Chapter Text
There are two immutable truths in the world: the sun shouldn’t be stared at, and Yun has terrible luck with men. It’d only take her third year of college to realize the latter, but Yun is pretty sure it’s why her throat’s been producing a concerning amount of blood and clovers the past minute.
A line, a dot; Yun deliberated for a bit, holding her wrist up to her temple. Words didn’t feel right for what she wanted to ask. She deleted the text.
“Do you want to…” Nope. Rejected for giving the illusion of a choice.
“Please…” No way in hell was she going to plead. Not yet, at least.
With a bloodied clover in one hand and her phone in the other, she decided to just press the call button after all.
“Yun?” A surprisingly fast response. It made sense, staying up late was one of Percy’s many talents.
“Hey,” She replied, trying to sound like her hand isn’t shaking and her throat isn’t closing. “Can you pick me up? I think I’m on a date with a cannibal.”
There’s a pause where a laugh would’ve been in the past. It made sense, ever since they broke up, there was an unspoken rule to not leave the two alone with each other. Yun doesn’t think she’s even looked him in the eyes properly the past 6 months. It was, after all, easier to brush things off like an amicable break in front of their friends. That’s why she doesn’t fault him if he doesn't want to pick her up.
But Percy is too considerate, and his voice came through at the cost of Yun’s next breath.
“Send me the address first,” there’s the sound of rustling on his end. “You’re in the restroom, yeah?”
“Mhm,” she hummed, not having much room for words at the moment. She muted the call to excavate the petals currently lodged in her trachea. “I can meet you outside, though.”
It’s only slightly relieving to hear the call end sound. She sent the address over in a chat log that hasn’t been touched since their break-up.
There’s a sense of familiarity when speaking with Percy that she dreaded. She doesn’t have a car to drive, and he already knew she took the subway. It only made the fact that he didn’t ask why she had to ask him of all people more mortifying.
She washed her hands before stepping out and into an equally frightening but slightly more tolerable situation.
Yun’s date looks up at her, leering in a way she doesn’t think she can stand for more than a few seconds. But it’s fine. It’s fine because he doesn’t see or know her. The less memorable she can be, the better. Before her date talks about his next performative buzzwords that subtly betray his views on women, Yun cuts him off.
“Um, it’s getting rather late,” she pauses to check his reaction for volatility. “I actually have an assignment due at midnight, and I should really get going.” An apologetic smile.
She waves the waiter over for the check before he can respond, barely preventing what she's sure would've been a wall of reasons why she should stay.
“You don’t have a car, right? Here, I’ll do you a favor,” he grabs her shoulder when the waiter leaves with their cards. “I can give you a ride home.” His grip is heavy.
Yun is only half certain he'd maim her in that car, but it’s more than enough for her to leave as fast as possible.
“No, actually, my…” There’s a slight hesitation as she tries to think of a plausible excuse. “My roommate is going to drop me off at our apartment.”
It’s enough for him to believe her excuse and loosen his grip, and Yun is nearly elated at the sight of Percy’s car. Or Elio’s. They shared, last time she checked, and it looked familiar enough. She waved her date goodbye with mild resentment before she opened the door to the passenger’s seat.
Sitting in the back felt like she would be admitting something.
She avoided looking at him, though, so maybe it’s obvious how scared she was anyways. The door closed louder than she meant to, and she winced.
“Soo,” Percy began, almost melodic. “I’m assuming you and Deja haven’t moved suddenly?” It’s an invitation for the two to deflect anything serious. She could just brush off the awkwardness of being in a car. Alone. With her ex. Totally.
“Nope,” Yun popped the end playfully. She turned to look at him, and his smile froze so faintly at eye contact she wondered if she’s deluding herself into thinking he cares. Cared. Get it together, Yun.
There’s not even a need to use a GPS. She really, ridiculously, awfully hated how well he remembered everything.
“Cannibal date, huh?”
“Yeah. Should’ve seen him, he probably wondered how to season me too.”
“Pft.” A red light gives Percy time to turn towards her. It's her turn to freeze this time. “I think you could use some oyster sauce.”
"Wow," she stretches the vowel, unable to keep herself from grinning. "You too?"
Their conversation flowed lightly, considering this is the first time they’d been alone together. Though, this red light was too long—long enough for her to wonder why he didn’t prod about the date. Long enough for her to wonder how many petals the next clover would have.
Well, she knew him enough to know he wasn’t the type to ask outright. He probably knew her enough to know she was trying to gauge his reactions using this car ride as an excuse. But is it so wrong? To want closure? They can’t just keep burying the past.
She can’t, at the very least. Her mouth tasted of iron, and she needed to know why. It's okay, Yun! Just go ahead and assassinate the mood in this car! It’s totally okay!
“You're not going to ask why I asked you specifically to pick me up?”
His posture remained easy-going, like he’d been waiting for her to ask.
“Opening with that?” He laughed helplessly. “Yun, I’ve already waived my right to ask.”
If she stopped here, they could pretend this never happened. Deja might ask why she looked so glum, and Cam might try to cheer her up with ice cream, but at the end of the day they could still go back to that state of normalcy.
Unfortunately, Yun had a garden growing in her lungs.
“Okay.” She pushed aside the urge to make the mood lighthearted again. “But you haven’t answered my question. Do you care about me at all?”
Is she really so unreasonable to ask? Isn’t it odd that other people seemed to have more of an explanation than she did? For their break up?
Percy’s brow furrowed slightly.
“Yun.” He stared. “I don’t—“
“The light turned green.”
And god, she’d be lying if she said her voice wasn’t pathetically weak. She might throw up if he finished his words, or worse, cough up that disgusting bouquet.
Whether Percy looked at her at all, she couldn’t tell. Her head turned towards the window, and she may be able to admire the falling snow if she was in literally any other car. Even with the heater nearly boiling her, Yun thinks this might be the coldest she’d ever been. It’s only now, as she’s terribly conscious of how overdressed she seems, did she feel a wave of embarrassment crash down on her.
It felt silly of her, now that she’d confirmed it. It felt silly that she still kept all those photos, that she still kept her stupid fish, that she’d kept holding out hope that maybe there was a chance.
Because even now, she wanted to just run away. Sure, the avoidance of the topic was started by Percy, but she was NOT ready to have her being laid bare, announcing to the world how much she was not over the break up.
It’s why her courage entirely dissipated from her body when she realized Percy had pulled into the parking lot instead of just dropping her off at the front.
“Listen, Yun—”
“Just”—Her voice cracked at the volume—“forget it.”
“No, I can’t just forget it when you look like you’re going to pass out in this car!”
A hand on hers prevented Yun from opening the door.
“I just…” Percy is most definitely frowning now, a rare sight she’d photograph in the past. “I want to be clear about this. Us.”
“Right.” She thought about throwing up.
“We just aren’t meant to”—he winces like the words scratched his throat coming out—“We weren’t right for each other. But I still care for you as a friend.” A smile. It fell flat.
“Did you ever love me?”
Another pause.
“Why, then?” There’s the sound of laughter, and Yun realized it was coming from her. “Why string me along if you weren’t even…”
Something warm rolled down her face, and she thinks she flushed red with embarrassment. His eyes softened, but maybe she’s deluding herself into thinking it means more. A hand reached out to her face, wiping her tears.
And truly, the worst timing of the year award goes to Yun. She hacked violently, trying to keep down the petals at the very least. It works, only slightly. Blood stains the corners of her mouth.
When she lifted her head from her elbow, she saw his face, twisted in worry. Some sick part of her was glad he reacted like this.
“It’s not contagious.” She smiled, then grimaced, swallowing down the petals.