulled them in. Selina stood beside them all, looking happily at her family.