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Jisung is a little bold.
Which was odd, for him at least, because he had never been described as such or anything similar growing up, quite the opposite actually. He was, and still is, jumpy, loud, dramatic, almost theatrical. He wasn’t really skilled in sports and had a real aversion to blood. So when his power developed and he expressed his interest in becoming a superhero, let's say that the people around him didn’t really see it.
But Jisung wanted it, and damn it, was he good. He was easily spotted, on the technical or practical part, it didn't matter. When talent, discipline, and passion find each other in one individual, it becomes hard to ignore. Jisung exceeded, he was the blueprint for other trainees, he became top of the game.
Proving that he was made for it, that he was worth it, was the easiest thing he had ever done.
So he acted like it.
The moment he put on his uniform, the clumsy kid disappeared and the confident trainee took his place. Jisung would raise his hand, participate, get another perfect grade, keep his head high. Be the first in the practice room, train, hit hard, stand undefeated, he knew he would do just right. Everybody knew.
There were other trainees that looked up to him, whispering excitedly or showing their gratitude when they got offered some advice from their role model. His popularity only skyrocketed when Chan, probably the most sought-out trainee, explicitly said I want you in my team, and took him under his wing, nailing his position as the first member in the team everybody wanted to be in. But in an industry so competitive and crude, there were, also, the ones that looked at him with disdain. Telling him to tone it down, because in the end Jisung was still a trainee, he wasn’t a professional, and he wasn’t really supposed to keep his nose up like that.
He remembers, when his relationship with Hyunjin was strained, to say the least, how in an outrage Hyunjin screamed you have delusions of grandeur at his face, and Jisung had almost jumped him. He doesn’t even remember what the discussion was originally about, since they were so recurrent, but the words, still to this day, keep coming back every now and then to make him doubt.
Not so often, nor as rotten. Especially because who the person from where they came is to him has changed so much. Between late-night conversations and kisses, there have been confessions that devaluate those words. And Jisung has always trusted that Hyunjin would not lie to him.
So Jisung knows he even comes off as cocky.
But it’s because Jisung knows who he is and what he is capable of. His success rate proves it, the charts prove it. Jisung is, without a doubt, what in his industry people call an ace.
He is reliable to succeed.
He can be trusted with anything.
He will always win.
But he is no longer a trainee, he doesn’t spend his energy on simulated, fake missions. He is Han, the superhero two years into his professional career, with a real name for himself and a couple more scars. And more importantly, he is still Jisung, an imperfect, real human.
He didn’t expect to be struggling this much on this mission, it was supposed to be simple. Not even the whole team is here, but adapting is easy. Moving fast, mapping the area, sharing intel through the communicators. It almost comes naturally, like he could turn his brain off and his body could keep going on autopilot. He is made for this.
Jisung trusts himself and his power. And as Seungmin and he chase right behind a villain, he lets it shine. His and Seungmin’s abilities struggle to synergize, and even then, they have the villain in a frenzy, cornered to act irrationally just to run. Things always work in his favor.
That must be why when the villain takes his last chance to escape and he, stupidly, decides that being buried alive is better than being caught, Jisung is taken by surprise. The building suddenly shakes, he trusts blindly in his ability to keep them from being crushed by the blocks of concrete falling above them. He has a fraction of a second to react. The possibilities scarce, but he is so certain they will die if he doesn’t move, it almost overrides not knowing the consequences of doing so. Jisung can feel it, it's a hollow hit, but there’s nothing he can do other than watch Seungmin’s knees buckle. His heart jumps inside his rib cage, and Jisung throws himself in his direction before he can hit the ground. A loud crash and a cloud of dust rise around them, yet Jisung can only focus on Seungmin’s inert expression as he lies still in his arms. It was an accident, he swears. His hand caresses Seungmin’s head to lay him down, but when he takes it away, the edges of his vision seriously darken as red clearly stains his palm.
“Seungmin— No, please, please— Seungmin?” He pleads, watching the puddle of blood grow.
And maybe everybody, including himself, has been wrong.
“Han? Seungmin? Can you hear me?”
Help, he thinks. Thankfully, Jisung’s control never slips, he usually brags about it, but as his mind focuses on pressing cloth into the back of Seungmin’s head and checking his vitals, his deep connection with his power really is a blessing.
Something around him makes a scratching sound, his ears ring, and Jisung is ready to either make the entire building collapse for good or run for their lives. But as if it were some type of deity coming to his rescue, a ray of light shines above him, and a familiar face is haloed by said light.
