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“Oh you’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” Darcy slams her hand against the steering wheel in frustration and turns the key in the ignition once more. The engine clicks and whines but doesn’t start. She swears yet again. Who knew that the check engine light actually meant something? She’s been driving with the orange light illuminated for weeks and it’s been fine. Until, of course, she’s out in the middle of absofuckinglutely nowhere. If her knowledge of horror movies is anything to go by, her phone will either not have service or run out of battery and then some dude in a mask made of dead kittens will kill her with a chainsaw and eat her liver and no one will ever hear from her again.
She pulls her phone out of her purse and checks it. She’s at about 20% battery, but there’s no signal. Typical. She tries calling Jane anyways, but it doesn’t connect, so she gets out of the car, taking her keys with her (if some kitten-masked-chainsaw-murderer is coming for her, she knows better than to give him access to her car) and starts walking up and down the road, waving her phone around in search of a signal.
Of course, she is vaguely aware that even if she could call someone, she doesn’t know exactly where she is, so getting help sent out would be a problem. They’ll probably have to send out search and rescue. Or get the cops to trace the GPS chip in her phone. Whatever. She last drove past a gas station about two hours ago, when her desire for Cheetos overwhelmed her desire to get her road trip over ASAP, so there’s no way she’s walking back that far for help.
She repeats her march up and down the road a few times before finally accepting that she’s not going to get a phone signal out here and giving up. She leans against her car and groans in annoyance staring up at the sky, mentally cursing everyone she can think of who led her to getting into this mess. Jane for sending her out on some science-y journey alone with some machine locked in her trunk that does god knows what. The last mechanic she went to a few months back who made no effort to avoid staring at her chest and caused her to swear off ever taking her car to a mechanic again (bright idea, Lewis). She stares up at the cloudless sky and groans. “Fuck my life.” She sits down in the dirt next to her car, contemplating what to do next (aside from wait patiently for someone to drive by).
Nothing comes to her for a good long while. And then an idea hits her. And it’s probably a really stupid idea and she’ll probably feel childish for even trying it, but all she’s had to eat in the past five hours is that bag of Cheetos and dammit she doesn’t want to wind up acting out a horror movie.
So she gets up, brushes her jeans off and steps away from her car into the middle of the road. She looks around carefully to make sure no one’s around before staring up at the sky and clearing her throat.
“Uh, hey, Thor, or, uh, whoever’s chilling out up there.” She pauses, feeling really self-conscious about the fact that she’s standing in the middle of nowhere screaming at the sky asking the gods of a dead religion for help. “I’m kind of stuck right now and if I die out here Jane will be like super upset because no one else is going to want to be her assistant and put up with her crap so if you could, I dunno, send some help or whatever that would be super awesome. For Jane’s sake. Also I don’t want to get eaten by coyotes.” She stares up at the sky for a few seconds longer and, when nothing happens, she slumps in defeat and leans against her car. Of course it didn’t work. Why the hell would the people up there be paying attention to her out in the middle of nowhere? Even the gods probably can’t tell where the fuck she is.
She’s busy kicking stones at her hubcap when the sky begins to darken. She looks up and freezes. A giant funnel cloud is forming, reaching towards the ground just a little way down the road. She’s seen clouds like that before. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”
The cloud makes contact with the ground and in a harsh gust of wind and a big flash of light, someone appears in the middle of the road, crouching down. The cloud rapidly disappears, leaving the figure in the middle of a dusty marking. She looks back up at the sky. “Uh, thanks.”
She waves to the person coming down the road towards her. Not Thor, much too small to be Thor. As she gets closer she recognizes her from her little stint in New Mexico. Sif. “Oh, hey, I, uh, wasn’t actually expecting anyone to come…” she calls out, walking out to meet her partway towards her car.
“My brother informed me that you were in danger. The others were otherwise occupied but I came as quickly as possible. We have yet to repay our debt to you for caring for Thor in his time of need, and I would be proud to assist you in any way you require,” Sif replies with a smile. Darcy smiles awkwardly back.
