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Katie had been described as a lot of things in her life. Brave was not one of them, or, at least, it hadn’t been until a princess came crashing into her life, gown trailing in the dirt but eyes alight with a sort of fire that made it hard to take anything she said as anything but the plainest truth, made it hard to brush her off when she leaned in close and called Katie brave.
Her knight, Apo, was more reserved, but, between all the exhaustion and protectiveness, she’d called her Katie the Brave, said that she was courageous enough to be a knight.
Cherri had said that she was braver than Apo, which she didn’t really believe, because the more she got to know the other knight, the more inadequate she felt in comparison, but someone of Apo’s caliber coming to mind at the thought of Katie- well, maybe, in some, small way, they couldn’t both be wrong about her.
And, maybe, on some level, when they looked at her like that, she felt something settling in her, saying that she had something to be brave for. She had the kingdom, of course, and she still cared about it so much, but in that moment, she had someone to fight for, someone who could call her their knight.
And, in that, her mind shifted. Even once the official banner of the kingdom had been placed in its new king’s hands, it was when Cherri told her to do things, when Apo offered her corrections and requests, that she found herself springing into action.
It was when either of them called her brave that she finally felt like she might be, if only because she didn’t want to see the fire in Cherri’s eyes go out and the calm certainty Apo regarded her with to shutter.
So, she could be brave for them, if they’d only keep believing in her.
–
“It's imperative we ensure the enemy doesn't make it inside,” Despite Cam theoretically being in charge, he'd delegated the majority of their battle plans to Cherri, who seemed rather comfortable with them, in her element as she gestured across the small map they'd gotten together of the kingdom, “If they breach our walls, then the kingdom will be lost.” There was something dark in her eyes when she said that. “So, above all else, prevent that. But, here's what we're going to do.”
–
Katie had been directed to a position a bit away from everyone else. She'd protested, initially, that she could be as strong and brave as anyone else, she didn't need to be kept away from combat.
Apo had been the one to explain that common tactics included dodging around whatever defenses someone had simply by going around it, and that someone needed to prevent that.
Cherri and them had shared a look at that, something long and full of the sort of understanding Katie was sure they'd built up over years, for how they seemed to understand each other.
So, she'd gone to the more remote location, and waited. An hour of silence, trepidation crawling down her spine, the fear of what the others could be facing crawling throughout her treacherously, though the fear of betraying her lady's- and her kingdom's- orders kept her rooted in place, watching the sun high above and trying not to think of her newest and most cherished friends spilling their blood into the dirt below.
And then, finally, a figure appeared in the distance, grey of his armor as foreboding as the thunderclouds it shared its hue with, the silence between them sharp and electric, once he finally drew within range.
They didn't speak, she didn't even comment on the injustice, the clear one-sidedness, when he brought over someone else, a rogue wrapped in a cloak, but with the blue of his skin still exposed.
She simply drew her spear, he his sword, and leapt into action.
He was older, and Katie hadn't really had so much experience being a knight, anyways, for how she wanted to claim the title. She wasn't even all that brave.
A sword landed a blow on her arm, a knife managed to slash at her face, blood dripping down her cheek and some of it making it into her mouth, bitter copper flooding her senses.
For her part, she'd like to think she was a formidable enemy. Nom bled the same as he did, if from several less wounds, and it was minutes that seemed to stretch into aeons before, finally, one of the rogue's blows left her whirling to face him, spear swinging, and, in that breath of distraction, of wrongly placed priority, a sword found purchase in her side, tearing deeper than the previous wounds, Katie instinctively knowing that this would be far more dangerous than the others, a major weakness to exploit and a significant source of blood loss beside- or maybe that was just the pain talking.
Because it hurt. And whatever bravery she possessed, whatever bravery she wanted to possess, whatever she'd been trying to pretend she was… she and Nom were similar, in the end. Willing to let their ideals suffer in favour of achieving their own ends. And, looking up at his face, covered by a helmet and half-blocking out the sunlight overhead, she thought he might kill her, then and there.
So, she did what any coward would, and, as he withdrew his sword, helmet turning down to look at the blood splattered across its length, she ran, not looking back for a moment, even as her side almost immediately burned from the exertion, and she heard a voice calling for her. Even as she knew that, after this, she wouldn't be known as Katie the Brave; she'd be lucky to be Katie the Coward, if anyone bothered to remember her at all.
Everything seemed to get blurry there, phasing in and out in her memory. She ran, and then, when the pain was severe enough, wound only further torn open from the prolonged run, she finally collapsed on the ground.
Apo was the one to find her, and that part was completely clear, seeing their normally placid face twist first in confusion and then in horror as she cried Cherri's name, swiftly sinking to her knees, unheeding of the mud, crying out for help as she swiftly tore off a length of fabric from her outfit, and then Cherri was there, draped in brilliant red and gold, her knights in armor that glittered under the sun, unlike Katie's own, dull and stained with blood.
“I apologise for failing to carry out your order, my lady,” Katie managed through the crashing waves of pain and gasping breaths, “I- I really wanted to be the brave knight you thought I was, but I’m only a coward at heart.”
