Archive of Our Own

Ryan looked up from his computer when the elevator dinged and had to suppress a laugh. Esposito had entered the precinct wearing a heavy coat, a scarf wrapped around his mouth and nose, and a hat pulled low on his head. The only thing Ryan could see were his eyes squinting angrily through the small gap between the hat and scarf.

“A little cold out?” Ryan asked.

All that did was earn him a scowl from the bundled detective, which made him wonder if Esposito could even say anything through the scarf.

Ryan went back to his computer and did his best to ignore his partner who was now peeling off layer after layer of his winter clothing, but it got harder to keep a straight face the more layers were removed.

“Well, who knew there was a detective under all that?” Ryan said once Esposito was down to just jeans and a sweater.

“You’re not funny, Ryan.” Esposito said angrily before making his way to the break room to pour himself a cup of coffee.

Ryan watched him go before going back to his computer, trying not to laugh so much at Esposito’s unbridled hatred of winter. He felt he was justified, however, considering how much shit Esposito had given him when he fell asleep in the sun during the summer and got one of the worst sunburns of his life.

Esposito returned a couple minutes later, coffee in hand as well as a cup for Ryan which he set down in front of him before sitting in his chair.

Ryan raised an eyebrow at the mug before looking back up at Esposito.

Esposito shrugged. “Force of habit.” He said.

Ryan smiled and took a sip, wondering if there was anything he could possibly do that would make Esposito angry at him anymore. There must just have been something about taking a bullet for him that made anything stupid Ryan did seem insignificant.

They went back to their computers to finish up the paperwork on a case that had gone cold. It was always heartbreaking to have unsolved cases, but sometimes there was nothing they could do. In this case it had been the snow that washed away most of their evidence, which gave them very little to start with in the first place. After a few days of hardly getting anywhere, Beckett called it and they had to file it as unsolved. She told the victim’s mother, and the boys did the paperwork.

But that also meant the day was going to be rather uneventful, given that it was going to be all about paperwork. But Ryan couldn’t deny that a chill day with some paperwork was going to be a nice change compared to working a case. And besides that, it was Friday which meant if they didn’t get a case by five, they could have the weekend to themselves.

Ryan looked up and smiled at the scowl on Esposito’s face. Clearly he still wasn’t over his altercation with the snow. Esposito’s scowl would usually frighten people, but Ryan thought Esposito holding his coffee mug close to his chest and scowling at nothing was rather cute.

“What?” Esposito asked.

Ryan binked and lifted his head which he just now realized was resting in the palm of his hand while he admired how cute his partner was. “What?” He said, trying to sound casual.

“You’re looking at me.” Esposito replied.

“No I’m not.” Ryan protested. “I was thinking about something else and just happened to be looking in your general direction.”

Esposito raised an eyebrow. “Okay.” He said, before returning to his computer.

Ryan tried to hide the blush creeping up his neck, but he knew any second now someone was going to ask him what he was embarrassed about, further embarrassing him. He cleared his throat and went back to his paperwork, trying to think of anything else.

“Hey, guys.” Beckett said, coming out of her office with some papers in her hands and looking excited.

The boys looked up from their computers, interested.

“You know how Castle can’t let things go?” She said.

They nodded and Castle, who was standing behind her, pouted.

“Well, we may need to thank him for it this time.” Beckett said, setting down the papers on Ryan’s desk. “We couldn’t find any evidence because the snow had washed it all away. At least, that’s what we assumed. But Castle suggested maybe we found the victim at the secondary crime scene, and the original still has evidence to be found.”

“Do we know where this original crime scene is?” Esposito asked, looking down at the papers.

“We think we do.” Beckett replied, handing him the papers. “We know the victim had been buying drugs, but we couldn’t find out where he was getting them. Our victim’s mother said he was supposed to come home from work and didn’t, and his boss said he left on time, which means he died right after work.”

“We know all this, what’s the point?” Esposito asked, looking at the papers which were stills from the surveillance camera outside the restaurant where the victim worked, something they’d already gone over.

Beckett pointed to them. “Castle said he noticed the victim turned left instead of right. Our victim’s mom said he always came home right after work and had to take the subway. But instead of going to the subway, which is to his right, he turned left.”

“And what’s the significance of that?” Ryan asked.

“Well, aside from the fact that his body was found in an alley that would also be toward the right instead of left, a quick search told us there’s an abandoned warehouse less than two blocks away from where he works, and from the video, he’s clearly heading in the direction of that warehouse. Now, I know it might be nothing, but there’s a possibility he was going to the warehouse to probably pay his dealer back. And when he didn’t have enough, he was murdered and his body was dumped in the alley where we found him.” Beckett sighed. “I know I already signed off on this as a cold case, and it really is just a hunch, but I can’t in good conscience leave a stone unturned. Even if it is a small stone Castle thinks he might have noticed.”

“Okay, so what’s the plan?” Esposito asked.

“The warehouse is pretty close to here, I figured you guys could make a quick trip to see if there’s anything there?” Beckett replied.

Ryan and Esposito exchanged a look.

“Are you asking us?” Esposito asked.

“Because as our boss you have the authority to tell us.”

Beckett rolled her eyes but smiled. “Okay, Detectives Ryan and Esposito, I want you to go check out that warehouse and let me know if anything turns up.”

“Aye-aye, Captain.” Ryan and Esposito said in unison, complete with a salute.

She gave them both a look before dragging Castle back to her office, despite his protests that he wanted to go with the boys to “help”. She informed him he’d helped enough and the boys could take care of it.

Despite how funny it was to see Esposito all bundled up as if they lived in Canada, Ryan couldn’t doubt that it was seriously cold out and bundling up was pretty smart. He had his coat, scarf, hat, and gloves, but Esposito had all that plus three pairs of socks and more than one sweater. Ryan waited patiently for him to put all the clothing on before leading the way out of the precinct and to Esposito’s car.

