Work Text:
You’re not mad at Odile for lying. You’re not mad at her at all. You’d trapped the entire world in an endless time loop all based on your desperate need to not be alone, to be with them, and if lying to you that she wanted to stay too was what it took then…
It’s fine. Bonnie and Mira and Isa are still here, still visit as you recover, are friendly and act like everything is the same, and you didn’t ask about Odile and why you hadn’t seen her. You were awful to her. She was worried about you, she was trying to help, and you’d…
You can’t take it back now, as tempting as it is to try. None of them should want anything to do with you after this, you should be grateful that it’s just Odile that’s given up on you, but it- it hurts. You can’t be angry, you can’t apologise, you can’t beg, you just- just- just…
You’re alone and it’s the middle of the night, so you sob. You cling to your pillow as tightly as you possibly can and bury your pathetic, sobbing, wailing face in it and cry. Cutting yourself open would hurt less than this, than knowing you hurt one of the people you love most in the entire world and can’t do a single thing to fix it. She’s probably gone already. Instructed the others to put on happy faces for a while before breaking the news, just so that you won’t trap the world again.
You’ll never see her again.
The thought cracks you wide open, and you let out a pathetic, keening sort of scream into the pillow. I’m sorry. You beg inside. I’m sorry, please come back, I’ll do anything. Please come back.
The door creaks open. You do your best to stifle the noise, but getting a handle on your shuddering sobs does nothing to stop the sniffling.
And then a voice you were convinced you’d never hear again whispered, “Siffrin?”
What? You wipe your eye frantically, trying to hide any evidence. “H-huh?” You can’t see properly between the darkness and your tears, but your hearing is fine. Odile is… here? Why?
Maybe she came to say goodbye.
Yeah, that must be it.
You swallow the lump in your throat. “O-Odile?” Crab. You couldn’t have given away your little breakdown more obviously if you’d tried. Selfish.
Soft footsteps, and her silhouette comes more into view, sinking into a chair and dropping something soft and heavy on the ground. “Are you alright?”
The question makes your mouth twist, but you push past it. You’ve had plenty of practice. “Mhm! I’m fine!”
The silence speaks volumes. “Uh huh.” Odile says, clearly not buying a word of it. “So you wouldn’t mind if I lit a torch.”
You should have seen that coming, but it wasn’t like you had many ways out of this. “M’fine though.”
She sighs. “You’re… not a good liar, Siffrin.”
Your eye tingles. “P-please.” You manage to get out, forcing yourself not to think about how much you’ll miss her perceptiveness. “Don’t.” Just let it go. Don’t poke until I beg you not to go and then leave me so easily.
Odile is silent for a time after that. You do your best not to cry any more, and almost succeed. “I… want to help, Siffrin.” Here it comes. The but, the you’re broken, you hurt me, you hurt everyone, the I’m leaving… “I know I’m not good at it, but… I still want to.”
A broken sob breaks free entirely against your will, and with a conflicted noise, Odile moves. “I’m going to light a torch unless you tell me not to right now.” She warns, and you can’t, you can’t, you want…
Light. And Odile’s piercing gaze right on you, which immediately softens into sorrow. “Oh, Siffrin.” She’s at your side in moments. You try to hide, even knowing it’s far too late. “What happened?”
You shake your head. It hasn’t happened, not yet, and you can’t, you can’t, you can’t!
“I- what can I do, please, I…” With a quiet mutter that sounds suspiciously like crab it, she hooks her arms under yours and tugs you up into a hug, your head pressed against her shoulder.
What? What? No, Odile doesn’t like touch, she doesn’t like hugs, you can’t, you… it’s nice though, isn’t it. Maybe… this is her saying goodbye.
That sets you off again, shaking and crying into her shoulder, hating yourself for getting her coat wet and clinging all the same. She holds you as well. Her body is stiff, but one hand rubs up and down your back, and it’s nice. Soothing. She doesn’t let go until your shaking stops and the tears seem to have run out. You pull back and sniffle. “Sorry.”
You expect her to tell you it’s okay. Instead she tilts her head ever so slightly. “Tell me what’s wrong and we’ll call it even.”
You laugh. Stars, you love her dry humour. You love how serious she acts all the while egging the rest of you on. You love her so much.
You swallow. “I don’t want to.”
“Hmm.” Her hand finds your head, fingers tangling through your hair. “This feels rather familiar.”
You know. You know. You have to get over it and- let it go, let her go, you can’t make them be with you no matter how much you want it.
