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Snow gently fell outside the window, but it was warm and cozy inside the little restaurant where an uncle-and-nephew pair awaited their meal. Their clothes were finely made, and yet a little ragged from travel and the elements.
“Aren’t you excited, Nephew? the Rainbow Troupe will do a play based on The Enemy General Became my Bed Slave, the third best book from last year!” He didn’t even lower his voice to talk about the raunchy cut-sleeve book, unfazed by other patrons giving them a side-eye.
“Yes, my Lord.” The nephew said tonelessly, before sipping on his oolong tea.
A month had passed since the emperor—strong and competent, yet a slacker—had taken the ugly snake under his wing, but still no sign of him receiving a name. Maybe it wasn’t on Tianlang-Jun’s list of priorities, maybe a wretched thing like him just didn’t deserve one.
Just being Nephew would be enough, of course. He had no right to be greedy.
“They better give the snake second male lead the stage time he deserves.”
Such a weird thing to say. The nephew thought the snake man character was dull and too desperate for someone who couldn’t care less about him. “What is good about him?”
“He’s very cute and loyal, of course, even if in the end I prefer the cold beauty general.”
“If my Lord says so.”
“Wait, you never watched a play before, did you?” Tianlang-Jun never took him to one before, so clearly no, the snake boy’s flat stare was saying. “So before that, Nephew need to watch a classic, let’s see… I think in Shuang Hu City they’re still presenting Hua Mulan. The main actress, Jin Feifei, is so gorgeous, you need to see!”
The emperor of the demon realm delighted in eating cheap human stall snacks in their excursions to the Human Realm, so it had taken a while for them to go to a proper restaurant. Not used to the utensils, the teen snake boy ate the spoon along with the soup the waiter brought to their table.
Someone screamed. The snake boy looked around cluelessly, before Tianlang-Jun grabbed him by the arm in a hasty retreat.
“Quick, before a cultivator appear and make trouble.” Now his uncle was whispering conspiratorially. “It’s no fun killing humans.”
He didn’t understand what was so special about humans, but went along with his uncle’s words. If Tianlang-Jun liked something, it was enough for the nephew to partake in it too.
They ran to the woods close to the village just to make sure it was safe—for the humans, his mind supplied. Even the cultivators with their shiny flying swords were so fragile.
Just like the day when the snake boy attacked a human that was following them. Only thanks to Tianlang-Jun’s blood had the man didn’t breathe his last. It had been beyond strange to see his uncle’s face, usually relaxed or excited, twist into true anger. It had hurt, because the nephew was just trying to help get rid of another pest that appeared in their way! The nephew just wished to be a useful and non intrusive presence for the uncle who gave him everything.
“Did you ever see a human eat a spoon?! I really wanted to try their special lotus soup, careless nephew!” Tianlang-Jun’s reprimand didn’t have any bite to it, a light bop to his nose the only consequence. Even so, Zhuzhi-Lang averted his eyes, suddenly filled with shame before his own inadequacy.
When it didn’t feel like enough, the teen shed his form to turn back into a little green snake and slither into Tianlang-Jun’s clothes. His uncle found the little creature and patted its head. “If you are to follow me around, you can’t embarrass me with this terrible lack of manners… Even if your human face is fair like a scholar’s, it’s all for naught without the grace to accompany it.”
Suddenly, a spark danced in Tianlang-Jun’s black eyes.
The demon emperor’s idea of teaching grace and humanly customs included his nephew balancing books over his head while being hit with a stick for his errors, which tended to have the opposite effect and make his movements even clumsier.
“Is that how my lord was taught?” Zhuzhi-Lang asked—finally the snake had a name! At some point in their training, when Tianlang-Jun tried to reuse phrases from a book he realized his nephew was terribly bereft of a name. It was a simple, precious name because his favorite person gave it to him—, having trouble imagining any teacher bold enough to hit crown prince Tianlang-Jun.
“What? No, I read that in My Next Life as the Enemy Princess, that story is much more fun than the boring lessons I got, so you’re in luck! I’ll lend you the first volume later, I’m always finishing this masterpiece.”
Zhuzhi-Lang stared. “As my lord says.”
After knocking and receiving permission, Zhuzhi-Lang entered the Demon Emperor’s office. The place was in pristine state when he left, however, upon his return, everything was in disarray, ripped papers thrown to the ground, and in the luxurious desk laid a pile of paperwork sharing space with bottles of alcohol.
“My lord, here is the next volume of Poison Genius Consor—”
“What are you doing, Zhuzhi-Lang?! You haven’t lived until you drink a good Moonshine…” Tianlang-Jun’s cheeks were flushed as he laughed airily. “What’s your age again? Ah, don’t matter, drink it, drink it! This is divine!”
Without questioning, Zhuzhi-Lang took and drank the entire bottle, and yet nothing happened.
Tianlang-Jun booed at him. “No, no, stop your blood mites from healing! They’re dumb and think this nice little thing is dangerous.”
“Oh, alright.”
After that point, Zhuzhi-Lang only remember waking up in his bed, Tianlang-Jun on a comfortable chair by his side reading a yellow book.
“You are the worst drunk.” Tianlang-Jun’s tone was suffused with mirth, quick to notice his nephew had awakened. “We need to work on your mites’ control to find the fine spot.”
Tianlang-Jun taught Zhuzhi-Lang how to write his own name. Zhuzhi-Lang rose the sheet of paper with wonky but comprehensible hanzi. He had spent dozes of sheets like that and that’s the first he was somewhat proud about.