Esposito put his key in the ignition and started it up, then sat back, announcing that Beckett could at least wait for his damn car to heat up.

Ryan sat back and waited as well and, after a minute, had to loosen his scarf and remove his gloves when the heat really started to hit them. It wasn’t long after that that Esposito put the car in drive and pulled out of the parking lot, cursing the traffic and the people who seemed to be too afraid to drive over five miles an hour.

“Snow is stupid.” Esposito said after they’d been driving for about two minutes. “It makes people stupid and everyone dies of hypothermia and gets frostbite and it’s a useless season.”

Ryan smiled and let him vent. He actually enjoyed the snow, but Esposito was making some rather good points and, after they passed the third vehicle that had slid off the road, Ryan really couldn’t blame him. Snow was good for playing in, but not driving.

The warehouse wasn’t far, even in the slightest, but it was taking them a lot longer to get there than it should have due to the weather, weather Esposito hadn’t stopped cursing the whole way there. After about an hour of driving, they finally saw it in the distance, but they knew it was going to take at least twenty minutes more to reach it.

At last, the person in front of them who it seemed was going literally the same way they were, turned onto another street and the way ahead of them was clear. Esposito picked up the speed and the warehouse got closer. At least, they assumed it was closer. The snow had started to come down harder as they drove and it was getting a little more difficult to see anything.

Ryan jumped slightly when the phone in his pocket buzzed and he fished it out. “Ryan.” He said into the phone.

“Ryan?” Beckett said. “Hey, we’ve got the news on and it looks like the weather is about to get dangerously bad. I’m thinking we should save the warehouse for later and you should turn around and come back.”

“We’re literally right here, though. It’s not too bad out, we can check and get back before the weather gets out of control.”

“Ryan, we’re about to be hit by a huge blizzard, you guys need to get back, it’s not safe to drive out. Are you by any stores? Maybe they can let you in until it passes.”

“The warehouse is kind of way out here. It would take us a while to drive to a stor-”

Everything at that point sort of happened in a blur. It felt like the car was on nothing but ice as it slid fast toward a telephone pole. Pain hit Ryan’s shoulder as he was flung toward the window the second they hit, the window shattering around him and the airbags bursting out, jerking the phone from his hand.

The two of them sat in stunned silence for a minute before they heard Beckett on the phone.

“Ryan? Ryan, what happened? Are you guys okay? Ryan!”

Ryan groped around for the phone before finding it and putting it to his ear. “Beckett? Yeah, we’re fine. Well, as far as I know. Espo, you okay?”

Esposito looked over at him, his face slightly stunned, but nodded.

“What happened?” Beckett asked.

“The car hit a patch of ice and then a pole.”

Esposito tried to start the car back up and it made a pathetic noise before dying completely.

“And now it won’t start.” Ryan said. “And two of the windows are broken.” He continued, looking at the cracked windshield and the glass from his window scattered around him.

Beckett cursed. “Okay, you guys find a place inside out of the cold and we’ll send someone to get you. You sure you’re not by any stores with heating or anything?”

“I literally can’t see anything but the warehouse.” Ryan replied.

Beckett cursed again. “Okay, go in there and wait for us, we’ll get there as fast as we can. And hurry because the blizzard isn’t going to wait for you.”

Ryan hung up and sighed. “Beckett says to get in the warehouse and wait. They’re sending someone to get us.”

Esposito scoffed. “If they can even get here before we freeze to death.” He opened his door and the wind flung it open further, the handle being ripped from his hand and the door looking like it was barely holding on. “Or the wind blows us away.” He added.

After Esposito stepped out of the car, Ryan climbed over to follow him out, his own door looking like he wouldn’t be able to open it if he tried.

Esposito sighed as he looked at the smashed windshield and the crunched frame. “I liked this car.”

“I’m sure you can get a new one. We have to get out of the snow.” Ryan said, yelling over the sound of the wind.

Esposito grimaced at how dark everything was around them and they began the short walk to the warehouse. They pulled their hats low over their ears and walked as fast as they could, trying to avoid any ice.

“We’re almost there.” Esposito yelled over the wind, just as Ryan’s foot hit a patch of ice neither of them had noticed and he went down.

Ryan screamed in pain as his shoulder hit the ground, and Esposito was immediately by his side.

“What happened?” Esposito asked, wanting to check for injuries but knowing it was going to be harder with all Ryan’s layers.

“My fucking shoulder.” Ryan said through clenched teeth, holding his shoulder and curling in on himself to hide from the wind.

“Okay, let me help you up and I’ll look at it when we get inside.” Esposito said, reaching over to Ryan’s good side to help him back on his feet. Ryan whimpered slightly, but that was the only indication of pain he gave as they made their way into the warehouse.

The door was hard to open, and Ryan was only able to use one hand to help, but they were able to open it and close it back up once they were inside and out of the wind.

“Okay, unbutton your coat, let me see.” Esposito said, his breath visible in the cold.

Ryan unbuttoned his coat with one hand and hissed when Esposito pulled it away from his shoulder. Using his teeth, Esposito pulled off one of his own gloves and reached his hand through the neck of Ryan’s sweater and to his bare skin, feeling around for a break.

Ryan gasped when Esposito found what he was looking for.

Esposito pulled his hand out and took the glove from his mouth. “Your collar bone’s broken.”

“Great.” Ryan said, wincing as he tried to move his arm.

“Don’t move it.” Esposito ordered. “Here, give me your scarf. We’ll have to use it as a sling until we can get you to a hospital.”

It was hard to keep quiet as Esposito helped Ryan out of his coat, the pain making him whimper every so often, but the scarf and his arm were eventually in place and his coat was mostly back on. The most they had to worry about now was the cold.

“I’m sure they’ll get here before we freeze.” Esposito reassured. “It’s not that far from the precinct.”

“You’re right, I’m sure the blizzard will wait an hour for them to drive here.” Ryan snapped.

