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The cookie world, as he and many others know it, is fake.
Black Sapphire Cookie has known this for a long time. He can sense the faint but unwavering presence of something greater hovering over, watching. It’s been that way since he was freshly baked. Only later in life did he begin questioning it, and then questioning others, wondering if someone had an answer.
Other cookies, as he came to realize, couldn’t comprehend it, and dismissed him. So, he grew comfortable with the isolation that came with being different. From knowing things no one else could understand.
He enjoyed it. Preferred it, even. When he wasn’t acting or running his radio show, he was there. In the corners of his mind, silently thinking. As if thinking would answer the questions he’s had since he was a young cookie.
He thought he had gotten comfortable with his knowledge. With the loneliness that came with constant isolation. With being just an entertainer, nothing more. Despite how wrong it feels, despite how hollow his life always seems to be.
Meeting Silverbell changed that.
-
Black Sapphire’s first encounter with him is one he remembers clearly. He had teleported to the Faerie Kingdom to spread deceit, though not ordered by Shadow Milk. It was of his own choice, and he did it for fun, to make something of himself wherever he went.
When he first began, everything was going as plan. Sticking to the script, he reminds himself. It’s more of a reminder for his internal actions more than anything. He has to stay out of that dangerous space of speculation while he was performing. He’s mastered the act, though, so it’s not something he focuses on. It isn’t something he should have to focus on.
For hours, he paraded around the Faerie Kingdom, chatting lively with other cookies, telling them lies that would leave them confused and distressed, only for him to disappear on them. Then that cookie would tell their friends, and the cycle would continue. It was a fun job. And Black Sapphire was good at it.
The longer he stayed though, the bigger the pit in his chest began to feel. Nothing felt right. Every conversation he watched, every small interaction. All smiles and waves, nothing more. It was too peaceful. Too predictable. Too fake.
That feeling crept dangerously fast into his consciousness, and Black Sapphire couldn’t stop it. Slowly but surely, he began to panic. It started as shallow, quiet breaths that he couldn’t get enough of. His chest tightened, and he clutched the fabric on his chest.
“Are you alright?” A commoner faerie asked him. He didn’t respond, and in a haze, shoved past them and began frantically looking for an escape. Somewhere away from everyone.
Careful not to make a scene, he retreated into a small, dim area full of slender trees, behind the vendors and peaceful cottage houses.
His heartbeat pounded in his head as he quietly tried to calm his heaving chest. His breath was raspy as he did so. But his mind rang aloud with one question above all else.
What happened?
It might’ve been the simplicity of it all. He usually spends most of his time in the Spire, which is full of chaos and complexity no normal cookie could handle. It was too simple, that’s what. And on top of that, he got in his head at the wrong time. He is fine.
Black Sapphire smooths out his hair and sighs. He’ll have to retreat and come back later, with a different disguise. Today’s show was a disaster, he thinks to himself, frowning.
Suddenly, his thoughts come to a screeching halt. His wings twitch, alerting him, but he already knows.
Another cookie is here with him. And they make that apparent.
“Why have you come here.” The cookie’s voice is firm, yet it’s not exactly what Black Sapphire would call intimidating.
Whoever it was, they were waiting for any sign to strike, any slight show of hostility. He should be, but Black Sapphire isn’t worried. Slowly, he turns to face whoever it is, hands up in a display of innocence.
Ah, he thinks. A silver tree knight. And to accompany him, a polished silver arrow that is incredibly close to making contact with Black Sapphire’s forehead.
The cookie’s face is as stern and unwavering as his hold on their weapon. Black Sapphire studies their face. Soft, with dewy eyes, that of which are a gentle bluish-grey.
“I’m afraid I’m a bit confused.” Black Sapphire speaks, mustering up the best innocent face he could. “Have I done something?”
The cookie’s face remains firm.
“I know who you are.”
Quickly, Black Sapphire looked down, hoping his costume spell was still holding…
…Only to come in contact with his normal clothes. The spell had stopped.
“You work for Shadow Milk Cookie.” The faerie continues. “Do as I say, and I may consider letting you go.”
Black Sapphire says nothing. The cookie’s arrow remains still at his forehead. Surely if he needed to, he could dodge it.
“State your name.”
The purple cookie sees no need to lie. He’s already been caught. His best bet is to feign innocence.
“Black Sapphire Cookie. And yours?”
“You have no right to ask me that, intruder.”
“I don’t see why I should answer any of your questions if you can’t answer the simplest of mine.” He smirks.
The faerie’s frown deepens, but an answer is given. “My name is Silverbell Cookie. Tell me about your mission.”
“Ah, Silverbell,” Black Sapphire remarks. “Has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it? That explains the bells, that’s for sure.”
“Stop stalling.”
“Listen, this is a huge misunderstanding – I should really be leaving.” Black Sapphire tries again.
“You are not to leave until I give you my permission. I am going to ask you again. Tell me about your mission.”
Geez, he sure was uptight.
“It’s obvious,” Black Sapphire brushes non-existent dust off of his tailored suit. Silverbell reacts in record time, his bow following the motion. “I’m here on behalf of my lovely Master Shadow Milk Cookie to spread some lies!” He gives an award-winning smirk. “It’s quite fun, really.”