“I got you.” Chan reassures him, being, as always, everything Jisung could ask for.
He can see Chan’s shields being a double line of protection around him, bringing a little comfort into his racing mind, yet that doesn't make his own power back down. Chan quickly assesses Seungmin's condition. Jisung holds his breath as Chan carefully guides his hand to move so he can look at the wound, but there's not even an opportunity for him to panic, Chan never allows it, his expression doesn't waver for even a second.
“Bang Chan?” Felix calls from afar.
“In here!” The leader responds. Chan begins moving again, taking Seungmin out of Jisung's grasp and stepping up in that secure motion he always seems to have. Felix appears from the same opening Chan did, earning a reassuring nod from the leader at the not-so-positive sight in his arms, so Felix just nods back with just a slight crease in his eyebrow, before his eyes lock on Jisung still on the floor. “Everyone out!” Chan commands them and the others through the communicators.
“Come on.” Felix says, guiding him up. Jisung is more than eager to follow.
They step outside, from here the destruction doesn't seem as bad, and Jisung wonders if he just started to drown in a half-empty cup.
He is familiar with the feeling of his throat closing and the shallow breaths, even the sting in his eyes. But he blinks the burn of camera flashes away and straightens at the microphones being shoved at his face.
What happened in there, Han? He wonders exactly the same.
He speaks, steady cadence and a surety he doesn’t have, but it looks good on camera, and that’s the only thing that matters. His shaky hands are hidden in the pockets of his jacket.
His eyes carefully follow the ambulance at their service, and he bows back when the reporters do so, thanking him for his cooperation, like he had an option. He is so ready to run, the sensation has not eased yet, and he doesn’t know why, but he follows his team when they call him so they can leave. It is like he is still holding the building above him and he is about to be crushed.
It’s all over him. The building, his team, the cameras, the eyes.
Especially the eyes.
It’s the pressure that has been building up since he was a trainee. It wasn't his intention to be relevant in any way. But without meaning to, his image was used as an example, and the example wasn't supposed to fail.
It’s Chan on national television, without any hesitation agreeing with the interviewer when Jisung was called the ace of the team.
It’s the trainees looking at him with big, shiny eyes full of naive youth and admiration.
It's Jisung himself offering to change schedules with his teammates and double some turns because it comes easy to him. He can do it, he always can.
To the dozens of eyes, to the civilians, media, public, to their fans, because of course, they have fans, treating them as fucking celebrities instead of the protectors they are, Jisung is no human, he is a superhero, he is trained to take and take and take.
Just like every other day, they are back in the hospital. His doctor is quick to let him go, thankfully, with some painkillers and bandages, but nothing he actually cares about. He sits in the sterile white hallway of the waiting room. Just doing exactly what is expected in here, wait.
Except, the stillness of the place feels suffocating. Jisung tries to breathe slowly through his thigh lungs. Inhale for four, hold for seven, he coughs for air, head buzzing, racing. There’s no distraction that actually works. Five things he can see, and the third is the dry blood under his nails. Back at square one, he might as well jump out the window.
He is picking at the translucent cover on his knuckles when another hand covers his own. So familiarly cold.
He looks up, once again, finding a savior watching over him. Dressed as a casual civilian, not the naturally fashion-y style the paparazzi loves or the specifically designed hero costume, but gray sweats and a black hoodie that Jisung could swear belongs to Chan, he smiles at him with compliance and relief.
Jisung feels the urge to speak, the knot in his throat about to loosen and spill the words out. His breath stutters, and only then does he realize someone else is making them company. Minho is talking, not over him because Jisung's mouth doesn't cooperate even if he tried, but also not to him, but to Hyunjin, who attentively nods at whatever Minho tells him. Jisung wonders how long have they been hawking over him.
Hyunjin squeezes his hand, still not looking at him, Jisung stares at his slight frown from below. It only takes a moment or two before he sits down next to Jisung as Minho walks away. He does not have enough clarity to ask what's going on, or where are the rest, or why Hyunjin is even here.
“Hey, everything alright?” Is what Hyunjin’s gentle greeting is, and it has no right making all of Jisung’s composure crumble down so easily.
Jisung feels his lower lip tremble, the tears welling in his lash line quick to follow.