Esposito glared. “You are never allowed to make fun of me for my hatred of snow ever again purely for that remark.”

Ryan sighed and walked over to the wall, sliding down it and wincing as his arm was jostled.

Esposito hesitated before going to sit next to him. “We’re gonna be fine.” He said softly.

Ryan didn’t look at him or say anything, but he disagreed. He was already shivering and they’d only been there for about five minutes. He was, however, never going to make fun of Esposito again either. Snow was bullshit.

After a few minutes of silence, Esposito snorted. The snort then turned into laughter and after a minute, he was doing all he could to keep his laughter in with hardly any success.

Ryan smiled, a little bewildered. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” He asked, a laugh escaping him at how ridiculous his partner looked.

“You-” Esposito cut himself off to laugh again. “You went down… like a sack of fucking potatoes.”

Ryan pushed him with his good arm. “Shut up.” He said, though he was laughing.

“One second you were there,” he took a breath in between laughing. “And then you just fucking disappeared.”

Ryan couldn’t help himself. He laughed right along with his partner. Though it hurt like a bitch, he knew it must have looked hilarious.

They laughed for almost five minutes, but eventually they were able to catch their breath and calm down.

Esposito sighed and looked around. “Fuck, it’s cold.” He said, hugging himself to keep in warmth. “I’d get up and look around for evidence, but I don’t want to move.”

Ryan looked over at him. “Moving might help. It’s not like it’ll waste all our energy. How long could it take them to get here?”

At that, Esposito stood and held out his hand. “Well, then let’s get to it.”

He hauled Ryan to his feet, trying to keep from hurting him too badly, and they began looking around.

It didn’t take long for them to find the first clue, in fact it only took a few seconds as the red color of blood spatter contrasted dramatically from the gray of the rest of the warehouse, so dramatically they were shocked they didn’t notice it the second they walked in.

“Shit…” Ryan breathed, looking at the massive amount of blood on the wall after Esposito moved a table. “I guess Castle was right.”

Esposito nodded. “At least this wasn’t a waste.”

“Why do you think the killer didn’t try to clean this up?”

Esposito looked around. “Maybe they assumed we’d never figure out the crime scene was actually here? Which we almost didn’t.”

Ryan sighed. “Or, it could be that there’s blood everywhere.”

Esposito walked over to where Ryan stood and finally saw what he saw. This warehouse was apparently the place to kill people. There were old bloodstains as well as some that looked fresh and shell casings scattered all over the floor.

“What the hell?” Esposito asked. “Is this where drug dealers gather to kill people?”

“It looks like a massacre.” Ryan said. “Which if all the people who’d been killed here were killed at the same time, it technically would be.”

“Do you think there might be more cases we can solve with this?” Esposito asked. “I mean, we have a ton that have gone cold.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised.” Ryan replied.

They stood, staring at the walls before Ryan spoke again.

“Well,” Ryan sighed. “Beckett will be happy we have cause to reopen the case. I’d call her, but I’m not even going to pretend like my phone has service right now.” He took a step back. “I’m going back to my spot by the wall, my shoulder hurts.”

Esposito watched him go and then looked back at the stains, mentally cursing Castle for being right. Not that he wanted the case, and possible other cases, to go unsolved, but they were the ones with training. They should have caught it days ago before they ended up stranded in an abandoned warehouse in the middle of a blizzard.

He left the stains and moved back over to where Ryan now sat, cradling his arm.

“You aren’t going to look for anything else?” Ryan asked when he sat down next to him.

Esposito shrugged. “I have my piece of mind that this wasn’t a total waste and now I’m content to just sit here and wait because I’m fucking tired and it’s fucking cold.”

Ryan leaned his head back against the wall. “Don’t get too comfortable, we don’t need anyone dying.”

Esposito snorted. “No one’s dying, it’s not that cold yet.”

“You’d be surprised.”

~.~.~

“Beckett, you can hardly see anything out there, you’ll probably end up wrecking your car the way they did. Or worse.”

“Well, I’m not going to stay here and let them freeze to death.” Beckett said, wrapping a scarf around her neck. “I tried calling them and the call couldn’t go through. If I can’t use my phone to make sure they’re alright, then I’m going to have to go get them.”

Castle sighed. “Then I guess I’ll have to go with you.”

“Castle…” Beckett began to protest.

“I’m pretty sure we have this conversation at least once a week. I’m not staying behind and you know I’ll get in my car and follow you anyway, so there’s no point in trying to stop me.”

Beckett glared at him. “Fine. Besides, I wasn’t planning to go alone. It’s freezing out there, I’m expecting them to need some kind of medical attention.”

“You really think it’ll be that bad?” Castle asked.

“It’s below zero out there. I don’t even know how far below because it keeps getting lower. It’s going to take forever to get there, what with not being able to see anything and patches of ice everywhere. I’ll be surprised if they’re fine when we get there.”

Castle paused. “Do you think they might die?”

Beckett gave him a long look. “I’m going to do everything I can to make sure that doesn’t happen.”

Castle felt the fear start to take hold. He knew what it was like to think you were going to freeze to death. Luckily for them, Ryan and Esposito had saved them at the last minute. He hoped they were going to be enough to save the boys this time.

~.~.~

Ryan was shivering violently, Esposito feeling himself start to follow in his footsteps. It felt like it hadn’t been that long, but he knew their bodies couldn’t keep up with the cold forever. He knew Beckett was on her way, probably Castle as well, but he also knew they could very well freeze to death before they got there. He gritted his teeth, because this was about the stupidest way they could die.

He’d always assumed he’d die at the hands of a killer, probably with a gun or knife or something. But dying at the hands of nature was stupid and completely unfair. He wanted to go out in a blaze of glory, not like this. The only thing he had expected was dying on the job.

He looked over at Ryan, looking like he was desperately trying to keep warm, and decided that at least he was with his partner.

