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[Writer 1]
Ugh, this is kind of bothering me…
How this little friend outing is already going aaaalll wrong.
It would seem like we will have to wait a while for that guy, Kazuichi, to calm down. It seems like Peko's driving triggered his motion sickness.
Great, just great. I just wanted to go out with my friends on a flight! For frick's sake, WE'RE GOING TO MALDIVES! HOW HARD IS IT TO NOT GET SICK???
The good thing is that Hajime is doing something good for once and comforting the guy… He told me that he's getting better, so that's good… In a weird manner, I feel kind of bad, but maybe this feeling just originates from the fact he looks kind of pathetic.
— “Don’t get so angry, Natsuki… We enter our flight in an hour, so there's still time.”, that was what Neru told me. She was the sweetest… I look up to her in a way. I mean, that's what girlfriends are about, right?
— “Indeed.” Peko nodded, “Additionally, Hajime will help him if anything happens during the flight. He is quite good at that, so I suppose there won't be any worries during that.”
— “Hm… Y…Yeah…” I looked away from them both, staring at the strawberry cake Neru had bought me. “Ugh… Okay… Maybe you two are right…”
It did feel quite irritating that they probably thought I was angry at them. I was obviously just annoyed that we could lose our airplane trip!! Come on!! Maldives!!! Everyone wants to go there!!! Obviously, I would—
— “Wow..!!”
Hm? That voice was quite familiar. Definitely not Hajime's, though. His was kind of less hoarse than that, and I don't think Kazuichi would be willing to talk after being that nauseous. So whose was it?
I looked up to the person— actually, people, who approached us…
…Rui Kamishiro, and Nagito Komaeda.
[Writer 2]
I sighed and looked away at them hoping that neither of them saw me when someone ran up to me. It was none other than the… Pillsbury Doughboy?! What the hell was that thing doing here?! It ran up to me on its little legs and started jumping.
“What do you want?” I said looking down at it and sighing
“Hee-hee hoo hee hoo!” It giggled up at me
“You’re so annoying.” I said bluntly while it danced around in a circle throwing pastries at everyone
I sighed at it and turned away to go find the others when it threw a strawberry toaster strudel at my head. I turned around and glared at it when I saw Nagito staring right at it.
“It's so beautiful.. full of that hope in its tiny body..” He said admiring the Pillsbury Doughboy
“Cut it out creep!” I yelled, picking up one of the pastries the Doughboy threw and throwing it at Nagito. It got all over him and all he did was laugh?!
[Writer 3]
Nagito smirked and scooped up Doughboy’s soft body into his arms. He then started running around in circles, holding the small man above his head. “Hoo-hoo!” yelled Poppin Fresh, as Nagito laughed maniacally. It was hard to believe that this wasn’t some crazy dream. I kept throwing croissants and biscuits at the crazy pair. “If you keep running around like a maniac,” I started to yell at them, “then the plane staff is going to punish you! Just sit down and stop tormenting the dumb Doughboy!”
Almost as if I had summoned him, a short, red-haired man came out from the reception office. He was wearing a flight attendant’s uniform. As he looked at the scene in front of him, his face turned as red as his hair.
Suddenly, he let out a booming command. “DEUCE! STOP THOSE RAPSCALLIONS!”
Another slightly taller man walked out of the office. He lifted his hand, and seemed to be holding a pen, but after he completed the motion a giant cauldron appeared above Nagito and Poppin Fresh. “OooOooooOooo!!” yelled the Doughboy as his squishy body was crushed by the giant cauldron.
“Now,” commanded the short red man, “Explain to me what is going on out here!”
I started to explain, ashamed that I was a part of the group that was being yelled at. I tried to frame the situation so I wouldn’t be blamed for all the pastry guys on the floor.
“That sociopathic creep over there started harassing the Doughboy, so I started throwing pastries at him to get him to stop, and then he picked up Doughy and ran around the whole airport with him, and the pastries started going everywhere, and then I told them to stop because they were breaking airport rules and being idiots, and then you showed up, and then Bluey summoned a literal freaking cauldron I guess, and now we’re here!!”
“Is that so?!” Somehow, the shorty’s face became even redder. “Well in that case… OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!”
