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Sheldon didnt belive in an afterlife, or God, but if there was one then he must've made a mistake, and that's why they put him in a girl's body.
---
When he was eleven years old Sheldon cut his hair for the first time. He never liked how long it was. It got in his face all the time and scratched at his shoulders when he walked.
He never understood why Georgie chose to grow his hair long when he had the privilege to keep it short. Sheldon always liked how boy's hair looked.
So, one day he steals one of Missy's magazines that she hides from mom. Although its not very well hidden in his opinion, in the drawer under her bed, that mom cleans out regularly, but Sheldon won't tell her, she'll figure it out eventually.
He takes it to the bathroom with him, along with a pair of scissors he borrowed from the kitchen and starts flipping through it.
"Good lord.." He muttered as he skimmed the pages, he never saw how his sister could ever be "boy crazy", yeah, guys had cool hair. But that was about it. He never got why she'd have magazines full of just guys. They did make good muses though.
Eventually he found one that he saw suitable.
He did his best to replicate it, he's a scientist not a hairdresser after all. But, in his opinion, it came out acceptable.
Of course, after he'd done it, it hit him that he'll definitely get in trouble. Mom would definitely get mad and yell at him. Sheldon hates it when people yell. And his father will definitely ground him, which will probably cause his parents to argue.
Just the thought of it made his chest tighter and made his hands wring together. His breathing growing choppy.
He panicked and shoved the scissors in the cabinet that no one ever used, and ran from the bathroom to his room. Making sure no one saw him from the living room.
Missy wasn't home so their shared room was empty when he ran in. He thought back to one night where Missy wanted to see the stars outside but didnt want to alert their parents by going out the door, so she used the window in their room.
It was wrong, he didnt have his mother's promisson to go out. But he also really didnt want to be yelled at..
He cracked the windows opened just enough for him to slip out. It was afternoon and the sun was starting to set in the distance, he decided that he'll return home when he's calmed down enough to be yelled at.
There wasn't much he could do without being seen by neighbors or his parents, so he decided to walk down to the park. It was only three blocks away and it would be an ideal place to calm his racing heart.
It took him 15.2 minutes to reach his preferred area of the park. A secluded bench overlooking the small, artificial pond. It was also the only bench that wasn't under the shade of tree branches. A negative to most, but a appreciated feature to Sheldon, who was still deathly afraid of squirrels.
A rodent that lurks overhead in the trees, population is a huge carrier of rabies and can drop down on you at anytime. Should be feared.
He looks across the water, they sky's rippled reflection making the pond appear almost as a painting. The quiet rustle of leaves in the wind, and the calm smell of autumn air relaxes him. Lowering his heart beat to it's normal pace.
When he returns home his mom hugs him before scolding him on sneaking out, and cutting his hair without permission. However, she does not comment on its length.
As he predicted his father grounded him, for a whole two weeks, Sheldon could care less. Groundings were the perfect excuse to stay in his room all day.
His father also banned him from radioshack for two months. Sheldon does care about that.
That night he is standing infront of the bathroom mirror after finishing flossing his teeth. He runs a hand through his hair and smiles. For once his reflection felt right.
---
When Sheldon was fifteen he moved away to California to start college. On his first day at Caltech an upperclassmen bumped into him, and said "sorry man" before walking away.
A seemingly insignificant moment. But for some reason he couldn't stop thinking about it.
No one back home ever called him "man" or anything with a masculine subtone. Because Sheldon wasn't Sheldon. He was Shelly. And Shelly was a girl. And everybody knew.
But no one in California did. Well, except for the CalTech administration, since your gender is required knowledge to send a application. But no other students know, and nor do the teachers.
Sheldon is a completely blank slate.
But why would that matter? Sheldon's a girl. He's always been a girl. That's just how it is. He can't change that.
It doesn't matter how boy-ish he dresses, he's still a girl. A tomboy is what his mother always said. It doesn't matter how right it feels when someone called him a "sir" at a fancy restaurant. Or when he was out somewhere new which his parents and was referred to by strangers as their "son".
