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Liam is standing in the corner playing with the label on his beer, wishing he had brought something to whittle. He can't believe Xaden convinced him to go to this party. The upcoming board game night at Xaden's house is much more his speed. But right now he's at Masen's house while everyone has the same conversation eight times in different clusters of small groups.
Drake Cordella approaches Liam, just his luck. "Hi," he says.
"Hello," Liam nods awkwardly.
"The weather up here in Aretia is so much nicer this time of year." Drake says. Which is true, Zolya is probably stifling right now.
"Yup," Liam says. Because they're talking about the weather. He turns and makes eye contact with Xaden. He gives Xaden a look that says 'if you dragged me to this party then you have to save me from a conversation with a Cordella.' Xaden rolls his eyes, but heads over.
"Drake," Xaden greets.
"Xaden," Drake says before turning his attention back to Liam, "I wanted to ask how Sloane was doing." Liam wants to talk about Sloane with Drake even less than he wants to talk about the weather, but Drake and Sloane did know each other in Zolya. His concern is probably genuine.
Xaden must sense Liam's discomfort because he's the one who answers, "She's doing pretty good. Thinking about looking for a place here."
"That's great," Drake says, "Is she transferring?"
Liam clenches his jaw, but he can't hold this against Drake, he's not the person Liam's upset with over this. "Nope," he says, "She wants to figure something else out. I told her she should take her time coming back, but she officially pulled her enrollment in Zolya."
“I mean I get it,” Drake says, and Liam's eyebrows raise in surprise. Drake continues, “I wouldn’t want to go back to med school if I had to perform CPR on my dying friend.”
Liam frowns. “Sloane wasn’t on her emergency rotation when the accident happened.”
“No,” Drake responds, “Visia was down before the paramedics got there, Sloane was doing CPR when they arrived on the scene.”
There’s a moment of quiet before Liam goes preternaturally still.
Xaden white knuckles the neck of his beer bottle, closes his eyes, and mutters a quiet, “Fuck.”
Liam turns to Drake slowly, “Are you telling me my sister was in the car when the accident happened?” his voice is lethal.
Drake’s eyes widen, “I thought you knew. I…I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“Sloane was in the car?” Liam repeats, as if he still can’t believe it.
“Didn’t you go visit her after it happened?” Drake asks
“For the funeral, 2 weeks later! How badly was she hurt? Why wouldn’t she tell me?”Liam's volume rising with his anxiety.
“No wonder she hates being in the car,” Xaden says.
Drake runs a hand over his face, "I really should not have said anything."
"She's just been holding it all in for months," Liam sounds incredulous.
"Seriously, just pretend you never heard anything," Drake says.
"I don't think that's possible," Xaden says, "But we should definitely let Sloane come to us when she's ready." He looks pointedly at Liam, who nods, but he's got a distant look in his eyes, and his mind is miles away.
By the time board game night has arrived Liam is ready to burst. He hasn't seen Sloane all week, and he can't stop thinking about what he learned from Drake. He's been rethinking all of their interactions. It doesn't help her texts have been sporadic. Mostly complaining about an annoying regular. Liam just can't get a read on her right now.
Garrick and Imogen have already arrived by the time Sloane gets there, despite the fact that she's currently living at Xaden's. When she walks in the door her shoulders are slumped and a few strands of her hair have made their way out of her braid. She smiles when she sees Liam and gives him a hug.
"How was your week?"Sloane asks. Liam notices that her smile has already disappeared.
"Fine," he says, voice clipped.
She gives him a skeptical look. "You sure?"
"Yeah, enough about me. How are you?"
Sloane shrugs, "I'm okay. The bus took forever, and I was hoping to have time to get ready before everyone got here."
"I could've given you a ride," Liam says. Sloane looks down. She just looks so exhausted, and Liam feels compelled to explain himself, like maybe if he keeps talking things will get better. "Soleil always said the bus was harder after her car accident, though I guess it might be different for you since you were in the passenger seat."
Sloane's head snaps up, her face looks stunned. Liam goes back over what he just said in his head—fuck.
“I swear to god, if Dain or Aaric said anything.” Sloane's voice has a harsh edge to it.
“They didn’t,” Liam snaps, “but good to know you told Aetos before me.”
“I didn’t tell them actually.” She just had a nightmare about it on their couch.
“Well, why didn’t you tell me?” Liam's is unsuccessful at keeping the hurt out of his voice.
“It wasn’t going to change anything.” Sloane replies quietly.
Liam pinches his nose. “I would like to know when you are in serious car accidents because I care about you.”
“Well I didn’t want to talk about it,” Sloane says. Her arms are crossed and her face is closed off.
“Too bad, Sloane, we have to talk about it.” Liam says, because they do. He hadn't meant to bring it up, but he's not going to let the conversation slip away. They can't keep tip toeing around everything. "I’m sorry that Visia died, and I’m sorry that you had to witness it, that you had to be the one to perform CPR, but you can’t let this keep you from being a doctor.”