In the blink of an eye, Nagito’s once well-attached head began rolling loosely on the floor. There was no blood or anything, the head and the body just stopped being connected. Why was this whole airport full of freaks?!
“Nagito Komadea, you have hereby been decapitated for breaking Airport Rule Number 278: ‘No frolicking whilst holding a pastry’!”
“Oh wow!” said Nagito excitedly, “I’ve never been decapitated before! This is fun!”
Wait.
What.
How was a disembodied head talking?!
The Pillsbury Doughboy gave voice to my confusion. “HooOoow is NagitoooOoOOo still alive?”
The blue boy, I guess his name was Deuce (at least that’s what the red guy had said), gave an explanation. “He hasn’t actually been decapitated, Riddle just took his head off his body.”
“Yeah, but how the heck does that work!?” I shouted. “And how did you just spawn a literal cauldron?”
“We used magic? What kind of question is that?” I stared in disbelief at Deuce’s dismissal of my question, so naturally I kept asking more. “So you’re just telling me that magic is real, and that multiple of the airport employees just HAVE magic, and I’m just supposed to believe you, no questions asked?”
“I mean… yeah.”
“WOW! SOOOOO HELPFUL!” I said sarcastically. Honestly, I was getting really sick of this whole airport experience. When was my flight even going to arrive?
“Not so fast, miss!” I heard the commanding tone of the red man, was his name Puzzle? Wrinkle? Maybe Riddle? Something stupid like that. Anyway, I turned around to face him. “What?!” I asked him frustratedly.
“You aren’t in the clear either! You have very clearly broken Airport Rule Number 74: ‘No food fights after 4:00!’ What do you have to say for yourself?!”
Uh oh. As much as Nagito seemed to enjoy it, I’d much prefer not to get decapitated. So I tried to explain myself. “Well, Mr. Riddle sir, I only started the food fight because Nagito was breaking the rule you had previously stated, and I was trying to stop him!”
“Hmmm… Well, if you were so familiar with our rules, then you would have known NOT to start a food fight! OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!”
“No!” I yelled. In an act of pure self preservation, I threw Nagito’s decapitated head at Riddle as Nagito himself screamed “YOU JUST GOT COCONUT MALL BY NAGITO KOMAEDA!” God, the things I do to avoid decapitation. But I’m a terrible shot, and the head went flying over Riddle’s and Deuce’s heads before colliding with the face of…
William Shakespeare?! Yes, that was THE William Shakespeare who Nagito’s disembodied head had just flown into. Shakespeare asked a question in verse, “Why hath this flying head doth kissed mine lips?”
I really needed my plane to arrive already.
[Writer 1]
…I swear I only looked away for less than a MINUTE, but— but Shakespear and Nagito… merged??? And… And why is his face a pear that looks like Teto…???
— “Pray, forgive the consternation this has caused, for it appears my true persona, Pearto, turns out revealed to the public…!”
…P…Pearto?! The super famous pear that merged with Teto… and that is also immortal…!?
— “Furthermore, it would seem like I became one with who turns out to be my true amour: Nagito Komaeda”
— “D…Dude! What the hell is wrong with—”
I got too caught up with whatever bullshit was going on with Shakespeare and Nagito, and almost forgot about that kid, Riddle literally wanting to decapitate me!
— “That was a nice try, I must say. However, taking your petite stature and weak looking arms, it is obvious you would miss that.” He said, with that utterly grotesque, extremely sickening, british accent. What a fricking hypocrite! YOU'RE SHORTER THAN ME!!
— “Wh… Huh!?” Of course, I wanted to get back at him: yell, insult, fight… But I kind of stood there, stuttering. I mean, the things surrounding me were very weird… but me dying? This young!? “Y…You—”
— “My apologies for this, my dear. However, the breaking of any rule, especially airport rules 60–76, is utterly unacceptable! OFF WITH YOU HEAD, I GO!”
I'm not sure what I expected at that point. I mean, I knew I was glancing around for some sort of thing I could throw at that british maniac…! I almost felt… hopeless.
And… unexpectedly…
I heard something. A voice. Whoever it was, they ran towards me and him, just as Riddle was ready to do it, with that sharp blade… They pointed and yelled the following words:
— “HOLD IT!”
