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Chuuya was gonna kill his damn partner. He was never one for following stupid rules, but unlike his thick-headed, void-eyed companion, he didn’t go around intentionally provoking the police either.
The freak was currently sprawled on the sidewalk giving exaggerated moans of pain. Apparently the asshat thought a tummy ache was an excuse for the ‘minor traffic incident’ that led to them being pulled over.
He’d started rolling around on the pavement and clutching his stomach until the cop had grabbed him by the dress shoes and dragged him out of the way of incoming cars. And speaking of the cop who’d caught them…
“U-um, even if was your car, you were still being a danger to the public,” he mumbled. Large eyes darted between the pair. Dazai let out another dramatically pained whine at the accusation. Leave it him to make Chuuya do the talking.
“If it was so serious, why’d they send a lil kid after us?”
The boy was twelve, maybe thirteen at most. Younger than both Dazai and Chuuya, he was wearing a red MP uniform with a cape that practically swallowed his shoulders.
“Well…I was nearby…and I’m waiting for my ride home anyway.”
He glanced at the man passed out a few feet away. The dude was clearly plastered drunk, mumbling some nonsense in his sleep about world peace. He was wearing the same uniform as the punk in front of Chuuya, though the man’s was stained and had the distinctly sour smell of vomit.
Chuuya wrinkled his nose as he turned away from the man. “So your deadbeat dad dragged you around to play police or something? Is that even legal?”
The boy seemed to shrink under the unimpressed stare Chuuya fixed him with. Probably used to being scolded. Maybe worse, if the fading bruises were any indication.
“You need help or something?”
A cry rang out from the ground and suddenly Dazai was on his feet. Great.
“Chuuya’s bleeding heart strikes again! Or maybe he’s just trying to recruit a new generation of sheep?”
“Oi! Knock it off! You’re suddenly fine, huh?! Why don’t you handle this then?!”
“Maybe I will.”
“Fine.”
“Fine.”
“Not fine!”
A third voice interrupted their argument and the kid was between them, pushing them apart with a strength surprising for his size.
“I can’t just let you go! You stole a car, wrote ‘free candy’ on the side in paintballs- with a caricature of the owner taped onto the window, and then crashed it into a lamppost!”
Chuuya had to resist the urge to laugh at the squeaky voice. Dazai, unsurprisingly, didn’t resist. He patted the boy’s head in a way that, judging by the kid’s angry glare and red cheeks was demeaning.
“Look kid, we know the owner. He was totally fine wirh it.”
The boss would not be totally fine with it, but he had loaned it to them for a mission- really more of an errand run, so it wasn’t exactly their fault what happened to it.
“I doubt that! Man, why did I have to get stuck finding the Captain this morning…? I can’t even drive!”
Dazai took his chance to swoop in. His unnervingly dark eye scanned Chuuya.
“Poor Chuuya is already so sad about your situation! You two are a lot alike! I’m sure if Chuuya asks nicely, we can keep you!”
He turned back to the kid.
“Wanna join the Port Mafia?”
The answer was a sharp stomp on the foot. An uneasy, slightly confused expression crossed the little cop’s face at the contact. An ability user then?
Dazai stumbled back dramatically, flopping his lanky arms around Chuuya, who promptly shoved him off.
As much as he didn’t wanna give the bastard any credit, he wasn’t entirely wrong. A small voice that Chuuya had become increasingly good at suppressing was telling him that something was off. An ability user dressed like a member of the military police was never a good sign. A kid ability user even less so.
A chill washed over him, a memory he couldn’t quite recall. With a quick shake of the head, Chuuya finally caved.
“Look, why don’t ya let us drop you and your dad off wherever you need to go. Then you can let this incident go.”
Dazai nodded unhelpfully.
“Aren’t minor arrests below your status anyway?”
Chuuya shot him a confused look, to which he just shrugged. Once again, unhelpful.
“…I guess you have a point. And…my orders were primarily to get the Captain home…but getting a ride from the mafia…and in that death trap of a wreck? Maybe it’d be better to wait for Tecchou…but he is busy with surgery this morning…”
Fantastic. An overthinker.
“Car’s leaving, kid. You want in or not? It won’t kill ya.”
“Or maybe the engine will explode killing us all in a beautiful blaze of glory!”
Silence.
“…I don’t know how to reply to that.”
Chuuya shoved the idiot again for good measure.
“Ignore him. Consider this a favor for a favor. That’s the way the mafia runs, yeah?”
That’s what Chuuua was telling himself too. The small voice inside of him was screaming that something was off here. Selfishly, he found himself wanting to make sure the kid was safe.
“Well…my orders are by any means necessary…though I’m pretty sure Jouno just meant paying the bus fare…”
The boy huffed.
“Alright, deal. Help me load him up.”
Even with the three of them and Chuuya’s ability, it took ten minutes to get the drunk man into the backseat. He was missing a boot and smelled even worse up close.
“Alright. Everyone settled now.”
A nod.
“Hey wait, you guys do actually know how to drive, right?”
He shot Chuuya an anxious glance.
“Nope!”
Dazai slammed on the gas.