“You’re alive, and that is more important than any order I could have given,” Cherri’s voice was raw, expression twisting in some amalgamation of anger, fear, and care. “Katie, I-” She closed her mouth, and, in one swift motion, she ruined a part of her dress, as if it weren't finery but instead simple cloth, as one would for a beloved.
The protest Katie tried to form died on her lips as Apo grabbed the fabric and tied it tightly, their eyes narrowed in concentration, and then, once the blood was at least as stopped as they could manage it, they grabbed her, cradled her to their chest.
For a moment, she thought she might have been in some sort of strange dream, struggling to look at their face above her.
They glanced down questioningly. “Have I hurt you? I apologise, I should have given you warning, I simply- I worried. We'll take you back to the castle, we have resources there, and, if Cam actually is half the mage he says he is, he’ll be able to help you, you'll be alright.”
“It's not fatal, is it?” Cherri's worry saved her from having to find a proper response. “She- she won't-”
“I'm fine, my- that is, lady Cherri.” She couldn't be a coward and weak, she couldn't show that it hurt, and it almost hurt more that it came from him, and she was scared that she'd lost all their respect for her. “It's nothing severe, I- it looks far worse than it is.”
Apo and Cherri exchanged a long look. “I'll protect her as I do you, your highness,” Apo offered, gently, and though Cherri had hardly seemed swayed by Katie's attempts to convince her of anything, she calmed at Apo's.
“Good.” Her voice hardly trembled, but it was there, if one were to truly pay attention.
–
Cam had a healing spell, but it was minor, and only served to mend the more mild wounds, leaving the deeper one untouched. Apo glared at him over it, despite his efforts, and bit out something about doing it herself, pulling medical supplies Katie hadn't even known they had out, carefully unwrapping the wound and then, with a gentleness Katie hadn't known they possessed, beginning to treat it.
Cherri stood nearby, for once looking at a loss for what to do. Katie hated that look on her; she was smart, capable, brave, everything Katie wasn't, and she shouldn’t ever be forced to look so… uncertain.
She spoke up, finally, as Apo continued her treatment, “...Katie, you didn't- you didn't truly believe I'd be disappointed in you for- you know I care for you, right?”
Apo stopped moving, for just a moment, before silently continuing.
Katie, for her part, just stopped. Stared at the princess in front of her with eyes wider than the divide between kingdoms. She might have meant as a subject, but when Sausage had been injured, she'd seemed largely uninterested, albeit kind. She hadn't said such things to the others.
“My lady, if I may ask,” Katie asked, slowly, “You- as a ruler, or…” She hesitated. “A friend?”
Cherri was silent for a long moment, just staring at Katie, as if all the answers to her questions lay somewhere in Katie’s face.
“If I may,” Apo interjected quietly, “You are her knight.” Neither Katie nor Cherri corrected them to say she was actually Cam’s knight. “And neither she nor I could be disappointed in you for anything like this; if anything, we wish it hadn’t come to fleeing or risking death.”
Katie let that roll around in her mind for a moment. “It wasn’t very brave of me, though, was it?”
Cherri sucked in a sharp breath, seeming to decide something, in that moment, taking a few steps forward, until she was barely a step away from Katie. “You were brave to fight. But there is nothing brave about death without a cause. And there is no world in which I’d rather have seen your corpse than spoken to you now. Lady Katie the Brave-” And she hadn’t lost her title, not the way she’d expected to, from the way it rolled off Cherri’s tongue, warm and laced with meaning, “From now on, know that any orders I give are not to be fulfilled at the cost of your life. You’re far too valuable for that.”
Valuable, the way one might describe riches.
Apo stood up, movement abrupt, giving Cherri some sort of uninterpretable look, before bowing to her, deeply, and then to Katie, shallowly, Katie blinking in surprise. “I imagine you both have much to discuss,” She spoke as if through a layer of gravel, head turning away from them swiftly. “I’ll take my leave now.”
Katie almost immediately wished she hadn’t left, a feeling of loss and uncertainty beading up with her departure. And, of course, without Apo there to serve as buffer, all of the princess’ attention could be focused on her.
Cherri’s lips quirked up as Katie stared. “Apo’s always been a bit strange,” She mused, “I’ll have to check on her later. But, for the moment…” And her cheeks reddened. “I would like to commend you on your bravery today, and, if you would not mind terribly…” She leaned in, and pressed her lips to Katie’s cheek, pulling away only a moment later.
Katie wished it had lasted longer, though she was sure her own face was terribly reddened and she was staring at Cherri with far too much shock. Biting her lip to avoid asking for Cherri to do it again, or say something foolish like that, and trying to banish the image from her mind.
“Thank you, my lady,” She managed finally, “I… I will try to continue to be brave for you, if you’ll allow me.”
“Of course.” Cherri said it as if it were obvious, the same way she’d initially said Katie was brave. “For as long as I’m here, I will be joyous to have you serving as m- a knight of the kingdom, and I expect you will do great things. Now… would it be remiss for me to stay here with you, for a bit? To ensure the healing is going well, of course.”
