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"Pico, buddy, I need some help."
"Sure, what is it?"
Boyfriend yelped as a shot of acid was flung at his foot; he narrowly dodged it, but a bit of scalding residue had splashed onto his ankle. His phone was squeezed between his ear and shoulder, as his hands were occupied with his weapon and shield of choice: his trusty microphone and cardboard cutout of Crash Bandicoot. "What am I supposed to do when my demon girlfriend starts morphing into SCPs and attacks me?"
"Dude, what?" replied Pico's grainy ass voice.
"I said, what am I—"
"No, no, I heard what you said. I just mean—what?"
Boyfriend tossed his mic at a medium sized spider crawling towards him rapidly, knocking it back before pulling the microphone's cord back to him. He shrieked and ran to take cover on the other side of the iconic Friday Night Funkin' speakers.
"Don't you know what to do?!" Boyfriend shouted into the phone, frantically glancing around for the next hellspawn that would attack him. "Isn't the pink knife girl a demon?!"
"Nene is not a demon."
"Oh," said Boyfriend.
Boyfriend could hear Pico sigh on his end of the line. "You've been dating for how long, and she hasn't told you anything about how to deal with this?"
"Um, well, we've been dating for…a while?" Man, how many weeks has it been? It felt like 5-6 years, but it's probably only been 7 Weeks, 1 WeekEnd, and a LE SSERAFIM collab. Boyfriend is not too sure, but he wouldn't say he forgot.
"At that point, I'd consider that her actively putting you in danger," chided Pico. Oh well, he never really approved of Girlfriend anyway—he'd just have to get in line with like, everyone else who didn't want Boyfriend and Girlfriend together. And he did! And things changed, and they're chill now. Mostly. "She really didn't give you any warnings or instructions?"
Boyfriend scratched his head and did his thinking face. "Ummm, yeaaaaah, she probably forgot."
"Jesus. Well, I'm sure she won't hurt you too bad. Call me if it gets serious. Bye."
"Wait—!"
Aaaaand he hung up. There goes the professional hitman contractually obliged to help out Girlfriend. Dammit!
Boyfriend huffed and shoved his phone in his pocket. Okay, back to the matter at hand: all the weird little Poppy Playtime meets Bendy and the Ink Machine abominations that his demon girlfriend was sending at him. Hm. Maybe she's been watching too much YouTube Kids? It gets to a point with Thinknoodles.
"Aaah!" Boyfriend screamed when a Pink Gold Cat Baby Freddy Fazbear went zooming at him. He flung his mic at it, the screeching feedback sound that made caused him to wince. After retrieving the mic, he let out a loud groan of frustration. "Gah, I can't take this anymore! —Guess I'll have to take this to the root of the problem…"
Boyfriend unplugged the microphone and set it down by the speakers, climbing to the top of the machines. Girlfriend's hellspawn made shrieveled up little demon noises as he did so, whining and jumping on each other to try to get to Boyfriend, who was out of reach. Boyfriend chuckles nervously; once they were all confidently grouped together, he took a deep breath and made a big leap over all of the creatures! He didn't have time to be relieved that he made it, because he had to get moving once all of those little shits realized where he was now.
Cue running. Also cue loud screaming while running. The stairs were especially brutal right now. Boyfriend ran for his life. He reached a door and scrambled into the room, fighting to close the door against the horde of bloodthirsty abominations. The moment he heard that click, he locked the door with a sigh.
As Boyfriend was remembering how to breathe, he looked up and realized he was in front of Girlfriend's room, an ominous red glow that emit from the cracks.
"Hmmm." Boyfriend shrugged and waltzed up to the door. He knocked twice in a very nonchalant very cool manner. "Uh, Girlfriend? Hello? You okay in there?"
A hoarse call replied, weighed down by a thousand souls of the damned.
"Uh," said Boyfriend. "Sorry, can you repeat that?"
Don't come in.
"Girlfriend…? Are you in there?"
Leave.
"I'm not gonna leave you," he stated—then shot a nervous glance to the door. "…And I can't exactly get out of here either."
Oh.
"Yeaaaaaaaaah."
…
I don't want you to see me right now. I could really hurt you. I look hideous.
"Wait, what?" Boyfriend gaped. The red glow from the door turned harsher—purple, now. "I don't get it—we're supposed to be a team."
I know, but…
This is something we shouldn't be together for.
I do get a little…quirky… around this time.
"I just escaped your brainrot hellspawn," said Boyfriend. "It was like Steal a Brainrot in real life, except I was the brainrot, and I was getting stolen. Do you know how scary that is?! I don't care if you think you're more dangerous, I'd really just rather be with you!"
You shouldn't!
"But I wannaaaa," Boyfriend whined.
I'm too ashamed.
You can't be in here.
He sighed. "You really won't change your mind?"
…I'm sorry.
"Okay…"
Boyfriend turned around and slumped against the wall until he sat on the floor. He brought his knees slightly towards him and rested his elbows atop of them.
"I'll stay with you out here, then."
It was silent. A few voices of the damned screamed faintly in the background.
"Hey," Boyfriend piped up. "Want me to sing ENCORE WITH LYRICS? I know you love that one."
It was a bit before Girlfriend responded.
Maybe later.
"Iiiiiiiiiight."
He extended his legs and exhaled as he relaxed. Boyfriend dug out his phone and debated whether he should open up Roblox Funky Friday or the FNF mobile app. Might as well keep the both of them entertained. Hey, what was that about Week 8 coming out again?