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Being awake in the middle of the night comes with a certain feeling of being at peace. With everyone around asleep, the pressure and expectations coming from other people seem to disappear.
Jana enjoys it that way. Being sprawled across the outdoor lounge, propped up against some cushions, on the terrace of the small house Aggie and her rented for their summer holiday. Looking up into the clear night sky, she lets her mind wander. It’s a warm summer night, a gentle breeze keeping Jana company, making the leaves of the trees that surround the house rustle. A few lights flicker in the distance, making out Artà, the small Mallorcan town Aggie and Jana spent the afternoon exploring. After a morning on the beach, they had wandered every alley, eaten more ice cream than what was possibly considered a healthy amount and ended the evening with having tapas in a small local restaurant.
Even though the long day she had, Jana couldn’t fall asleep. After Aggie’s breaths had evened out, she had started wandering around the house and ultimately ended up outside, not caring about how late it was. Lying here with no rooftop over her head reminds Jana of the many times her brother and her used to sleep outside in the summer. She smiles at the thought, deciding to share her memory with him the next time they speak.
She hasn’t felt this calm and at ease in quite some time.
She doesn’t know how long she’s been lying here, when Jana unexpectedly hears footsteps behind her. As she turns her head slightly, she sees Aggie stepping through the door out onto the terrace. She has a blanket wrapped around her shoulders and her eyes are heavy with sleep.
Aggie doesn’t say anything. She just walks over to where Jana is sitting, plops down between her girlfriend’s legs and leans back into her, adjusting the blanket so it covers the legs of both of them. Jana wraps her arms around Aggie’s waist and pulls her impossibly close to her. Aggie sighs contently, head resting on Jana’s shoulder, seemingly not feeling the need to say anything just yet.
Jana enjoys Aggie’s weight against her own body. Aggie’s hair still faintly smells like the sea and her body radiates a comforting warmth.
For a moment, they just lay there, enjoying each other’s presence.
“Woke up and you weren’t in bed,” Aggie then mumbles so quietly Jana nearly misses it, “really missed you.”
Jana smiles to herself and presses a kiss to Aggie’s temple.
“I couldn’t sleep,” she answers softly, “thought maybe the night sky needed some company.”
Aggie laughs. “Well, now she has both of us,” she says, looking up to the sky.
“She?”
“I mean yes, just look. That’s the beauty of a true lady,” Aggie states.
Now it is Jana who’s laughing, intertwining her fingers with Aggie’s. “If you say so, mi amor.”
“But they are beautiful. The stars I mean.”
Jana hums in agreement, but instead of following Aggie’s gaze, she presses another kiss to her jaw.
A smirk flashes over Aggie’s face before she props herself up and turns to face Jana. “But not nearly as beautiful as you are,” she says bluntly. “Tú eres muy muy bonita,” she tries in Spanish, emphasising every word with a tap to Jana’s chest.
Jana snorts at that and tries to shove Aggie away playfully. “You’re impossible, Agnes.”
“You like it,” Aggie answers and raises her eyebrows teasingly, the smirk still not leaving her face.
At that, instead of giving her a direct answer, Jana pulls Aggie down onto her and presses her lips to Aggie’s, one of her hands cradling her face, the other holding Aggie by her waist.
Aggie seems to be content with that kind of outcome, kissing Jana back just as eagerly.
Jana feels her heartbeat pick up. Having her girlfriend draped over her, kissing lazily in the middle of the night, somewhere no one will disturb them, seems to be all she ever needed.
After a few moments, Aggie pulls away, her eyes finding Jana’s, suddenly looking more serious. “But you are beautiful, I mean it. Inside and out. The most beautiful.”
Sometimes Jana is baffled by how quickly Aggie can go from being her cheeky self to being earnest.
Aggie lets the words hang in the air for a moment before adding: “I love you. And I love loving you. I’m really thankful that the universe brought us together.”
She presses one last kiss to Jana’s nose before resting her head on her shoulder and closing her eyes.
“T’estimo,” Jana whispers, wrapping her arms around Aggie, hoping that she knows that Jana’s feelings are just as strong.
And once again, the quietness of the night wraps around them, Jana feeling Aggie’s breathing evening out against her.
Jana doesn’t know how much time has passed when suddenly Aggie, who she thought was long asleep, speaks up once again.
“What do you reckon the stars are made of?” Aggie murmurs, voice raspy, pulling Jana out of her thoughts.
“Huh?”
“The stars. What do you think they are made of?” Aggie repeats, gesturing vaguely with her left hand. “What is their origin?”
Jana snorts at that, loving how Aggie’s tired mind seems to always come up with some random questions. “Aren’t they made of gases or something?” she asks.
Aggie seems to consider that for a moment and furrows her brows in contemplation.
“Yeah, but there has to be something else, something deeper.”
Jana turns her head towards Aggie. “Not sure I know where you’re going with that, Ags.”
Lifting her head, Aggie scans Jana’s face. Jana is sure she can hear her brain working.
“Just like we’re made of meat and bones and water and whatever, but we also have a soul, something that makes us human.”
“You’re asking me if stars have souls?” Jana questions, suppressing a laugh and trying to take her girlfriend’s thoughts seriously. “What are you, a poet?”
Aggie groans and pokes a finger into Jana’s side, making her giggle slightly. “I’m a footballer, you dork.”
“Oh, is that so?”
Aggie rolls her eyes and huffs in annoyance. Jana chuckles and tugs her head down onto her chest, fingers finding their way into Aggie’s hair, tenderly playing with one particular strand.
Before speaking again, Aggie remains silent for a few moments.
Then: “Maybe they’re made of memories. Good memories. And the fonder one particular memory is, the brighter is the star that the memory creates.”
Jana just holds Aggie and lets her ramble on.
“That’s why you can see them only in the night. They are there to give you something to hold onto in the darkness. And they’re a reminder that things can and will get better. That the next good thing might be just around the corner, you simply don’t know it yet.”
Jana thinks about it. She kind of likes that thought, especially because it’s coming from Aggie.
Then she points to the sky; not that Aggie knows which exact star Jana wants to show her, but Jana decides that it doesn’t really matter. “Then that one has to be the one for the first time we met,” Jana starts, “and that one for the time you tried to help me set up the shelf in my new apartment and we failed miserably, but it somehow turned out to be the first time I really felt at home in London. And that one over there is for when I felt homesick and Keira and you surprised me with a self made paella.”
Aggie grins and takes Jana’s hand into her own, squeezing it three times. I love you.
“Soon there will be a new star in the sky, don’t you think?” Aggie asks. “A very bright star for our holiday. Or maybe even for this exact moment.”
Jana smiles and turns so she can give Aggie another peck on the lips. “I’m sure there will. And I’m really looking forward to make more memories with you,” Jana yawns.
“Me too,” Aggie murmurs. “Let’s stay here, ok?”
Jana nods, feeling way too comfortable to get up right now.
At that Aggie starts to shuffle around. “Wanna hold you,” she declares, moving so she lays behind Jana, draping her blanket across both of them. She wraps her arm around Jana’s waist and pulls her close.
Aggie drops a kiss to Jana’s shoulder. “Sleep tight, my love,” she whispers.
Jana is already half asleep, humming in acknowledgment to Aggie’s words.
And just like that, they fall asleep for another few hours. Until the sun rises again for them to make another memory.