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Bennett sniffed, wiping his bloody nose as he walked out the door.
His father’s hit had come hard, almost breaking his nose, but he didn’t mind. Not when he had to do something even worse.
Catch the bus. Go to school. Yuck.
Some kids stared at him, probably confused as to what this little fag was doing on their bus.
Like they had the right to call it their bus, Bennett thought. The government pays for these buses, right?
He took a seat in the back of the bus, wondering what his first day at this school would be like.
He fished a napkin out of his pocket, pressing it against his nose, as the bus came to one last stop before driving off to school, someone else with honey brown curls walked in searching for a seat. Having seen no other free seat than the one next to Bennetts, the kid sat down next to him.
Bennett recognised him. Well, a little. They used to play together as small children at his aunt’s house.
‘’Hi,’’ Bennett mumbled to the kid sitting next to him.
‘’Hi!!’’ The kid said, happily. ‘’You remember me? You do, right? Well, if you didn’t you wouldn’t say hi. Anyway, I’m Dennis, if you forgot. Want to be friends? Or were we already friends?’’
Bennett flinches at how loud Dennis is.
He meekly nods, turning to Dennis. ‘’Yeah. We used to play at my aunt’s house. I’m Bennett La Loune. You’re… Maverick’s kid.’’
Dennis nodded excitedly, his eyebrows shooting up behind his fringe. ‘’You do remember!’’
Bennett just nodded again, looking back at his busted converse. His nose still hurts.
Look, Bennett was probably too traumatised to go to school, but Vince had really “tried” to do the responsible thing as a dad and send his son to school.
One little problem, though, Bennett doesn’t like people, at all. Especially Vince himself, because it seems that it’s not a good thing that you put your bloody hands on a nine year old’s shoulders and tell them it’s okay and that “mommy will be okay, she just tripped’’, while there was clearly a bloody, dead woman laying on the ground behind him.
So. yeah, that’s probably not good.
Bennett was secretly a little happy Dennis was there. He still remembered playing with him, that if he got hurt Dennis would always get a parent or adult to help Bennett.
Dennis also knew how to take care of himself.
Benny did too but sometimes needed help, but only because since murdering his wife, Vince wasn’t really a help at all.
☆
The first week was, well… stupid. At least, Bennett thought so.
He’d already been shoved into multiple lockers and had his face dunked into a toilet.
Dennis had the most amazing first week, defending Bennett. He seemed to like doing that, standing up for Bennett whenever he could.
Bennett was picked on because he was quiet, maybe a little nerdy and just generally looked weird.
So many freckles, must be a witch. Black curls, mustn't be a catholic boy.
Was he even a boy? And who bought his clothes?
Kids laughed at him, just like today.
And Dennis once again, did what he did best, defend Bennett.
After their first day, Bennett ran for the streets, but Dennis followed him, confused as to why he was running, why he was in a hurry.
‘’Oi!’’ Dennis called. ‘’You got somewhere to be, La Loune? Oi!!’’
Bennett looked back, behind him with big eyes, scared almost.
Dennis stilled in the middle of the road, watching Bennett go. Huh?
☆
Vince angrily put down his glass of scotch, looking at his son with disappointment in his eyes. ‘’What do you mean, bully you? Stand up for yourself, boy, hit them! I taught you how to do that, didn’t I?’’
Bennett nodded, looking down, mumbling,‘’yes, father.’’
Vince scoffed, lightly hitting Bennett’s shins with his walking stick, his eyebrows furrowing. “Just yes, father? Tomorrow I want a call from your school, telling me you beat them up! Understood!?’’
Bennett gritted his teeth, nodding, looking his father in the eye. “Yes, father. I understand. I’ll make sure.’’
“Good.’’ Vince said gruffly. “Go to your room. I’m out for my work, you can warm up some lasagna.’’
☆
Bennett stayed home that day, doing nothing. Well, what his father thinks is nothing. He played around with his Beetle, which he had called Burgundy despite it being bright green and shiny. After putting Burgundy outside, he went back inside and jumped on Vince’s bed (He wouldn’t get in trouble, he’d go outside that afternoon, he’d decided) and then pulled open his dad’s drawers.
Huh? Bennett had seen them before, but didn’t know they were this big. Cigarettes. Bennett felt an intrigued pull, but took a look before shoving the drawer shut and running to his room.
After grabbing his back-pack, stuffing some books, his sketchbook and some pencils and stuffing them into the small thing, he ran past Vince’s room. He did think about the cigarettes, but quickly shook his head - 13 year olds shouldn’t smoke. Plus, it always smelled bad when Vince did smoke.