Sloane’s jaw drops, “You’re bringing up my car accident to try to convince me to go back to med school?!”
“No," Liam lets out a huff of frustration, "I just want you to stop avoiding things, because you have to move forward with life, even as you grieve. I know you know that.”
“I am moving forward, Liam, just not with medical school.” She's shouting now.
“Do you really think this is what Visia would want for you?” Liam asks exasperated.
“Don’t,” Sloane says, her voice hard, “pretend you know what Visia wanted for me.”
“Fine,” Liam says, “But I did know Mom and Dad. Do you think this is the life they would have wanted for you? Because I don’t."
Across the room Garrick inhales so sharply he hisses, but Sloane can barely hear it. Because Liam’s words keep playing over and over in her head. Liam must take her silence as an invitation to continue. “You dropped out of school, you’re aimless. They wouldn’t want this for you Sloane.”
“Fuck. You.” Sloane doesn’t yell, her voice is quiet, but it cuts even worse, and now that they’ve both hurt each other, they dig their feet in because Mairis are terrible at not being right.
“I’m serious Sloane.” Liam replies. As if she doesn’t know, as if he invoked their dead parents as an offhanded comment.
“And so am I” she roars. “You don’t get to tell me what to do, and neither do mom and dad, because they’re dead.”
“Yeah, I know they’re dead," He matches her volume, "which is why I have to be the one to make sure you get your act together. Because I know what kind of life they wanted for you, how hard they worked to make sure the two of us were supported, so that we could be successful in life. And, I’m supposed to watch you throw it away?" He's the only Mairi left to take care of her. It's his job to make sure she has a good life. Why can't she see that?
“I'm not throwing my life away," Sloane shouts back.
"You're working like 3 part time jobs and none of them pay enough to cover rent."
“That says more about our society than me."
“So what? You’re just going to throw away all of the support that Mom and Dad gave you, that me and Xaden gave you. Do you realize how many people are trying to help you?”
“It’s my life. I don't want your help!”
“God, you are so selfish-”
“That’s enough!” Xaden’s voice booms across the space, as he enters the room. “I won’t have you two speaking like this to one another in this house.” He’s put his parenting voice back on, the one he had to use when he was fostering them.
And that’s fine with Sloane, she doesn’t want to be in this house. She slides past Liam, ignoring Imogen and Garrick, and walks right out the front door without saying anything, slamming it shut behind her. Tears roll down her cheeks, and she bites her lip to keep the sobs from slipping out while she’s still in earshot of the house.
“Sloane, is everything okay?” She hears Dain’s voice before she sees him. Of course, Dain would arrive right now.
He holds his hand out towards her, like he wants to give her a hug but is unsure if it’s a good idea or not.
“No.” Sloane says her voice shaking, and then she walks away.
“What the fuck happened?” He asks in lieu of a greeting when he walks in the house. No one will make eye contact, but he barrels on anyway. “Sloane’s distraught.”
Liam lets out a humorless laugh, but Dain can see the tear tracks on his face too, but Liam just shakes his head. And Dain realizes that that’s all he’s going to get about whatever happened. He looks back out the window, sees Sloane walking down the street in the dark, and makes up his mind. He doesn't bother saying goodbye as he follows her out.
When they reach the park at the end of the street Sloane stops and sits on the curb. Dain joins her, but he leaves a bit of room between them. He doesn't want to crowd her.
"You didn't have to check up on me," She mumbles in his direction.
"I didn't have to, but I wanted to. Someone told me I should consider being a better friend."
Sloane huffs out a laugh, "Well then I guess you're a quick learner."
"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, but it might help."
Sloane looks up at him, "Whenever I talk about it, the other person doesn't listen." her voice breaks on the last word.
"I'll listen," Dain says quietly.
"He doesn't hear me. We keep having the same fight, and no matter how many times I tell him I'm not going back to medical school, he just keeps pushing."
Dain nods, "That's frustrating."
"He tried to use Visia this time. To convince me to go back."
Dain frowns, that seems like kind of a low blow.
"I told him he doesn't know what she would have wanted for me," Sloane says.
"Well that's certainly true," Dain replies.
"He didn't realize that I do know what Visia wanted for me. She told me several times."
"Did you tell Liam?"
Sloane shakes her head. "He wouldn't like it. She'd been team Sloane quit med school for a while."
Dain tries to hide the surprise from showing on his face. He'd assumed that Sloane leaving the medical field was a decision made in light of recent events, but he should've know better. Every time he makes an assumption about Sloane Mairi she proves him wrong.
“She told me that just because I couldn’t save my parents, didn’t mean I should have to make myself miserable so I can save everyone else,” Slaone admits.