Hyunjin keeps his hand firmly in his grasp but doesn't get as close as Jisung needs him to be. Jisung never pushes him to get closer, mainly because Hyunjin is comfortable enough to do it on his own, but especially not now, not here in public. Even if this is a private hospital, there could still be unwelcome eyes, and there's not a chance they are risking it.
“Minho-hyung told me what happened. I'm sorry you couldn't catch the villain after he hurt Seungmin,” Hyunjin starts talking, unaware of the way it makes Jisung's skin prickle, needles appearing underneath the surface as the words sink in. He wasn't even aware the villain had escaped. “I'm sure that fuckass will be done for soon.”
Jisung wants to cry, his hands shake.
“You are not hurt, right?” Hyunjin pauses, waiting until Jisung’s foggy brain catches on and he jerkily shakes his head. “Seungmin is going to be okay too.”
Jisung feels a pang inside his rib cage, guilt spreading all the way to his fingertips in hot waves. It burns, he almost gasps for air, because Hyunjin’s reassuring smile should never burn.
“It's going to be okay, you did a great job.”
And the cup suddenly overfills, spilling with guilt and shame. Because Hyunjin is lying, and he doesn’t even know it.
“It-it was me.” Jisung rushes out, unable to keep it in any longer, and Hyunjin's gaze digs into his flesh. Even when there’s no judgement. “I hit him.”
“What?”
“I'm so sorry, I— I didn't mean to.” He stutters in a hurry. Hyunjin's worried frown deepens when Jisung unstably grips the sleeves of his hoodie for dear life. “I thought we were going to be crushed alive, and I saw it. I saw— The bl-blood and everything…”
“Hey, hold on— Jisung, wait.”
“You know I would not have done it if I knew— If I knew I would hurt him. I swear, I’m sorry.”
Please, believe me. Hyunjin knows he has never lied to him, never. The tears don’t let him see, and he takes one of his hands to try and wipe them away.
“What happened?” Comes a concerned voice, Jisung feels like dying. Chan. His leader, he thought he had more time before he had to face him, not his partner, not right now, but the person who signed him off for this, the one who trusted him first, and gave him the chance to become the best, not to be messing around like this.
“I’m sorry.” He repeats quietly, pulling his will from the depths of his being just so he can look him in the eye, that’s at least what Chan deserves.
The deep concern and confusion in Chan’s expression is too much for Jisung. Chan lost eyes send a quick look to Hyunjin, who Jisung can hear muttering a quiet I don't know, as he hides his face in his hands.
“You can leave.” He hears Minho say firmly. “I’ll handle it.”
There’s silence, concerned and hesitant, for a couple seconds, Chan is surely considering his responsibilities.
“Okay… ” Chan nods, sounding less certain than Jisung has heard him in a while. “Okay, let’s go.”
“”
The ride back home is normal.
They get in the car, Chan in the driver's seat and Hyunjin next to him in the back. After the soft thump of the doors, both of them pause, waiting, exchanging a quiet gaze. Jisung buckles his seat belt, looks forward, and… nothing.
And that is just what they needed to know.
Hyunjin begins talking about anything and everything, something about the museum, Jisung thinks he picks up, holding his hand between both of his over his thigh. Chan drives steadily, not slowly, not in a rush either, and he adds to Hyunjin’s string of conversation with what he can, sometimes just a little yeah or oh, really? And it’s perfect, it’s normalcy.
Jisung, even in his dirty hero costume, is still a hero. Chan is too. Hyunjin in sweats and off duty is still a hero.
Jisung believes once you sign up to this, there’s no going back, he will never not be a hero again, the portrayal of safety, and the responsibility is never not on the back of his mind. The eyes, they are always watching.
And it’s because of that he won’t show any kind of weakness, as far as the audience knows, he doesn’t break. Even in the privacy of the car they are still in public, and the mask, the distant stare at the window works like a safety lock until he is free from danger.
So when they arrive at the apartment, Jisung has to gather all his strength to not collapse when the door closes behind him.
Instinctively his hands cover his face, and he sobs. Finally, fucking finally, letting the control slip.
A half-complaint, half-surprised sound leaves his lips as his feet stop touching the ground, it’s just a second that his stomach flips before he is being held by strong arms. There’s no confusion or doubt after that, and Jisung uncovers his face to wrap his arms around the other’s neck.
“It’s okay, you are home.” Chan says softly, easily handling him up and moving through their apartment.