Riddle looked behind himself, curious as to what that was about. Could it be…!?
Was that…
WAS THAT PHOENIX WRIGHT, THE WELL-KNOWN ACE DEFENSE ATTORNEY…!?
— “My apologies? Can you not see that I am occupied with a decapita—”
— “Decapitating Natsuki in specific would be invalid because there is a contradiction involving rulebreakers of rule 74 and 129!”
Huh!?
Okay… Now WHAT was going on…?? What is Wright even doing here?
Some of the people nearby, like Shakespeare-Nagito-Pear-Teto (Jesus Christ… What the hell…), Deuce, and the Dough boy gathered around Phoenix. Surprisingly, that also managed to distract Riddle, whose curiosity got piqued at such a bold claim.
— “...A contradiction, you say…? Há…! Impossible!”, he scoffed, “Show me your evidence!”
— “That won’t be too hard, you see…” The lawyer pulled out a notepad and a pen. With that, I saw a chance to run away from Riddle: just in case whatever Phoenix was trying to do failed and my inevitable execution came up.
Aaand, like that, I quietly went away. Honestly, it was easier than I thought. I was specifically looking for Neru… I just want to relax with her on our trip…!
The interesting thing is that she found me first, hugging me from behind and getting a hold of my wrist.
— “H…Hey babe!! Uhh… Our flight is in like… twenty or fifteen minutes… Rui convinced the pilot to make it earlier.”
— “W— Wait!!! Rui!?” Did I hear that right…!? “You mean the guy who is very likely to BOMB this plane with Nagito…!?”
— “...Yup.” She kept her hands on my wrist, doing something on her phone with the other. “We bribed him to not bomb the plane, but instead, the airport.”
…And almost as if he timed it, THE AIRPORT'S CAFETERIA EXPLODED. I looked behind myself to see Phoenix Wright and Riddle not really caring about that just happening: still talking about that contradiction in the rules…
[Writer 2]
“You BRIBED HIM?! To BOMB us?!” Neru kept typing something on her phone, not really responding me
“Neru? What are you doing?” I said raising an eyebrow at her
“Nothing nothing, just updating my blog.” She said squeezing my wrist reassuringly
“Oh right. Well cmon we’re gonna be late for our flight!” I said running to the gates
“Oh yeah that! Cmon before that British kid makes off with our heads!” She said giving my cheek a quick kiss then running with me
Little did we know waiting for us at the gates was none other than.. Airi Momoi?! I looked at her wide eyed before she grabbed me and Neru yelling,
“もっともっとジャンプ！もっともっとジャンプ！” She yelled in a language I don’t think I could identify.
“Huh? What are you saying?! We gotta catch our flight let go!” I said, struggling against her grip.
“もっともっと!” Airi yelled, dragging us to a big idol-like stage decorated in clovers with other girls standing on it.
Me and Neru stood on the stage with the other girls not quite sure what to do but then they started dancing and we tried to keep up as much as possible.
[Writer 3]
Neru was an incredible performer. She could sing, she could dance, she could do anything, I would imagine. I, on the other hand, sucked. It felt like my limbs stopped being able to move normally as soon as I hit the stage, and I nearly fell on my face multiple times. Thankfully, I at least knew the song the girls were singing. We all cried out “YAHOOOO!” in unison, and then continued singing Neige LeBlanche’s anthem.
After we finished the song, the whole waiting area of the plane jumped up and down for joy. Even Riddle looked happy, despite multiple Airport Rules being broken. I’d never felt happier while inside an airport. Then suddenly, Neru ran up to me from across the stage and wrapped her arms around me. I think I turned redder than Riddle’s hair. I’d never admit that, though.
“G-get off of me, Neru!”
“No way! You were amazing!!”
All of a sudden, all of More More Jump were giving me a giant group hug. And also Rui Kamishiro. I felt a quiet kiss on my cheek, and there was Neru, smiling and blushing. She looked even prettier than she did in her amazing performance.
But good, happy moments always come to an end. The end of this particular moment involved a GIANT SPACE SHIP CRASHING THROUGH THE ROOF OF THE AIRPORT.
Two people stepped out of the roof of the rocket. Like this was just a normal, everyday occurrence. There was a guy in a teal suit of armor, who held some sort of futuristic laser sword. Behind him stood a very attractive girl in a school uniform. I caught her eye, and her glare seemed to stare into my soul.
