Chapter Text
Tango: “I have a severe case of over complicating things.”
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Grain: “Since hair grows isn't it alive?”
Pearl: “No its dead, Its like the poop of your head”
Grian: *stifles laugh*
Pearl: “Wait no—”
Grian: “TOO LATE BWAHAHH”
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Gem: “You should boil him”
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Lizzie: “I thought it was a crack but it was cat fur! I just drank cat fur!”
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Pearl: “Last resort just peck them in the face”
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Grian: “AH! Where'd that come from?!” [In regards to the sun]
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On school bus. Grian pulls out seatbelt and it stops. Several times. Gem pull out seatbelt. Its fine. This repeats. Gem broke Grian.
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Gem: “I have a depressing lack of knifeage”
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Grian: “DONT LOOK UPON IT! ITS HIM WEARING A SHIRT BUT NOT WEARING A SHIRT”
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Grian: “You dont wear a shirt at home! Thats horrible!”
Scar: “Its not a war crime!”
Grian, Jimmy: “YES IT IS!!”
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Joel: “Cool one or lame one?” {talking about a dance}
Jimmy: “Cool one obviously”
Joel: “So mine.”
Jimmy: “So you are a narcissist”
Etho: “Yeah he is” Bdubs: “Yeah” (same time)
Joel: “NO”
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Pearl: “Are we going to do a third so its an even three?”
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Pearl: “Theres water on my foot”
Gem: “Just lick it”
Pearl: “IT'S ON MY FOOT?!?!”
Gem: “WELL I’M NOT GOING TO LICK IT???”
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Grian: “Whats a pangea?”
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Joel: “Are you impersonating my stomach?”
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Tango: “It bothers me ok?”
Impulse: “... and so you eat your necklace?”
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Scar: "Is my backpack a purse now since I have to carry it without the straps?"
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Gem: "I can beat the child."
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Cleo: "I would beat the child."
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Scar: "but we're not in crisis anymore so-"
Bdubs: " what about California?"
Scar: "California is always in crisis; so it doesn't count"
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Etho: "Oh i'm kneeling like a normal person"
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Impulse: "He's 7 years younger than me, he would've been [4]0 this Friday."
Grian: "So you're [5]3?"
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Grian: “You’re not a dumb straight blonde, You’re a dumbi blonde”
Gem(pretend shes blonde just for this): “I’m going to kill you”
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Gem: “Im going to kick you off a cliff”
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Tango: “I need to be drugged” (talking about sleep)
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Etho: “At this point I’ma just chug a bottle of NyQuil”
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Skizz: “Then you haven’t sat in the rain long enough”
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Cleo: “Im so hungry I could eat Bdubs”
Bdubs (my friend who’s 4’9(144.8 cm)): “sorry what?”
Cleo (licks lips): “yum”
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Gem: “Violence is not the answer”
Pearl: “But Ge—“
Gem: “It is the question and the answer in always yes where is he”
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Scar: “What if I did a arson”
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Cleo: I never wanted one son. Or two sons
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Impulse: “When did I become a lawyer?”
Grian: “Right now now hurry up”
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Gem: “As one of the 5 people in existence who has not seen stranger things; respectfully, shut up”
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Gem: “How have you not seen any of the Herbie movies?”
Skizz: “How have you not seen Jurassic Park? Or Kung fu panda? Or the live action Grinch? Or the Lion king? Or—“
Gem: “Ok, ok, you can stop now.”
“Have you seen Zorro at least?”
Skizz: “WTF’S ZORRO?”
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Scar: “Why don’t you be a tractor?”
Grian: “I don’t know man i forgot”
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Grian: “It’s so annoying it happens to me three times a day!”
Impulse: “but you’re not driving the car 3 times a day?”
Grian: “Yes but it still happens three times because I remember it happening everyday!”
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Pearl: “I have to make a resume in 24 hours and be graded on it. Please help me.”
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Gem: “When I’m eighteen I’ll have ten years of work experience babysitting.”
Skizz: “How???”
Gem: “Some lady trusted an eight year old to watch her 2 and 4 year old.
I mean, the didn’t die, Inwas so good she called be back several times.”
Impulse: “How is that legal??”
Gem: *shrugs*
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Tango: “If it can’t be fixed with duct tape it’s too broke.”
*under breath and barely audible* “just like me”
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Gem: “I’m trying to make a resume but my only real work experience is helping an old lady do things around the house.”
Pearl: “Girl you’re 16. How?”
Gem: “Does babysitting count? Can I add that? Ive been doing it since I was eight surely that counts”
Pearl “what the actual frick frack”
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Lizzie: “I’m going to murder the child”
Cleo: “Woah, woah, woah, back it up. That’s not your line what the heck”
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Scar: “Awww it’s cute! It almost died but it’s cute, cute lil rabbit dude”
Cleo: “are you sure it’s not dead”
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Scar: “What if it’s medicinal arson?”
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Tango: “AHHH!”
“Don’t do that! You nightmared me!”
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Gem: “Sleeping on the floors not that bad,”
Impulse: “what doo you mean? It sucks!”
Gem: “not really. I would sleep on the floor all the time at hotels.”
Skizz: “what”
Impulse: “explain, now.”
Gem: “well there are six people in my family, right? So there aren’t reasonablely proced rooms for six people. Instead we would get a room with two beds. Mom and Dad would take one bed, and the 3 of my brothers would take the other. I would normally sleep either in the closet or just in front of the window. But mostly the closet. The floor is fine.”
Skizz: “Stop it you’re making me sad”
Gem: “I think the only time I slept on a bed was that one time when we moved but the house wasn’t ready yet so we stayed in a hotel with two beds and a couch bed. Mom and Dad got a bed, the middles shared the couch bed, and the youngest and I shared the other bed.”
Skizz: “that is depressing”
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Impulse: “with us there were five kids so we would all just sardine into one bed while our Mom and Dad shared the other.”
Skizz: “sometimes I would intrude into Mom and Dads and sleep with them.”
Gem: “and you said mine was bad”
Imp & Skizz: “lt is!”
Impulse: “your’s is arguably worse!”
Skizz: “You slept on the floor!”
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Cleo: “Can someone without a degree tell me what a eloquence is”
“Without using ChatGPT”
Ren: “I'm not using ChatGPT! I'm asking my friend Webster!”
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Child: But those are for kids!
Cleo: It’s a good thing you’re kids then!
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Tango: “They drugged me” (talking about getting blood work/shots)
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Gem: “As a Soprano I can confirm breathing is a myth”
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Scar: “I feel like an old man”
Grian: “You’re not old! You’re 16!”
Scar: “Thats why I said i feel old because my knees are rioting when I stand for longer that 5 minutes”
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Scott: “It’s not crazy it’s from Scotland!”
Joel: “Thats the same thing”
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Tango: “At that point just smoke the melatonin”