Archive of Our Own ^beta

Aaron couldn’t really pinpoint when it had started.

The coughing had been gradual, so small at first that it was easily blamed on some dust or food stuck in his throat. Dehydration, maybe.

It started getting a bit worrying when Katelyn kept looking up at him during their study time, when Nicky paused their video game so Aaron could take a break, and when Kevin wasn’t as harsh as he usually would be during practice. Andrew had called him stupid and told him not to get his germs on everyone in the dorms. It meant he cared, probably. Aaron didn’t actually think Andrew was worried about everyone on the team catching a cold, but rather that the more people who had it, the more chances Neil could get it too. Which would be a shame, really.

After one particularly terrible practice where Neil had used his vice-captain title to torment him, Aaron had almost felt petty enough to purposefully cough on Neil’s things. But hey, future doctor, right ?

The thought remained in the back of his head.

In any case, the coughing was getting concerning. And annoying, both to him and everyone around him, visibly. Matt and Nicky hadn’t said anything about Aaron waking them up in the middle of the night because he had a sudden coughing fit, but he noticed the dark circles under their eyes in the morning. He had wanted to apologise, but the words couldn’t leave his mouth. Aaron Minyard was never really good at saying sorry. Maybe it was in his genes, after all.

When he woke up this morning, he felt refreshed for the first time in a while. No nightmares, no coughs, and Nicky smiled at him when handing him his cup of coffee. A good start.

He should’ve known it wouldn’t last. When did anything good in his life ever did ?

Morning practice was harsh, but as much as it would’ve been had Aaron been sick or not. Those Exy freaks pushed him to his limits every single day. It was in the locker room, after showering and changing, that something shifted.

He rolled his eyes, feeling the cough coming up, and more than one pair of eyes on him. Whatever. If his misery amused them, so be it.

Aaron coughed. And coughed, and coughed, and that was definitely worse than usual. He tried breathing, but something (why was there something ?) got stuck in his throat, and he couldn’t keep his panic at bay. His hand gripped his locker, and he felt a hand on his back as he continued coughing until he was sure he was going to suffocate. Worried voices reached his ears, but he couldn’t decipher what they were saying, mind fuzzy.

It finally came to a halt when whatever was caught in his throat was able to get out, not without difficulties. Two pink flower petals that clashed terribly with the color of the room. Suddenly, the voices all stopped for one to be heard above the silence. Aaron turned his eyes immediately, catching a face he could see in his mirror every day.

“Why are you coughing petals,” Andrew asked, no expression on his face but a glint of something (was it worry, surprise ? Aaron wasn’t sure) in his eyes.

Aaron himself wished he knew the answer.

Abby stared at the petals, eyes flickering between Aaron and the two offending pink things.

“Are you sure you didn’t eat anything flower-based ?”

“Yes,” Aaron repeated, teeth gritted.

Abby sighed, “I’m sorry, Aaron, if you didn’t somehow ingest those petals, then I have no idea how they could have gotten there.”

Aaron heard a noise and looked to his right, where Nicky’s grip on his shoulder tightened, worry evident on his face. On his left, Andrew had his arms crossed, face blank but clearly displeased.

“If it happens again, you should see a doctor. I can’t inspect the inside of your lungs myself,” Abby advised.

Aaron nodded, decided that he didn’t want to see a doctor. He had to think about the future, and med school was too expensive to waste money on such appointments. This whole thing was probably a fluke anyway; maybe Aaron had swallowed some flowers without noticing, without knowing, maybe even in his sleep. He couldn’t come up with a more logical solution.

Nicky nodded more frantically, and Aaron had a feeling his cousin would fret over him more than he already did. Andrew didn’t utter a word, but Aaron doubted that would be the end of it.

He was proven right as soon as the door closed behind them.

“It better not happen again,” Andrew simply said before joining Neil, who had waited for him in the hallway. Aaron couldn’t stop his frown at the stupid expression on Neil’s face when his brother joined him. He didn’t think he could ever get used to it.

Nicky patted him on the back. “He’s worried about you. I think.”

Aaron raised an eyebrow. “I’ll get some air and walk around. You should go with them if you want Andrew to drive you back.”

Nicky bit his lower lip, clearly hesitant. “Fine. But call me if anything happens, okay ? I’m here for you,” He relented, before walking away, following the other two, yelling at Andrew to wait for him.

Aaron looked at them go, remaining standing in the hallway for some minutes before moving. He had no more classes this morning, a rare feat with his hectic schedule.

He got out, starting the walk back to the dorms in silence. He wasn’t usually one to make the trip on foot, comfortable in the backseat of the Maserati, but he had to admit the fresh air on his face felt nice. The silence, too. The lack of Neil’s presence, of Nicky’s loud ramblings.

He took a break on the way, sitting on a bench as he took out his phone. He wasn’t sure he could find the answers he wanted, but it didn’t hurt to try. He hesitated before typing what came to his mind.

coughing flower petals

There was no need to elaborate further. He didn’t bother scrolling, clicking on the first article he saw.

Hanahaki disease (花吐き病)

A very rare ailment, believed by most to be fictional, where flowers take root in a person’s lungs. The true existence of this disease is still relatively up for debate, but here’s what we know so far :

That article didn’t seem particularly trustworthy, but if the disease itself existed, it wouldn’t have made sense for neither Aaron nor Abby to have never heard of it anyway.

The development :

During the first phase, the patient has frequent coughing fits, sometimes accompanied by the feeling of something stuck in their throat.

It fit his symptoms, but this alone could apply to many other illnesses.

During the second phase, the patient starts coughing petals, stems, leaves (all depending on the kind of flower the patient is coughing) until it reaches a full flower, the third phase.

Supposedly, that was the phase Aaron was at. He grimaced at the thought of coughing up those petals more, especially if leaves and stems got in the mix. But, well, none of this was true, anyway, right ?

During the third phase, the coughing becomes even more frequent. Blood frequently accompanies the flowers, and the patient might find difficulty in their everyday life with menial tasks, let alone exercise. It is recommended to rest as much as possible.

Maybe if he showed the article to Kevin, he would be gullible enough to let Aaron skip practice.

The fourth and final phase of the disease puts the patient in critical condition. They might find themselves unable to move, drink, or eat properly. The plants in their lungs suffocate them more and more gravely, ultimately causing their death.

There weren’t any time periods he noticed. Would the flowers develop in weeks, months, years ? Clearly, they hadn’t thought that far when writing that stupid article.

The causes :

Simply put, Hanahaki is believed to be caused by unrequited love.

Aaron scoffed. Completely ridiculous. Who even wrote things like that ? This was a loss of his time. He still continued reading, curious how far the article went into its fantasy.

Whether the feelings are actually unrequited or if the patient believes them to be isn’t clear, but without clear proof of said feelings being requited, the flowers will continue growing.

The removal :

Sadly, there doesn’t seem to be any solid way for the disease to be removed through medical means. Surgery is plausible, but ultimately too unknown to guarantee the patient’s survival.

Cause that would’ve been too easy, wouldn’t it be ? Not that Aaron was going to question the possible surgery of complete fiction.

As such, the only foolproof method seems to be the feelings causing the roots to take place to either be requited or to fully disappear. Whether it’s easier to be loved back or to fall out of love is pretty subjective, and there are some situations in which neither happens in time.

A pretty grim ending. Dying because of unrequited love, what kind of sob story scenario was that ? He was surprised he had never seen it in one of the numerous romcoms Nicky had forced him to watch or the few he had watched with Katelyn back when they were together.

It is also believed that the flower involved is linked to the person the patient has feelings for.

Thinking of, Aaron didn’t even know what flowers the petals belonged to. He wasn’t sure he would have recognized it from only two petals. He was no expert in plants, but surely he could find something in the library. He put the idea away. It wasn’t like he was going to be coughing petals again. The article was a bunch of condensed nonsense; what happened to him was simply an absurd coincidence. Right ?

The rest of the walk to the dorms was uneventful, and Aaron didn’t waste time once settled back to pull out his textbooks. His lectures weren’t going to learn themselves.

He let out a yawn as he looked through his flashcards. A quick glance at the clock let him know he still had about an hour left before lunch. He rose from his seat to go grab a glass of water when he felt the now familiar tingling in his throat.

He got to the bathroom, hacking over the sink as petals fell from his mouth. Aaron’s eyes widened at the irrefutable evidence. This wasn’t a fluke. This wasn’t something he could easily sweep under the carpet. He stared at his reflection, glaring at his own incredulity. What now ?

He went back to the living room with quick steps, picking up his phone to continue his research. Maybe some more articles talked about it, maybe there was a more plausible explanation out there.

After minutes of nervous scrolling, reading articles after articles, clicking links he shouldn’t be clicking, Aaron had to face the facts. This stupid, fictional illness was the only thing that fit. It was so incoherent, so inherently ridiculous, and yet, nothing else seemed to explain why he kept coughing flower petals.

He inhaled and exhaled deeply, trying to calm his breathing as it started getting more erratic. He had a problem in front of him that he needed to solve.

If Aaron admitted he had this illness, it meant something about him that didn’t make any sense. He wasn’t in love with anyone. His mind first went to Katelyn, but after their breakup months ago, they had both moved on from those past feelings. He had loved her, that much he knew. As much as he knew that was currently not the case.

He wasn’t particularly close to any other girls outside of maybe the Foxes, but he felt like he would know if he was in love with any of them.

There was the other solution, of course. The one Aaron refused to acknowledge. The one he’d rather die than admit. And maybe that was what was happening.

Was it karma for the harsh things he had said to Nicky ? For the disgusted looks he had thrown at his brother and Neil ? For the way he wanted to gouge his own eyes out when they wandered where they shouldn’t have ?

Perhaps it was a fitting punishment.

Aaron didn’t dwell on it. He didn’t want to. It was a hypothetical that wasn’t worth worrying about, simply because there was no way it could be true. He wasn’t like that. Not him.

He repeated the thought in his mind like a mantra until he finally got himself to calm down.

He had more important things to worry about than who it was. Whoever it was didn’t like him back, and Aaron wasn’t confident enough that he could change that, no matter who it was. What mattered the most was how to stay alive. How to deal with the petals, with the attention they would bring. His teammates were already aware, but the whole campus didn’t need to know.

He opened his notebook on a blank page, pen gripped tightly between his fingers. The coughing had started about three months ago. If the development followed through a similar timeline, Aaron didn’t even have a year left to live.

He shuddered. After the last year, he had been on edge all the time. How could he not be when the danger that was Neil Josten was hanging off his twin’s arm ? When he had been on a murder trial ? But it had always involved someone else’s responsibility, the Moriyamas, more particularly Riko. This time, it was his problem, one not caused by Neil (well, hopefully), or Andrew, or Kevin (his eye twitched), or some yakuza scheme.