He would correct them everytime of course, even if it was with a twinge of reluctance. Because Sheldon was was girl. He can't change it.
Right?
---
When Sheldon is sixteen he meets a boy.
They meet in the Caltech libary. Sheldon is reading A Brief History In Time by Stephan Hawking. Its one of the few books authored by him that he never read. While he had been lucky to find alot of his books in a old tub during a garage sale back when he was seven. Medford public library's science section was.. lacking.
But here he had all the books he could never find. Ever since he arrived he made a point to come every day until closing time to try and catch up.
He's nose deep into the book when a boy, almost his age but slightly older, walks over to him.
"Uh, hey.."
Sheldon looks up from his book, mildly annoyed at the interruption. But his mother taught him to address people talking to you. So he turned his head to look at them and said. "Hello."
"So.. do you um- like star trek?" They ask, awkwardly pointing at his bag thats sitting next to him.
He's confused for a brief moment before looking down at his bag to see what their pointing at. Ah, of course. How did he forget.
On his, and subsequently missy's birthday. He had gotten a Spock keychain from MeeMaw. It was quite simple, as it was basically just a metal square that had a image of Spock on it. But he cherished it and stuck it to his bag before he left for college.
He nodded "Very much so."
"Hey me too!" The boy grabs the chair next to him and sits down. "You know when I started going here I thought there would be more nerds that like nerdy things, but, if im being honest, everyone here is lame."
It was an unprompted flow of words, and Sheldon wasn't really in the mood for talking with someone right now. But something about the boy infront of him drew him in.
Maybe it was because they spoke like how Paige did. Or maybe it was because they liked star trek. But Sheldon stayed.
---
The boy. Sheldon learned. Was named Sam.
Sheldon doesn't do freinds. But Sam was probably the closest thing Sheldon had to one. Even if their friendship only consisted of meeting in the libary and having hushed conversations about Star Trek and comic books and whatever bothered Sam that week.
One day, their talks continued outside the library, as Sam followed Sheldon on his walk back to his dorm. Talking about how his aunt's cat had recently gave birth and he was planning on visting her to see the kittens.
While walking down the hallway, a older student purposely rammed his elbow into Sam, making him trip.
"Excuse me," Sheldon said. "But that was rather rude, I suggest you apologize."
"–Dude leave it–" Sam tried to interject.
The older student scoffed. "I suggest you tell your fucking tranny freind to watch her step."
With that they turned in left. Leaving Sheldon to stand their in confusion.
He had no clue what they had called Sam but he had said the "f" word before it so he was probably angry with him. Which doesn't make sense seeing how Sam was well out of their way.
Also the use of female pronouns confused him. Sam was a boy, it was physically obvious, so there was no way it was like when people called Sheldon a guy on accident.
He turned back to Sam, puzzled. He looked rather sad.
"What did he mean by that?" Sheldon asked.
"Nothing, he didn't mean anything."
"It's obvious he did seeing how–"
"Just leave it alone man!" Sam cut him off.
Sheldon was silent for a moment before continuing to walk to his dorm. Sam followed silently behind him.
Once they were outside his door he turned to Sam and asked. "What is a tranny?"
Sam went rigid and he lowered his head, staring a hole into the floor. "You shouldn't say that Shelly."
"Why? What does it mean? Is it–" He hushes his voice slightly "is it a bad word?"
"Yes. I mean– yes. It's a bad word and it's.. uh it's hurtful to people. Some people I mean."
"I still dont know what it means."
"You're not going to leave this alone will you?"
He shook his head. "I never leave things alone."
Sam sighed and looked around as if he was about to do something shady. "Alright I'll tell you but, how about we do it in your dorm. Alright?"
Sheldon considered it for a second before agreeing and unlocking his door, inviting Sam inside.
Sam pulled the chair by his desk and turned it to face towards Sheldon before starting to talk.
