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YOU'RE the father

Summary:

jammy and ruler lowkey become parents

uhhh

lowkey "honey im pregnant!- I can explain" if you get that elite ball knowalge

Notes:

this is based off a post I saw on Tumblr btw

higkey why the fuck did I write this

also if you didn't read the tags JOKE JOKE JOKE JOKE JOKE,, THIS IS A JOKE FIC

Chapter Text

BFDIE ended a few months ago. Ruler sure left with a bang, in multiple ways. He forced Jammy to set off fireworks, and then they went and did something else while everyone was trying to get the fire out.
He still smirked when thinking of those few hours.
Although, he hasn't seen Jammy since then, as they both went their own separate ways after the gameshow. He hoped his obedient henchman was doing fine, sure he didn't hope enough to actually reach out but-- nonetheless, he was getting ready for his new job. Not really new, he's been proudly holding this position since BFDIE ended. He was a professional trainer, something he discovered his passion for while (in his words) training Jammy. Every so often Rose appeared on his social media feeds, she was now a struggling actress, working a few low paying jobs a week. He giggled whenever it was brought to his attention, as he appeared to be much more successful than his past competitors. He grabbed his water bottle, and looked down at his phone just to check the time. Although, he was bombarded with missed calls, appearing to be from Jammy.
Does she need something from me..? Ruler thought to himself as he picked up his phone, "Y'ello-"
In spite of the fact that he was about to continue his sentence, he was quite rudely interrupted by Jammy's voice.
"I'm in the hospital, you need to get here NOW," She yelled, slightly in pain.
"Well not with that attitude," Ruler rebuked, "Ask nice, henchman!"
"Please get here now-" Jammy cried a bit, her breathing was getting heavily, and she screamed again, hurting Ruler's eardrum, "Please--"
"GOD WOMAN DO YOU HAVE A PAIN KINK OR SOMETHING????" Ruler shouted into his phone, "I'm on my way now, just let me cancel with my high profile client."
Ruler was lying. There was no client. He got into his car, assuming Jammy just broke a leg and was being overdramatic. Part of him thought that after he visited her in the hospital, they could smash again, and then not talk for another 8 months. At least he thought it was 8 months, he wasn't quite sure, it might've been 7, it might've been 9. He put on a trashy radio, he loved it though. He was in no rush, as he didn't know the severity.
Jammy shared her location, revealing the hospital was a few hours away. Ruler sighed as he realized the long drive, and blasted the music louder, realizing it would be a long drive.
The drive was 3 hours in, 1 more to go and Ruler received a text from Jammy, 'please show up soon, i need you'
Ruler rolled his eyes as he sped through a red light, taking as many shortcuts as he could. He finally pulled up to the hospital, and went to the front table.
"What room is Jammy Jelly in?" Ruler sighed, "She called for me to come here, I don't fucking know why, but I used to be-"
"Her partner?" The receptionist asked, not looking up from, "I'll need her to confirm that-"
"No her boss-- I mean we did- Nevermind-" Ruler yelled a bit, surprised that this was their first assumption of him. He believed Jammy was in little to no trouble, but when walking to her room, he realized she was in the maternity section.
His face dropped as he realized the real reason why Jammy sounded so in panic. "...shit."
"JAMMY??? ARE YOU-"
The moment he walked into her hospital room, he could hear a baby crying, a baby Jammy was holding.
"..Hi," Jammy whispered, staring at the baby in awe, "I named him Pineapple."
A small smile lit up her face as she held the baby closer to her chest.
"That's one ugly ass baby," Ruler laughed.
"It's yours."
"WHAT"
"Remember? The night where-”
"Yea- but are you sure you didn't sleep with any other guys??"
"I'm pretty sure... Do you want to hold him..?"
"NO-- JAMMY TELL ME BEFORE YOU SUDDENLY MAKE ME A FATHER!" Ruler yelled
"YOU DIDN'T TELL ME WHEN YOU MADE ME A MOTHER-" Jammy hollered, causing Pineapple to cry. Ruler became quiet all of the sudden, suddenly realizing what Jammy would need to go through.
Ruler sighed, and slowly took the baby from Jammy's arms, "do you.. have a place to stay?"

"I live with my parents, Ruler," Jammy stated
"Aren't you like 26-" He snorted a bit.
"It's a family farm, they always assumed I would take it over one day," Jammy smiled a bit (she will ALWAYS be a farm girl in my heart, like specifically a farm in California) "And now, he can take it over one day.."
She bit the inside of her cheek while staring over at her baby, and then looking up, meeting Rulers eyes as he held Pineapple. Ruler's own eyes saw the hint of sadness in hers.
"Where is your family then..? Shouldn't they be with you," Ruler quietly asked, afraid she would say she kept this from them.
"They just left, they still have the farm to take care of," Jammy yawned, "My family would like to meet you though... Can you just stay the night, when they get here and you have a conversation you can leave-"
"No."
"What..?"
"Jammy, I'm not leaving you. I'll.. I'll stay," Ruler exhaled
"Thank you," Jammy smiled at him.