He threw the pen on the table, burying his head in his hands. He still couldn’t process it. Half of him still didn’t believe it was actually happening, somehow convinced he had coughed petals twice as some coincidence, or maybe some unknown disease no one had ever talked about, one that didn’t have anything to do with the cheesy notion of unrequited love. How did it even work, anyway ? Aaron had been through so many textbooks and lectures, and the existence of this illness and its causes and development went against so many medical truths that it was laughable.

Aaron wasn’t laughing.

He didn’t even know how to go on from there. He couldn’t just go to a hospital and tell them he had flowers growing in his lungs. They’d think Aaron was crazy, and he was starting to believe he might be, too.

Most of all, he didn’t want Andrew to learn about the potential reasons. He wasn’t sure how his brother would react, but he’d be a fool to think it would go well. Their relationship, much to Neil’s satisfaction, had evolved a bit after many joint therapy sessions. It still had a lot of improvements to make, and there were times when they would still fight, still sit in silence, refusing to talk to each other, but Aaron felt unusually hopeful. It was getting better, slowly, and one day, maybe they could at least pretend some normality.

Assuming Aaron would live long enough to see that happen. He remembered, back before the trial, how he had set into his mind that if he lost, that if he had to lose years of his life in jail, that if he ruined his future with the crime under his name, then it was better to end it all. He hadn’t shared that with anyone, certainly not with any of his teammates or Betsy. It wasn’t important, now, anyway. He had won.

And yet, here he was. Close to losing everything again.

Pause.

He was spiraling again. He wasn’t even sure this was true. Maybe what he had wasn’t deadly. Aaron didn’t know anything, and that was the worst part. The closest thing he had to answer was so strange it barely qualified as one, and it was very far from being a satisfying one.

He hated the feeling of confusion, how lost it made him feel. He hated not knowing, being left in the dark. He hated how every time life started to look up the tiniest bit, he had to fall back again.

Aaron hated a lot of things. Being left too long in an enclosed space. Kevin’s disgusting healthy smoothies. Andrew’s violent way of care. Nicky’s out-of-hand comments. Neil Josten. The twist of his guts when Kevin reached for something above Aaron, because Aaron couldn’t help but be jealous of his height. The way his attention shifted to Kevin whenever they were in the same room, because Kevin had a polished charisma from years in a cult. The history documentaries that had become a regular occurrence with just the two of them, because they were the only two that didn’t bore.

He coughed again and stared at the petals, face blank. He was starting to hate that color, too.

Practice the next morning was another piece of work.

Kevin was in a bad mood for God knew what reason, and everyone had to bear the consequences.

“What’s up his ass, this time ?” Aaron heard Matt mutter next to him.

Aaron tried to remember if the date of today was anything in particular. Kevin’s birthday ? No, that was in February. Riko’s death ? It hadn’t even been a year. Maybe it had something to do with Kayleigh, or maybe Kevin simply woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

He could ask Kevin after practice. The chance that Kevin would actually tell him anything was low, but higher than it had been a year ago. They talked more. With Andrew fucking off with Neil, they had turned to each other frequently. Kevin hated being alone, and Nicky was… Nicky was Nicky.

Kevin probably appreciated Aaron’s quietness.

He didn’t have to wonder long enough, because by the end of practice, Kevin had significantly calmed down. Maybe he was just having Exy withdrawals then.

He changed quickly, pretending he didn’t notice the gazes on him as he coughed up some more petals. He didn’t bother hiding it. What for ? They already knew.

As quickly as he wanted to leave, he should’ve known better than to think his nosy teammates would leave him alone. Allison was waiting for him, blocking the exit.

“Allison.” Aaron tried to keep his tone neutral, but knew he wasn’t as good as Andrew when it came to that.

If she noticed the irritation, she didn’t say it. “I saw something on a forum online.” She was tapping her manicured finger against the doorframe, and the sound was starting to get on his nerves.

Aaron snorted. “Talk about trustworthy medical sources.”

“Do you have anything better ?” Allison retorted.

He didn’t. But like hell he would ever admit it out loud. He just shrugged in answer.

“So.” There was a smirk on her face. “Tell me, Aaron, who do you have a crush on ?”

“What are you, twelve ?” He doubted Allison had approached him out of the greatness of her heart. It was pure gossip fuel, potential blackmail material, or information to win a bet. Aaron wasn’t stupid enough to believe it was out of care.

“I have a bet to win, Minyard.” Of course.

“You’ll see me delighted to know my death is so entertaining to you all.” Not that it was surprising. He didn’t have the team wrapped around his finger like a certain someone.

She rolled her eyes. “We won’t let it get there. We’re Foxes, we’ll find a solution.”

“For me ?” Aaron was doubtful. They had never cared much before. Not that he had ever let them care, preferring the safe, isolating distance.

Allison raised an eyebrow. “Does that surprise you ?”

“I’m not Neil.”

“It’d be weird for Andrew to date him if you were.”

Aaron grimaced. “Ew. Don’t.”

Allison snapped her fingers. “You still haven’t answered.”

“I don’t have a crush on anyone, and even if I did, I wouldn’t tell you. Stop believing everything you see online,” Aaron said, like he hadn’t proceeded to lose his mind over the same bullshit.

“Give me another explanation, and I’ll take it.”

Aaron bit his lip. Oh, how he wished he had something to retort. Instead, he just pushed her to the side and walked to the car.

He leaned against the car, arms crossed, and looked at the sky, petulantly tapping his foot on the ground while he waited for the others to finish. Thankfully, it didn’t take too long before he heard familiar voices, Kevin’s louder than the others.

“Night practice tonight.” Kevin pointed at Andrew and Neil. “It’s been three days of your night dates or whatever you’re doing.” Ah, so that was the reason for the crankiness. Kevin didn’t make it sound like Neil had a choice, but they all knew that if Neil refused, Andrew would take his side.

Neil nodded. “We’ll be going tonight. I’ve been missing it too.” It was surprising in itself that Andrew had managed to make Neil skip night practice for three days in a row. There was probably a reason Aaron wasn’t privy to, but he wasn’t going to ask. He didn’t particularly care about Neil’s woes, and Andrew’s woes were clearly not something he wanted to talk about to Aaron more than necessary.

“You guys gonna talk there all week ?” Aaron pressed.

Nicky laughed. “Wow, seems like Kevin isn’t the only one in a bad mood today !”

“You feeling better ?” Kevin asked.

Aaron shrugged. “Bit flowery.”

Nicky made a choked noise. Andrew frowned but didn’t say a word as he opened the car and got into the driver's seat.

The ride back to the Fox Tower was strangely silent, save for Kevin’s complaints. Andrew made little taps on the steering wheel that Neil answered with taps on his window, and Aaron had to make a great effort not to roll his eyes. Morse code. He wasn’t even surprised. Nicky kept nervously glancing at Aaron, who tried to ignore him as best as he could.

As soon as they got here, Aaron nearly sprinted out of the car. He had classes he needed to get to, and the idea of staying one more minute in the car’s suffocating atmosphere was unbearable.

He managed to get through his morning classes, a bit tired, but to be fair, it was hard to remember a time when he wasn’t tired. A college premed program mixed with Exy practice was a perfect recipe for constant bone-deep exhaustion.

He made his way to the cafeteria, grabbed the first of everything, and sat down in a corner of the room. Once he looked around to make sure no one was looking at him, he coughed up the petals stuck in his throat and put them in a tissue he stuffed in his pocket.

A familiar figure approached him, and Aaron didn’t have time to react before a tray was placed in front of his. Kevin sat down like he owned the place and nodded at Aaron’s tray approvingly. “I wish Andrew also knew what a healthy meal is.”

Aaron hummed and didn’t point out the fact that this was one of his first full meals in a while, that he hadn’t even looked at what he took, and that he, too, had a secret snack stash in his room.

They started eating in silence, but Kevin soon put an end to it. “So—”

“I don’t wanna hear the word Exy come out of your mouth,” Aaron warned, cutting him off.

Kevin frowned, obviously displeased. “You…” He started.

Aaron didn’t say a word and took small bites of his starter, waiting for Kevin to finish his sentence.

“I heard Nicky and Allison talking in the hallway,” Kevin finally said, and it wasn’t hard to put two and two together to guess what the conversation had been about. Aaron bit back a groan.

“Nicky and Allison running their mouth, who would’ve thought ? Got any other flabbergasting news ?” He deflected, hoping Kevin would just drop the subject altogether.

“Are you okay ?”

Huh. Not the question Aaron had expected.

“Would you care if I wasn’t ?” He asked, because it was always hard to believe someone who wasn’t Nicky did. Aaron looked at Kevin’s face and could see the struggle in not saying anything about his performance on the court. It was surprising that he actually listened to Aaron.

“Yes. We’re…” Pets of the same owner ? People forced to be in each other’s presence ? “Friends. I think.”

Another surprise. They had never talked about it, the stolen moments, the way they acknowledged each other more. It was just one more thing in Aaron’s life that he thought was temporary.

Aaron smiled. “You think ?” He teased.

“I don’t have the best experience when it comes to friendship,” Kevin sheepishly replied, and Aaron felt a bit remorseful.

“Well.” They had been hanging out outside of Andrew’s supervision and got along well on some subjects. Kevin was interesting and smart when his sole focus wasn’t on Exy, which was eighty percent of the time. The twenty percent remaining was probably enough to count as friendship. (Aaron didn’t want to admit that even Exy obsessed Kevin was something he could be fond of when he wasn’t completely intolerable about it). “Sure. We’re friends,” Aaron concluded. “I would be worried about you too, if you suddenly started coughing flower petals.”

“They were saying some things about that. But it sounded unbelievable, so I thought about asking you first.” Unbelievable was the right word.

Aaron nodded and made his decision. “Okay. Ask away.” If Nicky knew, everyone would end up knowing. Might as well.

“Is it true ? That you’re sick because of your feelings for someone ?” Kevin asked, doubt coating his words. Aaron couldn’t blame him.

“I don’t know,” He replied, because that was the truth. He didn’t even know if that was the case; it was all fiction and possibility.

“You don’t know.” Kevin sounded personally offended by Aaron’s ignorance, but what else could he have said ?

Aaron shrugged. “It might surprise you, but we don’t learn about that in class. My source was as reliable as Allison’s or Nicky’s, and I’m still unsure whether what the internet says is true or not. So, no, I don’t know. Maybe that’s the case, because that’s the only thing fitting the symptoms. Maybe it isn’t, and I’m the first case of a new disease. Maybe it’s contagious. Maybe I’ve already contaminated everyone on the team, and we’re all gonna drop dead.” He was talking more than he was used to, but Kevin always had that weird effect on Aaron.

“That wouldn’t be good for the season,” Kevin quickly replied.

Aaron let out a small laugh. This man and his one-tracked mind.

“Yeah, I guess so. What a shame.” Although this was merely a joke, he hoped it wasn’t actually a new contagious disease. But if, after months of him coughing nonstop, no one around seemed to develop similar symptoms, it was probably safe to say it wasn’t the case.

