Chapter Text
Lucy Loud stroked her chin thoughtfully. Pondering, observing, rationalizing. Finally, she came to her conclusion.
"That," She said, turning to face her younger sister. "Is a dead body."
The body in question was floating in a large, fluid-filled cylinder. Out of its head and spine jutted a variety of tubes and brightly colored wires, all of which ran down the length of the unit and disappeared into its base. Around the contraption sat a multitude of screens, all displaying what presumably translated into some sort of data pertaining to the unfortunate individual at the center of it all. She noted that most of the screens were an alarming shade of red, with one in particular simply reading, "X_X"
"I...see," Lisa replied, frowning thoughtfully. "And you are...certain of that?"
"Did you not call upon me for my expertise on the subject?" The raven-haired girl deadpanned. "In the time I've been standing here, there has been no movement whatsoever in the nose, eyes, or chest cavity. And even obscured by its submergence in...whatever this stuff is, the skin tone has already decayed to a delightful shade of pallid. This…"
She paused and gave the tank a sharp rap with her knuckles.
"Is an ex-person." She concluded.
"I just wanted to be certain that you were certain," The younger girl replied, sounding somewhat defensive. "But if that is your expert opinion, then I will defer to your experience."
"Wonderful," Lucy replied, dryly. "And now that we have that settled, I have a question for you."
"Oh? And what might that be?"
Lucy took a deep breath before slowly exhaling.
"Why…" She said, striking the tank twice more, each more emphatic than the previous one. "Is it Lincoln?"
An awkward silence filled the room. If such a thing could be measured, it would likely be found to be radiating from the body of the white-haired boy floating in the tank.
"So...you've noticed," Said Lisa, letting out an embarrassed cough.
"Contrary to what some people may think, I do have eyes," Lucy replied, waving one hand in front of her bangs. "Now, I never thought I'd ever say this...especially after the incident, but please tell me this is a clone."
"Feh," scoffed the scientist. "You know as well as I do that our parental units ordered me to dispose of my cloning machine. After…"
"The incident."
"You play God one...or thirty times, and they never let you forget it," Lisa muttered, shaking her head in annoyance. "You people do realize that progress requires sacrifices, don't you?"
Lucy's mouth flattened into a thin line as her head tilted ever so slightly towards the tank.
"T-that's not what happened here!" The scientist sputtered, indignantly. "Lincoln was a perfectly willing participant in my experiment. Things just...got complicated, as they tend to do. Regardless, I am reasonably certain that our brother is not actually dead. Or at least, not...conventionally so."
Lucy slowly breathed in, and then out.
"...Explain." She said.
"Gladly," Responded the brunette. "As you may have heard, there have been some remarkable developments in the field of Thanatology as of late."
In response, the older girl simply stared at her, blankly.
"The study of death," Lisa elaborated. "And the manipulation thereof."
"That sounds...unusually open-minded of you," Lucy observed. "Normally, you're extremely dismissive of all things mystical and occult."
"And I assure you, nothing about that has changed," Lisa replied, a smug sneer forming on her face. "Thanatology is hard, observable science. There's nothing remotely mystical about it. The human body is simply possessed of a unique variety of energy which causes the condition we've identified as 'life', and—"
"There's a word for that," Lucy interjected. "We call that a 'soul'."
The scientist pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes at her sister.
"Could you not?" She asked, exasperatedly. "Time might be a factor here. Now, as I was saying, I recently read a fascinating article on the subject, which posited that this—"
"Soul."
"Life energy, could be extracted safely and painlessly from a human body, and subsequently be stored, and later transplanted into an entirely new vessel. If true, the potential applications of this process would be myriad. Why, the medical field alone would be—"
"Lisa!"
"Right, right," The scientist muttered, rolling her eyes in exasperation. "So, naturally, I immediately set about developing a device that could perform the procedure. And then another...five...or so iterative devices, each one producing a higher theoretical success rate than the previous one. At that point, I decided human testing was the next step. And Lincoln is normally such a remarkably resilient volunteer…"
"I...see…" Lucy replied, stone-faced. "Out of curiosity, what was the success rate when you decided to start tampering with our brother's essence?"
Lisa shot a furtive glance at the tube.
"It...hardly seems to matter at this point," She said, nervously clearing her throat. "And clearly I did manage to perform a successful extraction! The...problem is that Lincoln's...essence, appears to have...absconded."
Lucy exhaled deeply, then pinched the bridge of her nose as she slowly shook her head.
"It...tends to do that when they're separated."
"Ah," Lisa said, nodding in understanding. "That would...wait. What?"
But Lucy was already heading towards the door.
"I'll be right back!" She called over her shoulder. "I have a ritual for situations like this. I just need to gather some reagents."
"I feel like you've let slip a few things that warrant further discussion!" Lisa called after her. "But in the meantime, what should I do?"