“Uh, yeah. My car broke down, I can’t call anyone, and I don’t really know where I am… And I’ve seen the Texas Chainsaw Massacre.” She tacks on the last bit and immediately regrets it, and when Sif looks confused she just shakes her head. “Nevermind.”
“How may I be of assistance?” Sif asks, looking around, a bit confused. This is clearly not what she had been expecting when she heard there was danger.
“Well, I’m guessing you probably don’t know how to fix a car, so, I guess your best bet would be to protect me from potential serial killers and coyotes and whatever else is lurking around here until someone finds me?” Now that she thinks about it, calling for help like that had been a pretty stupid idea –there’s really not much Sif can do for her at all—but really, who actually expects anyone to answer when they yell at the sky in desperation?
Sif nods, one hand resting on her sword. “This sounds like a truly dangerous area. I would be glad to protect you from any demons lurking about.”
“Thank you.” Darcy smiles awkwardly and there is a pause as the two women look each other over. Darcy finally breaks the silence. “Right. So, uh…” She gestures back to her car. “I guess this is kind of home base until someone drives by to give me a boost or whatever it is that my car needs.” She walks back to it and hops herself onto the hood and then pulls herself up onto the roof, sitting cross-legged and looking down at Sif. “You can come up if you want. It’ll be less dusty than sitting on the road. And once it gets dark we’ll probably have some kickass views.” She gestures to the sky. “Actually we’ll probably get a great sunset here too.”
Sif jumps directly up onto the roof and takes a seat with her legs hanging off the edge of the car, gazing alertly out into the vast nothingness that surrounds them. They sit like that in silence for a while, neither woman sure of what to do.
Darcy plays with the fraying hem of her t-shirt awkwardly and eventually speaks up. “Sorry about this. I didn’t actually expect you to come. It’s probably going to be pretty boring...”
Sif shakes her head. “The threats you speak of are very real, and I am pleased to act either as a deterrent or as a protector, however you shall need my assistance!”
“Thanks.” She falls back into silence, not sure what else to say.
Sif remains aware of their surroundings as the sun sinks lower in the sky. Darcy turns to face the sunset as the sky starts to turn orange, and Sif turns to face it as well. They watch as the sky darken, feeling the air cool around them. Once the sun has almost completely disappeared, Darcy hops down from the car and grabs her sweater from the back seat where she’d tossed it before setting off on her road trip. She pulls it on and gets back up onto the roof. “Are you cold?” She asks, gesturing to Sif’s uncovered arms. Sif just shakes her head.
“This is much warmer than many of the places that I have battled.”
Darcy laughs. “I bet the moving around part of fighting helped keep you warm too.”
“That is true, however, fear not, I am currently comfortable.”
Darcy lets it drop and leans back on her elbows and stares up at the night sky, trying to identify the constellations that Jane has been teaching her. She gets rather lost in thought, tracing the stars trying to recognize patterns and recall their names, so she is completely taken by surprise when she feels a hand on her cheek. She sits up quickly and looks to Sif in confusion.
“You are shivering,” She explains simply, not moving her hand from Darcy’s face.
“Oh.” She shrugs awkwardly. “I guess I am…Got distracted by astronomy. Guess Jane’s rubbing off on me a bit.” She smiles.
Sif removes her hand from Darcy’s cheek and wraps it around her shoulders instead, pulling her close. “Come. It is my duty to protect you from the elements just as much as it is to protect you from the villains lurking in the night. I will share my warmth with you.”
Darcy is faintly aware that she’s blushing, but she doesn’t protest, instead choosing to lean her head on Sif’s shoulder.
They sit like that for a while in companionable silence, until Darcy’s butt starts to go numb, at which point she leans back to stare straight up at the sky. Sif follows her down, pillowing Darcy’s head in her arm. “You guys have different stars than us, right?” Darcy asks quietly.
Sif doesn’t respond at first, staring at the sky, and then she nods faintly, a motion Darcy just catches from the corner of her eye. “Yes. Very different. Do you know your stars well?”