The faerie’s expression remains unchanged. “I saw you in the marketplace. Your disguise gave out and I was able to locate you.”
Black Sapphire blinks. He’s a bit bored.
“Where is he? He must be here, too.”
“Maybe he is, maybe he’s not. That’s for you to figure out and for me to know!” Black Sapphire speaks theatrically, grinning.
“I can turn you in right now. Tell me the truth.” Silverbell has patience Black Sapphire has only seen from one other cookie. He keeps that in mind to avoid possible danger in the future.
“Fine. Yes, I am here on my own. What’s next?”
“You looked panicked, Black Sapphire Cookie.”
Black Sapphire doesn’t react, but internally he feels his stomach drop.
“I was able to spot you because of it. Shortly after, your disguise gave out.”
“Panicked? Oh, but that was simply another act!” He chuckles, takes a deep breath, then changes his face into something menacing. His pupils grow dangerously sharp, and his voice lowers in tone and volume. A threat. “You’re reading too far into things.”
Silence. The background noise of chatting cookies and the occasional bird call fill the air.
Silverbell speaks.
“How truthful are you being right now?” The question catches Black Sapphire off guard, and for a moment, he stumbles, just long enough for the faerie to notice.
“Do I need to say it again, Silverbell?”
The faerie takes a deep breath, and lowers his weapon.
“I wish to help you, if you are to accept it. So long as you refrain from interacting with any other cookies here. And you must come at night, if at all. I am busy throughout the day with training.”
He doesn’t leave room for Black Sapphire to speak.
“If you choose to, please be discreet. You will surely be locked up if you are not careful.”
Black Sapphire cannot hide his confusion. He wants to ask why. Why a cookie with duties such as Silverbell would even suggest this. The easy option was to just turn him in, or kill him, even! It had to be a trick.
“I need you to leave now. I’ve been away for too long. Other knight will get suspicious.”
Black Sapphire, in his haze of confusion, listened. With a swift circular motion of his staff, he created a portal, which he stepped through, eyeing Silverbell carefully before he did.
-
What just happened?
At the Spire, Black Sapphire lays down in his bed, wide awake.
I wish to help you, if you are to accept it.
The words ring through his head. Maybe he was being honest. The temptation to find out was there, but Black Sapphire fought against it. No. he wouldn’t go.
But perhaps another night.
-
And he does go. After that day, Black Sapphire shows his face in the Faerie Kingdom often. The first night, Silverbell looks surprised, as if he assumed he would never take up his offer. But after that, the first thing that he asks is if he was seen by anyone. And the first thing Black Sapphire does is insist that he wasn’t.
The first few nights are thick with tension. But he continues to visit him. Something, time and time again, makes it so he wants to. Maybe it’s the new routine that’s exciting to him. He’s not exactly sure.
One night, Black Sapphire decides to share a few stories about Shadow Milk and Candy Apple Cookie. Silverbell chuckles as he mimics Candy Apple’s tantrums, and the faerie’s laughter makes his stomach flip.
“You care about them a lot,” Silverbell says softly one night. They are on the small balcony in the faerie’s cottage. Moonlight shines on his face as he looks up to it, expression thoughtful. “Don’t you?”
There is something so gentle and honest about their conversations that leaves Black Sapphire craving more. Occasionally, he wonders whether this is all just a trap, and one day he’ll be captured. But that never happens.
Silverbell asks him one day why he’s still here. With him, and not busy tending to his master’s requests.
“I assumed you’d get tired of it after a while,” Silverbell admits, chuckling softly and rubbing the back of his neck. “But you’re still here.”
Black Sapphire thinks. He has still been doing it for Shadow Milk Cookie, right? No. No, he hasn’t. He stopped thinking about Shadow Milk a while ago. He visits for Silverbell’s company, and that’s not something he can hide from himself. Not when he already knows the truth.
He enjoys his time with the knight. He loves making him laugh, loves talking to him, loves the way his wings flutter gently. He… loves Silverbell.
-
Maybe he would understand. Black Sapphire thinks one day. Maybe he’d get it.
No cookie has ever been able to comprehend the true nature of the cookie world, despite how he explains it. But Silverbell had a chance. So, he tries to put into words the questions that keep him up at night. What he knows but no other cookie can.
Silverbell sits with him, on the edge of the faerie’s bed as he explains. He hasn’t attempted to for years. How ironic, an improv actor not knowing what to say. It’s humiliating, he finds.
After he finishes explaining, he waits. For confusion, for maybe a demeaning look, or a chuckle.
Instead, Silverbell exhales softly, and gives him a small smile, one that isn’t making fun of him. Then, he speaks.
“I think I know what you mean.”
Black Sapphire wants to cry. In relief, because someone finally understands, and in sadness because he’s gone so long without it.
-
The next night is different.
“The stars are supposed to be the most visible tonight,” Silverbell smiles once Black Sapphire arrives. “Would you like to go see them?”
The walk through the forest lasts a few minutes. Despite the darkness, it’s not hard to navigate through the slender trees that tower above. Silverbell seems to know exactly where to go, and eventually they make it to a clearing.