Chan enters Jisung’s room, slowly lowers him into his bed with all the care he can muster. Jisung balls up over the covers, sometimes, when he is alone, the safest place on earth, because most days, anyplace is the safest place as long as they are beside him. That’s why he rolls around when Chan kneels to his left, like he just expected him to, and his heart skips a beat when nobody appears on his other side.
From the ajar door he can see the apartment swallowed in darkness, his eyes jump to Chan.
“H-Hyunjin—” He calls, gripping into Chan’s costume, like he has all the answers of the universe, because he has to know. Chan tries to shush him, lowering himself and bringing Jisung closer.
“He’ll be right ba—”
“Give me one minute, baby!” Hyunjin voice interrupts him from afar.
Chan smiles an apology to him as Jisung hides his face on his chest, childishly thinking that a minute is too long.
“I’m sorry.” He cries. The wind-down hitting him harder than he expected.
“You have nothing to apologize for.” Chan assures him.
But he does. Especially now that things have settled. The scene is finished, and everybody has seen the ending where the hero doesn’t win. What are the reporters going to say? What are they going to show? One thing nobody told him about becoming a hero was that turning on the news would be terrifying.
It’s nerve-wracking; Jisung feels like throwing up just with the amount of possibilities.
“I’m here.” Hyunjin says as he enters the room. Pushing the door with his hip, hands full of supplies. Jisung immediately reacts, turning around and pulling Hyunjin down into his and Chan’s space, not letting him even put the stuff he is carrying down first.
Chan takes the things in Hyunjin’s hands so he can embrace Jisung eager hug properly, and they do so, melting against each other. Uncalled for, Chan's heart still stumbles at the sight of them, so comfortable, so safe, so loved. He blinks the sting out of his eyes. No matter how hard he tries he has not been able to forget all the mistrust there was before, it won’t come back, he knows, and that makes all the difference. They are happy tears, but he won’t let the sentiment take over, there are other things to focus on instead.
“We are here, everything is alright.” He says, now that the three of them are on the same page. He combs through their hair, letting them enjoy the moment.
Hyunjin separates from Jisung once he feels him a little more relaxed, he still cries and doesn’t look pleased as he puts some distance, but doesn’t explicitly complain. Hyunjin kneels next to them and takes back the things he originally brought from Chan, placing them on the nightstand.
“Are you hurt?” Hyunjin asks because he has to, this is routine. Jisung shakes his head, sniffing. Hyunjin looks at Chan next, who does the same thing. He grabs a box of wet wipes and looks at Jisung. “Good. Can I?”
Silently Hyunjin takes the lead, not letting both of the heroes that just called off duty move a muscle. He carefully cleans Jisung face, removing grime and tears. Jisung has already been given painkillers so it’s just Chan who takes them. Water, he says before tipping the bottle against Jisung’s lips, Chan takes the second one. He coaxes Jisung to lean back into Chan and puts an ice pack over his forehead, knowing that overusing his power usually gives him a migraine.
There’s a couple minutes of silence. When things aren’t as crumbly, when Jisung’s hands no longer shake and he rubs his teary eyes, it is the moment Hyunjin sits back, sending a look to Chan, witch he nods in approval.
“What happened?” Hyunjin drops it, without judgment or nagging. Just a bridge he offers because he knows it is what Jisung needs.
There’s comforting hands when Jisung’s eyes close harshly, his lungs stutter as he tries to draw air in.
“I fucked up!” he lets out, and even if admitting it is dreadful, there’s a weight lifting off his chest as he does.
“Breathe, Jisung.” Chan gently guides, putting a hand over his chest. Jisung’s hand tries to keep the ice pack over his head, the sting that he didn’t realice it was helping to ease coming back. He does as Chan says and remembers his own advice, inhaling slowly through his nose and letting go through his mouth. “Why do you say that?”
“Because it’s true! The vi-villain destroyed the building, right there with us in it. Like, why? And I’m trained to react properly, but I didn’t! I was impulsive, and I hurt Seungmin.” Once he feels the gates open, there’s nothing he can do to stop the string of remorse coming out of his lips. “And I-I panicked, and we were under all that mess, and there was blood. And you called for the medical team—”
“You did, love.” Chan tells him. “You made the call.”
Jisung blinks. He definitely doesn’t remember that, watching Seungmin bleed out on the floor was more distracting.