And oh, that makes so much sense to Dain. The way Sloane wears her grief like armor, of course she took her guilt and turned it into marching orders. Sloane had already been living her life for the dead instead of herself when he met her. Visia had just seen it first.
“And what good did it do me," Sloane interrupts Dain's thoughts, "I busted my ass off, was exhausted and miserable, and I couldn’t even save my best friend. What’s the fucking point? Stay in med school so I can become a doctor and keep watching people die?”
"No," Dain says softly, "That doesn't seem like a very good idea."
Sloane lets out a huff of laughter, "Tell that to Liam," she says scornfully.
"I can," he says, "If you want me to, but I think you should tell him. He doesn't want you to be miserable Sloane."
"No he just wants me to be successful."
"He's just trying to protect you," he says. Sloane scoffs. "I'm not saying it's right," Dain continues, feeling a rush of shame for the way he tried to protect Violet by encouraging her to make the safe choice of library sciences. "Some people, when the world gets chaotic and they're overwhelmed, they try to find order and they end up putting people in boxes before they've even realized it. That doesn't mean you belong in the box, Sloane. He'll see that eventually."
Sloane scoots over so she's sitting right next to Dain. She hugs her legs to her chest, and leans her head on his shoulder. "I hope you're right."
He doesn't say anything, just sits there in the moment with her.
Eventually, Sloane says, "The stars are so pretty tonight."
Dain looks up at the sky. "Yeah they are. You can see the Cyclops' Forge Hammer so clearly."
Sloane giggles.
"You can," Dain says, "Look." He points at a constellation.
Sloane follows the path of his hand, and then turns to examine Dain's face. "You're serious." she says, and she can't keep the smile off her face.
Dain nods. He's not entirely sure why Sloane finds this all so amusing.
"Who taught you the constellations?"
"Violet's brother Brennan. We spent a whole summer basically camping in the backyard."
Sloane bursts out laughing. "Dain, that's the big dipper."
"No it's-" he stops mid sentence eyes wide. "I've been telling people I know the constellations for years."
Sloane tries not to laugh, but fails immediately. "It's okay, my mom taught them to Liam and I." She lies down in the grass and tugs Dain down next to her.
Sloane's exhausted by the time they make it back to Xaden's. She knows Dain's right and that she needs to talk to Liam, but even after the soothing star gazing she's still too emotionally drained to have a remotely good conversation.
Everyone's still there. They're playing Spirit Island, so they'll likely all still be up for a while.
Liam gets up from the table, "Sloane," he says quietly, but she just shakes her head.
"Not tonight." She offers him a hug and then trudges up the stairs to sleep.
Liam turns his attention to Dain. “Is she okay?” He asks, a little desperate for reassurance.
“You should talk to your sister,” Dain replies.
“She didn’t even tell me she was in a major car accident. What would have happened if she had died?” Liam shuddered at the thought.
“She may not have told you about the accident, but she did tell you that Visia died. She did choose to come home to you when she needed support. That’s not nothing, Liam.” Dain reminds him.
“I just…I just don’t know what she’s doing.”
“She’s grieving,” Dain says simply.
Liam nods
“She’s doing her best,” Dain adds.
“Is she?” Liam asks.
“I think so.”
“You didn’t know the old Sloane,” Liam says. Like he's trying to justify the argument he had with his sister. But Dain knows that mostly Liam is just scared.
“No," Dain tells him honestly, "but she’ll never be that person again. You know that, Liam. Loss changes you. Well, actually love changes you, loss just shines a light on it. Do you think you’re the same person you were before your parents died?”
“No,” Liam says quietly, almost defeated.
“And I’m not the same person I was before my mom died. We grow, we grieve, we heal, not always in the same order, but we change. I’m not saying all of those changes are improvements. Lord knows that I held on too tightly to everyone else after loss.” Dain looks at Violet, who nods her head in agreement and acknowledgement.
“She’s different now Liam. So maybe start with acknowledging the version of Sloane that you lost, so you can see her for the person she is now, for the person she’s trying to become.”
There are unshed tears in Liam’s eyes, but he nods his head at Dain, and returns to the game.
It feels like the room could use some levity, and because Dain's genuinely curious he turns to Violet, "Did you know your brother was full of shit when he taught us the constellations?"
She bursts out laughing. "Are you just figuring that out now?"
"I…" Dain opens and closes his mouth, "Why would he lie? Why didn't you say anything?"
Violet is laughing so hard there are tears streaming down her face. "I just figured you knew he was messing with us. I mean come on 'Hermes' Left Sandal'?!"
Dain blushes. "Well anyways, just one more reason for Sloane to think I'm an idiot."
"I don't think Sloane considers you an idiot," Violet says. There's a mischievous glint in her eye, and Dain blushes even more.
He thinks of lying in the grass tonight, and all of the times Sloane yells at the screen when she, Aaric, and Dain are watching reality tv, and he hopes that this time a Sorrengail sibling is telling him the truth.