“So ugly.” The demon emperor had no mercy. Zhuzhi-Lang felt a sting in his heart, and suddenly it wasn’t about the hanzi but his monstrous, true form, lurking just beneath the surface.
Tianlang-Jun pulled at the fair cheek with speckled in little scales, making Zhuzhi-Lang look up at him.
“Don’t make that face. It may be ugly, but it’s good enough. It has some interesting personality!”
Zhuzhi-Lang wanted to weep.
In the end, Tianlang-Jun found teaching word for word too bothersome and threw a book for him to practice on his own, and when dispatched the rest to the closest servant available when they were in the Demon Realm.
Still, Tianlang-Jun liked to read for Zhuzhi-Lang before bed, and the snake boy would accompany the words with his eyes.
Zhuzhi-Lang thought it would be a more touching family moment if the content of those stories weren’t so scandalous or ridiculous in nature.
A certain day, Tianlang-Jun decided he wanted to be an actor, and dragged Zhuzhi-Lang along with him. They found a little group struggling to make ends meet that were eager to take two pretty faces even with no previous experience.
“Being cast as the ugly and greed villain having such a kindly and charming personality!” Tianlang-Jun
“Don’t be offended, Tian-ge, in our version of the story the villain is very beautiful and stunning.”
The little director, daughter of the last director who tragically died some months ago, then looked Zhuzhi-Lang up and down, sighing.
“Your face is fair, but your voice doesn’t carry enough emotion!! Where’s the fire of youth?!”
In the end, Zhuzhi-Lang was tasked with background roles that would still show him enough to be eye candy.
Tianlang-Jun couldn’t really interpret anyone much different than himself, but the play writer knew how to.
In the first time Tianlang-Jun sent Zhuzhi-Lang to an errand to buy tickets for a new play, the snake made man was scammed of all his money. Even Tianlang-Jun knew a mere ticket for a small play couldn’t be that expensive and threw his head back as he laughed. Zhuzhi-Lang blushed and vowed to learn the value of money in the Human Realm, but in the end his efforts and new skills didn’t have much consequence, as his uncle was an hypocrite and prone to give exorbitant tips, and at certain moment Zhuzhi-Lang understood Tianlang-Jun knew almost nothing of it, spoiled noble as he was.
All the demon commoners and nobles dutifully paying their taxes in precious stones and items would surely spit blood if they knew how plenty of it was all converted in their ruler’s escapades. Actually Zhuzhi-Lang supposed they already knew, and that was part of their insatisfactions and frequent rebellions along with the typical demonic urge for blood and power.
“If you fancy humans so much, go conquer their lands and leave the Demon Realm for the real demons!” A lizard man hissed, gripping a lance tightly as he lashed at the pair.
Tianlang-Jun gave his jovial laugh. “Heavenly Demons don’t let go.”
They cleaned the ground with the pitiful group that was more bark than bite, but he hadn’t cut the snake’s head. Then that rowdy group of demons started to especially attacking and pillaging the cities the most liked to visit and Tianlang-Jun got angry for real.
“Zhuzhi-Lang, how do you feel about wearing black armor?”
Zhuzhi-Lang wasn’t used to walk without following his uncle around, and much less giving orders rather than being ordered around.
He even found he missed Tianlang-Jun’s bad jokes and poem reciting in the middle of the night.
When the war ended, Zhuzhi-Lang felt ecstatic as his eyes fell upon Tianlang-Jun once more. Tianlang-Jun ruffled his sleek hair.
“Have you grown taller?” Zhuzhi-Lang hadn’t realize it, but indeed, his uncle wasn’t as big anymore, they almost could look eye to eye. “Did you like fighting that much?”
Zhuzhi-Lang shrugged. “I’ll do what my lord wants.” Then he remembers a phrase from a novel that he finds fitting. “The sun shines brighter at your side.”
The leader of the rebellion was the northern king, and it died down after he was killed. His son just accepted it, becoming the new Mobei Jun by eating his predecessor's flesh on the spot so his elder brother couldn’t claim the throne and bowing respectfully to the Heavenly Demon line in short order.
Demons were really cold creatures. Zhuzhi-Lang couldn’t see himself doing the same, maybe he really was soft after all.
His mouth moved on its own, with a quiet and soft voice of a scholar:
Beside my bed a pool of light—
Is it hoarfrost on the ground?
I lift my eyes and see the moon,
I bend my head and think of home.
— Li Bai, Quiet Night Thoughts
Everyone was shocked when they discovered it had been Zhuzhi-Lang, the overlooked half breed, who had dealt the final blow and carried most of the fight with his army as backup. Zhuzhi-Lang just blinked, confused about what the fuss was all about.
“This one was just following uncle’s teachings.”
A plethora of snake demons tried to cue favor with him after he got some fame, and Zhuzhi-Lang didn’t draw them away, content in having new friends.
He softly rejected those who tried to slither into his pants, though.
Tianlang-Jun tsked. “Eh, and I thought I would see something fun.”
More than once Tianlang-Jun liked to tease and offer his nephew to others, demonic and human, men and women. It was embarrassing for both parts, and Zhuzhi-Lang just wanted to slither away into his uncle’s clothes, squeezing him on the verge of too tight in retaliation, making Tianlang-Jun chuckle about ungrateful rebel teens.
“Really, nephew, you haven’t lived yet if you didn’t fall in love.”
It seemed that every day there was a new reason for Zhuzhi-Lang having not yet lived. It was amusing, Zhuzhi-Lang wouldn’t trade his unborn state if it meant being at his lord’s side.