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Alex was terrified. Truly fucking terrified. Because Henry doesn’t know, and he has to tell him. It’s eating him alive. He can’t eat, he’s barely sleeping, he can barely look at Henry. His Henry. The love of his life, and the man who he betrayed.
Fuck. Fuck.
And Henry was going to be back from London tonight. He was due to pick him up from the airport in just over an hour.
Fuck.
✨🏠✨
Alex is waiting in the private arrivals lounge with Amy and Cash, his nerves taking the better of him. He’s barely moved in the past ten minutes—fixated on the spot that he’s been in since he got there. Amy and Cash glance at one another, but they don’t say a word. They know something is wrong with Alex, but they hope Henry’s impending arrival resolves the issue. He just misses Henry, of course he does. It’s going to be fine.
Alex hears a yip first, and he clocks David running directly at him. He was spaced out, but he finally kneels down and greets the dog jumping up at him. “Hi bud, hi Davey,” he forces a smile, gently stroking the dog and welcoming him back home. David happily licks Alex’s face, wagging his tail excitedly.
“David, down.” He hears Henry say, his voice stern but warm. “Come on, darling. We don’t want to spoil Alex too much now, we have plenty of time to spend with him at home.”
Ah, yes. Home. Their home. Henry was moving all of his belongings over to New York and into their new brownstone in Brooklyn. Because they were moving in together. Or they were. Because Alex is about to ruin them, and he is sure Henry is going to leave him.
Alex gently lets go of David and pushes himself to his feet, ready to greet Henry.
“Hi, love.” Henry smiles, pulling Alex in for a hug almost instantly. “I missed you very much. As did David,” he chuckles softly. Alex quickly returns the hug, holding onto Henry as if he was going to disappear if he let him go. “Is everything alright?” He asks, and Alex gently releases his grip, still hugging Henry, just not as tight. “Alex. You’re frightening me. What’s going on?”
“Nothing. Nothing, baby. It’s…I just…I missed you. And I love you.” Alex said softly into his neck, his eyes closed tightly. “I love you so much, sweetheart.”
Henry isn’t convinced, he knows that there’s something going on. Alex sounds so sad and tired, and he can feel the tension in his shoulders as they’re hugging. “Alright. Alright, darling. I love you too, Alex. I love you, and…I’m right here. I’m here.” He allows his hand to find its way to Alex’s hair, and gently scratches his scalp to soothe him. He feels Alex’s body almost instantly relax against him, and he knows he needs to get Alex home quickly.
“Let’s go home, love.” He tells his boyfriend, and Alex finally lifts his head up to look at Henry and nods softly, his eyes red and teary. “Have you slept at all since I’ve been gone, Alex?”
Alex shakes his head, and he can hear Henry sigh. Fuck. He can’t help but fuck everything up. “I’m sorry, I…it just didn’t feel right to sleep in our bed when you weren’t there. Please don’t be mad.”
“No, no. Darling, I’m not…I’m not mad. I’m just worried about you. Come on, let’s get you home.” Henry gently turns Alex towards Cash and Amy who lead them out of the private arrivals haul and back to the car, Shaan in tow with luggage and David, of course.
They quietly climb into the car, Alex not letting go of Henry’s hand once. Henry was more than concerned, not by the clinginess, because he knows Alex can sometimes be like a lap dog, but mostly by the way Alex looks like he’s about to burst into tears at any second, the way Alex can barely look at him, yet can’t fathom the thought of letting him go. He gently squeezes his hand to reassure his boyfriend, before leaning over to place a soft kiss on his forehead.
Alex can’t decide whether or not to try and rest his head on Henry’s shoulder, finally close his eyes—maybe even take a nap, that would be nice. He would be safe, and get to sleep next to Henry for one last time. He can feel his eyes burning at the thought, he doesn’t want to lose Henry, but he knows it’s inevitable now. Henry is going to be so fucking mad at him, and he’s now he’s fucking crying. Again.
“Alex, darling. Alex? Look at me, love. What’s going on?” Henry gently cups Alex’s jaw and turns his face so they’re looking directly at each other. “Hi,” Henry smiles sadly, his brow furrowed in concern, but he just looks so soft and perfect, Alex wants to squish him. “Hi, love. Are you going to tell me what’s wrong or are you going to keep pretending that you’re not sat in the car next to me crying?” He doesn’t sound mad, he doesn’t look mad either. Alex’s eyes scan his face as Henry reaches to gently brush away his tears. “Alex, please talk to me. I promise you’re safe, and it’s all ok. So…I’m kind of going a bit crazy here. Please tell me what’s going on.”
“I…it’s all my fault.” Alex manages, before he quickly folds in Henry’s chest and his head lands on his shoulder, clinging to Henry like his life depends on it. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, baby. Please don’t leave me.”
