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Anxiety, keep on trying me

Summary:

Jason attends his first Solstice Ball, and of course, things don’t go smoothly.

Notes:

The title comes from Doechii’s song Anxiety, which I think is really fitting and blends perfectly with the story. I love Shadowhale’s 5 Times Jason’s Siblings Confuse Him and 1 Time His Dad Does—it’s much deeper than it first appears, and that becomes clearer with every reread. This story, along with its characters, inspired me in many ways, so I decided to write my own story.

I want to warn everyone that this story contains anxiety and panic attacks. If this is something that may be difficult for you, please read at your own discretion.

I hope you enjoy reading, and I’m really looking forward to your thoughts!

Chapter Text

Autumn had come and gone, and by the time Jason realized it, it was already December, with only a few weeks left until Christmas—a holiday that had always stirred mixed emotions in him whenever he so much as thought about it.

It brought back memories of the Christmases he had experienced so far. He had celebrated them with his mother, always in different boarding houses, wherever they happened to be staying at the time. He remembered how he had always longed for a tree like the ones he saw in the hallways of cheap guesthouses, beautifully decorated with small ornaments, lights, and a star on top. On TV he had seen that people usually placed presents under those trees, which they then opened on Christmas morning and found all kinds of cool things inside.

Back then, he had always thought it must be a good thing to experience. Although his mother did give him presents, it was never in the usual way shown in movies. She would usually just toss him the sweater or toy, quickly wish him a Merry Christmas, and then go back to the bottle she had been drinking from. Jason never complained. It wasn’t in his nature, and besides, his mother didn’t like it when he did. He appreciated what he received—others didn’t even get that much. His mother, Beryl, always liked to say that.

He wondered what Christmas would be like now that he was living with the Olympians. They were a wealthy family—ones Jason suspected enjoyed gathering around richly laden tables and most likely didn’t hold back when it came to gifts either.

He did briefly think about how Zeus could manage to buy so many presents for all of his children, since there were so many of them that Jason couldn’t even count, but he assumed that was simply part of being rich.

A large tree already stood in the middle of the living room, and it was so beautiful that Jason would occasionally sit down on the staircase overlooking the room and admire the blue and red lights, the many small ornaments, and the large golden star at the top.

It filled him with a warm feeling to know that he now had a Christmas tree too, even if it wasn’t exactly his own.

The Olympians liked to spend money, and nothing showed this better than the grand event held every mid-December, simply called the Solstice Ball.

He had first heard the term from Hera, who had mentioned it at dinner the other day.

The meal went as it always did: Jason sat neatly and quietly in his chair and only spoke when spoken to, while his siblings talked over one another, competing to see who could shout louder. Zeus and Hera spoke quietly among themselves, seemingly unbothered by the noise around them.

This went on for a while, until Hera, sitting beside Zeus, finally spoke up—loudly enough for the entire table to hear.

“You’ll need to start picking out outfits soon. The Solstice Ball is only a few weeks away, and you need to look presentable.”

The table fell silent. Suddenly. One moment his siblings had been shouting over one another, and the next, they were all staring at Hera. Pure shock was written across their faces.

The silence was so deep you could have heard a fly buzzing—if there had been one inside. Even the cutlery paused for a moment.

Jason, not understanding where or when he had missed something, looked around in confusion, his brow furrowed.

“There’s going to be a Solstice Ball?” Ares spoke up first, sitting to Zeus’s left, opposite Hera. “Didn’t you and Father say you weren’t organizing it this year?”

“Well… yes, we did say that, but we decided to hold it after all. It would look bad if we didn’t. After last year’s incident, if we didn’t organize it now, people would think we were afraid, and the newspapers—who always latch onto the latest rumor—would report exactly that. It would paint us in a negative light and damage our reputation. It’s safer to host another event this year so people forget about the previous one.”

Hera answered calmly as she cut the meat on her plate.

“Will it be safe after what happened last time?” Hermes asked next, sitting to Jason’s left, following Ares in the seating order.

That caught Jason’s attention.

“Of course it will be safe. What happened last year won’t happen again. We haven’t heard anything about Kronos for months, and word is that he’ll be captured soon and taken back to Greece. And we’ve learned from last time—the security will be doubled. Besides, this is a good opportunity to introduce Jason to the family, just as Poseidon did last year,” Hera replied, waving a dismissive hand.

It was clear she very much wanted to put an end to the topic.

By now, Jason truly didn’t understand anything. What was the Solstice Ball, and what had happened last year? Who was Kronos?