“What if it was true ? Shouldn’t you confess, just in case ? Get it over with and get back in shape,” Kevin said between two bites, pointing his fork at Aaron.

“I think you missed the part where it’s one-sided. I’m not humiliating myself to test it out when it could not even be true.”

And even if it were true, rejection probably didn’t help either.

“You wouldn’t know unless you try. Who is it, even ?” Kevin was being awfully curious about the topic. It wasn’t weird for Kevin to not let go of a subject until he milked everything he could out of it, but Aaron’s love problems weren’t history or Exy.

“Never thought you’d ever be the kind of person to ask about crushes,” He pointed out.

“True. I don’t think I’d care if it wasn’t you.”

Jesus, why did Kevin have to say shit like this so casually ? Aaron tried to ignore the flush on his face, but couldn’t help the surprised noise he let out.

Kevin raised an eyebrow. “Because we’re friends ?” Friends. Kevin seemed to make use of their newly officialized status quite well.

“Right. Well, I don’t have feelings for anyone.”

“Are you sure ?”

And weirdly, the yes didn’t come out of Aaron’s mouth instantly. He had a nagging feeling, something that made him unable to not be hesitant.

“Aaron ?” Kevin pushed.

“I don’t know,” He whispered. “I don’t know,” He said louder, more irritated. He had said this too much recently, and it wasn’t a good feeling.

“Then figure it out,” Kevin ordered, like Aaron could control his goddamn feelings.

“Don’t want to see your friend die ?” He bit back.

Kevin smiled. “I want him back on the court at his top form.”

Kevin left after that, because apparently, he could maintain a conversation and eat at the same time. Aaron looked at his barely touched plate, suddenly forgetting all his hunger as he felt another urge to cough.

In hindsight, maybe Aaron had been a bit stupid to let things fester without stopping Nicky. Andrew never liked having to learn things through another person, as if it meant Aaron had been purposefully hiding it from him.

He yawned as his alarm rang, ready to get out of bed for another day. How joyful. He heard his roommates stir in their beds and quickly got up to walk to the kitchen, not ready for whatever morning tangent Nicky was about to have.

He prepared his coffee, no sugar, all bitter. Sometimes he wondered if he had developed some of his tastes out of spite for Andrew. He wouldn’t be surprised. He felt an itch in his throat and cursed, slamming his mug on the counter. He glared at the petals he coughed out, throwing them in the trash and picking up his mug.

He just had to hope they wouldn’t bother him too much during class. His lectures were already difficult enough for this to add to it. Though if it got too bad, he could ask Katelyn for the notes. If he were sick, she would understand, maybe even if he weren't. This girl was a sweetheart.

He took his time to get ready, went to his desk, and opened his laptop. No morning practice today, he had decided. Aaron had an important test to study for and a convenient cough.

When Nicky and Matt walked past him, he coughed into his elbow for convenience. Nicky gave him a worried look, but neither called him out. Maybe this had its good side.

Aaron set an alarm and didn’t notice time passing, deep in his notes. When it finally rang, he saw one missed call from Kevin and texts about slacking off. Andrew hadn’t called, so Aaron assumed Nicky had told him he wasn’t feeling well. Or that he hadn’t cared enough to call. Aaron ignored the sting at the thought.

He stretched his arms above his head and got up, feeling as ready as he could be for the test. It was one of his favorite subjects, and he was pretty confident in his studying methods.

He prepared his bag, and as he got closer to the door, his hand twitched over the handle, as if he could physically feel something coming.

What, or rather who, ambushed him this time was worse than ten Allison Reynolds. Aaron felt his face go into his usual ‘Neil is around’ scowl automatically. This boy was his personal repellent.

“I need to go to class. Move,” He spat. He pushed down his desire to straight-up punch Neil. Andrew wouldn’t be happy about it, and Aaron didn’t need that on top of his other problems.

Neil didn’t move because, of course, he wouldn’t. “Andrew—”

Aaron interrupted Neil before he could utter another word. “Josten, you are the last person on earth I want to talk to this about.”

Neil frowned, but after a few silent seconds, probably decided Aaron wasn’t worth the trouble and walked away in a huff. Good riddance.

Now with that interruption, Aaron had to walk faster to not be late, and he cussed Neil Josten out in his mind a few hundred times until he reached the room. Good thing Aaron didn’t let things like that ruin his concentration. The test went well, satisfyingly empty of unanswered questions and coughs.

But of course, Aaron had been foolish to think that would be the end of it. The universe seemed to have it out for him recently, and he started to really wonder if this was all his past actions finally catching up to him.

When he got out of the room, a hand grabbed his wrist, above his sweatshirt, and pulled him to the side. Aaron sighed. He didn’t even need to turn his head to know who it was.

“What are you doing here ?”

Andrew, leaning against the wall, looked pointedly at him, like Aaron’s question was the stupidest thing he had ever heard. Once he seemed to be sure Aaron wouldn’t suddenly run away, he dropped his hand.

“You’re still sick,” Andrew flatly said.

“Astute observation.” Aaron crossed his arms. “I suppose you’ve been hearing the rumors ?”

Andrew didn’t seem to appreciate the sarcasm, but then again, when did he ever appreciate anything Aaron did ?

“Aaron.” Andrew’s tone left no room for argument, but Aaron wasn’t one to listen to him.

“No.”

There were a thousand questions Andrew could ask, and about none did Aaron want to give an answer to.

Andrew glared at him. “Who.”

“No,” Aaron repeated. “Just leave it alone.” He could see people passing in the hallway, looking at them curiously. Whether because apparently identical twins were such a phenomenon or because the Foxes and Andrew specifically were so infamous, he wasn’t sure of.

“I’ll give you one day.”

Andrew had said that as if he were doing Aaron some kind of generous favor. One day. Just on time for their weekly session, what a joke. It wasn’t an out that Andrew was giving him. It was a threat.

Andrew took a sip of his cocoa and looked at Betsy. “Aaron is hiding things from me again.” He hadn’t even waited for Aaron to sit down properly before he started talking, the jerk.

“I’m not hiding anything,” Aaron replied defensively. “And even if I were, I’m allowed to have a private life.”

“You’re not getting out of this.”

Betsy was already writing on her notepad. “Andrew, it’s important for you to understand that Aaron needs his space. Everyone is entitled to some privacy.”

“Not when it’s hurting him,” Andrew countered, which was so fucking hypocritical. The usual, for Andrew, really.

Betsy raised an eyebrow, waiting for the explanation to come. Aaron refused to give it.

“Aaron has been sick,” Andrew explained, visibly not held by the same restraints.

“If that’s the case, Aaron, you can understand why your brother could be worried.”

As if. Aaron knew Betsy had a favorite, and that it wasn’t him. She would always take Andrew’s side.

“Andrew’s not worried. He just hates not having control over something.” Aaron riposted.

“Did Andrew tell you that ?” Betsy asked in that kind voice that grated on Aaron’s ears.

“I didn’t. Aaron just believes what he wants to believe,” Andrew answered, facing away from Aaron purposefully. Aaron wanted to hit him, shake him, force him to look at him. He could do none of that. Both because he knew better than to touch Andrew and because it wouldn’t amount to anything in the end.

“What else can I do since you won’t tell me anything ?” He tried to hide the resentment in his voice, but he was sure Andrew heard it anyway.

If he could have seen Andrew’s face at that moment, Aaron wondered if he could have seen the slightest shake in his expression.

“Stop trying to change the subject.”

“Have you talked to Abby about it yet ?” Betsy intervened, probably sensing that she should before things devolved again.

“We did,” Aaron deigned to answer this time. “She says it’s not something she knows, and she can’t do any more to help.”

“It might be for the best to see a doctor then.”

Andrew finally turned back. “We are. I booked an appointment after the session.” His tone was as bored as ever, but Aaron could hear the underlying smugness.

Aaron glared at his brother. “Are you serious ?” He yelled.

Andrew shrugged. “Someone had to because clearly you wouldn’t.”

“You can’t decide everything for me !”

Andrew didn’t seem phased by Aaron’s anger. “Oh, but I can.”

Aaron was boiling. “Fuck you. No, seriously, fuck you.”

He left the room, slamming the door behind him with a loud bang, and was surprised to hear the footsteps behind him. Usually, when Aaron fled the sessions, Andrew stayed to talk with Betsy some more.

“You’re an asshole, you know that ?” Aaron said, continuing to walk.

Andrew followed. “So you’ve said.”

Aaron stopped in his movements and turned to look at his twin. “Why do you act like you care ?”

“Stop being an idiot.” Was all he got as an answer.

It wasn't really that Aaron didn't have a clue. He had just wanted to hear it, just once.

Because I care about you.

But he wouldn't push Andrew anymore. He wouldn't get a response out of it; if anything, he might just make things worse. Aaron just had to make do with non-answers and concealed truths. Like always.

“Whatever,” He conceded. Seeing a doctor wasn’t a terrible idea in itself, and if Andrew was paying for it, it wasn’t as troublesome. He let his anger simmer down as they walked to the car, but as soon as they got there, he felt himself seething again.

Nicky was there, but that wasn’t the problem. The problem was 5’3 with too many scars and piercing blue eyes. Andrew had planned it all. Planned the appointment, for the two others to come, maybe had even planned that Aaron would leave the session sooner.

Aaron hated him (except he didn’t, not really, and that was the problem).

“What is he doing here ?” Aaron hissed, pointing at Neil, who didn’t even bother giving him a reaction. Aaron needed him gone.

Andrew went to his boyfriend’s side, silently communicating something to him with his eyes. Sickening. “Does it matter ?”

“It’s my appointment. He doesn’t have his place here.” He didn’t have a place anywhere in his life, if Aaron had anything to say, but he was just starting to accept he couldn’t remove the parasite from Andrew’s side. Seeing him more was just unnecessary.

“You didn’t even want to go two minutes ago,” Andrew reminded.

“Aaron, come on,” Nicky tried to placate the situation. “Andrew needs the support if you’re going to be diagnosed with some deadly disease,” He laughed, but it was forced.

The silence after that was stifling until Aaron grumbled and opened the car door to get in. This wasn’t a fight he was going to win. What was even the point ? Aaron was already feeling restless enough not to get even more on Andrew’s bad side than he already was.

The ride was spent with Nicky trying to fill the void. He clearly knew that if he weren’t the one trying to make conversation, no one else would. Aaron didn’t want to talk to Neil, never did, and not to Andrew after pulling that stunt. Conversations with Nicky were too exhausting for him currently, and he didn’t have anything to say with the other two in the car anyway.

Once they entered the building, Andrew went to the reception desk and simply said their name and the hour of the appointment before making his way to the waiting room. Nicky looked at Aaron and Neil like they were supposed to give him some answer, and when he didn’t get what he wanted, he shrugged and followed Andrew. Aaron reluctantly did the same, walking a bit slower on purpose not to be at the same speed as Neil.