He went outside, first past Mrs. Lily’s beautiful garden with the pond full of fish. He then jogged past Mr. Aven’s garden, which was unkempt and wild. Benny stopped, staring at the garden, trying to think about how someone would let his garden grow wild like this. Mrs. Aven then hung her upper body out the window, shaking her fist like an old-timey woman and yelled for him to pass along.
–
Once he’d reached his destination - the overgrown park with a rusty swingset next to a bus stop with broken glass and several cigarette stubs - he saw something that was akin to a nightmare, or at least, a nightmare for him.
There was he - Dennis. On the right swing of the swingset - Bennett’s favourite. How dare he!?
Benny puffed out his chest, preparing to march up to Dennis, bag in hand but then Dennis turned to him and smiled. His stupidly perfect teeth and honey curls. Not to mention the smile so big that his eyes got lines around them - he was a sight to behold.
Bennett - feathers ruffled - made his body tone it down and padded over the sandy path towards Dennis. He didn’t greet him, just sat down on the left swing and kicked a rock.
From there it went… very automatically, as if Dennis had a pre-written monologue. The words came out fast and quick - like he was a ball of energy. He was talking about his life, the upcoming summer vacation, where he’d stay in the summer and who also stayed there. He told Bennett about someone who caught his attention.
‘’And my best friend over there - their name is Kai, they’re the coolest person ever - they always teach me stuff! Y’know, about bugs and writing and stuff, they recently taught me something about Sappho, she was this writer and- Why are you looking at me all weird? Do I have honey on my cheek again?’’ Dennis asked, rambling as if Bennett even knew that people like that existed.
‘’No, no, I just… I never heard anyone use.. They or them when talking about one single person. Unless Kai stands for multiple people.’’ Bennett explained, still looking at Dennis with wide eyes.
Dennis let out a surprised laugh. ‘’Really? You haven’t? Wait - where do you live? Maybe it’s not that common around yours?’’
‘’I live like.. On the edge of Kent. Haven’t you noticed? You have to drive very far in the bus to pick me up from home to go to school.’’ Benny replied, averting his eyes. He didn’t want to tell Dennis about his dad and how he basically locked him out of the outer world, barely getting any information
‘’Oh, I hadn't noticed! I always wear my headphones on the way to school. I always read or write or look out the window! Sometimes I doodle, too, but really it’s nothing impressive. It’s basically your eight year old’s usual drawings- Oh! I’m rambling again, aren’t I?’’
Bennett nodded, not really paying attention. ‘’I just haven’t heard of those people, is much.’’
It seemed, the way Bennett had said ‘those people’ hurt something in Dennis. He was quiet all of a sudden, looking at Bennett without the usual sparkle in his eyes. ‘’Those people?’’ He repeated.
He sounded quite cross.
Bennett seemed to have realised what he said and put a hand in front of his mouth, his brown eyes widening. ‘’I am so sorry! Father always calls… them.. That. I’m sorry if i do, too. Could you perhaps teach me?’’
‘’Teach you?’’ Dennis asked, his own olive green eyes widening. ‘’How would I-’’
Bennett interrupted him. ‘’Just teach me the ways to call them! The differences!! It can’t be that hard, Dennis, come on!’’
Dennis furrowed his eyebrows, now more cross with Bennett, but in a fond way. His eyes got his sparkles back and he let out a small, evil giggle.
‘’Alright! But only if we can meet up more! Maybe here or at your place-’’
‘’NOT AT MY PLACE!’’ Bennett yelled, suddenly. Birds flew away and a bug that had tried to climb his shoe scurried away. He breathed heavily as red creeped up his neck and then to his cheeks. ‘’Sorry, just.. I’d rather not go to my place. It’s messy and.. Father won’t like you, I think.’’
Dennis nodded, as if he got what Bennett was saying, but Bennett thought he didn’t really get what he was saying.
‘’Let’s just meet up more, okay? I don’t really care where.’’ Dennis put a hand on Benny’s knee and smiled, giving his own swing a push before laughing, pushing Bennett with him.
Bennett let out a reluctant grumble while giving a small smile.
I won. Dennis thought.
☆
And, like promised, they met up more.
At first at Dennis’s house, then in the park, then at a grocery store. Bennett stole some candies and Dennis scolded him for it, despite him eating it later with a smile on his face.
Bennett had stolen his father’s polaroid camera, and he’d taken several pictures with it. Dennis had also secretly snuck some pictures of Bennett and hid them under his pillow.
It was a usual day, like any other. Bennett and Dennis came out of their classroom, bickering. They grabbed their bikes and went all the way to Dennis’s house. On the way there, they had stopped for a snack break.