“Greetings, losers of the past!” said the guy in the armor. “I am Agent Lavernius Tucker of the Blue Team! Well, really, there are no teams, and the cosmos are going to explode, but anyway! This chick I’m traveling with is Elsa Tsukasa!”
“Eva Tsunaka. Get it right, Tucker, otherwise I’m not going to assist you.”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever lady. So yeah, I’m from the future, and we accidentally traveled here, and now our spaceship is broken. Oh and Eva is here because she dies in her timeline and I just so happened to accidentally time travel to her execution. Bow-chicka-bow-wow!”
What the hell was happening. What the HELL. Was HAPPENING?! First a decapitation, then a fusion, then a whole idol concert, and now there’s people from different dimensions talking about how they got executed?!
The captain of the plane I was supposed to be on by now walked up to the mysterious duo. The Pillsbury Doughboy followed after him; I’m sure he was curious about the situation. “OooOOooooOoo?” said Poppin Fresh. Yup, he was definitely curious.
“Why did you crash through the roof of my airport?!” shouted Zé Gotinha to Tucker. “You could have just parked in the plane landing area!”
“Well, you see, it’s very difficult to operate a time-traveling spacecraft while you’re pregnant with your second child.” HUH?!? Not only was this guy from the future, but he was pregnant? With a SECOND child??
“Oh congrats!” said Zé Gotinha. He seemed to have forgotten the hole in the roof and was now just excited about this freak of nature. “Don’t forget to vaccinate your baby when they’re ready!”
“I wish I was pregnant,” said the Dougboy.
Zé Gotinha looked over at Pillsbury, and Pillsbury looked back, and all of a sudden I felt very uncomfortable listening in on this conversation.
Tucker cleared his throat in an attempt to dispel the sexual tension. “Well you see, the baby is why I’m traveling through time. I’m ok with my one kid, I don’t want or need two, so I’m trying to go back in time to stop myself from getting impregnated.”
Eva chimed in, saying “Yeah, and I’m helping him with the calculations of when he needs to go.” Nagito, or should I call him Pearto? Or Shakespeare? I don’t even know. But that amalgamation of horrors interrupted the conversation. “Can’t you just get an abortion?”
Tucker simply replied, “Abortions don’t work on aliens.”
[Writer 1]
Well… That sure is a pretty interesting thing to discover about extraterrestrial beings. I wonder what even is the biology behind that anyway…
Wait, why am I even questioning how aliens even work…? This makes no sense whatsoever. I should be worried about entering my flight… These people are kind of on the way for this to happen. Aren’t there supposed to be other people wanting to board, too?
— “I mean, I guess it is a shame that you don't want another child or something—” Neru spoke up, then showed them her phone, since our tickets to board the plane were bought on-line. “—but we kind of have a plane to board, and don't reaaaally have the time to solve your familiar drama or something.
— “I agree. In fact, there are other people who would like to board as well.” Rui pointed with his fingers to behind himself, and for certain, there was this… discreet man, who wore a huge hat, an overcoat, and a pretty fancy clock. I don't really like clocks, but holy heck! That was one beautiful clock.
It would seem like the guy was attempting to get debris from the fallen ceiling off his clock… he seemed very concentrated on that.
— “Excuse me sir…” Peko tilted her head in an attempt to get a glimpse of his face, interested to get an opinion on… the alien matter going on. “Would you mind if—”
And like that, the man looked up at her, revealing a little of his face. I was shocked to see that… that guy was blue…!
— “W…Woah! What— Why are you blue!?”
— “Uh… Kaz… You can not ask someone why they're blue. This is like asking a black person why they're black.” Hajime corrected him, keeping calm despite the weird circumstances.
— “Have you EVER met a blue person before!?? What the fuck!!” The mechanic yelled, in his usual exaggerated manner.
— “Could this be that blue transgender lady I heard some people talk about…?”, Neru inquired. Was she serious?! What blue trans lady?
— “Do not be ridiculous.” Eva sighed, looking away. “It is utterly foolish to think that is human. Do none of you not see the unremarkably huge forehead this person has?”
