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He felt so nauseous as he awoke from his restless sleep.
Sonic clutched his head as he felt another painful cramp in his stomach. It had been days. Days since what? He didn’t want to think about it. But he was fine. Yeah, completely and totally sane. He was in fact not being dragged down everyday by the utter guilt and misery of losing someone he totally could have saved if had just been strong enough. BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE INSANE.
There was a shuffle next to him. Tails.
“Sonic?” His voice was quiet. Partially from sleepiness, partially from the other person in the room. Knuckles was still fast asleep, snoring as loud as a running 18-wheeler.
“Hey, Tails. I’m sorry, did I wake you?” He mumbled nervously, still clutching his stomach.
“It’s fine. Why are you awake? Are…are you okay?” The young fox reached out towards his brother, but Sonic quickly flinched away. “I’m fine. Just…cramps.” The azure hedgehog mumbled, hoping that he could just cover up his strange behavior as hormones or some shit. They probably wouldn’t buy it, he was a terrible liar, but maybe it would throw them off his scent for a little.
Tails continued to stare at Sonic as pulled his hand back. He definitely was suspicious of Sonic’s excuse but the yellow fox wouldn’t really understand anyway. “Alright…but, remember, you can talk to me, or Tom or Maddie about anything?” He murmured, laying back against his pillow.
“Yeah, I know. Sleep tight, Tails…”
Sonic waited for a few minutes until he was about 85% sure that Tails was actually asleep. He could never really tell, the fox slept like a dead man. He slipped out of bed, tucking some pillows under his covers to look like he had never left. Classic trick, even if it almost never worked.
He couldn’t sneak downstairs, too risky. Recently, he’d just been sneaking out through the window in his and his brothers’ shared room.
The azure hedgehog stood on top of his bed, as quietly as he could, and began to push the window open. He could feel another cramp in his lower abdomen, a sharp sting of hunger.
‘No. Not right now.’ He thought to himself, as he began to climb out the window. He managed to successfully climb onto the roof without disturbing anyone. The roof shingles creaked under his feet, he hadn’t even bothered to put his shoes on. He could barely run by now anyway.
He curled up and jumped from the roof. He had some energy from his attempt at sleeping, he could at least take a quick run. Just for some air, he told himself.
He stretched and crouched onto the ground. Just like that, he dashed off into the woods surrounding his family’s home. He dashed through the forest, feeling the burning in his legs as he dodged trees and rocks that were in the way.
Just as he was about to reach the edge of the forest where the tree line met the town, another sharp pain of hunger struck Sonic. Another wave of nausea.
His legs felt like jelly in a moment and he immediately collapsed, his weak body sliding several feet ahead of where he had stopped. He curled up, clutching his stomach with a pitiful whine. He felt so pathetic for what he was doing for himself. But it was what he deserved. It was all he knew what to do.
Sonic felt so lost. Even as he could hear the faint buzzing of the nearby town, despite the early morning.
Truthfully, the hedgehog had been starving himself for weeks. He couldn’t even bother to eat any chili dogs.
He didn’t know when he started doing it. Maybe it was instinct. After Longclaw’s death, he didn’t know how to survive on his own. He had starved for months, he was weaker because of it.
He had starved because he wasn’t strong enough. He was alone and starving because he lost Longclaw. He lost Longclaw because he was stupid and careless.
Now…his instinct told him to starve because he lost Shadow. He starved because he almost lost Tom. Because he abandoned his brothers.
He wasn’t strong enough.
He was still that stupid, lost, starving, little hedgehog that lost Longclaw.
He wasn’t enough…
Sonic curled up on the ground, a mix of dirt, grass, and other pieces of local foliage sticking into his quills. He couldn’t bear it anymore. Tears spilled down his cheeks, clumping in the fur of his muzzle. He tried to be quiet, he really did, but he was such a fucking mess. He hiccuped and sobbed, clutching his head. He felt like he was slowly going crazy. He knew what he was doing was stupid and pathetic, but he didn’t know what else to do.
It took a while to calm himself. All he could think about was how he had failed everyone. His family, his friends…Shadow. He felt a sting of heartbreak just thinking about the other hedgehog. After their conversation on the moon, he really felt like he had met someone who was just like him.
Just as he was recovering from his loss of Longclaw and then Shadow appeared. They fought, argued, then Shadow ripped his heart out and left him…forever.
Sonic finally managed to catch him sobbing breaths. He slowly sat up, still feeling all the pain of hunger and heartbreak from his breakdown. He managed to shuffle to his feet. He was too weak to continue running - but the sun was starting to rise again.
He began to walk back in the direction of his family’s home. Still clutching his hunger-pained stomach.