"Just keep the room sealed!" Lucy replied. "Don't worry, it shouldn't have gone very far…"
Lincoln Loud had lived a life that was disproportionately interesting relative to how short it had been thus far. So it meant something when he made the claim that the last few hours of his life had been among the most interesting.
Truthfully, a lot of that time was hazy like the moors of Scotland, but he'd managed to retain the big picture highlights. First, he'd agreed to be Lisa's guinea pig in exchange for a coupon for one super science solution to a problem, no questions asked. Word from the school grapevine was that they were going to start square dancing in PE, and he had a suspicion he'd need an ace in the hole to get through it in one piece. Second, he'd been placed in a big, sci-fi tube with weird liquid in it. Then...his chest had started to hurt...the room went black...a bright, white light had appeared, and he'd felt himself drawn towards it…
...And then there were clouds, gasps of alarm, and so many shocked, winged people of widely varying shapes, sizes, and...qualities. Yes. That was the word he'd decided to go with.
Honestly, after the harrowing part in the tube, causing a public scene with no idea as to what he'd done, or how he'd gotten there, was...strangely comforting in its familiarity. And while the logical part of his brain kept trying to draw his attention to certain circumstantial inferences, it was dead set on drawing, Lincoln had chosen to ignore it, and allowed himself to be taken into the local's custody, rapidly changing hands until finally, he'd found himself...here.
It was an office. Not in the broader sense of the term, like how his dad would use it to describe his old workplace. An office, office. Opulent. Prestigious. And containing a door. Which, given his familial situation, was something that Lincoln considered to be among the highest of status symbols.
In other circumstances, Lincoln would have basked in the novelty of the situation. He and his sisters never got to be in places like this before getting thrown out for breaking, spoiling, or incinerating something. So the simple fact that nobody was yelling at him for existing in such a place was a bold and exciting sensation all its own. Unfortunately, the elephant in the room was somewhat difficult to ignore.
...It was probably worth clarifying that he was using the expression figuratively, as he'd come across a number of individuals on his way here to whom the expression could be applied much more literally. Nevertheless, it was an apt one.
Seated at the fanciest desk Lincoln had ever seen (mahogany, he was reasonably certain, based on his brief stint with woodworking) was the tallest woman he'd ever seen. Even though she was currently seated, she absolutely loomed over him. After a bit of quick mental math, he'd estimated that she was at least 2 Loris tall. Which also came out to roughly twice as many Lynns. Which was a rather prodigious sum.
Appearance-wise, she was among the most human-looking of the colorful cast of characters he'd been introduced to since his arrival. But if her sheer volume wasn't a big enough clue, the snow-white wings protruding from her back made it quite clear that he was no longer in Michigan. As with everything else up until this point, Lincoln had decided to take this in stride and see where things went.
As it turned out, that was him, standing here, watching this large woman stare at him, mouth agape and one lip trembling. Upon reflection, there was a certain degree of normalcy in that. But, even so…
"Emily," He hissed to the girl who was currently hovering around his shoulder, and for all intents and purposes appeared to be some sort of fun-sized version of the woman at the desk. "What...uh, w-what's going on here? Should I be worried?"
"You'll have to forgive Sera," The winged-girl whispered back to him. "She's had to deal with a whole bunch of...reality-shattering truths...recently, aaaaand I don't think she was ready for another one."
"E-emily!" Sera uttered, her voice a hushed whisper. Which...nevertheless, still carried quite clearly to Lincoln. "What...is...that?"
"It's a human!" The smaller girl announced cheerfully. "He says his name's Lincoln! Say 'hi' to Sera, Lincoln!"
"Hi," Lincoln interjected, giving the distraught woman a small wave.
"He can't be a human, Emily!" Sera replied through gritted teeth, gripping her desk so hard that her fingernails left gashes in the previously pristine surface. "Humans don't come to Heaven looking like humans! That's not how it works!"
Again, not a huge surprise. He'd been kicked out of plenty of fancy places based solely on his appear—
...wait. Where did she say they were?"
"E...emily?" Lincoln asked, raising one hand. "Where did she just say this was?"
"Heaven!" Chirped the girl. "You know. Clouds, angels—"
She momentarily paused to indicate the wings on her back.
"And also...confetti!" She shouted, thrusting her hands out and releasing an explosion of confetti into the air. "All that good stuff. Because it's Heaven!"
Lincoln physically reeled as all the little details he'd been purposefully ignoring finally made themselves known to him.
"Holy moly," He whispered, his eyes widening as realization finally dawned upon him. "Heaven is real? Oh man, I need to warn Lucy!"
A subsequent thought occurred to him.
"And I should probably warn Lisa," He added, stroking his chin thoughtfully. "And… also Lola. Especially Lola."
A loud THUNK drew his attention outward again, at which point he noticed that Sera's face was now firmly planted onto her desktop. Fully aware that such reactions normally didn't bode well, he opened his mouth to voice these concerns.