"Okay so, you know how there’s two genders– of course you know. Well they're certain people who.. dont like the gender their born with.." Sam pauses. "So they change it, like someone born a girl decides their a boy and now they change their name and wear boy clothes and go by male pronouns. Those people are called uh- Transgender."
Sheldon just stands there processing this. As Sam seems to grows increasingly uncomfortable.
He didn't know people could do that. That it was just that simple.
"Some people–" He starts again. "Don't like those people. And so they call them mean names, like the one that guy used."
There's the catch.
"But only mean people use those words so dont say it, alright?"
Sheldon just dumbly nods.
"Okay."
---
Sheldon is eighteen and he isnt a girl.
He never felt like a girl but now he knows.
He spent a long time researching. Looking for a name that felt just right, something similar but not in anyway girly. He eventually finds it while looking through a book of noble prize winners.
Sheldon Lee Glashow.
It was perfect. It was almost unbelievable hoe perfect it felt. How rightly it sat with Sheldon.
Sheldon Lee Cooper. That was him. He finally found who he was.
Sheldon is eighteen and he finally has a name.
---
Sheldon is twenty when he goes to a doctor.
He gets a testosterone prescription and he makes a date for a top surgery. He is scared. Sheldon hates hospitals and everything about this situation has been nothing but scary.
He wishes that he was just normal. That he was a real boy do he wouldnt have to do this.
But he has to. Because he still gets odd looks and people know. They still know what he is. He can hear them. Sheldon always had vulcan-like hearing. Hear their sly remarks as they past buy him, the hushed words of "he-she"
Sheldon is a boy. But everybody still knew him as a girl.
It's this that he thinks of while waiting in the hospital room. Waiting till he goes into surgery.
The doctor walks in and they put him under.
Sheldon has never felt more scared. But also so free.
---
Sheldon is twenty-seven and nobody knows.
His roomate Leonard hasn't figured it out. Once when Sheldon was sick, Leonard saw his scars. He manage to convince him that it was from a surgery he had as a child. It makes sense most surgeries happen when a person is young, and Sheldon always said he was a easily sick kid.
His roomate Leonard's freinds dont know. Why would they? Sheldon doesn't really tell Koothrappali or Wolowitz anything.
And the staff at CalTech has been through to many transfers, and sweep throughs, and lay offs where almost all the staff that worked there during Sheldon's college days are gone. Some remain. They dont say anything and neither does Sheldon.
He doesn't think Leonard would hate him if he knew. Leonard has shown an illogical tolerance to anything Sheldon does, he doubts that something like this would effect his opinion on him.
But still he is scared. And Sheldon is a scientist and shouldn't be scared, but he is.
Then Penny comes along. And she knows.
She knows because where Leonard was fooled, she wasn't.
---
Sheldon is sick again, and the guys have thrown Penny on Sheldon-sitting duty.
Sheldon is laying on the coach and Penny is sitting next to him. Staring at his chest with the gel in her hand.
"Sheldon.. what are these scars from.?"
"You're not rubbing Penny."
She ignores him, like usual. "Because they look like- like top surgery scars."
"Penny–"
"You know what? You're right, sorry for asking. How's your fever?"
---
Sheldon is twenty-seven and his life is good.
Even though his family doesn'tunderstand him. And some days he wakes up and stares into his bathroom mirror and he almost feels like he's eleven or fifteen or sixteen.
It feels fine. Because Sheldon is a boy. And everyone knows.
However, sometimes Sheldon doesn't feel like a boy. And on those days he goes over to Penny's and she cooks him spaghetti with hotdogs in it. And they sit on the coach, watching terrible movies in silence.
And sometime during their horrible 80s movies re-run Penny will say something like. "You're a boy Sheldon."
And Sheldon would belive it.
---
Sheldon doesn't belive in the afterlife, Or God. Of course he doesn't. He's a scientist. But the fact that he was born a girl instead of boy, makes him not belive even more. Because nothing with "divine intellect" would make such a mistake.