“Of course not, your majesty. I’d love to… be within your company.” She truly did mean it, even if something about the situation had left her with burning cheeks and an inability to sit quite still.
“In that case, I will stay with you, for as long as I am able.”
–
Apo came to her later, after Cherri had left for the night, when the lights were all dark and only the moon shed light onto their surroundings, as Katie lay in bed, still half-awake with the thoughts of the day.
She entered quietly, politely, and then approached Katie’s bed, staring down at her consideringly, a vulnerability to her posture that Katie wasn’t sure she ever had during the day, leaving her looking… softer, than before.
There was a rose in their hand, something Katie hadn’t initially noticed, and she felt its smooth stem, picked clean of thorns, be placed in her own. Apo opened her mouth to say something, and all at once this felt all too private, all too wrong to let them believe her half-lidded eyes were shut with sleep and not watching her, and Katie, finally, possessed the presence of mind to sit up.
Apo startled backwards, making a vaguely undignified noise.
“I apologise, I didn’t mean to startle you,” Katie’s voice was apologetic, even heavy as sleep as it was, “I just… wanted to thank you, for the rose.”
Apo quickly recovered their decorum, stance shifting to something less vulnerable (and Katie mourned the loss of the ease with which they’d held themself earlier, but she didn’t speak on it; it wasn’t her place), and more protected.
“No, my apologies, I… hadn’t thought to awaken you, this was rather foolish anyways. I’m glad you appreciate the gift, but it was unnecessary, I should have been more thoughtful of your rest.”
Katie stared at her consideringly for a moment, twirling the rose between her fingers. “I was already awake,” She spoke finally, “I just hadn’t wanted to interrupt you.”
Apo tensed even further for a moment, before deliberately relaxing. “My apologies nonetheless.”
“No, it’s- I’m glad you came. I’d missed you.” Katie was glad the moonlight was a dim illuminator, casting her face in shadow so Apo couldn’t see the way it flushed.
“I’ve only been gone a couple hours,” Apo’s voice was light, almost amused, and Katie winced.
“I know, I know, I just-”
“It’s alright. I understand. I missed you as well.”
The breath left Katie’s lungs in a shaky exhale. “You did? I thought… I thought you might have been angry with me.” It was a fear she wouldn’t have otherwise confessed, but she was still only half-awake, and she couldn’t quite filter the words away.
“Because I left?” Apo guessed, and Katie gave her a small, half embarrassed nod. “I… wanted to give you and Cherri space to speak. But I’m here now, if you want me.”
“I-” Katie glanced down, at the rose still clutched in her hand. “I’d like that.”
Apo settled down next to her on the bed, keeping a careful, respectful difference between them, before Katie scooted to be closer to them, thighs touching as they stared at each other. Apo was just a bit taller than her, like this. She almost brought a hand up to touch their face, something about the moment all too intimate.
“Could you stay?” She blurted finally, “I mean- overnight, I’ve never been good at staying alone and something about you- you’re comforting, that is, but, of course, you can leave if you wish-”
“I’d prefer nothing more,” Apo decided firmly, “Rest, Katie, you’ve been brave enough for today. I won’t leave you. You’re clearly tired, you don’t need to be awake any longer.”
She let herself, slowly, lay back down, Apo still in a sitting position, looking down at her with a quiet half-smile, tenseness seeming to bleed out of her more the longer they stayed like this as Katie’s eyes opened and closed, trying to fight the tiredness to get a clear look at them in the moonlight.
“I wish I could kiss you,” Katie thought, or mumbled, somewhere between soft layers of sleepiness and attempts to stare at their beauty.
They tensed, before relaxing, a gloved hand going to her hair and gently carding through it. “You don’t mean that,” They said, almost soothingly, “Sleep.”
Katie wanted to argue, to say she did mean that, but she wasn’t meant to admit these things, she wasn’t even meant to have said she wanted that in the first place, so she just mumbled something unintelligible and belligerent, and let herself drift.
–
Apo was gone by the time she awoke, the memories of what had been said and done while they were there already fading, but the rose she clearly remembered them bringing her placed on a note signed with Cherri’s curling script.
I’d like you to have this, as a token of my affections - Cherri, the note read, which wasn’t quite right, because hadn’t Apo been the one to give it to her?
Hadn’t Apo been here at all?
Maybe, she’d just imagined it, because she wanted them to be. But, if she were to imagine anyone… she would have thought it’d be Cherri’s obvious beauty, soft way of speaking, easy kindness- things she blushed at the very thought of.
But Apo’s steadfastness, protectiveness- she wasn’t meant to be thinking of these things, of either of them like this, so, for the moment, she took the rose into her hands, and tried to put the thoughts of the both of them out of her mind.
It didn’t work, but, maybe, if she tried hard enough, the yearning for what she could never have would go away, the reminders that they considered her brave would be simple acknowledgement’s of a knight’s skill, and not something… more meaningful.
Whenever she got the chance, she decided, she’d train, and find a way to be properly brave, so that, maybe, just maybe, she could deserve to at least sit in the fantasies, albeit with the knowledge that none of it was real, none of it ever could be real.