But you owe her honesty, after everything. You breathe in… and out. And in again. “I-I-” Your eye fixes on the floor. “I don’t want you to go.” And then, quietly. “I love you.” She doesn’t like that word, she doesn’t like any of this, but you need her to know before she leaves.
Odile’s hand stills in your hair. You know without looking that you’ve taken her off guard. Selfish, selfish, selfi- “I love you too.” She murmurs.
Huh?? Your eye snaps up to her face. Her cheeks are dark and she doesn’t quite meet your gaze. “I-I know I’m not the best at showing it, but… I do.” She swallows awkwardly. “And I’m- I won’t go, Siffrin.”
What?! But- “But you- you’ve been gone! You weren’t- I didn’t- I-I thought…” Oh, your heart is rabbiting, and you break off to breathe, if only so you don’t start crying again.
Odile stares at you, looking thunderstruck. “Siffrin, I…” She groans and buries her face in her hands. “I’m awful at this.” She growls. “Gems, did I really go and make it even worse?”
Make what worse?
She finally looks up at you. You’re not quite sure, but it looks a little bit like her heart has broken. “Siffrin, I-I’m terrible at feelings and comfort. I know I am; I’m abrasive and harsh, and you’ve been through something… horrible. I thought the last thing you needed was me being here and saying the wrong thing, so…”
So… So? So, she avoided you? Because she cares? Because she didn’t want to hurt you? Your lip trembles. “I-I like those things about you.” You stutter out. “I like that you don’t always know what to say and still try anyway.” The corners of your mouth tip upwards ever so slightly. “I like how you stutter your way through comforting people.” Ah, why not, you may as well. “It’s cute.”
She fixes you with a playful glare, her mouth twitching. “I’m only letting you get away with that because I apparently triggered an emotional breakdown.”
You bat your eye at her, earning a half-hearted scoff.
“I am sorry for that.” Odile says. “I didn’t- I thought the others had it in hand.”
It meaning you, of course. “I didn’t- I didn’t want to put more on them. O-or… feel bad about-” You can’t say it. “I know I was horrible to you, so…”
“And I told you I forgive you.”
You shrug. You lied to them, broke their hearts. It would only be fair if they did the same.
Odile seems to read your mind. “There’s no points, Siffrin. We’re not tallying every bad thing you do against every good thing and choosing punishments. I…” Her cheeks darken again. “I hope you’ll forgive me, but I’ve actually been on my own secret quest. Just by myself.”
What? You blink at her.
“After you told us about your home, I thought- I couldn’t imagine what it’s like to have no memory of it and so little to hold onto.” And she draws something large and darkless from the bag she’d dropped by your bed, setting it in front of you. “I didn’t want to get your hopes up in case I couldn’t find it, but…”
You stare at it, frozen. It’s dirty and has a small tear, but… “You found my hat?”
She nods, chewing on her lip. “I judged the direction and spent my time searching the woods.” An awkward laugh. “No villagers bothering me for tales of our grand adventures, no sadnesses, it was rather nice.”
You stare at her. Face dark, eyes locked onto the opposite wall, hands clenched in her lap. Odile… had spent all this time doing something for you? Trying to find one little piece of home that you could keep?
You’re gonna crabbing cry again. You breathe in… and out. “Thank you.” You whisper. She came in here in the middle of the night. Had… “Did you- find it just now?”
She nodded sheepishly. “I was coming back. Caught sight of it hanging from a low branch. I think an owl was considering it for a nest.”
You smile. “That would be cute.”
Odile smiles back. “Not quite as cute as this.” She says, snatching it up and pressing it down hard on your head.
You laugh, batting at her as it covers your eye. “Hey!”
“Don’t lose it again.” She says affectionately, letting go.
You grin at her from under the wide, familiar brim. “Promise.”
“Good.” She presses it down against your head again, earning a giggle. “Now get some sleep. We can talk to Isabeau about cleaning and patching it tomorrow.” She stands, stretching, and her eyes fall onto the other infirmary bed.
She hums. “I… would you mind if I slept in here, tonight?” There’s that awkward, stilted way she speaks that never fails to make you grin. Odile can disagree all she wants, it’s still cute. “I don’t want to wake the others.”
Yeah, right. Odile’s perceptive. She noticed your breath catch when she stood to leave. You shake your head, and she gives you a grateful look, shedding her coat, glasses, and shoes, blowing out the torch and, you assume, crawling into the other bed. “Goodnight, Siffrin.”
You hug your hat to your chest and sigh. “Goodnight.” You whisper.