“Hey, Kev.” Esposito said in a whisper.

Ryan looked over at him. His lips looked a little blue.

“I don’t know if you’re going to like this, but we could share body heat.”

Ryan raised an eyebrow. He considered the suggestion, knowing it would be completely stupid to let himself die just to stay out of an awkward situation, and nodded his head.

Esposito moved a little closer as they were already sitting next to each other, and began to unbutton his coat.

“Fuck.” He said, when it felt like the cold had sliced his chest. “Okay, turn that way.” He directed.

“You want me facing away?” Ryan asked.

“Did you have to phrase it like that?” Esposito said. “But, yes. I think your arm being in between us will defeat the purpose.”

Ryan hadn’t considered that, so he nodded and slowly turned away, gasping when Esposito pulled his coat off. He stood and moved in front of Ryan, draping the coat over him like a blanket, making sure it was secure, before going back to his position.

He hesitated, trying not to think too much about what he was doing, before sliding close to Ryan, opening his legs so Ryan could fit between them and getting as close as he could. He then draped his own coat around his back and, after hesitating again, wrapped his arms around his partner, under Ryan’s coat and around his waist.

“Okay.” Esposito said softly. “This’ll work.”

Ryan let out a soft chuckle. “We’re both still shivering.”

“But not as much now, right?” Esposito said. “This might be what saves us.”

“Hopefully Beckett will be what saves us.” Ryan said softly.

“She’s on her way, Kev.” Esposito reassured. “We’re not dying here.”

There was a long pause as they sat huddled together, listening to the wind outside.

“We could, though.” Ryan whispered.

“Well, we’re not going to.” Esposito replied immediately. “Beckett’s on her way. We’ll survive until then.”

The longer they were there, and at this point Ryan wasn’t sure how long it had been, the less he believed that.

~.~.~

“What’s going on?” Beckett yelled over the wind to the paramedic who had stopped the ambulance.

“It’s getting harder to see.” He yelled back.

“Well, we’re not going to leave them out there.” Beckett replied.

“I never said that.” The paramedic said. “It’s just that we’ll have to go even slower than we were going. We’re no use to your detectives if we’re dead.”

“It’s already been an hour.” Beckett said. “How long can they last if we take too long to get there.”

“The warehouse isn’t far from here, and they could last a few hours if they’re out of the wind. We should be able to make it before anything too serious happens. I’ll go as fast as I can, but I can’t even see the road or half the buildings anymore.”

Beckett paused. “Okay, well, let’s not waste anymore time. If it’s going to take longer to get there now, we have to move.”

He nodded and jogged back over to the ambulance. Beckett got back in her car and sighed.

“What did he say?” Castle asked.

“Well, let’s just say the boys are going to have to survive for another couple of hours or so.”

“Can they?”

“They should, so long as they stay inside and preserve as much body heat as they can.”

Castle looked out the windshield as the car began to creep ever so slowly forward.

~.~.~

“How long have we been here?” Ryan whispered.

Esposito shrugged. “Can’t reach my phone. It might be dead anyway.”

Ryan paused. “I know Beckett’s coming for us, but she’s been taking so long I’m starting to get worried.”

“We’re not going to die.”

“No, not worried for us.” Ryan said. “The patch of ice we ran over was not the only patch of ice out there. What if she’s in trouble just like we are?”

Esposito took a long time to answer. “Let’s just hope she’s taking a long time because she’s trying to be safe.”

Ryan started to shiver again and Esposito held him closer.

“I’m tired.” Ryan said softly.

“Me too.” Esposito replied. “We need to take our minds off of how tired we are, though. We can’t fall asleep.”

“So what do you want to talk about?” Ryan asked softly.

“I don’t know.” Esposito shrugged. “Anything.”

Ryan hesitated and closed his eyes, wondering if there would’ve ever been a possibility of Esposito holding him like this in less dire circumstances. Finally, he spoke. “Do you…?”

“What?” Esposito asked as Ryan trailed off.

At the last minute, he chickened out. “Do you think Castle and Beckett will ever have kids?”

Either Esposito had stopped to think about it, or he wasn’t expecting that question. “I don’t know.” He said. “Beckett has never wanted kids, but Castle is… well, Castle. You can tell he wants to take that next step.”

Ryan nodded. “I’ve always wanted kids.”

Esposito snorted. “Don’t you have to at least have a girlfriend first?”

“Not necessarily.” Ryan replied. “There’s adoption. Surrogate. Not all kids have to have a mom and a dad.”

Esposito said nothing, wondering if Ryan was saying what he thought he was saying, or if he was maybe delirious. Ryan couldn’t take care of a baby alone. He was at work all of the time.

Ryan felt his shivering start to get harder to control. “I think I’m getting colder.” He whispered.

Esposito held him closer, though he didn’t think it would help much considering how much heat he’d lost himself, his own shivering getting more violent by the second.

~.~.~

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” Beckett said, stepping out of her car and walking to the ambulance on the side of the road. “What happened?” She called to the paramedic squatting by one of the tires.

“A nail.” He called back. “The thing’s completely flat.”

“A nail? In the middle of a snowy road? What the-” She sighed. “Please tell me you have a spare.” She said, hugging herself to keep the wind from slicing through her.

“Of course.” He said. “But it’s not exactly easy to replace a tire in a blizzard. I’m thinking maybe you should go ahead and we’ll follow once we can. Those guys have been there for hours now, someone should make sure they’re okay.”

“You’re sure?” Beckett asked.

He nodded. “We may not have a lot of choices. We’ll get this fixed as fast as we can and we’ll be right on your tail.”

Beckett hesitated before running back to her car, knowing he was right but not liking the thought of having to save the boys herself. If she got there and they needed serious medical attention, there wasn’t much the heater in her little car could do.

She didn’t believe in god, or anything really, but she decided to send a prayer to anyone listening to please save her detectives.