“So what?” He replicates, frustrated and still right on the edge of shouting. “It shouldn’t have happened in the first place. We could have been crushed alive. I could have— I could have killed—”
“Jisung.” Hyunjin stops him, his voice is rough taking Jisung abruptly out of his rampt. The blunt words carry so much intention, crude and real. Jisung means them, against all his will. He didn’t even notice the windows began to shake nor the lights flickering. His hand falls over Jisung's shoulder like an anchor. “That could have been doesn’t exist.”
The unease in Hyunjin’s face is definitely more present, and Jisung can only assume that part of it is because of his little slip-up. He tries to breathe in slowly once again, focusing on the presence of his power embedded right in his core. He can almost picture it fitting perfectly inside his grasp to soothe its slightly disturbed state.
Hyunjin has always been more emotional, his power just responds accordingly. It used to be something their teachers pointed out as a flaw, that unpredictability not something you would really want on someone supposed to remain calm in the most stressful situations, and Hyunjin has worked on being as centered as possible since then. And now every now and then it shows as a quirky trait of his. A warm beverage suddenly cold on his hand, or a frost-covered window behind him when he is denying being stressed.
But Jisung has always been one with his power, always knowing his limits and capabilities. He can count on one hand the times he has felt hampered or doubtful of what he could be able to do. Just another thing that makes him the textbook example of a hero.
No wonder why Hyunjin finds it especially concerning.
Jisung covers Hyunjin’s hand with his own.
“You didn’t fucked up, it was an accident.” Hyunjin firmly says. Jisung's heart is still beating in his throat, he sighs, watching Chan nod from the side. Hyunjin's head subtly leans sideways, noticing the frown on Jisung's face and the way he fidgets with the hem of his costume. He leans closer. “Is that everything that is on your mind? No other thing is bothering you?”
Jisung looks away. Damn, his lover. Jisung adores him, but the way he can read through him is frightening.
“It’s alright.” He decides on saying.
“What happened?” Chan asks, a little lost. Hyunjin makes a little sound, pushing himself up, off of his position halfway on top of Jisung. He doesn't intend to get away, and just leans on his elbows, that way, he can see Jisung straight.
They exchange one of those looks, that either mean they are about to start a riot, or flip Chan’s heart upside down. Any way they never fail to keep him on his toes.
“I guess I have just been keeping something to myself for a while.” Jisung admits, and finally clears the path to leave the cards on the table.
Chan feels his stomach drop. Because this type of conversations are still enervating. He starts breathing on auto-pilot, so he repositions himself mentally. No running, no hiding. He does his best to flip his approach, and the feeling of gratefulness and genuine happiness that invades him clashes with his bellyache, because this honesty requires so much trust from all parts, and Chan is so honored to have it and be part of it now.
It’s no secret that Hyunjin and Jisung used to lie to Chan, like, a lot. He likes to believe it was for his own good.
“I know this is not an official position and…” Jisung clears his throat, clearly struggling to verbalize what has been on his mind. “I’m really grateful, but some days I just don’t want to be…”
“The ace?” Chan asks, noticing Jisung's reluctance to say it himself. Jisung nods slowly.
The truth is Jisung’s head has always been loud. The pessimist, contemptuous internal monologue tries to pull him under at the minimal provocation. Self-doubt, lack of discipline, or laziness is what the counselors at the agency used to call it every time Jisung brought it up. Yeah, the support system wasn’t exactly the best. They sucked back then, honestly, he can’t speak for the former ones, since he stopped going to this appointments, sessions or whatever they where, the moment they weren’t obligatory. Instead, they learned very quickly to lean on each other, and following Chan's example, especially since becoming pro-heroes, they have been paying special attention to the rookies. Just little afternoon check-ups, quick advice easily delivered, a high five here and there—they know a small gesture can keep them going after a rough day. Jisung definitely knows.
“You wanted me to be a good example.” He begins with his chest aching, he doesn’t, and he will not, put the blame on Chan, he just hopes he doesn’t get it that way either. Jisung doesn’t remember when he acquired the pressure of it. Maybe that late-night training session where Chan said here, follow Jisung’s movement, when one of the trainees asked for advice. Or on one of their first missions when things were getting tough and they had to split, Chan turned around, with blood on his face, he said, I trust you to get them out if anything happens. He had looked at him with so much trust, there was no doubt on his eyes. The civilians with them had caught it immediately and basically hung off him. Jisung had no option but to succeed. “I didn’t want to fail. I didn’t wa-want to disappoint you.”
“What? No…” Chan says, abruptly lost for words and mortified. “Disappoint me?”