“Not really. Jane’s been trying to teach me but they all kind of look the same to me.” She shrugs. “I think that’s Leo though.” She tries to point out the shape in the sky. “It’s supposed to look like a lion. I don’t really see it, though.” Sif stares up in the direction of Darcy’s finger for a while and then nods.
“I believe I see it.”
“Really?”
“Yes.” She points and traces a shape in the sky that looks about right as far as Darcy can tell.
“Damn. I don’t know how you people do it. When I look for a lion in the sky I expect to see Mufasa or some shit, not just some connect-the-dots picture.” She realizes partway through her sentence that Sif will have no idea what she’s talking about, but she doesn’t particularly care, and Sif doesn’t bother asking what she means.
They’re silent for a while longer. When a breeze picks up Darcy shifts a bit closer to Sif, who doesn’t seem to notice or mind.
Eventually, Darcy points up at the sky again. “There’s another one! I think that’s, uh, Centaurus.” She grins proudly.
Sif watches where she’s pointing to and nods after a moment. “I see it. What is it?”
“It’s supposed to be a centaur. A, uh, half-human-half-horse thing. Body of a horse but the torso, head, and arms of a man.”
“Such creatures exist on Midgard?” Sif asks, surprised. Darcy laughs.
“I wish. No, but a few thousand years ago though the Greeks totally thought they did though. They had some weird-ass myths.”
“Fascinating.” Sif murmurs. Darcy shifts her position slightly, scooting up the roof a bit so her head is next to Sif’s rather than on her arm. Sif turns her head away from the stars to face Darcy, their faces only a couple inches apart. “Midgard truly has a rich culture. I fear that the time our realms have spent separated has made us on Asgard forget that.”
“Well, to be fair, from what I’ve heard, you guys have some pretty rad culture too.” She grins, but it quickly shifts to a slightly uncomfortable smile as she sees how sincere Sif is being. “I mean, yeah, some of it is kind of cool.”
Sif just watches her, a small smile on her lips, and Darcy will swear until her dying day two things about that moment.
One: Sif was totally about to kiss her.
And two: Whoever the Norse god of cock-blocking is must really fucking hate her because just as she’s about to get kissed by a fucking goddess, a pick-up truck comes roaring down the road towards them, kicking up dust and nearly blinding them with its brights.
Sif stands up quickly, as if they hadn’t just been having a total Moment under the stars, flagging the truck down. It pulls to a stop right next to Darcy’s car and the window rolls down. “You ladies in some trouble?” a middle-aged man in a grubby trucker hat calls out. Sif looks to Darcy for direction and Darcy takes the lead.
“Yeah, uh, I think I need a boost. Or something. I dunno, my car just stopped working a few hours ago. Can’t get it to start.”
“Pop the hood and I’ll see what I can do for ya.”
Sif stands back as Darcy and the driver of the pick-up truck converse over the engine of Darcy’s car. The man spends a few minutes tinkering around with something and then Darcy gets into the car and, upon turning the key in the ignition, the car roars to life. She almost squeals in excitement and hops out (being careful to leave the engine running in case it had something to do with the battery).
“Thanks! You’re a life saver.” She grins at the man. He just tips his hat at her.
“Always happy to help a couple of ladies in need. You two’ll be alright on your own now?” Darcy nods and he gets back into his car and, waving out his window, drives off again.
Darcy turns to Sif once his taillights are out of sight.
“So, uh, I guess that’s that… Thanks. For keeping me company. And keeping the serial killers away.” She smiles.
Sif bows. “It was my pleasure, Darcy. You are fine company.”
“Right. Well, uh, I should be good to go now.” She gestures to her car. “And thanks for the… heat. And stuff.” Sif takes her right hand in her own and kisses it with a smile.
“I hope to see you again soon, Darcy Lewis.”
“Me too,” She says quietly as Sif steps away, back to the exact place she arrived at. The sky opens with the familiar gusting wind and flashing lights, and when it’s over, Sif is gone. Darcy stares at the markings left on the ground for a while before sighing and hopping back into her car, ready to find herself some civilization.
And, as she drives off, she promises herself that if she ever meets the Norse god of cock-blocking she will taze the everloving fuck out of him.