Black Sapphire looks up. The stars flicker gently, and occasionally a shooting star makes its way across the sky.
“Pretty, isn’t it?” Silverbell says, smiling fondly at the sight.
And it was, truly. But Black Sapphire Cookie opts to look Silverbell’s way.
He looks beautiful under the moonlight, Black Sapphire thinks, pupil dilated and softer. He’s not smiling, but his gaze says it all.
It takes a moment for him to realize he’s now being stared back at, with just as much fondness as he was giving Silverbell. His cheeks flush, but he doesn’t look away.
Silverbell takes a small step towards him, and Black Sapphire lets it happen. Pink dusts the faerie’s cheeks as he does so, and slowly, and so very gently, he cups Black Sapphire’s face with one hand. And Black Sapphire melts into it. He was so warm.
“Black Sapphire…” Silverbell mutters, eyes full of all the love in the world.
Black Sapphire’s breath hitches. They’re so close. He could just lean in…
Then something in Black Sapphire’s brain switches. He’s gotten in too deep. Has he forgotten?
His dilated pupils shrink into venomous, scared slits, and he takes a sharp step back, roughly showing Silverbell away in the process.
He tries to look past how clear the hurt is in Silverbell’s eyes, but he can’t find the strength within himself to look away. He tries to ignore how he himself too, feels heartbroken. It doesn’t matter what he does. What he feels.
“This doesn’t matter. Witches, Silverbell! I can’t – I can’t do this. This,” he gestures wildly to both of them, “is all just another command! None of it is real, none of it.”
Made only to entertain…
“And – get this – I don’t even know if I can think for myself! How funny is that?”
His hands run roughly through his hair. He can’t breathe. The world around him is a blur as he spirals into his mind. This hasn’t happened since -
“Black Sapphire Cookie.”
His wrists are being grabbed, firm yet gentle in the most impossible way. Slowly, his hands are removed from his face.
He stills, and with a still heaving chest, drags his wary eyes back towards Silverbell Cookie. Then, the question comes.
“Does it feel real? To you?” Silverbell’s soft voice is gentler than it usually is.
“Oh, does it feel real? To me?” Black Sapphire gives a short, bitter laugh, and harshly yanks his wrists out of the other cookie’s grip. “I’ll get back to you once I figure out if anything I feel is real.”
Silverbell frowns, but it’s more sympathetic than anything.
“But perhaps… you, have the answer?” Black Sapphire’s smooth voice gives out at the end to desperation. He looks distressed. Pleading. And a small part of him really hopes that Silverbell does. That someone does. So that he can stop living in this constant state of speculation.
The silence is heavy, and painfully long. It feels like an eternity before Silverbell speaks again.
“I don’t know.” It’s the honest truth. Black Sapphire’s breath catches. He continues.
“We… don’t know. I don’t think we ever truly will. But you can’t just live in this space of existentialism. Worrying will only make things worse.”
Black Sapphire swallows hard. He doesn’t answer. Silverbell seems to understand.
“Would you like to sit down?”
Only then does Black Sapphire recognize how weak he feels. He obliges, albeit reluctantly, and lowers himself to the grass, with Silverbell following suit.
The night is still and peaceful. Crickets chirp in the background. The moon shines bright above them. Together the two sit in silence, watching the stars twinkle.
Silverbell’s face gains a small smile. “I think it’s kind of beautiful, you know. Not knowing.” He chuckles to himself. “Predictability is never fun for long.”
Black Sapphire has worked with the unpredictable his whole life. The unknown. It’s part of his job as a deceit minion. So, what feels so different about this?
Silverbell speaks again.
“When I’m with you… I feel good.” The faerie blushes, looking away as he speaks, his soft smile still visible. “I enjoy talking to you, being with you. That’s what I think about.”
Silverbell rests his hand on top of Black Sapphire’s. Black Sapphire stills. He still isn’t used to comfort from anyone but himself, but he could get used to it coming from Silverbell.
The warmth he feels doesn’t last long, and before he can stop it the thoughts are back. “But I’ll never know if what I feel even matters. I’ll –” His voice breaks, and tears form in his eyes and run down his face. Though it helps very little, he hugs his knees to his chest.
“It’s alright, Black Sapphire. Can you breathe for me?”
Black Sapphire tries to calm his breathing. After a few minutes, his heart rate is still a bit elevated, but way better than it was before.
He looks over to Silverbell, who tilts his head and gently smiles, inviting him in. And that’s all it takes for Black Sapphire to move. He needs his warmth so badly. He crawls over onto the faerie’s lap and wraps his legs around his waist, and rests his head in the crook of his neck. Silverbell reciprocates and hugs him closer, rubbing his back in a soothing motion.
He didn’t realize how tired he was until then. It must’ve been the adrenaline of having a panic attack.
He instinctively tries to go back into that space of fear. Of speculation. But he finds it impossible to think about anything at all except for Silverbell.
It doesn’t take him long to fall asleep. But right before he does, he feels a soft pressure on the top of his head. It lasts for only a second, but he knows what it is. Black Sapphire smiles softly.