Chan shakes his head vehemently, reaching forward, Jisung lets himself be moved around until Chan’s arms are surrounding him in a firm hold. And for a moment they stay just like that, indulging in the embrace when words are not the most suitable expression of the actual care and devotion they feel in the moment. Chan is conflicted. He never thought the challenges they have to go through as a team would collide with his relationship, in theory, it shouldn’t, but how does he truly manage this without letting his heart seep through?
“My love, how could you think that?” He says, cheek pressed over Jisung’s head. Disappoint him? Chan opens his eyes, finding Hyunjin's soft features, he smiles at them, bittersweet sadness and adoration mixing together, that tells Chan he understands the feeling completely. It doesn't ease Chan one bit. He can’t help but reach for him too, taking Hyunjin’s hand in his.
How could they do something remotely similar to disappoint him? How? When Chan knows them, when he has been since day one watching them sacrifice so much of themselves to reach their goal. Every day endlessly circling the city, coming back home battered and dirty, constantly sleep deprived, and skipping meals just to attend to their duties. No, there’s not something any of the seven of them could do to bring down the great respect and devotion he holds for them.
Jisung shrugs, there’s no logic explanation. He doesn’t know how, he just unintentionally does.
“You are an incredible hero, Jisung.” Hyunjin begins earnestly. Jisung doesn’t try to get out of Chan’s arms but does turn around so he is able to face him. Just like Chan, Jisung stretches out for him. Hyunjin, now hand in hand with both of them, kisses Jisung’s scraped knuckles. “Titles are meaningless when we get to know how much you love this, how passionate you are.”
Chan hums, agreeing. “The decoration is nice, but it definitely doesn’t measure your worth.”
“Isn’t it vain?” Jisung asks a little doubtful. Chan chuckles, faking thinking it through.
“There’s nothing wrong in wanting the recognition.” He decides on saying. Jisung huffs, falling further into the pillows he drags a hand over his clammy face. “But if you want, we won’t mention it if it makes you uncomfortable.”
“We thought you enjoyed it. I mean, you used to throw it in my face.” Hyunjin adds, smirking complicitly at the memories.
He did. God, were they ridiculous. He would grin so shamelessly, even pulling his tongue out wouldn’t be off limits when watching Hyunjin’s face twist in silent fury was so worth it. It was a heedless, immature way of saying I’m on top of you, I’m better than you, and Chan-hyung knows it. Back then he was undeserving of the title, he now believes. He was reckless and conceited, not truly the responsible and level-headed hero he is today. Today, he has learned so much, grown so much. There are people looking up to him, and people he has sworn to protect. He likes it, ace, he definitely enjoys it more than he would like to admit*.* Jisung knows who he is, and he is, indeed, a little cocky.
That doesn’t excuse dragging Hyunjin through the mud to feed his overblown ego, though.
Jisung chuckles wetly and sighs right after, completely exhausted physically and mentally. He clumsily brings Hyunjin closer until he is face-to-face with him.
“I’m sorry,” he says, cupping the back of Hyunjin’s head. “I think you are fucking amazing.”
Hyunjin huffs a small, surprised sound, expression softening with overwhelming adoration. He hears Chan and Jisung’s endeared laugh when he hides on the latter’s neck, the unexpected confession catching him off guard.
“I do like it.” Jisung confesses, coming back to their little ordeal, hoping they leave no loose threads. “It’s just… a lot sometimes.” Hell, it feels good to admit. And it’s nothing like how he used to overthink all this time, Chan and Hyunjin look at him with so much understanding and support. Not the annoyance and indignation his head tried to convince him there would be. “I just want to be Han, the superhero, and not feel like I have to keep up to the expectations. Not feel like I always have to do more than anybody else to be worthy of it.”
Chan, in a display of empathy, or quiet acknowledgement, leans forward until he presses his forehead to the crown of Jisung’s head.
“I think. Being the ace…” Chan waits just a beat to make sure it lands correctly. “is not something you have to earn, Jisung. You already own it, nothing will change that.”
Jisung takes the momentum and angles him just an inch closer so he can kiss him properly, for the first time today, he realizes. And he definitely doesn’t have to earn this, but it feels so rewarding nonetheless.
“You are our precious ace.” Hyunjin finishes, recalls from a couple years back, this time without any malice nor carefully crafted provocations, just sincerity and appreciation.
Jisung laughs, almost making Chan and Hyunjin sigh with relief.