Dennis was pacing around in the flowers. Bennett watched discreetly, noticing him in the field of aster’s and forget-me-not’s. The colours suited him. Bennett quickly looked away and willed his blush to die down. He grabbed his bag - dyed green, but it was a fail, it turned out like shit. The previous colour had been blue - and grabbed one of his magazines that his father read. Well, he had taken one that wasn’t that revealing.
He flipped around in it, doing the puzzles in the back and reading the fun stories someone had written and illustrated. He traced the illustrations in the magazine - he wanted to be able to do that, one day. Wouldn’t that be amazing? Draw anything you want to. It might have a purpose - or not at all.
It felt freeing.
Dennis came back and threw a bundle of Forget-Me-Nots in his lap. Bennett sniffed. ‘’Oh?’’
Dennis nodded, repeating him. ‘’Oh.’’
Bennett looked at it and put his magazine in his bag. ‘’Why forget-me-not’s?’’
‘’Because they were the only one in the field, dumbass.’’
‘’Oh.’’
‘’Yeah, oh. Dumbass.’’
They fell silent for a little while. Dennis drank something while Bennett hid in the bushes to take a wee. When he came back, Dennis immediately stood up, threw the flowers at Bennett - again - and proclaimed loudly; ‘’SORRY!’’
Bennett grabbed the flowers off the ground and bound them together with his hair tie. He had let his hair grow out a little. Not intentionally - Vince was getting drunk and spending his money on cigarettes instead of work - he didn’t have the money for a haircut, or money for products to maintain his curls.
‘’What for?’’ He asked, tilting his head like a curious puppy.
He was so… tender, around Dennis. Dennis wondered if that was because of him or because Bennett thought himself that. Taught himself to be kind and soft around others.
‘’For pushing you to meet up more!’’ Dennis exclaimed. ‘’I thought you didn’t want to, but then you said yes and I think- I think I pushed you. And that you don’t want to be friends.’’
Benny stopped and blinked. He then walked to his bag and put his flowers into the bag. He sat down and let a bug crawl into his hand.
‘’I know a lot is wrong with me. I know I'm also not the brightest kid. I just know that.. I don’t know, you… Push me. But in a good way. Maybe we’re meant to be friends or something. Join forces and everything like that.’’
Dennis sat down next to him, watching the beetle crawl over Bennett’s hand and arm, its green armour giving a blue shine. It buzzed its wings, but didn’t leave.
Maybe Bennett had buzzed his wings, but stayed. Maybe he wanted to leave - change. But with Dennis.
‘’-Like… I’m the knuckles, you’re the brain or something. I’m the paper, you’re the pencil.’’
Dennis let out a soft snort.
‘’Did you read that somewhere? No way you’re that good at waxing poetry.’’
Bennett let out an offended gasp. ‘’Me!? Not being able to write poetry! Utter lies!’’
Dennis laughed, hitting him on the shoulder. The Army Bug flew away, the light making it look red against the cloudless blue sky.
‘’Let’s get going, or else my mum doesn’t know where I went.’’
‘’Alright! Yeah, sure. Does she even know I’m coming over?’’
‘’Somehow she always knows when I've adopted someone and dragged them home, no worries.’’ Dennis said, smiling as he picked up his bike and swung his leg over.
‘’So she’s superwoman or something?’’ Bennett asked, getting on his own bike.
‘’Sort of superwoman, you can say.’’
‘’Which way do we go now?’’
‘’Just this road and then right and then straight ahead. Somewhere off to the left is our cabin.’’
‘’Cabin?’’
‘’Yes, cabin, Benny. Never heard of that?’’ Dennis teased.
‘’I know what a cabin is, you twat! Just didn’t expect you to live in one!’’
Dennis snorted. ‘’Can i call you that, by the way?’’ He asked, while they rode down the road. ‘’Benny? I think it has a ring to it.’’
Something warm blossomed in Bennett’s chest. It wasn’t… Love, or anything. It was… a familiar feeling. A feeling of completeness. Like the feeling of a puzzle piece fitting another.
Bennett nodded, riding alongside him. ‘’Yeah, you can call me that.’’
‘’Good.’’
‘’Yeah.’’
‘’Benny?’’
‘’Yes?’’
‘’Nothing. I just wanted to test it out. Do you want to bake something?’’
‘’Okay. Yeah, we can bake something. What do you have?’’