~.~.~

They’d been sitting there for god knew how long. They hadn’t said anything more the whole time, and Esposito wasn’t exactly sure how long that actually was. Had they been there for a few hours now?

Esposito felt like he had been out of it for a little too long. For instance, he hadn’t realized Ryan was resting his head on his shoulder now. But more importantly, Esposito hadn’t realized Ryan had stopped shivering. Which meant he also didn’t know how long ago he’d stopped.

“Ryan?” Esposito whispered, trying to nudge him awake.

“Mmm?” Ryan barely made a sound, but it was good enough.

“You can’t fall asleep.”

“M’not asleep.” He mumbled.

“I know, but you have to make sure it stays that way. At least until Beckett gets here.”

Ryan took a while to reply. “She’s not coming.”

“Don’t say that. She’s coming, I know she is.”

“I’m glad you’re optimistic, Javi.”

“Well, one of us has to be.” Esposito said. He tried shaking him again, but he was getting too tired to do so. “You have to stay awake, Ryan. Come on, talk to me.”

Ryan made a half assed groan.

“Okay, I get it. You’re tired. Just… don’t fall asleep. I’ll talk and you listen, alright?”

Another groan.

“Good.” Esposito sighed, wondering what the hell he should even talk about. “I don’t even know what to say.” He said, deciding he might as well voice his thoughts. “You and I can talk for hours about practically nothing, but when it comes to life and death, I can’t think of a single thing.” He hesitated. “You know, Beckett’s the one who stole your cronut last week. It was actually a really weird conversation because she took it and then told me I should take the blame because you can’t stay mad at me. And I didn’t think much of it because of course you couldn’t stay mad at me because of a stupid cronut. But I also realized that… I don’t think you’ve ever held a grudge against me. I mean, there was that time you were mad that I passed the sergeant's exam and you didn’t, but that lasted all of a couple of days. And in fact, I think I held a grudge against you for the shot to the ass longer than you held a grudge against me. Though, to be fair, you did shoot me in the ass.” He laughed slightly.

Ryan didn’t make any indication that he’d heard any of that.

“Kevin.” Esposito said. “Kev, come on, wake up. Let me know you’re okay.”

He didn’t move.

Esposito took a shaky breath and held his partner closer. “You’re not allowed to die, Kevin.” He said softly. “You can’t leave me here without a partner.” He hesitated. “I need you.”

Ryan remained still.

“Okay, fuck it.” Esposito said softly. “It’s not like I have anything to lose, and maybe this will shock you awake.” He swallowed. “I… I love you.” He took a breath, shocked at finally having said it out loud. “And I don’t mean in the ‘Hey, I love you, man’ kind of way. I mean, I want to spend all of my time with you and I want to hang out with you every day and buy you dinner and take you out for coffee and… kiss you.” He paused. “And it has taken me way too long to admit that and… I’m sorry. But hey,” He laughed. “At least I get to spend the rest of my life with you, right?”

He let his head fall forward, feeling himself get more tired by the second. He rested his cheek on the top of Ryan’s head and tried to focus his eyes, the world around him getting fuzzy.

He closed his eyes, planning to only have them closed for a minute or two, when strange noises jerked him awake.

And suddenly Beckett was there, her face was worried and she was saying something he couldn’t quite make out. Castle was behind her, doing exactly the same thing. And there were strange people behind them, rushing around and looking a little silly in Esposito’s opinion.

When they tried to take Ryan away from him, he clung on as hard as he could, but he was so weak, it only took them a few seconds to pry Ryan from his hands.

With the last bit of strength Esposito had he said, “Watch his shoulder,” and blacked out.

~.~.~

Beckett was biting her nails, which she hadn’t done in a long time, but they’d been at the hospital for hours waiting to hear from someone and she was fidgety. She tried to convince herself that no news was good news, that if they were dead someone would have come out and told them by now, but it was maddening to just sit there with nothing to do but bite her nails.

Castle looked over at her and smiled slightly, reaching over and taking her hand. He offered no words of encouragement, knowing nothing he could say was going to change anything, but if she needed something to do with her hands, he figured holding his was good enough.

Just as Beckett considered biting off all the nails on her other hand, a doctor approached them. She stood up faster than she’d intended, but if there was ever a time to be over eager, now was it.

“Captain Beckett?” The doctor asked.

She nodded.

“They’re doing fine.” He said before she could ask. “The paramedics did a great job getting the warming process started in the long drive here, so we had no problems with cardiac arrest or anything.”

Beckett nodded again, which seemed to be the only thing she could do at this point.

“We are going to keep them here at least for tonight to monitor them and make sure their temperatures remain normal. It is a moderate form of hypothermia, but we want to make sure it doesn’t get worse than that and sending them outside right away is not the best idea. For now, we have them both on warm IVs just to make sure their temperatures are where we want them to be as well as heart monitors. If everything goes well tonight, we can probably release them tomorrow.”

“What about Kevin’s shoulder? Javi said something about his shoulder?” Beckett asked.

“Right.” The doctor nodded. “Kevin fractured his collarbone. It’s a clean break and it should heal normally. It doesn’t look like he’ll need surgery, so we’ve set his arm in a sling and we’ll be giving him pain medication to take home. It will take a while to heal, though, and since his job is very physically demanding, I will be recommending that he take some time off and when he goes back he stays at his desk for a while.”

“Okay.” Beckett said.

“They should be waking up very soon, but they’ll probably be groggy, so they may not be too coherent. But if you want to see them, you’re more than welcome.”

“Thank you.” Beckett replied.

“They’re on the fifth floor, if you go up there and ask the nurses, they can give you the room number.”

Beckett smiled at him before practically running to the elevator, Castle right behind her. Every time the elevator stopped to let more people on, Beckett wanted to curse. When they reached the fifth floor, they decided to try not looking as frantic and walked to the nurse behind the desk to ask for the room number.