Thalia, who was sitting on his right, noticed his curious expression and answered the questions he hadn’t spoken aloud.

“The Solstice Ball is a kind of tradition among the Olympians. It’s an event held twice a year, in winter and summer. It’s both a family and business gathering, with all sorts of celebrities. You know the Oscars, right?”

Jason nodded. His mother had been obsessed with the news and gossip and always wanted to stay up to date. During those times, no one else was allowed to use the TV—it was strictly forbidden to even touch the remote.

“Well, it’s similar to that. Usually it’s quite good, but last year didn’t exactly turn out… successful,” Thalia finished with a grimace.

“W-Why?” Jason asked quietly, feeling his ears burn.

He never spoke up at the table on his own, but judging by their reactions, he felt this was an urgently important question to ask. The more you know, the fewer mistakes you make.

“Because of Grandfather” Ares replied in a dark voice. He didn’t take his eyes off his plate and gripped the fork in his hand so tightly his knuckles turned white.

Jason was suddenly seized by fear. He had never seen Ares like this before—he was always intimidating, yes, but never to this extent.

Even so, he couldn’t help but notice that after his brother’s brief answer, a chill spread through the room. So much so that Jason felt the hairs on his arms rise, even though it wasn’t cold inside. The table fell silent again, this time more heavily. Everyone stared at their plates or somewhere else; no one wanted to speak.

It was strange to see the usually cheerful and loud family this cold and quiet. Jason didn’t know who their grandfather was, but he suspected he couldn’t be a good man.

Hera cleared her throat.

“Yes… as I already said, we don’t need to worry about him. He no longer poses a threat to us,” Hera replied as if stating a fact, though her words sounded more like reassurance than certainty, which offered little comfort.

“But your behavior, on the other hand, is very much a concern,” she added quickly, changing the subject.

Several people groaned in response and leaned back in their chairs. It seemed this wasn’t the first time they’d heard this.

“Since last year’s ball didn’t go… smoothly, this year I fully expect everyone to behave properly,” Hera narrowed her eyes as she looked around the table.

“You can’t pull stunts that interfere with the photographers’ work,” she said, looking directly at Thalia as she addressed her.

His sister merely shrugged and muttered something in reply.

Hera, already accustomed to this kind of behavior from her stepdaughter, simply moved on.

“And there will be no sneaking in alcohol so you can drink in secret,” she said, looking at the rest of the teenagers.

“Now that I think about it, we should also warn Dionysus not to drink so much. We don’t need him drunkenly performing one of his favorite Greek epics again. Perhaps his alcohol privileges should be revoked as well,” Hera muttered, turning toward her husband.

Zeus, who had been silent until now, cleared his throat.

“I’ll talk to Dionysus myself, don’t worry. But Hera is right,” he replied in his deep, rumbling voice, so familiar to them. He turned to his children and looked over them from the head of the table where he sat.

Jason was reminded of a ruler surveying his people, silently judging them. He began to fidget nervously in his chair.

“The eyes of the world will be on us, and there will be plenty of paparazzi there to document everything. So if I may ask, behave a little better than usual—more discreetly, if possible,” he finished his short speech.

Several people around the table muttered in protest, but in the end, they all agreed.

Hera smiled with satisfaction and, gathering the plates, left for the kitchen.

As soon as the dining room door closed, Zeus spoke again, this time more quietly.

“There’s nothing wrong with a little mischief—just don’t let Hera find out,” he said, looking at Thalia and giving her a conspiratorial wink.

A wide grin spread across his daughter’s face, which she tried to hide by looking down at the table as their stepmother returned with dessert.

Not long after, the familiar noise returned, and the dining room once again filled with chatter as his siblings talked among themselves.

In contrast, fear began to settle inside Jason.

A big ball? Celebrities? The eyes of the world? Paparazzi?

That meant he really had to behave, just as Hera had said—everything had to be perfect.

Thalia was given some leeway, which didn’t surprise Jason, considering how close she was to their father’s heart. Although during his time here he had never seen Zeus show favoritism toward anyone, he suspected that sooner or later this moment would come. And sure enough, he had been right.

Since Jason was new and this would be his first Solstice Ball, he would have to work extra hard to avoid making mistakes.

Jason felt dread begin to tighten into a knot in his stomach, just like back when he lived with his mother—when he had to do something right but failed, and she ended up punishing him.

What would he get from Zeus if he did something wrong? Would he come up with a punishment like his mother had—taking his door off its hinges and not putting it back for weeks? Or something worse?

He honestly didn’t want to find out, and so he made a silent vow to do everything in his power not to disappoint the Olympian family.