“Neil will stay here,” Andrew said once they were all in the waiting room. He exchanged another look with Aaron’s archenemy, who nodded, with this familiar smitten look. Aaron’s next reason for throwing up wouldn’t be the flowers.

“He better,” Aaron grumbled.

“I’ll keep him company !” Nicky said.

Aaron sat the furthest away he could from Neil and his brother, and saw the strange looks people gave him at that. So what if he didn’t want to be sat down next to his carbon copy ?

Aaron got up when his name was called and clicked his tongue when Andrew got up too.

“I don’t need you to babysit me. I’m grown,” Aaron muttered.

“I don’t want you alone with a doctor. We don’t know them.”

Andrew’s protective streak had weird timings, but if he wanted to play chaperone, then so be it. Aaron didn’t care enough about that to start a fight.

He still rolled his eyes for the sake of it. “Fine,” He relented. “If that makes you happy.”

“I have never seen anything like this before.”

“This disease is a theory. There were speculations, potential patients, but no written trace was found. It is possible that others had it before you, but we have no way of knowing their identity or how their disease developed. Most of them are rumored not to have even existed. Yet, when I see you in front of me, I can’t help but believe…”

Aaron cursed and slammed the car’s door behind him as he got in his seat. Useless, this was all this had been. Andrew had shut down every one of the doctor’s attempts to keep Aaron in observation, to quarantine him because of the disease’s novelty, and all Aaron got was a prescription for his cough.

“Take this.” The doctor had handed him a notebook. “It would be great if you could note how you feel as it progresses.”

Andrew hadn’t been happy with that, with the word ‘progress’, like there was a choice. It was just Aaron’s luck, really, to be the first recorded patient of this.

The doctor had promised confidentiality, but Aaron wasn’t stupid. Such a discovery wouldn’t be left alone with Aaron wandering around. He already had multiple appointments ready, and the idea of all the doctors looking at him, observing the flowers growing in his lungs, made him uneasy. But if he ever wanted a remedy, he didn’t have a choice. He certainly wasn’t confident enough to find it himself.

And he would fill this stupid notebook with every possible update he could, sure. Didn’t seem too awful in itself. He would be his own little experiment, and maybe that, after his death, the information in it would be helpful for future patients.

Aaron didn’t want to die. He wasn’t at the lowest point of his life anymore, ready to throw himself out of the window. But when faced with a situation like this, how not to imagine the worst ? The doctor hadn’t looked any kind of hopeful for Aaron’s survival. He had looked excited at the disease’s discovery, at the achievement it would be, but clearly, Aaron was going to be a necessary sacrifice for further research.

The others joined him in the car soon enough, and Andrew didn’t waste time starting the engine as soon as they all had their seat belt on. Aaron repeated what the doctor had said, more for Nicky than anyone else.

At the end of the retelling, Nicky looked deep in thought. “If the disease is really what the rumors say, then… Isn’t it just Katelyn ?” He asked warily.

Andrew tensed. Aaron sighed.

“I was in love with Katelyn,” Aaron started. “I know how it feels to be in love with her. I would know if I was.”

“But maybe, because of the breakup…”

Andrew drove a little faster.

Aaron glared at his cousin. “Nicky, drop it.”

He didn’t want to talk about Katelyn, not with Andrew here, ready to spit some venom. Katelyn didn’t deserve that.

“I knew she would hurt you.” Andrew’s grip on the steering wheel tightened. Neil looked at both of them but didn’t intervene, probably rightfully judging for once that it wasn’t his conversation to have.

“Don’t talk about her. She has never done anything wrong, so shut up. It’s not because of her.” It was a tiring, repeated conversation. Aaron wasn’t going to let the fact that they were now friends instead of boyfriend and girlfriend get in the way of defending her.

“If I find out she’s causing this—”

“You’ll do nothing,” Aaron cut him off. “You’ll do nothing to her, or to anyone else, because my feelings are mine before anyone else’s. No one controlled me into having feelings for them. And this is all just a hypothesis anyway. You’d hurt people over speculations ?”

Andrew’s silence was as heavy as an answer, and Aaron sulked in his seat until they reached the dorms. This time, even Nicky didn’t try to talk.

Aaron was just in time for his next class when they got there, and he had half the mind to think that Andrew had his schedule memorized and knew the appointment wouldn’t make Aaron miss class. Another one of the little things.

After his classes were finally over, Aaron was drained, but he still had to go to the library to do research for his essay. He made his way over and was pleased to see his favorite spot hadn’t been taken yet. He dropped his bag on the chair and started scouring through the shelves for the book he needed. When he finally found the title he wanted, he was faced with this oh so annoying, oh so frequent issue.

It was too high up. There was probably a step stool somewhere, but Aaron hated to use it where people could see him. He felt ashamed. Technically, he knew his height wasn’t his fault, that his and Andrew’s growth stunts probably came from the many substances their mom had abused during her pregnancy, but still.

“Need help ?” A voice behind him called, startling him.

Aaron turned to see Kevin, some books in his hand, for what Aaron assumed were his assignments. Though, knowing Kevin, he might just be reading some nerdy historical books simply for the fun of it.

Now that Kevin was here, Aaron had to weigh the pros and cons. Should he ask for help, use the step stool in front of Kevin, or just accept he wouldn’t be able to get his book ? Okay, no, the last one wouldn’t do. His essay was more important than his dignity.

He cleared his throat, annoyed when he felt a petal come up. He swallowed it in a way that he hoped wasn’t obvious.

“Yeah. Grab me this book.” Aaron gave him the name.

“Couldn’t reach it by yourself ?” Kevin tried to suppress the laugh in his voice, but it wasn’t working.

Aaron glared at him murderously, and Kevin reached for the book with an ease that made Aaron feel weird. The jealousy again, probably. Kevin had no business being so tall while Aaron struggled to reach the top shelves.

“How did it go ? The appointment,” Kevin asked as he handed Aaron the book.

“As useless as I thought.”

They made their way to the table Aaron had previously claimed.

“How ?”

“They don’t have solutions. I might be the first recorded patient. They’re not even sure what’s causing it apart from the popular rumor,” Aaron repeated monotonously. He almost sounded like Andrew, like this.

Kevin winced. “Maybe the rumor is so popular for a reason.”

Aaron sat in the chair his bag had previously occupied and took out his laptop. The thing was old and would take a while to start up, so Aaron supposed he could waste a bit more time chatting with Kevin.

“Or maybe someone made it up, and it stuck. I need to go to the hospital for more tests next week.”

“That’s pretty fast.” Kevin had put his books on his table but left them unopened, giving his focus to his conversation with Aaron. A fact Aaron had no reason to think about for more than one second, but somehow got to his head. He bit back a smile.

“First recorded patient, Kevin,” He said, putting his thoughts back into the conversation.

Kevin nodded. “Right. Just your luck.”

Aaron looked at his computer screen, still loading. He really needed a new one, had for a while, but those things were also stupidly expensive.

“Maybe I angered some higher forces and got this in retribution. I shouldn’t have stolen those biscuits at the church. Luther would force us to go with Mom whenever we went to visit them,” He joked, halfheartedly.

“Why did you steal it ?”

Aaron shrugged. “I was hungry. I stole plenty of times for that same reason.”

Tilda’s priority wasn’t always to buy food to make sure Aaron didn’t starve to death. He didn’t elaborate, but hopefully Kevin had enough brain cells to understand what he meant by that.

“You did what you had to do,” Kevin firmly replied.

Those words didn’t solely apply to this conversation, Aaron knew it.

He looked at his laptop, which had just finished loading up. “Maybe.”

After some fulfilling hours of writing and studying with Kevin, Aaron came back to a silent dorm. He checked the clock. Matt and Nicky were probably already asleep. He should also go soon unless he wanted to faint at practice tomorrow. But before, he had something he needed to do.

He opened his desk drawer and pulled out the notebook the doctor had given him. He started writing about what he remembered from his coughs before the petals started, the timing of the petals, along with pictures he had taken to keep track of his progress, printed earlier at the library. Guess they could finally have a use.

He tried to be as detailed as possible, writing down hours and the exact number of petals every time it happened. The coughing didn’t have a specific hours gap, seemingly acting up whenever it wanted, and he had never coughed more than four petals at once. He took out of his pocket tissue wrapped petals he had coughed and cleaned earlier, and stole a piece of tape from Matt’s desk. Once the petals and new notes were added, Aaron looked contentedly at his notebook.

It was a curiously gratifying experience to fill it up. It might be a bit morbid, but if Aaron kept treating himself like a test subject, he could almost have fun with the situation.

He heard the bedroom door open and turned his face to see his cousin come out of it. Nicky had visibly just woken up, and a smile etched on his face when he saw Aaron.

“Why are you still up ?” Nicky asked, voice hoarse with sleep.

“Late studying.”

Aaron stealthily placed the notebook back in its place. Nicky was probably too out of it to notice.

Nicky yawned. “You should go to sleep.”

Aaron waved his hand mindlessly. “I’ll go soon.”

Nicky got closer and sat on the desk unceremoniously. Aaron stared at him. What the hell was he doing ?

“You know,” Nicky started. “I’ve been thinking.”

Oh, for fuck’s sake, he didn’t need another ‘I care about you’ speech. “That’s usually not a good sign.”

“No, listen !” Nicky suddenly looked more awake. “Have you ever thought, maybe, this wasn’t about romantic love ? Maybe it could be a deep, messy platonic bond.”

The thought itself wasn’t that stupid, which meant Nicky had been thinking about it since they came back from the doctor.

“Yeah ? And who would that be, exactly ?” Aaron asked, knowing exactly who Nicky was referring to. There weren’t a million different possibilities, and one was glaringly obvious.

“I think you know that,” Nicky softly said.

“Shut up, Nicky.”

Aaron’s defense mechanism with his cousin remained the same; not letting him speak a word. Was the guilt always worth it ? Perhaps not, but Aaron didn’t know anything else.

“I’m just saying,” Nicky whined, dejectedly. “But… he loves you, you know ? I know Andrew isn’t the best at expressing his feelings…” And wasn’t that the overstatement of the century ? “But he cares, in his own way.”

“That sounds like something Neil would say.”

“How did you know ?”

Aaron scrunched his nose. “Stop talking. And don’t use “Andrew” and “love” together; it’s disturbing.”

And Aaron didn’t need to hear it. For all the turbulence his relationship with Andrew had, he didn’t need to hear it to know. That Andrew didn't love the way people usually did, and that he expressed it in other ways. It was hard to believe he cared, sometimes, but Aaron had come to accept Andrew's weird ways of affection. Maybe Nicky could have made sense some time ago, but Aaron supposed the therapy sessions had a use, after all.

Two months. That was how long it took for Aaron to crack.