Okay, Jisung thinks, this is who I am. He is a hero, a superhero, actually. And a good one, definitely, so what if that defines him as presumptuous? But he didn’t self-proclaim the ace title, it was rightfully given. He is, also, a person, a bleeding human, loyal and honest, fragile and flawed. And he definitely can forget a friend and teammate. Chan makes a move, putting some distance between them since they arrived, his voice flies over his head, and Hyunjin chuckles beside them. Jisung used to think being a hero might be the easiest thing he had ever done, but now he thinks that was not the case, because being a lover definitely is. He didn’t expect it, he truly underestimated the amount of effort, compromise, trust, resilience that making life with somebody else takes, yet he wouldn’t change it for anything. Beside the right people, it’s easy. If he had to decide which one describes him the best, he wouldn’t have a doubt. And sometimes when he decides to annoy Hyunjin a bit too much, he's an idiot. That describes him well too.
“That sounds nice.” Hyunjin comments, Jisung doesn’t really know why, he hasn’t been following.
“Let’s all reset, it’s been a long day.” Chan says. He pulls the jacket of his costume off, no longer standing the idea of the dirty clothes over clean sheets. “Shower?”
“”
If Chan has to guess, it’s probably been an hour and a half, two at most, since Jisung fell asleep and the room became silent. Chan has found that sleeping with company makes nights more manageable, less lonely, not exactly less cold, but that is something he won’t complain about. His insomnia still shows up from time to time, still Chan doesn’t find the darkness as exhausting. He expected Hyunjin to follow Jisung right after, never wasting the chance to doze off, but he didn’t. He drifts between just lying with his eyes closed and looking at the ceiling. Chan stopped himself from worrying because Hyunjin looks so cozy. Hair disheveled, on his side over the covers— since it doesn't matter how much they attempt to cover him up, he insists on kicking them off— and drowning in Chan’s hoodie.
His. Both, he realizes. His hoodie, his…
Chan’s ears burn. Not knowing how to identify the feeling still, possessiveness perhaps? Or just a deep-rooted affection in knowing Hyunjin is comfortable enough with him, and by extension his belongings, to borrow them without asking. He still does most of the time, even if Chan would not deny him anything.
Today was Hyunjin’s day off, no wonder why he is not tired. Maybe he woke up late, or he did nothing all day, probably both. Maybe he is a little fluttery after his stop at the hospital, like he always gets. Neither Chan nor Jisung comment on it, having reassured Hyunjin it is not exactly necessary for him to go when he obviously hates it. Hyunjin doesn’t even ask if it is necessary, he just shows up.
It inevitably makes Chan’s stomach tingle. He nuzzles against Jisung’s hair. That is what this is about. Doing things, caring, showing up, supporting each other, even if it means going to the discomfort of inconvenience. Because the other person is worth it, and they would do the same for you.
Safe to say Chan is still getting used to all the management between his hero life and this, some days it feels truly impossible to get an opening to get the quality time, organization for dates, and the entire ordeal of emotional push and pull that sharing his life with not one but two people comes with. It's hard.
Hyunjin and Jisung have had no complaints, but Chan sometimes expects them to come crashing down, like a tickling bomb.
Hyunjin looks his way, slowly blinking.
“Too shaken to sleep?” He whispers, lifting his head, leaning it over his hand to look at him. “What about some tea?”
At the offer, Chan doubts, heart full but emotionally raw. It sounds nice, yet he is not so sure about moving. He must take more time than what is acceptable to respond because Hyunjin chuckles softly.
“You don't want to leave him.” He assumes correctly. Chan shakes his head, and Hyunjin nods slowly, I get it, it means. But when he makes a gesture to get up, he is stopped by the pull on his clothes, when he looks back, Chan is, not literally, frozen. Hyunjin raises an eyebrow after a couple of seconds. “You don't want me to leave either?”
Chan's head is doing that same repetitive motion, and Hyunjin huffs out a choked, amused smile.
“You are being silly!” He says with intention, keeping his voice still barely over a whisper.
Hyunjin moves swiftly, leaving a quick kiss on Chan’s cheek and getting out of the bed with that same easy grace. Before Chan can recover, he is already out the room.
Jisung stirs just for a second at the inevitable hustling, making Chan hold his breath. Chan remembers from their trainee days how heavy Jisung's sleep used to be, they used to tease him about it. He guesses that’s not a quaint trait you get to keep when you are a hero. Jisung doesn’t wake up, thankfully, but the forced stillness makes Chan notice his own heartbeat on his throat and wonder how long has he been ignoring it.