‘’Apple pie… chocolate chip cookies.. Sugar cookies…’’
There’s a devil in me
Trying to show his face
There’s a god in me
Wants to put me in my place
I’ve got to get a hold of myself
I’ve got to be in possession
There’s a war being waged
That'll never be won
☆
☆
The sugar cookies were in the oven, baking. They were a pale kind of white, but they were decorated with sprinkles and a whole lot of vanilla was in them.
Bennett and Dennis were in Dennis’s room, joking around.
Eventually, the hyper-ness calmed down, and they were now reading Dennis’s comic books.
A knock sounded on the door, and Erin, Dennis’s mother, stood in front of the door. ‘’Cariad, the cookies are almost ready. How about you play in the field, hm? I’ll take a picture with Benny’s nice camera. How about that?’’
Dennis loved playing outside - but Bennett was there. And he could play with Bennett.
Dennis groaned, standing up and tugging Bennett with him. ‘’Alright, mum. But keep an eye on the cookies!! Make sure Da doesn’t eat them!’’
Erin nodded, ruffling his barely brushed honey curls. ‘’Go on, I’ll guard the cookies.’’
Dennis’s dad wasn’t even home yet. Bennett honestly wasn’t too excited to meet him. He hoped he wasn’t too much like Vince.
They went into the backyard. It felt awkward at first, Bennett fiddling with his clothes. Dennis pushed him and ran away cackling. Bennett’s eyebrows furrowed and looked back, to Erin.
She gave a small smile and a nod towards Dennis and Bennett bolted after him. He tackled them both to the ground.
They laughed, playfully fighting each other.
But Bennett had to hold something back. Some sort of primal instinct to lash out - hurt someone.
Dennis didn’t notice, luckily, and continued to playfully wrestle him into the ground. Bennett gave an awkward laugh. Dennis let out a breath and sat up, straddling his hips. ‘’You give up?’’
Bennett laughed breathily. ‘’For now, yeah. Can I have something to drink?’’
It’s the struggle for possession
I’ve got to get a hold of my self
I’ve got to be in possession
They stumbled back to the backdoor, arm in arm, grass and flowers all over their clothes.
At the back door they were stopped by Erin - who took two pictures of them with Bennett’s polaroid camera.
One went onto Dennis’s wall and Bennett took the other home.
Bennett quickly ate a cookie, grabbed his bag and surprisingly, hugged Dennis goodbye. There was a faint blush on his cheeks as he grabbed his bike. ‘’Again, I’m sorry. I have to go! Or else Father will-’’
‘’Stop talking like a Victorian child! Just go, Benny! I’ll see you before the summer vacation, yes? We can make some plans to meet in the summer!’’
Bennett nodded, his blush deepening as he took a small sprint and jumped onto his bike.
☆
‘’WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN!?’’ Came Vince’s loud, slurring voice as Bennett opened up the front door.
Bennett flinched. ‘’Father, I told you -’’ He walked to the living room, where Vince was. ‘’- I was with Dennis. In his house, you know, close to The Farmhouse. An hour biking away..’’
It was dark by this time. Not that Vince was worried - no, he wouldn’t be worried over his child.
Vince stood up. ‘’I don’t care with who you’ve been! Go to your room! No dinner for you, mister!’’
Bennett knew better than to talk back, and bolted upstairs. He quickly hid in his room, relieved to see his father’s computer - one of the first at that time - was still on his desk. He emptied his bag and put everything back into place.
He pinned his picture from Dennis and him to the wall, right above his bed.
He couldn’t care a monkey’s red arse if his dad saw it or not. Dennis was his friend, he’ll always be.
He got ready for bed - brushed his teeth and put on his pajamas, ignoring the bulge in his boxers. He was too young to be feeling this - he was told.
At least, that was what Father said.
Before he got into bed, he stared at the picture of him and Dennis. Something tugged behind his navel - hot and wanting - and he laid down in bed, on his stomach, willing the thing to go away.
Dennis was just his friend. His annoying friend. His pretty but annoying friend.
What had Dennis thought him again? Right, right. A boy who likes a boy is called a homosexual. But that’s a long word, and homo may sound wrong. So a boy who likes a boy is a faggot. A gay. Was he a gay?
He turned on his side, looking at the wall. Maybe… It was… maintenance, right? No. Let’s just… see if Dennis likes him too. Then he could maybe… Yes. Okay. Deal.
~~
Dennis stood under the shower, his hand dragging along his small length. It’ll grow later on. Maybe B would- NO. Not going there.
He finished it off quickly, getting dressed and into bed. He looked at the picture of him and Benny and smiled.
I won.
And I’ve got to ask you
What do you want from me?
You know the deeper the cut
The less there’s left of me
I’ve got to get a hold of myself
I’ve got to get a hold of myself
I’ve got to be in possession