It wasn’t a sudden decision, of course. If Aaron had only let his brain decide, he would have avoided this even longer. But alas, his body was the one to betray him.

Those two last months had been particularly unnerving, with everyone around him looking at Aaron like he would drop dead at any moment, with Andrew and him getting irate at the lack of progress from the doctors, with Nicky constantly saying he loved Aaron, and with Wymack benching him most of the games.

What really sealed the deal was the innocent, blood-covered full flower sitting in the toilet bowl. Logically, Aaron knew that would be the next step. It still didn’t make the sight easier. He pulled out his phone and took a picture, an ingrained automatism developed after doing it every time he coughed petals. The notebook was already halfway full, now.

He had to tell someone, probably.

But more importantly, he had to face the very real possibility that this pattern followed exactly the one described in the first article he had read, the one associated with the crazy idea of unrequited love.

And with that realization settling in Aaron’s bones, with the sentiment of dread getting greater as he felt himself get closer to his end, he finally allowed himself to think about it.

Finally, the big question.

The one everyone wondered about.

The one Allison and Nicky constantly asked him.

The one Andrew expected an answer for every day.

The one Aaron had been avoiding. Maybe because a part of him already did know. But no part of him accepted it.

But after two months of downright spiraling and suffering, as Aaron saw the specks of blood on the flower, he gave in. He couldn’t ignore it any longer, couldn’t push everything deeper and deeper inside. It ate him alive.

Who ?

It would have been so much easier if Aaron truly had no doubts about his lack of feelings for someone. He could have ruled out that impossibility immediately. But from the start, he had never been able to push that hypothesis away completely.

Deep down, he knew. It didn’t matter how far he pushed it down, how much Aaron repeated to himself that he was normal, that he wasn’t like that. It didn’t change the outcome.

It didn’t change that he had fallen for a man.

It had been so hard freeing himself from the words Luther had screamed at Nicky that his mother, even in the state she was, repeated to Aaron.

Somehow, he tuned out most of Nicky’s comments, still telling him to stop when Aaron judged he took it too far. Somehow, he had accepted his brother’s sexuality, though he still wasn’t okay with who he had chosen to be with.

But he had never been part of the equation; watching from the sidelines was his thing. It had just never been about him.

It had never been about him until some traumatized, way too tall, only perfect on camera, and alcoholic man came in and ruined it all. Kevin had given him too much attention, had let Aaron get too close when they were both usually so closed off, had made Aaron say things he hadn’t said to anyone because they were both so miserable and lonely they had found solace in each other.

Kevin Day was extraordinary, but that wasn’t who Aaron had fallen for. He cared about Kevin and his nerdy history rants, Kevin sneakily stealing some ice cream pints from Andrew’s section of the fridge to keep him on a healthy diet, Kevin playing video games with Aaron even if he was terrible at it, Kevin’s smile after winning, not the press smile, the real one. His hands, his lips, the heat of his body when he sat next to Aaron, who was always too cold.

Kevin, whom he had hated at first for having Andrew’s attention, something Aaron had been craving.

Safe to say the feeling had changed.

Fuck.

Aaron was a goner, in more than one way.

And the worst part ? He wasn’t going to do anything about it. He didn’t feel the pressure he might have felt if he knew for sure his feelings were causing his ailment. It was a poor excuse, really, to not make confessing an obligation because of the ‘what if it didn’t have a purpose’. Aaron had always been a bit of a coward.

He didn’t want to look stupid if he confessed for nothing, and he didn’t want to look stupid after getting rejected either. The possibility that the feelings were mutual felt more like an impossibility, not one worth trying. The stakes were too high, and it wasn’t just about Aaron.

He knew that if he told Kevin anything, it wasn’t a secret he’d be able to keep from Andrew. And what would Andrew do if, after Aaron died, he knew it had been because of Kevin ? Neil might try not to make Andrew hurt him because he certainly cared more about Kevin than Aaron, but if Andrew was too enraged, it might not be enough.

Kevin didn’t deserve to get hurt, or worse, all because Aaron hadn’t been able to control his feelings. And Andrew might not say it, would never say it in those words, but he also cared about Kevin. Aaron wasn’t privy to all the intricacies of their relationship and deal, but he knew losing each other wouldn’t be easy on either of them. Their relationship had only recently started mending again after the whole debacle with Neil, and Aaron wasn’t about to ruin that.

Maybe Aaron was getting a bit ahead of himself, thinking his death could kick-start all of this, but it was an eventuality, a potential situation that he didn’t want to risk.

All of this was without even mentioning the guilt Kevin would feel if he thought he was the reason Aaron died. He had enough on his plate not to add that onto it. Aaron wasn’t going to be another reason why he had trouble sleeping at night.

It was just better to keep it to himself. There was no one he could tell, for various reasons. Nicky would never be able to keep his mouth shut. Knowing and keeping it from Andrew would put Katelyn in danger. There was no one else he trusted enough to spill his guts to. Well, minus Kevin and maybe Andrew, but they were put aside for obvious reasons.

He checked his phone. His assignments for the week were done, and he still had enough time before afternoon practice. Now that he finally had a look at a full flower, there was something he could do.

He made his way to the library, the path so familiar he would have been able to do it with his eyes closed. He went to the section that interested him right away, familiar with the different shelves after too many hours spent in this place studying or secretly meeting up with Katelyn. There were plenty of books about flowers, and Aaron was no expert, so he grabbed a bunch and went to sit down. His spot had been taken this time, much to his chagrin.

It didn’t take a while to find what he was searching for, and finally, in front of him, the name of Aaron’s second-worst enemy.

gladiolus (from Latin, the diminutive of gladius, a sword)

It was fitting, in the way it stabbed Aaron’s throat constantly.

There were multiple species, but Aaron wasn’t about to search which specific one it was. What he had was enough to satisfy the bit of curiosity he had. The flower itself was pretty, but Aaron would probably have trouble looking at them again if he ever recovered. Pink flowers in general, if he was being honest.

Maybe he should start subtly telling Nicky which flowers were his favorites, just in case. Even if he wouldn’t be here to see it, it would be better if he liked the flowers on his gravestone.

By the time practice came, Aaron hadn’t forgotten about the fact that he had coughed up a whole flower for the first time today, nor the fact that blood accompanied it (which was in itself pretty concerning), but he had decided to put it on the side until it became too bothersome.

Big mistake.

Kevin had been standing next to Aaron in the locker room, not too close to be unusual, but close enough both for Aaron to revel a bit in the heat his body emitted and for the flowers in his lungs to act up again.

The others were used to his fits by now, but no one had expected Aaron to straight up vomit blood with flowers as he was on the way to the bathroom. He hadn’t either, to be fair. It was kind of a crazy leap from a simple flower with drops of blood in it, like it had been some hours ago, which was why he hadn’t been too quick to move when he had felt something coming up.

He heard a shriek before arms pulled him to sit on the bench. He saw Neil and Kevin leave the room, presumably to tell the coach and Abby.

“Aaron ? Can you hear me ?” Nicky loudly asked, panic evident on his face. He was kneeling in front of Aaron, hands flailing in the air.

Aaron groaned. “I just threw up, I’m not dying.” Well, he might be, but that was a detail.

“Blood, Aaron, there was blood !” Nicky looked at the puddle on the ground. Aaron winced. “Shit, are those flowers ?”

“Aaron.” A voice cut Nicky off. Andrew went to stand by their cousin’s side, jaw clenched as his eyes went from Aaron to the blood and flowers on the floor. “Explain.”

“Trust me, I wish I could explain.” Aaron had been too reliant on that damn article, thinking it would also take some months before it got worse. But obviously, there was no sure source, and he was quickly realizing it.

“We’re going to the hospital,” Andrew ordered, daring anyone to go against him.

“What for ?” Aaron snapped. “For them to tell us there’s nothing they can do ? You’re the one who keeps saying they’re useless.”

“Shut up.” Andrew's fingers were digging into his fists. This was probably the most worried Aaron had seen him since Baltimore.

“Why didn’t you tell us ?” Nicky asked, tears welling in his eyes. Fuck, Aaron really didn’t need that right now.

“I didn’t hide anything. I honestly didn’t know it would happen.” It was probably better if he didn’t tell them about the flower from earlier. A little white lie that was necessary to not aggravate his situation.

“Stay here,” Andrew said before going out of the room, like Aaron was going to be running drills after that. He wasn’t Kevin, or, worse, Neil.

Aaron looked to where Matt had started cleaning up the disaster on the floor. “I’ll clean it. Go to practice.”

Matt looked distraught. “Dude, no, it’s fine. You sound like Neil last year.”

Aaron wasn’t sure what kind of face he pulled, but it got a laugh out of Matt. “I’m not a martyr like this idiot, I just hate being useless,” He countered. Worse comparison couldn’t be made.

“Aaron, you need to rest, okay ?” Nicky pleaded. “You can study if you want, but not anything with too many movements, okay ?”

“You’re not my mom,” Aaron retorted.

Andrew came back in the room at that moment, Wymack and Abby in tow, and raised an eyebrow at the words. “Well, I sure hope he isn’t.”

“No talk about murder while I’m here. Boyd, Hemmick, back to practice,” Wymack stated as he walked up to Aaron. Matt reluctantly got up, and Nicky kept shooting glances at Aaron as he left the room.

“Minyard,” He sighed. “Didn’t expect you to be the one in the heart of the problem this time.”

Aaron shrugged. “You got freshmen to replace me. It’s not that much of a problem.”

Andrew kicked the bench, and Wymack shook his head and muttered something Aaron couldn’t hear. “Follow Abby to get a check-up. Minyard.” He was looking at Andrew this time. “I suppose you won’t be getting back to practice.”

Andrew didn’t bother answering.

“How long do you think I have left ?”

Abby glanced worriedly at Andrew, then back at him. “I can’t tell you anything for sure, Aaron, you know that.”

“Another sixty years,” Andrew answered.

Aaron glared at his twin. “Realistically, even without this, I’m not sure I would make it this far.”

“You will,” Andrew affirmed, because apparently he had developed some divination abilities.

They left Abby’s office, and Aaron could feel her eyes on them as they went into the hallway.

“Not like you’ll be here to see it if you keep it up with your cancer sticks.”

Andrew’s hand, which had been playing with the cigarette pack in his pocket, stopped in its movements. “I’ve been trying to quit.”

Aaron’s eyes widened. That was new. ”Why the sudden change ? Did you finally develop a passion for Exy and healthy habits ? I should tell Kevin, he’ll be in a good mood for the rest of the week.”

“The junkie.”

And that was all Aaron got. He scoffed. Of course, what else did he expect ? He had been telling Andrew for years, but Neil probably just had to bat his eyelashes the right way for Andrew to make the effort. Still, at the end, no matter the means, Andrew trying was a good thing.

“Maybe he’s actually useful for something then.” It was the kindest thing he would allow himself to say about Neil. Andrew gave him a knowing look.

