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“Shane.”
“Shane?”
“I’m ok. I’m just freaking out. I’ll be ok in a second.”
“Hey, hey.”
Ilya now turns his entire body to face Shane. His hand rubs soothing, yet firm, circles across Shane's back. After all these years, he has, of course, witnessed moments when Shane is too deeply trapped in his own thoughts and can't easily, or only with great difficulty, break free without help. Normally, he would pull Shane close and hug him tightly, holding him even until it hurt. Not in a bad way, just grounding. As awful as that might sound, it helps Shane immensely.
Another option would be to lie on top of Shane with his full-body weight, acting as a kind of weighted blanket in a way. It would have the same effect, if not a better one, than the hug. Unfortunately, he can't try either idea right now, as they're still sitting at the dinner table at Shane's parents' house, who are looking more uncertain and worried with every passing second. So all that's left for him is his hand on the back of Shane's neck, firmly but gently massaging the tense muscles.
“We are good here.”
He glances briefly at Yuna and David. They both look at him briefly, Yuna immediately back at Shane, too worried about her son. David looks at him for a second longer and nods almost imperceptibly. Even though he doesn't need reassurance, he's still glad to receive it from David in this way. After all, this situation is new for him: sitting at a table with his boyfriend's family.
Huh.
Boyfriend.
Wherever that thought came from, he have no idea. He and Shane haven't talked about it yet. About what they actually are. Or want to be. But it just feels right. So right, he never ever felt about something before in his life. So he turns his gaze back to Shane. His face is still buried in his arms.
“Your family is here. Your boyfriend is here. You are good here, ok?”
If the thought of calling Shane his boyfriend already felt good, to say these words out loud, he's now floating weightlessly on a cloud. He continues massaging Shane's neck, applying just the right amount of pressure. He hopes it will help calm Shane down.
A shudder runs through Shane's body; he feels it in his palm before he lifts his head slightly. His brown eyes, which had been firmly closed before, are now wide open, looking at Ilya. He is such a beautiful man.
“My boyfriend?”
Okay, now he's a little afraid he might have said something wrong. Maybe he misjudged the situation. But there's no sign of dislike or discomfort on Shane's face. At least not from his words. So maybe he didn't say anything wrong after all. At least he hopes so. He leans forward just a little, searching Shane's eyes once more for something that might stop him from his next move. But Shane simply stares back at him with a hopeful look.
“I mean, yes. I think so. Probably.”
And then he leans in, cups Shane's chin, and kisses him. In front of his parents. Before he can panic, though, he feels a slight pressure on his lips as Shane returns the kiss. But as quickly as the kiss was there, it was over. It was just a small, fleeting kiss, a pressure on the lips. Yet for some reason, it means more than all the kisses they've shared over the years.
To hide the smile that quickly spreads across his face, he reaches for his fork again and scoops more spaghetti into his mouth. His hand remains on Shane's neck, continuing to massage his tense neck. Even though Shane no longer has his face buried in his arms and now looks at his parents, assuring them that everything is okay, it will still take him a while to fully recover.
The meal continues smoothly. Ilya eats another portion of spaghetti, and David tells some stories about his past at McGill and how he and Yuna met. Ilya is fascinated by all the stories and the atmosphere that has now settled over the table. These relaxed and easy conversations, the laughter. Ilya doesn't experience any of this with his own family. Except his mother. He soaks it all up like a sponge. He doesn't want it to ever end.
For the remainder of the time, Shane sits beside him, this time more relaxed, leaning back. He has pushed his plate away, lost his appetite. Ilya is already planning to cook Shane one of his "safe foods" as soon as they get back to the cottage. Even though these spaghetti also fall into that category, Shane needs time now before he can think about food without feeling sick.
After Shane straightened up in his chair, he slid closer to Ilya and leaned more into his personal space. Yuna and David noticed this, of course, but they just smiled before continuing their conversation.
As soon as the meal is over, everyone gets up, grabs the dishes, and the remaining spaghetti. Once Yuna and David have disappeared into the kitchen, Ilya grabs Shane's hip and pulls him close. The kiss that follows is longer, more passionate.
“я тебя люблю."
Shane smiles at him, places his hand on the back of Ilya's neck, and pulls him down to him. A kiss follows. And Ilya loves every moment of it.
“I love you too.”
Shane's hand travels from his neck to his back, and Ilya pulls him the last few inches closer. As wonderful as the sex is, and as beautiful as it is to kiss Shane's lips, holding the love of his life in his arms is one of the most beautiful feelings for Ilya.
-
On the drive to the cottage, they are both silent, simply enjoying each other's company. This day has been exhausting for both of them, in their own way. Ilya is already looking forward to another evening lying next to Shane in bed, pulling him close, and falling asleep in his arms.