They then walked as fast as they could down the hall and hesitated in front of the door before Beckett finally pushed it open.

They’d given the boys a shared room, apparently deciding that keeping the temperature up in one room rather than two was far more logical. And it was definitely warmer in there. The rest of the hospital was practically freezing, but the temperature in their room was far more bearable.

Esposito’s bed was closest to the door and he slowly looked over at them before smiling. “Didn’t die this time.” He said.

Beckett let out a relieved laugh and Castle smiled, stepping behind her and closing the door.

“Is Ryan awake?” Beckett whispered.

Esposito turned his head to look at his sleeping partner. “Not yet, but I just woke up before you opened the door, so he’ll probably wake up in a minute.” He looked back over at his boss. “Did you see the blood?”

Beckett gave him a confused and slightly alarmed look. “Blood?”

“At the warehouse.” Esposito clarified. “There was blood on the walls.”

“Oh my god.” Beckett said. “We… didn’t even look. We just saw you guys and our only focus at that point was to get you to the hospital.”

Esposito sighed and closed his eyes. “Well, you better solve the case, because I’ve got tubes stuck in me all over the fucking place and I’d like for it not to be for nothing.”

Castle laughed. “We’ll check it out.”

“The tubes or the warehouse?” Came Ryan’s voice from the other side of the room.

“You check out my tubes, and I’ll sic the nurse on you.” Esposito said. “Which should terrify you because I’m pretty sure that woman could kill you with a look.”

“How do you feel, Ryan?” Beckett asked.

“Eh,” Ryan wanted to shrug but found out that wasn’t an ability anymore. “I could probably go run a 5k if I wasn’t connected to like five different things.”

“I could be wrong, but I don’t think running is in your near future, Ryan.” Castle said.

“Nah, look at him.” Esposito said, smiling over at him. “Color’s already coming back to his cheeks. He’s fine.”

Beckett rolled her eyes. “Don’t think you’re coming back to work earlier than you should. I mean, you joke around, but I had to send Ryan home on his last injury because he was dumb enough to think he could work with a broken wrist.”

“It was just a broken wrist, though.” Ryan protested. “I was fine.”

“Right, and having to go back to the doctor because you got knocked down and your wrist got worse is fine.” Beckett said, raising an eyebrow.

“Okay.” Ryan said. “I won’t run a 5k.” He paused. “Yet.”

~.~.~

Ryan sighed as he watched the tv, the two of them having finally agreed on something to watch. Though, it felt more like they were too tired to argue with each other because the movie they’d decided on was crap.

“You can change it, you know.” Esposito said in response to his sigh.

“Right, and get into another hour long argument.” Ryan said. “I don’t even really want to watch anything. I’m tired of tv.”

Esposito looked over at him. “We’ve only been here for like five hours. You realize they’re keeping us here overnight?”

“I know.” Ryan said. “It’s just… we’ve spent all day waiting. We were waiting for hours at the warehouse and now we’re waiting possibly days at the hospital. I mean, they could at least give us videogames.”

“You only have one arm.” Esposito pointed out.

Ryan looked down at it. “Dammit.” He muttered.

Esposito laughed. “We won’t be here for days. They said they’ll probably discharge us tomorrow.”

Ryan snorted. “Have you ever been in a hospital? We’ll be lucky if they let us out by Monday. And that’s if they let us sleep long enough, considering they come in every five minutes.”

“Jesus, you are crabby today.” Esposito said, smirking over at him.

“I have hypothermia.”

“So do I, but you don’t hear me complaining.”

Ryan paused. “Yeah, why aren’t you complaining?” He said. “When you hurt your neck, I heard about it for days. As well as the shot to the ass and all the black eyes.”

Esposito shrugged. “I guess I’m too tired.”

Ryan watched him for a minute before turning back to the tv, suddenly confused as he hadn’t been paying attention to the plot.

About an hour later, Castle and Beckett returned from their trip to find food to say goodbye to the boys and promise they would be back in the morning.

“We’ll be here.” Esposito said, smiling.

“So another near death experience.” Castle said.

“Honestly, they’re all starting to get dull.” Ryan said. “Though, and it’s sad that I know this, I’d rather freeze than burn.”

“It is sad that you know that.” Castle agreed. “It’s actually sad that we all have our preferred near death experiences. I mean, my favorite was also almost freezing because I got to hold Beckett.”

The blush creeping up Esposito’s neck was unmistakable.

“I’d take freezing over burning, but I think I’d take burning over drowning. I mean, at least with the burning I passed out.” Ryan said.

“This is a grim topic and I’m putting an end to it.” Beckett said. “Besides, visiting hours are almost over and we need to get going so we don’t die.”

“You guys are going to try driving all the way home in the snow?” Esposito asked.

“Castle booked a hotel room.” Beckett said. “We can probably actually walk there, it’s that close.”

“Well, be careful anyway.” Ryan said. “We don’t need all four of us in the hospital.”

“We’ll be fine. The blizzard ended a couple hours ago.” Castle said. “We’ll see you guys tomorrow and hopefully be able to take you home.”

They said their goodbyes and shut the door behind them.

There was a long pause before Ryan spoke. “So,” He said. “What was your favorite part about almost dying this time?”

Esposito gave him a look. “I’m supposed to have a favorite part?”

“Well, we did get to snuggle this time around.”

There was another long pause.

“Is there something in your IV?” Esposito asked.

“If there is, would you love me any less?”

“What are you talking about?”

Ryan looked over at him and gave him a sly smile. “You love me.” He said.

Before Esposito could say a word, two nurses entered the room. One was the nurse who’d been working with them all day and the other was one they didn’t recognize.

“Hey, guys. I’m about to get off my shift, so I brought in my replacement for the night, this is Cathy.”

The boys smiled at the new nurse, Esposito’s smile a bit strained.

“I’m going to take your temperatures and check your vitals.” Cathy said, stepping forward with her machine.