“I’m going to get my backpack and study in the lounge during the rest of practice time,” Aaron said. “Do you…” He wasn’t sure what he wanted to say after that. What did he want Andrew to do ? Help Aaron study ? Sit down in silence next to him ? The latter seemed more plausible.

“I’ll be around.” Andrew’s words put a halt to the thoughts going through Aaron’s mind. He didn’t wait for Aaron’s answer before going his own way. Where, exactly, Aaron wasn’t sure of, but he assumed not at practice. Maybe Andrew was going to sneak into the bleachers to watch Neil practice like the weirdo he was. Aaron wouldn’t be surprised.

As he had told Andrew he would, Aaron spent the remaining time studying, with nothing much else to do. He knew that Wymack had wanted to rope him into watching Exy games to analyze them, but Aaron had pretended his head hurt too much for screens, which he had let Abby report. He was, in general, not in the mood for Exy, and this didn’t change.

When the upperclassmen started filling the lounge, Aaron didn’t look up from his notes, but as minutes went on, where they obviously wouldn’t leave, he finally raised his head to see them all staring at him. Just great.

Unsurprisingly, their captain was the one who made the first step.

“Look, Aaron, I know we aren’t the closest, but we’re all here for you, alright ?” Dan said, arms folded on her chest. A bit of an euphemism when Aaron barely even talked to them on a good day, but he couldn’t be mad at her for trying where he wasn’t.

Matt nodded approvingly at her words. “Yeah, I mean, we share a room, right ? Don’t hesitate to ask for help if you need.” Which was nice, thank you, Matt, but Aaron would likely never take up on the offer.

“Why don’t you try to woo them ?” Allison chimed in.

“Allison,” Renee gently scolded. She looked at Aaron with kind eyes, the ones he didn’t trust.

Allison furrowed her brows. “What ? Should he just die, then ?”

“We’ll help you out ! With all our experiences combined, they’ll fall for you in no time,” Matt added, with all the positivity in the world.

Allison and Matt started talking above each other about how Aaron could try seducing his beloved, Dan adding her commentary from time to time, all the while Renee watched the scene, holding her hand behind her back.

“They don’t like boys,” Aaron whispered, but was somehow heard by everyone in the room. He was pretty sure that was the case, anyway. And on the small chance he was wrong, that didn’t automatically mean Kevin liked him. Just another reason on the never-ending list of why Aaron confessing was a bad idea.

The conversations came to a halt, pity starting to fill the eyes of the upperclassmen. It made his skin crawl. He left before they could say anything else.

“I feel like falling for a lesbian is typically the kind of thing that would happen to him, actually.” He heard Allison say as the door closed behind him. Aaron snorted. Well, it was better if they were under the assumption that he was straight. The further away they were from the truth, the better it was.

As soon as he was out of the building, Nicky came running towards him.

“Are you sure you’re okay ? Maybe it’s better if you don’t go to class today.” His cousin gave him a once-over, like Aaron could have somehow gotten injured during the time he had been out of sight.

Aaron scowled. “No way. I’m not gonna mess up my attendance for that. Look, I’m feeling better. If I feel anything coming up, I’ll go to the bathroom quickly, okay ?” Assuming he would make it in time. He didn’t add that part.

Nicky nodded, though his heart was obviously not in it. He likely knew that Aaron would go to class no matter how hard he tried to convince him otherwise.

It didn’t stop him, however, from fussing over Aaron during the whole car ride. Even Kevin was being careful, making himself smaller in his seat like Aaron would explode if he was touched again. He could see Neil looking at him from the rear view mirror, eyes full of questions, because no matter how he felt about Aaron, he was still a nosy creature.

The attention was getting irritating. Aaron had never been too much of a fan of it. It was better from some specific people, but having this kind of attention, with everyone hovering over him, was frankly uncomfortable. It was even weirder considering that most of the time, they didn’t really care about his presence or his existence, besides being an extension of Andrew. The sudden interest was overwhelming, and Aaron just wanted to be left alone.

So when Kevin followed him after he got out of the car, Aaron wanted to push him, yell at him to go away. One look at Kevin’s face, and he could do none of that. Stupid feelings.

For a minute, they stood there in the cold wind, looking at each other, waiting for the other to speak. The others had already gone their own way, so Aaron couldn’t even try to go to Nicky to escape the situation.

Kevin sighed, finally breaking the silence. “You’re going to throw Exy away for a fling ?” He reproached, tone too angry not to hurt. Aaron took a step back.

A fling ? If only it was that simple.

“Kevin, I’d throw Exy away for less than that, believe me,” He snarled. Aaron might have been smitten, but he was too angry to his core to back down because of some feelings.

“You should just tell them. If you’re rejected, it might be easier to move on,” Kevin reasoned like Aaron was some child throwing a tantrum.

Aaron wanted to slap him.

“Look, I don’t wanna talk about this right now. I’m exhausted, I feel like everyone is suddenly on my ass, and I’m tired of all this fucking pity.”

He just wanted to get into his bed, curl under the covers, and sleep until he couldn’t anymore. He didn’t need the person who might be responsible for his suffering to come at him reprimanding him, rather the exact opposite. But Aaron knew better than to expect any kind of comfort. He knew who he had fallen for.

“I’m not pitying you. I’m telling you to have more priorities. You’re not seriously going to let yourself die for that ?” It sounded a bit desperate. Aaron could hear, under the irritation, the underlying distress. He felt his anger quell down, bit by bit.

Of course.

He knew who he had fallen for. Not someone who was angry for the sake of it, but someone so driven he couldn’t help but pour his everything into his words. Someone who wasn’t the best at expressing his feelings, who needed to mention Exy, to use Exy as a barrier, as an intermediate. It wasn’t simple vitriol. It was worry, it was fear. So much that he didn’t know how to act around Aaron.

“Kevin,” Aaron murmured. “I don’t want to die,” He confessed. “I’m not letting myself die. I don’t know what to do, and it doesn’t feel like I have a choice.” It was weird, being so vulnerable. Aaron looked at the ground and felt a strong gust of wind pass. He shivered.

Suddenly, warmth engulfed him. Aaron didn’t have to wonder what was happening for long as strong arms squeezed around him. Kevin Day was hugging him. Aaron didn’t move, too shell-shocked to give back the hug.

“That okay ?” Kevin asked, hesitant.

Aaron nodded and slowly raised his arms to embrace him. He didn’t even know what words he could use to describe the situation. There had been some casual touches there and there, sure, but they had never done that. It felt strangely intimate, and Aaron didn’t want to let go. If he could stay there forever, he would.

If someone saw them right now, Aaron would combust on the spot in shame and probably deny everything. He might pretend to be Andrew to pin the blame on him. But no one was around, so, even if it was for a small moment, he would savor what was given to him.

“I’m sorry. I don’t want to fight,” Kevin said. “It’s just…I see you fading away in front of me, and I feel so helpless. I don’t want to lose you.”

“Because we’re friends ?” Aaron quipped, trying to break the tension.

Kevin cautiously let go of him, and Aaron had to will himself not to pull him back into his arms. Kevin looked at him, a storm of emotions that Aaron couldn’t read in his eyes. “Yeah. Because we’re friends.”

Somehow, Aaron felt as if he hadn’t said the right words.

Aaron tossed and turned in his bed, unable to find sleep. He could hear Matt’s snores and see Nicky drooling on his pillow, but the familiarity of it all didn’t help.

He had managed to make it through the day without too many difficulties, this time. It was almost abnormal. The constant itch in his throat was there, but after what had happened with Kevin earlier, he hadn’t even coughed once.

Aaron felt a bit paranoid that this could be the calm before the storm, but it also raised another possibility. Could it be that the physical contact helped ? It didn’t seem like it healed him completely, but perhaps initiating more things with Kevin would help him. Although this could also just be a coincidence. One occurrence wasn’t enough to prove the hypothesis was correct, much less when the cause of the disease wasn’t confirmed. But by looking at it the other way, if the hypothesis were correct, it would make the balance tilt towards the ‘unrequited feelings’ cause.

If all that thinking was great, another problem arose. Aaron couldn’t just start hugging Kevin out of nowhere. The fact that it had already happened once was absurd, and he didn’t see himself asking Kevin for a repeat. Aaron had a pride bigger than his body, and even while he had been dating Katelyn, he had struggled with affection, with allowing himself to ask for it, with holding Katelyn, as if he was scared he would taint her.

He knew there was definitely some kind of personal issue behind it all, but it wasn’t something he saw himself addressing during his therapy sessions with Betsy and Andrew. It had been so hard to admit it to Katelyn, to himself. It might be easier if he went to therapy by himself, but he knew he would never be able to talk to Betsy alone. He didn’t dislike her per se, but he couldn’t bring himself to talk to someone so close to his brother. Rationally, he understood that she couldn’t, wouldn’t repeat it to anyone. But he still couldn’t do it.

The thoughts were too loud in his head, and Aaron couldn’t bear it anymore. Slowly, as silently as he could, he got up from his bed. He grabbed a pair of socks from his drawer and his slippers and quietly tiptoed to the door, cringing when it creaked as it opened. Thankfully, neither of his roommates woke up from their slumber.

He didn’t know where he wanted to go, but he knew he needed to get out of his dorm. He grabbed his jacket as he went out, just in case.

Just in case proved to be right when Aaron suddenly got an idea.

The roof.

A perfect way to get some fresh air while not wandering too far away. The rooftop wasn’t his go-to place, but he had followed Andrew there once or twice and knew his way around.

He climbed the stairs with quick steps, pushed the door with some strength, and wasn’t really surprised to see someone already there, sitting on the border. He knew Andrew still had trouble sleeping, even if they didn’t share a dorm for Aaron to see it anymore, and he knew the roof was where he usually found him during those times.

And maybe, just maybe, Aaron had kinda hoped to see him.

He noticed the cigarette dangling from his brother’s fingers and frowned. “Thought you were trying to quit ?” His voice echoed on the empty rooftop.

Andrew didn’t seem startled by Aaron’s words or presence. He had probably heard him coming, had probably known it was him by the sound of his footsteps. “Keyword ‘trying’.” He let the cigarette fall to the ground, watching it with mild interest.

“Right. It mustn't be easy to suddenly stop,” Aaron pointedly said. He didn’t bother hiding the bitterness of his words.

Andrew didn’t reply. Aaron wasn’t sure he wanted him to.

“I’ll go if you want me to,” He muttered. It was new for him to make Andrew have a choice. They had pushed at each other’s boundaries without a care, perhaps because they had cared too much.

“Stay.” And it, like it could have been, wasn’t an order either. Aaron was also given the choice.

He walked closer to the edge and sat down, facing Andrew while keeping a respectable distance. He tried to ignore the ground, the void so threatening. A deep instinctual fear.

“Are you ever going to tell me who it is ?” Andrew asked, and way to ruin the mood. The exact topic Aaron wanted to avoid.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” It was a poor attempt at deflecting, even he knew that much.