The electric anxiety building up in his gut makes him jump out of the bed. Well, not really, because that would have woken Jisung up, more like carefully taking the covers off himself with urgency and following behind Hyunjin’s trail.
“Chamomile-lavender with honey sounds good?” Hyunjin idly asks once he enters the kitchen. Chan doesn’t know how he even sensed him since he is kneeling over the countertop looking on the upper cabinets. Chan only realizes he didn’t respond when Hyunjin looks back with a raised eyebrow, he nods immediately. Hyunjin’s expression doesn’t change, if fact, he frowns further. “Okay?”
The way Hyunjin's word stretches out in ambiguity has Chan feeling like there are bright red letters spelling trouble above his head. Hyunjin swings a leg off the counter, and Chan, purely out of instinct or habit, helps him get down. Once on the floor, hands over his waist, Hyunjin locks his gaze on Chan’s.
“Talk to me, hyung.”
“You knew this?” Bluntly leaves Chan’s mouth, like it had been waiting for the opportunity.
“What is it exactly?” Hyunjin presses, all too knowing. So easily dismantling Chan’s barriers.
And Chan promised he was going to try, try to be the partner they deserve.
“I-I feel— I should have known. I mean, this is my team, my family, he is my-my…” Chan drifts, the hesitation making Hyunjin step forward, still keeping the calmness Chan doesn't have and really, really needs. Hyunjin smiles giddily.
“Boyfriend,” Hyunjin offers, finishes, gently. “you can say it.”
Chan breathes shakily through his teeth, Hyunjin raises his eyebrows, looking at him expectantly for a second. Chan's cheeks unkindly burn, the forbidden word almost spicy on the tip of his tongue.
“My… boyfriend, he is my boyfriend, you are my boyfriend.” He says, taking speed as he does so, like he suddenly rediscovered this fact, yeah Hyunjin adds with an almost smug smile.
“Did you know he was struggling like this?”
For the first time Hyunjin looks away, the speck of a mournful expression crossing his face before it disappears.
“I knew.” He admits, closing his eyes as he does so. When he opens them to look at him Chan can swear there's guilt in them. He easily snakes his arms around Hyunjin, and is eased back to the surface when Hyunjin smiles at him. Hyunjin’s fingers grace the short hairs at his nape. “Sorry. I— We weren’t keeping anything from you, I promise.”
It feels important to make things clear. Not only because that’s the foundation of their relationship, but because Hyunjin wouldn't want Chan to believe he is being left out. Since he joined their relationship later on, Hyunjin and Jisung know they have to make sure Chan knows he is not, and never will be, the one to spare. Even if they have had more time together, this is not Hyunjin and Jisung plus Chan, they are together together.
“I didn’t knew exactly. We talked about it once, long ago. You know, we talked about how tired we were, how packed our schedules had been,” Hyunjin almost feels like shying away from Chan’s intense gaze, he looks like he doesn’t want any detail to slip from him. He makes a soft mmh sound to let Hyunjin know he is listening, like he could have a doubt. “and he mentioned it, that being considered the ace was… demanding, he called it. I never expected it would snowball to this.”
“I understand.” Chan says with sincerity. He suddenly straightens, brows settling into a furrowed line. Hyunjin crooks an eyebrow. “I think I need to call in more team meetings, we need to constantly have serious conversations. If we keep each other informed and maintain a close eye after each mission…”
He stops talking as he watches Hyunjin roll his eyes dramatically, chuckling, he leans forward in his grasp. Successfully and effortlessly stopping Chan’s leader mode gibberish.
“Shut up, you are perfect.” Hyunjin says, planting a chaste kiss over Chan’s lips. Chan flushes, caught off guard, he smiles, dimples and all. He honestly wishes he never gets used to the overwhelming sensation. Hyunjin is just happy he changed the attention because they don’t talk about hero stuff at home, and that’s a rule he runs like the navy.
“Says you.”
Hyunjin knows better than to start a debate with Chan, so he lets him have it. Soon after, he remembers why he came here in the first place, go back to bed, it’s what he tells him so he can finish their tea, knowing that Chan wouldn’t want to leave Jisung alone for too long.
The apartment is quiet and dark, without any heavy lingering emotions to corrode the place. It has seen a lot.
The steaming mugs are brought to the bed. One last whispered conversation, this time something mundane and a good night, I love you.
In the end, they always find a way to be alright.