It seemed to take forever and it felt like the tension was getting thicker, but finally Cathy finished and left them alone again.

“What the hell does that mean?” Esposito asked immediately.

“What, the replacement nurse?” Ryan said. “Nurses have to go home sometime, Javi.”

“That’s not what I mean and you know it.” Esposito replied. “What do you mean I love you?”

Ryan smiled again. “You love me. You said so yourself. Though, I suppose an argument can be made that you were delirious.”

Esposito felt his cheeks flush. “I thought you were asleep.”

Ryan changed his smile from teasing to sincere. “Well, I was fading in and out. But what you said was unmistakable.”

“Knock knock.” Their doctor said as he came into the room.

If Esposito wasn’t hooked up to so many tubes, he would have killed him.

“How’re you guys feeling?” The doctor asked, smiling and looking way too chipper.

“We’re great.” Esposito said, his voice clipped.

“Just tired.” Ryan said, teasing Esposito clearly the cure for a crabby mood.

“Well, you’re definitely going to need your rest.” The doctor said. “Your temperatures seem pretty stable and as far as I can tell there’s nothing to be concerned about. So I’ll be checking on you guys in the morning and we’ll see if we can get you out of here then.”

“Thanks, doc.” Ryan said, smiling.

Esposito mumbled his thanks before turning back to Ryan the second he left. “You heard me?”

“You whispered it right into my ear.” Ryan said. “What, did you not want me to hear it?” His face fell slightly.

“Well, I just…” Esposito paused, trying to get all his thoughts together as he wasn’t expecting this at all. “I hadn’t really wanted you to hear that in those circumstances. I thought you were asleep and I was trying to keep us both awake and I figured that would be shocking enough to take care of it-”

There was another knock at the door and Esposito said something angry in spanish that Ryan couldn’t quite make out, but he seemed to be pleading with god to just give him five fucking minutes. At least, that’s all Ryan could understand..

“Hey, guys.” A nice looking girl said as she stepped into their room. “I’m the nurse’s assistant for tonight, so if you need anything like extra pillows or something, you can press the button to call the nurse and I can grab it for you.”

“Great.” Esposito said with another strained smile. “Thanks.”

She didn’t seem to pick up on his sour attitude and instead gave them a warm smile before closing the door.

Esposito looked back at Ryan whose face didn’t seem as happy as before.

“Were you just saying it?” Ryan asked softly.

“No! God, no.” Esposito said immediately. “I’ve been meaning to say that forever, I just…”

“Needed a near death experience?”

Esposito paused and looked down. “I needed nothing to lose.” He said softly. “Because saying that to you could mean losing everything.”

“What would you have lost?” Ryan said.

“You.” Esposito shrugged. “I mean, we wouldn’t have been able to be partners anymore if you’d… well, if you didn’t feel the same way.”

“Why?”

Esposito took a deep breath before looking back at him. “Because it’s already hell working with you knowing I have to say goodbye at the end of the day. It was bad enough sitting across from you and working on cases with you when you didn’t know. And I kind of thought once you knew, then everything would just get worse. Because I’d have to look at you knowing you don’t look at me the same way and it would kill me. So I’d have to quit.” He looked away again.

There was a painfully long pause and Esposito felt at that moment that he was probably going to have to ask for another room because there was no way he was staying there with Ryan either feeling sorry for him or possibly disgusted with him.

“You know what’s bullshit?” Ryan said finally.

“What?” Esposito said, his voice low.

“That I can’t get up from my bed and kiss you right now.”

Esposito looked over at him, confused.

Ryan smiled at him.

“What the fuck, why didn’t you say anything?” Esposito burst.

“For the same reasons you didn’t!” Ryan said, waving a hand at him. “I’ve been hung up on you for years, you son of a bitch.”

Esposito couldn’t help himself, he started laughing.

Ryan joined in after a minute.

Esposito sighed. “So now what?”

“Now we wait until tomorrow when they take out all the tubes and we can finally touch each other, because I don’t even think I can reach far enough to hold your hand.”

Esposito gave him a sly smile.

“What?”

“You wanna hold my hand.”

“You wanted to hold mine first.” Ryan said, though he couldn’t stop smiling.

After what seemed like forever of just staring at each other, Esposito sighed. “You’re right. This is bullshit.”

~.~.~

“Okay, everything looks good.” The day nurse said, flipping through their paperwork at about the same speed as a sloth. “I just want to go over a few things with you guys, just to make sure everyone is on the same page.”

Esposito was trying to smile through it, he really was, but being unable to get out of bed for a day and a half was making him lose his temper.

“So we’ll start with Kevin.” She said, smiling at him.

Ryan would’ve probably been more like Esposito, were he not completely amused by his uncontrollable fidgeting.

“So we’re setting you up with painkillers for your collarbone. It’ll heal in about six to eight weeks, depending on you and how your body works.” She was talking so slow, Esposito wanted to die. “You’ll have to come back for a follow up on your collarbone and we can set you up with that appointment once you leave. As for the hypothermia, your temperature is back to normal and everything seems to be functioning alright, so you shouldn’t have any lasting effects. Though if you do feel anything irregular, you should call us right away.”

Ryan smiled and nodded, watching Esposito out of the corner of his eye and almost laughing out loud when he made an extremely bored face.

“As for Javier.” She said, turning to him.

Esposito’s face immediately went back to normal and Ryan had to put a hand over his mouth to stop from laughing.

“Everything aside from the broken bone is the same. No lasting effects or complications means you can go back to work as soon as you want. Kevin’s going to have to take some time off for the shoulder, but you’ll be able to go back on Monday for sure. They might want to make a follow up appointment for you as well, just to make sure everything is alright, and like I said with Kevin, you should call if you feel anything irregular.”

“Right.” Esposito nodded once.

“Great!” She stood. “Well, I’ll go send these off to get signed by your doctor and I’ll be back to unhook you from all these tubes.”