Andrew sighed, eyes still focused on the ground. “Lying isn’t a good look on you,” Said the one who had fallen for the biggest liar.

“But it was on Neil ?” Aaron snarked.

“This isn’t about him.”

For once. Nowadays, it felt like everything surrounding Andrew was about him. The envy was gnawing at Aaron’s guts, knowing Neil had been able to break down walls Aaron had never managed to. And maybe he hadn’t tried enough, maybe it was his fault, too, but it was still a hard pill to swallow.

Andrew finally looked up at him. “Aaron.”

“What ?”

“This isn’t about him,” Andrew repeated. “You’re not allowed to die yet,” He stated, like it was a universal truth, irrefutable by anything Aaron could do.

“You won’t die,” Andrew went on, oddly talkative. “If you do, I’ll kill you myself.”

It sounded almost desperate, or at least as close to what Andrew could get to the emotion. His lips were drawing a thin line, and his face was still blank, but Aaron saw it anyway. He decided he hated it.

“What is this, an ultimatum ?” He tried to keep his voice steady, but his throat constricted. He couldn’t even kid himself into blaming the petals.

Andrew’s hand was back in his pocket, where his pack of cigarettes was. Aaron wanted to reach for it, pull out Andrew’s hand, and steal the pack. He couldn’t.

“I’m not going to watch you kill yourself.”

Wouldn’t be the first time. Aaron bit his tongue to not let the words out.

“What are you going to do, then ? Lock me in the bathroom until I fall out of love with whoever it is ?” He still couldn’t help but let out. He had gotten good at shutting up, courtesy of his mom, of being around loud people like Nicky, but sometimes, it was just too difficult. It was a low blow, to use a topic they had only begun skirting around in therapy. Aaron couldn’t find it in himself to backtrack on his words.

Andrew looked ready to shut down, to leave Aaron there, but apparently, the winning side of Andrew’s internal battle ended up being the one who wouldn’t let Aaron get out of the conversation. He stayed.

“We’ll find a surgeon.”

“We don't even know if it’s doable. The surgery could kill me.” Without even mentioning the extra cost this would be, though money was likely the last thing on Andrew’s mind right now.

Andrew marked a pause. “I’m ready to take that risk.” But was Aaron ? Clearly, not something Andrew minded much. And his solutions for Aaron’s problems truly circled back, didn’t they ? The risks he would take with Aaron’s life because he presumed Aaron wouldn’t survive otherwise.

Aaron’s argument died in his throat. “I’m not,” He breathed.

This time, it was apparently the conclusion Andrew needed to get up.

“Then do something. Or I will. Even if I have to go take them out myself.”

It was the last thing Aaron heard before the door shut behind his brother.

Three days and five full flowers later (but thankfully no more blood vomit), his peace was again disturbed. Not surprising, and actually a bit repetitive. He had been alone in his dorm room, playing video games, when he had heard the door barge open, whoever it was not bothering with even a polite knock.

Aaron raised his eyes from where they were glued at the screen, and purposefully increased the volume when he saw who it was.

This felt like déjà-vu, and not the good kind.

“Go away,” Aaron requested, knowing he wouldn’t be listened to.

Neil shook his head, and Aaron could feel the headache coming. He paused his game, not wanting to lose progress all because Neil Josten decided to be a nuisance again.

“No. This time, I’m not letting you run away.”

Aaron scoffed. “How ironic for you to say that.”

Neil ignored the jab. “Kevin has been even more unbearable than usual. Go fix it.”

Now, what did that have to do with him ? It was a bizarre move from Neil to push the problem of Kevin onto Aaron. “Why would I ? You’re the vice-captain. Your team, your problem.”

Neil sighed, infuriated, like Aaron was a stupid freshman he had to knock some sense into. It took a lot of Aaron’s willpower not to throw the controller in his face. If Kevin wasn’t involved, he probably already would have.

“It’s your fault. He’s been worried, and he’s been missing a backliner. Two facts that make him upset.” He said, as if it was an evidence. If Aaron took a sort of glee in learning Kevin had been upset because of him, well, Neil didn’t need to know.

“And he isn’t the only one.” Neil cleared his throat. “Andrew has been grumpy.”

There it was, the reason why Neil truly had been bothering Aaron. It would have been too out of character for Neil to go to Aaron solely for something concerning Kevin. It was more likely an afterthought that he knew would make Aaron listen to him more. That little shit.

“What’s new ?” Aaron huffed, just to be difficult. He knew firsthand, had seen on the roof how Andrew’s mood had been affected.

“He doesn't want you to die,” Neil said, eyes narrowing.

“Wow, you can't believe how grateful I am. Should I go hug him in thanks ?” The memory of his moment with Kevin came back to him, and Aaron really hoped Neil wasn’t paying too much attention to his face to notice it getting redder.

Neil shrugged. “Maybe if you ask nicely.”

“I’m not you.”

He couldn’t just go to Andrew and ask for any kind of physical affection. Not only because he cringed at the idea of putting himself out there in that way, but because Andrew would simply never accept.

“I don’t think that’s what he wants you to be,” Neil riposted. “But well, I suppose that hoping you’d understand is too much to ask for your little brain.”

“Look who’s talking about little brains, if not the idiot in person. With the amount of Exy balls you received on your head, yours probably decreased in two times its volume,” Aaron retorted.

Neil glared at him, and an idea grew in Aaron’s mind. “When I’m on my deathbed, I’ll put your name in a letter and say you were responsible,” He whispered like a secret.

Neil frowned in obvious disgust. “You’d let people think that ?”

“Why would I care once I’m dead ? You’ll be the one having to live with it,” Aaron sneered, feeling a little smug. Not that he would ever go through with it. His pride would never allow it.

“Andrew would know you’re lying. The people close to us would too. I don’t care what anyone else thinks.” He walked away, side-eyeing Aaron one last time before he closed the door. Clearly, the notion of Aaron doing such a thing was so distasteful that it became Neil’s cue to leave.

For a fleeting moment, Aaron wondered how Andrew would feel if it were true. Would his face show a new emotion ? Would Andrew be mad at Neil for being the reason Aaron died ? Maybe temporarily. Would they break up ? He ultimately settled on a no.

As amusing as this train of thought was, Aaron couldn’t bear the thought of being in love with Neil Josten without feeling nauseous, and not the flowers kind of nauseous, so he quickly stopped wondering about this weird hypothetical.

From : bane of my existence

Out with Andrew. Kevin’s alone in the dorm go talk to him before I put a hit on you and save us all some trouble.

To : bane of my existence

i hope the FBI sees your text and puts you behind bars

It was even easier to lie through texts, and Neil Josten could go fuck himself. And curse Aaron for having to listen to him because, unfortunately, his heart happened to beat a bit faster for Kevin Day. He wished he could be unbothered by the situation, but well. It was Kevin.

He knocked on the door for good measure, but didn’t wait before entering. He was here so much it was as if it was still his anyway.

Kevin didn’t even raise his eyes from where they were glued to the TV, the latest Trojan match playing on it. Aaron went to sit down next to him on the couch, and Kevin gave him a nod of acknowledgement before focusing back on the game. Pettily, Aaron took the remote and turned off the TV, before hiding it in the couch’s crease between himself and the armrest he was leaning on.

“What are you doing ?” Kevin complained.

“Oh, don’t whine, you’ve seen this match like four times already. I wanted to talk to you.”

Kevin frowned. “About ?”

Aaron fiddled with a loose thread of his shirt, feigning disinterest. “Neil told me you’ve been upset.”

“Since when do you listen to Neil ?”

A good point, honestly. But Aaron wasn’t going to accept this non-answer. “You’re right, I don’t. Continue whatever you’re doing. I’m not going to practice anymore; this doesn’t concern me.”

“It should concern you. You’re going to be back soon enough.” And here he was, talking. Aaron just had to use the magic word ‘practice’.

“How hopeful. Did you happen to find a secret remedy ? Because I’ll take it. Although I might put it off to avoid practice a bit longer.” That was a complete lie. The coughs were starting to really become unbearable, and Aaron would pick Exy practice over them any day.

Kevin snorted. “I don’t. Did the doctors say anything new ?”

“No.” Aaron ripped off the thread with a quick pull. “They don’t know anything. They keep telling me they’re trying, but I can see in the way they look at me that it’ll never be in time. I’ll die before they find a solution.” He relaxed into the couch, letting his head hit the soft material. “I’m just so lost, you know ? It feels like there’s nothing I can do, like I’m just helpless. It’s a terminal disease, and I’ll die before I graduate college.”

“You won’t die.”

It wasn’t Kevin’s fault that he happened to strike at Aaron’s current sensitive cord, but Aaron couldn’t help the anger bubbling nonetheless.

“Shut up,” He snarled. “You’re all saying it. Andrew is saying it like I don’t have a choice but to stay alive. Nicky is saying it to comfort himself more than me. The team is saying it like they’ll be the ones finding a solution. But the truth is that no matter what you’re all saying, I’ll die alone in a bathroom like I was always supposed to.”

Kevin remained silent.

“It’s so frustrating,” Aaron continued. “I wish I could have had more time to come to terms with my feelings, with my sexuality, but I’m forced to look at it because it’s killing me. I couldn’t even experience it like a normal person, no, I had to cough flowers all because of some stupid Exy obsessed freak I couldn’t help but fall for.” The words fell out of his mouth without him even realizing it. He was out of breath by the time he was done with his tangent, both because of the coughs and the unusual number of words he had said.

Fuck, now he had done it. This wasn’t how this was supposed to go. Aaron looked at the ground like it could magically swallow him whole. He almost hoped it would.

After some more silence, probably time for Aaron’s words to sink in, Kevin finally spoke. “Are you in love with Neil ?”

Aaron was going to kill this man. He laughed, devoid of any humor. “Disgusting. Try another Exy obsessed freak.” His heart was beating so fast that Aaron felt like he could go into cardiac arrest. He wanted to throw up, and he wasn’t sure what was causing it, between the flowers and his own mortification.

Kevin jerked in his seat. “You…” His voice was choked. “Me ? All this time, it was me ? You’re dying because of me ?”

“I mean…” Aaron gnawed at his lip nervously. “Possibly ? We’re not even sure that’s what’s causing it.” Right, right, this could all be for nothing but a complete humiliation. His agitation must have been obvious by the way Kevin gently grabbed his shoulder in a way that shouldn’t have grounded Aaron, but did anyway.

“I’m sorry,” Aaron sighed. “You weren’t supposed to find out. I was supposed to take that to the grave. Don’t feel guilty about it, okay ? It’s not your fault. It might not even be anyone’s fault, but either way, my feelings were totally out of your control.”

Kevin’s grip tightened. “Don’t be sorry.” He didn’t say a word for a moment, just looked at Aaron like he would give all the answers to the world. Aaron didn’t dare to say anything more, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“The disease must be about something else then,” Kevin bitterly said. “Because this doesn’t make sense.”