“Alex, what are you—“
“Uh, Your Royal Highness? We’re here.”
Henry looks up at the driver and nods, turning back to Alex. “Let’s get inside, and then we’re going to have a shower, get changed, and we’re going to talk about this, alright?” Henry places his hand on Alex’s jaw, cupping his face. “But let’s just get one thing straight, love. I’m not going to leave you. You’re stuck with me.” Henry lets out a soft laugh, a smile on his lips. Alex can’t help but smile sadly back, but he can his throat constricting, almost as if he’s choking.
“Okay,” Alex whispers, before his hand finds Henry’s, lacing their fingers together. “If you’re sure.” He mumbles under his breath, allowing Henry to lead him from the car. Alex can hear Cash and Amy surveying the brownstone, but mostly all he can hear is the pounding of his heart in his ears, muffling the sound of David’s barks and Henry calling for him, the sound of traffic driving past them, the crowd of paparazzi already crowding around them. Alex could barely hear any of it. He could see Miguel staring at them both, a sick smirk on his face. He had warned Alex—if he didn’t tell Henry what happened between him and Miguel, Miguel would. He would tell Henry how much of a fuckup Alex was.
“Alex, love?” Henry says, before carefully placing David on the ground. “Alex?” He makes his way over to Alex, gently putting his hand on his arm, “darling?” Henry sighs, his eyes meeting Alex’s. They’re red rimmed again, the colour completely drained from his face. “Oh, Alex. Come on, let’s get you inside.” Henry laces their fingers together again, as Shaan takes David from Henry. Alex currently has tunnel vision, all he’s aware of is Henry leading him into the house, gently stroking the back of his hand with his thumb. He hears the front door close, behind them, and then the shadow of Cash in front of the two glass panes covering them both.
Henry leads them up the stairs, taking Alex into their first floor bedroom. He opens the bedroom door and turns on the light, which fills the room beautifully. The curtains are already closed, and Henry’s stomach flips as he sees the half-made bed and the half full cup of tea on the nightstand—that piques his curiosity the most. “Love, have you been drinking tea?” Henry looks over at Alex and smiles, but Alex is still looking at his feet, nervous and anxious.
“Oh, uh, yeah. I just…it smells like you. And…tastes like you. So…I, uh. Just had a few cups. It’s…I’m sorry.” Alex curls his hands into fists, his nails digging into his palms. “I can buy you more.”
“I’m not mad, Alex.” Henry says softly, a chuckle lacing his words. “I think it’s sweet, darling. Even though for the past year you’ve called earl grey ‘leaf water’ I don’t know how many times.” He watches as Alex looks down to his feet, his hands curled into fists. “Darling,” Henry starts, making his way across the room, taking Alex’s hands in his own and loosening his fists and gently brushing his palms with his thumb, “please talk to me. Usually when we spend this much time apart, I can’t stop you from talking and telling me everything that happened since I’ve been away, and yet now, I can barely get a word out of you without you practically…c-cowering away from me. I…have I done something? Are you—,” Henry swallows hard, “—have you changed your mind? About us, I mean?”
“No! Jesus Tits. No, no way!” Alex protests almost immediately. “No, baby…I just…” Alex walks further into the bedroom, away from Henry. He doesn’t mean to pull away, but he feels like the entire world is closing in on him. Henry says he’s not going to leave, but he doesn’t know yet. He doesn’t know what Alex did.
“Okay. Okay, Alex. Alright. It’s fine, love. I just—,”
“It was me.” Alex says quickly, cutting Henry off. “It…look, I should’ve said before you came back, I should’ve told you…when it first happened. I…I thought it wouldn’t matter, I thought he’d just disappear and we could…forget about it all. But he said he was gonna talk to you if I didn’t, so I have to tell you before he does. Because it’s a lie, whatever he says. Most of it, anyway. If he does.”
Okay, so Alex could’ve probably made it sound less like he had cheated on Henry, and more about the fact that Miguel threatened him, but he was panicking, alright?
Henry’s mouth opened and closed a few times, before swallowing hard, unsure of how to approach this. “Alex, I—you are aware of how that all sounded, yes? Because I am extremely worried that you are about to tell me that you’ve done something that I’m not sure I could ever forgive you for.”
Alex’s eyes studied Henry for a moment, reliving the moment in his head—the words he said, all of it. “Fuck, no! No, I didn’t…” Alex gasps, his head dropping, “God, I fucked it all up. All of it, I shouldn’t…”
Henry takes a hesitant step forward, gaging Alex’s response. He doesn’t cower or jump, so Henry takes another step closer, and again, and again, until he finally takes Alex into his arms. “Love, please tell me what is going on. Please.”