She smiled and left.

“How long do you think it’ll take her to remember to come back and take our IVs out?” Ryan asked.

“I’m betting an hour.” Esposito replied. “More if she gets caught talking to someone.”

“Why does she talk so slow?”

Esposito shrugged. “She wants all her patients to go insane.”

It didn’t take her an hour to get back. In fact, it took maybe fifteen minutes. Considering all the work she probably had, fifteen minutes was reasonable. It took her longer to get the tape off so she could pull the IVs out, but once she had, there was a great sense of relief that they were finally free. She then left them to change into the street clothes Castle and Beckett had dropped off that morning.

The second the door closed, Esposito practically dove onto his partner. Ryan didn’t even get a chance to say anything before he was being kissed so hard he thought his head was going to spin.

“Jesus, Javi.” Ryan said as Esposito’s hospital gown fell forward. “Leave something to the imagination.”

“I go commando when I wear regular clothes, you think I’m not going to take the opportunity when it’s socially acceptable?” He leaned in and kissed him again, not seeming to care that if someone chose that moment to open the door, they’d get the full view of his bare ass.

Ryan pulled away again. “We’re supposed to get dressed.” He pointed out.

“I don’t think you know how this works.” Esposito said, kissing him again.

“Javi, as much as I would like to have sex with you on a hospital bed,” Ryan replied. “That door doesn’t lock and I think I’d like our first time to be somewhere else.”

Esposito pulled back and smiled at him. “Okay.” He said, kissing him once more and then standing up straight. “You need any help up?”

“I think I got it.” Ryan said, slowly pulling himself into a sitting position and then swinging his legs to the side of the bed. He stood, wobbled slightly, and sat back down.

“You sure you’re okay?” Esposito asked.

“I think the painkillers they gave me are stronger than I thought.” Ryan replied. He stood again, slowly this time, and was able to stay on his feet.

They dressed quickly, Esposito helping Ryan since it was proving pretty difficult to get dressed with only one arm, and were left sitting next to each other on one bed in an awkward silence as they waited for someone to let them know if they could leave.

“I really want to kiss you again.” Esposito said after a minute.

“What if someone walks in and sees us?” Ryan asked.

Esposito paused and then stood and gripped the curtain meant to separate the two of them if they wanted privacy from each other and pulled it so they were obstructed from view from the door.

“There.” He said, sitting back down. “Now we’ll have a few seconds to make it look like we’re completely innocent before someone sees us.”

“Pretty sneaky.” Ryan said before putting his hand on Esposito’s jaw and pulling him in for a kiss.

With the nurse and doctor taking so long and leaving them with literally nothing else to do, making out seemed like the perfect way to pass the time. In between the heated kisses and wandering hands, Ryan ended up on his back with Esposito hovering over him.

“You know,” Ryan said between kisses. “We probably could’ve had sex multiple times by now.”

“Is that an invitation?” Esposito asked, nipping his lip.

“It’s an observation.” Ryan replied, laughing. “I’m still not about traumatize every nurse on this floor.”

Esposito leaned in for another kiss, but a second later was leaping off his partner as if he’d been shocked and trying to look as casual as he could as Beckett and Castle entered the room and pulled back the curtain, smiling.

Ryan sat up when he saw them and smiled back.

“You guys all ready to go?” Beckett asked.

“Just waiting for the discharge papers to be signed.” Ryan said.

“Well, you definitely look better than you did yesterday.” Castle said, taking a seat in one of the chairs by the bed.

“It was only hypothermia, we’ll bounce back.” Ryan said.

“‘Only hypothermia.’” Castle said, looking at Beckett. “It’s as if he hadn’t almost died.”

“I got better.” Ryan said with a shrug.

“You okay, Espo?” Beckett asked, looking at him standing awkwardly over to the side.

“What? Yeah, I’m fine. Great. Just anxious to get going.” Esposito replied.

Ryan looked over at him and then tried not to laugh at the bulge in his pants.

They made light conversation as they waited for the nurse to get back, everyone at one point commenting on how long it was taking. Esposito eventually sat back down and it was probably almost another half hour before the nurse finally returned, papers in hand.

The boys said goodbye to the nurses and assistants, bundled up in very heavy and warm coats, and left the hospital together.

“Are you guys sure you don’t need us to go with you?” Beckett asked as she held open the cab door for them.

“We’ll be fine, Beckett.” Ryan said, easing himself into the backseat of the cab and then scooting over to make room for Esposito to slide in next to him.

“You and Castle should go home.” Esposito said. “Hotels are great, but nothing beats your own bed.” He winked at them and Beckett resisted the urge to smack him.

“Well, at least let us know when you get home.” She said, taking a step back as Esposito sat next to Ryan.

“We will.” Ryan promised.

Esposito shut the door and the boys waved just as the cab took off.

“Well,” Esposito said. “My place or yours?”

“I don’t care.” Ryan leaned his head against the back of the seat. “Anywhere with a bed I can take a nap on.”

Esposito smiled at him as he closed his eyes and told the driver the address to Ryan’s apartment. He then scooted closer and draped an arm over Ryan’s shoulders, pulling him close and resting his cheek on Ryan’s head.

“Javi, did you want to snuggle?” Ryan said, keeping his eyes closed, but smiling.

“Well, it saved our lives last time.”

Ryan laughed and snuggled closer. “Except we’re not in a near death experience right now.”

“You’re right.” Esposito replied. “So if I said I loved you right now, it wouldn’t seem like it was just because we’re about to die.”

Ryan finally opened his eyes and shifted so he could look at his partner. “Is that what you’re saying?”

Esposito hesitated before leaning in to kiss him. “Yeah.” He said softly.

Ryan smiled. “So then, me saying it back would also sound more sincere.”

“Is that what you’re saying?”

Ryan gripped the front of Esposito’s coat and pulled him in for a kiss.

“Yeah.”