What kind of rejection even was that ?

“Feelings don’t often do,” Aaron replied, distant. This was all too much; he felt suffocated, and Kevin was making everything worse.

Kevin cursed and, with his other hand, grabbed Aaron’s other shoulder, forcing Aaron to look him in the eyes. “That’s not what I meant. I like you too, so why would you be sick because of me ?”

The world came to a halt.

“Huh,” Aaron dumbly uttered.

He looked at Kevin’s face, in his eyes, searching for any trace of a lie. “That’s not funny, Kevin,” He managed to let out.

“Do you really think I would be making jokes right now ?”

Deep down, Aaron knew that Kevin wouldn’t, but it wasn’t easy to just accept it.

“Right, well, I’m not cured so—” Before he could say more, nausea took him over, and he ran to the bathroom.

He knelt over the toilet bowl and coughed like he never had before, seemingly never stopping. His eyes were blurry with tears, but he caught the stems covered with flowers and leaves, leaving his body like an avalanche. If he wasn’t already throwing up, the gross sight might make him puke.

A hand patted his back, and Aaron thought he heard Kevin’s voice, but he couldn’t process anything right now.

After what seemed like hours, Aaron could finally breathe properly again. He took a shaky breath and wordlessly accepted the glass of water Kevin handed him, downing it in one go. Curious, he looked into the toilet bowls, and was surprised to see that it wasn’t the usual vibrant petals.

Those looked dead. Wilted flowers. A shit ton of it. That was a first.

Kevin looked over him, hand circling soothing patterns onto Aaron’s back. “They look withered. How do you feel ?”

Aaron cleared his throat and tried to cough. This time, nothing came out. “Weirdly empty. And so much lighter. Don’t flush it; we should keep the proof.” He fished his phone out of his pocket and took a picture to add to his notebook.

Kevin scowled. “That’s disgusting.”

“It’s for science, Kevin.”

Kevin groaned and threw a final glance at the flowers before getting up and closing the toilet lid. “Done with your photo album ? Will you hang it on the wall after ?”

Aaron hummed. “You’ve always been the photographer out of the two of us. What do you recommend ? A scrapbook ?” He took the hand Kevin had offered to help himself up.

“I recommend going back to topic.”

The topic being this evidently new development. Aaron wasn’t an expert on Hanahaki, though he could probably be the first considering his experience, but he was sensible enough to make the connections.

He glanced at Kevin’s hand still in his. “You told me you liked me back.”

“Yes,” Kevin reaffirmed, and Aaron would be a liar if he said hearing it again didn’t make him feel giddy.

“The flowers were wilted. I feel suddenly weightless, and my throat doesn’t have a constant itch to it; it’s just hoarse from coughing everything out. It has never been like that before.”

Aaron felt the grin growing on his face without being able to stop it. Kevin smiled back at him.

“Kevin. I think I’m cured.” His voice contained all the pent-up hope from months of anguish and ignorance. He must have looked so unlike his usual self, but Aaron couldn’t find it in himself to care.

Kevin’s hand squeezed his tighter. “I think so too.”

Aaron could have stayed in their little bubble, honestly, forever, but reality was catching up to him. He let go of Kevin’s hand and started pacing around the bathroom.

“I should go to the hospital.” He went through his contact list, “No, fuck, should I call Andrew first ?” He looked at Kevin, who, clearly, wasn’t as panicked. “Kevin ! Be helpful.”

“Can’t all of this wait a bit ?” Kevin said, tone leveled.

“What for ?” Aaron snapped. He stopped in his movements, crossing his arms. “Need to take me to the court immediately now that I’m doing better ?”

“Well, if you said you wanted to go, I definitely wouldn’t be against it, but that’s not what I meant.” He gestured at the sink and handed Aaron his toothbrush. Lo and behold, the most romantic gesture Kevin Day could have done.

“Brush your teeth. And then kiss me ?” He sounded as serious as he actually was, which nearly made Aaron burst out laughing hysterically.

“That is so unromantic. This—” He waved one of his hands in Kevin’s direction. “ I nearly died, and you’re… I hate you.”

Kevin pointed his chin towards the toilet bowl, eyes crinkling in amusement. “I have a hunch you don’t, actually.”

“God, shut up.” Aaron didn’t sound nearly as mad as he wanted to. He needed to punch the hell out of this man, all to kiss it better after.

“Make me. But first.” Kevin pointed at the sink with his thumb. “You know what to do.”

Unbelievable, simply unbelievable. How had Aaron fallen for this man ? “You have no game whatsoever, Christ, what do your fans see in you ?”

Though public figure Kevin Day was a vastly different person, a shiny, perfect picture. Aaron still preferred the Kevin who asked him to brush his teeth, and maybe something was terribly wrong with him.

Kevin answered with his special camera-refined smile. “I’ll be waiting.”

And Aaron wasn’t going to let Kevin win whatever they were doing, arguing, riling each other up on purpose, or maybe flirting.

“Can’t wait to kiss me, Day ?”

He saw Kevin waver a bit; the front he was putting on was affected by his words, and Aaron felt satisfaction grow within him.

“Now, if you will, I have something to do.”

He pushed Kevin out of the bathroom and slammed the door in his face.

Aaron took his time brushing his teeth and washing his face. He grabbed the edge of the sink when he was done, steeling himself as his reflection stared back at him. He knew what was waiting for him on the other side of the door, and some familiar nervousness, the one he had felt back when he had his first date with Katelyn, was coming back to him.

Fuck, this was actually happening. Aaron wasn’t dreaming, and Kevin wasn’t pulling the world’s cruelest prank on him. He took a deep breath and let go of the sink before opening the bathroom door.

He walked down the hallway and saw Kevin sitting on a kitchen stool, eyes glinting as Aaron came into view. He looked a bit apprehensive, too, fake confidence all gone. “You don’t actually have to—”

Aaron didn’t want any other infuriating word to come out of this man’s mouth, so he finally took the last steps forward and did what he had been thinking of doing for way more than two months.

He pulled Kevin by his shirt, forcing him to close the gap, and finally, finally, pressed his lips on his. He felt Kevin relax into the kiss, giving back what Aaron was throwing at him. His hands cradled Aaron’s face, and Aaron let go of his firm grip on the shirt to wrap his arms around Kevin’s neck.

The kiss had every hint of desperation that the months of denial and feelings had built, Kevin’s mouth burning against his. He tilted his head to the side, and Kevin’s hands dropped to the back of his thighs, hauling him up into his lap. Aaron wasn’t sure how much weight the kitchen stool could handle, but at that moment, it was the last thing on his mind

When Kevin’s tongue entered his mouth, it had disappeared from his mind completely. Aaron pressed closer against him, the proximity making him warmer than he already was, his heart beating at a hundred miles per hour. He was so lost in the feeling that Kevin had to be the one breaking them apart, face flushed and laboured breathing.

“I could do this forever, but…” Kevin panted, grabbing onto Aaron’s waist for some kind of support.

“I need to breathe, hold on.” Aaron finally realized. He placed his forehead on Kevin’s shoulder, giving himself time to rest. What was he, a horny teenager ? This wasn’t his first kiss, by far, maybe not the most extraordinary one either, but something about it, something about kissing Kevin Day, had made Aaron lose his mind.

When he registered Kevin’s words, he frowned. “Liar. You’d start missing Exy too much.”

“Well, maybe I can just live on this, Exy, and you.”

Aaron raised his head and hoped the red on his cheeks could still be excused by the kiss. “You sap.”

Kevin shrugged. “You almost died because you love me, that’s more sappy than anything I could ever do.”

Those flowers, those damn flowers, Aaron hated them so fucking much. Kevin had a physical proof of his feelings to hold against him.

He scowled. “Stop. Don’t even mention that, ever again, or we might just have to break up.”

“We’re dating ?”

Aaron took Kevin’s hands off him and slid down from his position before kicking Kevin’s shin. Kevin let out a pained noise.

“Fuck, I forgot how much strength you little shits have in your small bodies sometimes.”

Aaron raised an eyebrow. Kevin apparently took it as a challenge to do worse.

“Okay, not true. Andrew isn’t easy to forget about,” Kevin said, like the complete and utter asshole he was.

Aaron kicked him again.

They had moved to Aaron’s bed to continue a softer, lazier makeout session. At that point, the doctors, Andrew, and everything else were a complete afterthought. A problem for future Aaron. How could he care about anything else when Kevin Day was lying next to him in his bed, looking at Aaron like that ?

“I can’t believe you missed practice because of me. How could I let that happen ?” Kevin whined, and he sounded so genuine that Aaron couldn’t help the smile growing on his face. He had terrible taste in men.

“How, indeed ?” Aaron snarked.

“Why didn’t you tell anyone it was me ?”

If Aaron started listing all the reasons, he might not be done by the end of the day. He went with the simpler one. “I didn’t want you to feel responsible. My feelings were out of your control, after all.”

“Then why tell me earlier ?”

Because Aaron was a dumbass who hadn’t been able to keep his mouth shut when too caught up in his emotions. But he wasn’t going to say that.

“Ah, well, it kind of slipped. But then you started saying some bullshit about Neil, and I suppose my desire to save you from the guilt was overshadowed by my refusal for you to believe I’m in love with Neil Josten.” That much was a truth Aaron wasn’t ashamed of.

Kevin groaned and rubbed his face in his hands. “I can’t believe it took you being petty over Neil to say it.”

“Hating Neil cure diseases, I’m not surprised.” After the Andrew smoking thing, getting Kevin Day to date him was the second point Neil marked in Aaron’s favor. Who knows, they might become best friends by next week.

“Neil isn’t so bad,” Kevin and his Exy filled brain felt the need to add. Or maybe because he and Neil were friends or whatever, Aaron had seen them argue too often to be sure.

“Say whatever you want outside of my bed, but if you don’t wanna get pushed, shut up.”

Kevin shifted a little, propping himself on his elbow, face suddenly going through an alarming myriad of emotions.

“When Andrew knows this was all my fault, he’ll kill me.” He declared, as if those were his final words.

“He won’t,” Aaron tried to reassure, but he honestly wasn’t so sure.

Kevin’s look was enough of an answer, and Aaron snorted.

“Okay, maybe he will. But, well, you deserve it. A bit.”

“Dick.” Kevin’s gaze softened. “I’m still sorry, you know. If only I could have brought myself to tell you everything sooner, this whole mess could have been avoided.”

“Kevin.” Aaron’s hands went to cup his now boyfriend’s face, effectively shutting him up. “I fear if you had confessed any kind of feelings when I started coughing petals, I would’ve had the worst reaction ever. I still hadn’t accepted a part of myself.” He felt Kevin relax a bit under his touch.

“I doubt that’s going to stop Andrew from skinning me alive.”

Aaron laughed.