Alex sighs softly, a tear falling from his eye and he wraps his arms around Henry. “I’m the reason we got outed. I…my emails were hacked. You know that. But…the reason they were leaked was…because I kinda…made out…with the guy who leaked them. Before we even met. And he was, I don’t know, jealous. I guess? He kept…flirting with me, even when we…y’know? And I…god, I fucked up, H. He wanted me and he saw you come to the bar in Austin, and he put the pieces together. Before you came in, I called him an asshole because he leaked to the press that I said we were gonna flip Texas. And my mom like, totally flipped out at me, so I was pissed at him. And then he saw you at the bar and he obviously put everything together, and he got fucking jealous or something, I don’t know. And he leaked our emails, and…he told me he had sources, and I was too busy looking at you to really process it, and he fucking—he leaked them, baby. And it’s all my fault, because I was so in love with you to realis—mmph,” Alex was cut short by Henry pulling him in for a kiss, his words now mush in his brain. He was talking too much, and he was spiralling, so Henry knew this was the way to calm him down, to stop his thoughts from getting any louder, his brain practically melting.
Henry slowly pulls away from the kiss, their foreheads still touching. “Darling, you need to just…breathe for a second, yes?” He says, and Alex’s eyes close, and he swallows. “Good, that’s good, love. You’re doing so well for me.”
“I don’t understand why you’re being so nice to me.” Alex says, his voice barely a whisper. “I fucked up. I outed you. I literally handed the press it all on a silver platter.”
“No. No you didn’t, Alex. The reporter. Miguel, I believe? He outed me. He outed you too, love. You seem to forget that this affected you as well, you realise that? You’re not to blame for any of this, regardless of what Miguel says. If he blackmails you into anything, especially him telling me about your relationship with him, then that isn’t your fault either. But I don’t care what you did with him before you met me, because that was your life to do with what you wanted to. I would never hold that against you, my love.”
Alex blinks at him. He’s a little dumbfounded, because Henry shouldn’t be this understanding, right? This is crazy. He should be mad, he should be upset. “I don’t…but…Henry, he ruined our lives. He tried to get me to sleep with him again, and when I didn’t he outed us. I am the reason this happened because I didn’t do what he wanted me to.”
“You were blackmailed, Alex. He wanted to sleep with you and you said no, so he leaked your private and personal messages, that’s blackmail, love. And it isn’t your fault.” Henry gently brushes his fingers through Alex’s hair. “And I don’t think he ruined anything, actually. He tried and failed, because my life is pretty wonderful. I have the most beautiful boyfriend, I have David, I have friends that aren’t homophobic and do seem to quite like me, I think I somehow won the metaphorical lottery,” Alex had settled against Henry’s chest, his breathing finally slowing and becoming more relaxed. “I know this may sound slightly strange, but I think what Miguel did definitely helped us get it out there. I know it should’ve been on our terms, and I’m not telling you to forgive him, but we may not have been here right now if it wasn’t for what happened. I don’t regret it, Alex. I don’t regret you. If we could’ve done it differently then yes, of course I would’ve wanted that; but it’s done. It’s over now, darling. And we’re okay. Yes? Apart from you worrying so hard you’re on the verge of collapse.” Henry has pulled them on to the bed together at this point, Alex curled against his chest, his unruly curls all he can see.
“Yeah, uh…I just started freaking out when you left, I ended up thinking about if he found you and told you what happened, that you would kinda, hate me, I guess? And I wanted you to come back here after London and I wanted to live with you. You’re the first real person I’ve ever been, y’know, like properly in love with. And I just…I need you to love me back.” Alex was starting to become a little more calm, his voice quieter. Something about Henry calming his brain down, his safe space.
“I do love you back. I love you so bloody much, Alex. You’re the first person who I’ve been completely, one thousand percent in love with, for definite. You shouldn’t ever doubt that.” Henry dropped his head to place a kiss in Alex’s curls. “Get some sleep, love. We can talk more later; I’m not going anywhere. I’m home now.”
“You’re my home, baby. I love you. I’m sorry I scared you.”
“Shh, darling. You’re good. You’re so good, Alex. Sleep, please.” Henry replies, a stray tear falling down his cheek. He gently reaches up to wipe it away and then cradles Alex’s head with his hand, his fingers gently brushing through his hair.
He knows how much Alex carries with him, he also knows that time apart from him is definitely not an option, especially for more than a day or two at most. Alex spirals without Henry, because Henry is his safe space and his home, as Alex is for Henry. And he didn’t realise that would hit him so hard, even with his 6 foot boyfriend curled up on his chest, practically inside of his chest cavity.
But he’s definitely not complaining. Alex is the best thing that ever happened to him, Miguel or not, no one will ever get in the way of that.