Oh… Now that she brought it up, this guy does have a huge forehead. Maybe that is just a result from very fricked up genetics…? Or…
— “YOUUUU!!!”
!?
— “IT WAS HIM!!! HIM!!!! HIM I SAY, THIS MAN WAS THE ONE TO IMPREGNATE ME!”
In a very desperate and overly dramatic manner, Tucker yelled at the blue stranger, claiming that whoever this was, was the father of his child.
— “Oh…. Fuck.”
— “YOU WILL NOT GET AWAY WITH THIS ONE, MEGAMIND!!!”
And like that, Megamind— Or… Or something— started running away, all while throwing away his clock all together. Eva and Tucker ran after him as well. I was kind of confused as to why they were going after him at full speed, considering how one of them was pregnant… But Tucker did not want that thing anyway, so I guess…?
“...”
A silence struck us all. We were kind of weirded out and just stared at the scene unfolding.
…I still took advantage of that chaos to pick up Megamind’s charming clock. It's not my fault it got broken and he threw it away…
— “Isn't Megamind a super villainous alien or something…?” Rui turned to us, trying to figure the whole situation out.
— “Shut up Rui.” I told him. Well. We're free to board the plane now… But the biggest amount of my worries is if that weird, Nagito fusion thing still has his luck…
[Writer 2]
Once they got on the plane everybody started partying and celebrating finally getting on the plane. More More Jump performed a show on the plane and everything seemed happy
Unfortunately Nagito still had his damned luck.
The plane crashed right before landing. Everyone died but one. The goat. Peko Pekoyama. She walked out of the plane casually with a drink in one hand.
“Hmm, that was indeed a disaster.” She said, nonchalantly walking out of the wreck kicking some of the parts.
“Hee-hee hoo hee hoo” Came a yell from the distance from a little dancing figure known as the Pillsbury Doughboy.
Peko sighed and scooped up the doughboy as they walked away from the wreck.
Peko took the doughboy and spun around with him for a bit, then went on to find their luggage. Peko picked up the doughboys luggage when suddenly out of no where they were hit by a carriage with two horses.
When they woke up they were in a strange room with a mirror and a bunch of students looking at them.
[Writer 3]
“OooOoOOooOo?” asked Poppin Fresh. Peko wasn’t sure what was happening either. She had been in the wreckage of the airport just a moment ago! What was happening?!
Suddenly, a man in the most crow-themed outfit imaginable walked up to the confused pair. “Why hello there! Oh my, this is quite strange! Not only has the Magic Mirror brought a girl to our boys academy, but you have also brought a familiar with you. How strange indeed! Now, tell me Miss, what is your name?”
“Uhh. I’m Peko Pekoyama. And this guy isn’t my familiar, it’s the Pillsbury Doughboy, Poppin Fresh.”
“What!? Who’s Poppin Fresh?!” Peko looked down at where the Doughboy once sat next to her, and saw instead a strange cat-like creature with flaming blue ears. “I’m Grim!! The greatest sorcerer there ever was or will be!”
Peko thought the same thing that she had many times that day: WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL IS HAPPENING. She was supposed to be on a plane, a SAFE plane, to Maldives with her friends! Now, everyone she knew was either dead, fused together with mysterious creatures and dead, or turned into a cat monster?!
“WHERE AM I?!?!?!” screamed Peko.
“Oh my, oh dear, oh golly gee,” said the crow man. He seemed to be in charge, but even he didn’t know what was happening. “You are at Night Raven College, but it appears that you aren’t supposed to be. I’m Headmaster Crowley. But goshes me, I don’t know why you’re here! Hmm… go ask the magic mirror for answers! Yes yes, how smart of me!”
Peko fearfully walked up to the glowing green mirror. Then suddenly, a face appeared in the glass. “Peko Pekoyama. You have been summoned here because in this universe, the protagonist of Twisted Wonderland died of lung cancer because he was addicted to cigs. You are now the sad, lonely, magicless protagonist. Good luck!”
“Well?” said Crowley. “What did the mirror say?”
“Uhhh… it said that I had to stay here, even though I don’t have magic.
And so, Peko Pekoyama did the entire plot of Twisted Wonderland. Then she got addicted to cigs and died of lung cancer.
Fin!