To his surprise, however, the angel quickly drew herself upright again, seemingly no worse for wear.
"...Okay," Sera said, exhaling deeply as her face composed itself into the very model of professionalism.
"Emily," She said, addressing the smaller girl. "First things first. How did he get here?"
"We have no idea!"
A tremor momentarily rippled through Sera's visage.
"...Alright," She continued, her voice sounding noticeably more terse than it had before. "Why has he retained his human form?"
"We are definitely looking into that!"
"Oh come on!" The senior angel exclaimed, her mask fully shattering as she threw up her hands and shouted wordlessly in frustration. Then, her outburst apparently complete, she sank deeply into her chair and let out a sigh so forlorn that it rivaled some of Lucy's best.
Lincoln gingerly stepped forward.
"Miss...Sera, was it?" Lincoln asked. "For what it's worth...this kind of stuff happens to me a lot. Like, a lot, a lot. But it usually works itself out. More or less."
He couldn't help but flinch as the larger angel turned her attention to him, but to his relief, the frustration on her face melted away, giving way to concern.
"I'm...sorry, Lincoln," She said, as she straightened up in her seat. "You, of course, would have no way of knowing this, but things have been...uncharacteristically turbulent here. And it's been a very long…"
She looked, in askance, at Emily, who summoned a clipboard with a wave of her hand and immediately began consulting it.
"Season," Emily supplied. "Specifically, Fall."
"Thank you," Sara replied, before turning back to Lincoln. "It's been a very long season for us. But that's hardly your fault. And I assure you that you will be taken care of while we straighten this out."
"I would really appreciate that," Lincoln said, with a nervous chuckle. "Because I don't even have my phone on me. And I have a feeling it probably wouldn't get a signal here anyway."
The older woman's lips quirked upward into a warm smile.
"Emily?" She said, addressing the smaller girl. "You have experience with greeting new arrivals. Would you show Lincoln around? And while you're at it, get him something to eat and help him find something fun to do."
"Oooor, better idea!" Emily replied as she fluttered over to Sera and wrapped one arm around her shoulder. "We could show him around! Together!"
"I...don't think that's a good idea," Sera gently chided her. "I already had quite a bit to do, and now on top of that there's Lincoln's situation to manage."
"But Sera!" Emily replied, pouting adorably. "How often do we get an opportunity like this? We've got a human here! We should celebrate a little!"
The elder of the pair seemed unmoved.
"Be that as it may—" she began, only to find herself cut off by her junior.
"Nooooot to mention that Lincoln kind of freaked out a ton of people just making his way here," Emily interjected. "But I bet if you were with us, it'd help reassure everyone that there's nothing to panic over!"
Sera opened her mouth to respond—
"And then we wouldn't have to deal with a hysterical mob," Emily added.
—and promptly closed it.
"...Very well," Sera said, pinching the bridge of her nose. "I suppose I can get away for a little while."
"Yes!" Emily cheered, letting loose an enthusiastic fist pump before fluttering down to Lincoln's level.
"Soooooo Lincoln!" She exclaimed, her fists shaking with barely repressed excitement. "What do you like to do? Polo? Mini-golf? SKEE-BALL?"
Lincoln reeled as the girl's face was suddenly way too close to his, and discreetly took a step back. Followed by two more.
"I guess...normally when I'm trying to deal with…" He gestured vaguely around him. "...stuff, I like playing...video games? Any chance you guys have something like—"
"DO WE EVER!" Emily crowed, her voice echoing from sheer enthusiasm in the office's relatively small confines.
Behind her, Sera shook her head and let out a small sigh.
"I think I caved too quickly," She muttered.
A loud CRACK resounded throughout the room as Lucy's hands jerked in a practiced, fluid motion. A moment later, she released her grip, and a small, extremely dead rat dropped to the ground, its head exactly 180 degrees from where it would normally rest.
"Must you do that?" Lisa asked, equal parts annoyed and unsettled by the clinical demeanor with which her older sister went about her task.
"It's part of the ritual," Lucy replied, as she ended the life of another rodent and dropped it to the ground. There were now nine of the macabre little things spaced equidistant from each other in a circle around the tank containing their brother. Or, what remained of him, at least. "There. That should be the last one."
"Splendid," Lisa deadpanned. "Now what? Should I procure us a chicken to behead?"
"Don't be ridiculous," said Lucy as she walked towards one particular rat corpse. "The next part is quite simple. First, I wiggle my fingers. Like this…"
She held both of her hands out in front of her and did exactly that.
"Then, I wiggle my toes…"
Due to the fact that she was wearing shoes, Lisa couldn't actually see the second bout of wiggling, but she assumed that it proceeded in a similar fashion.
"And then…" Lucy continued, reaching behind her back—
SHINK
Lisa started in surprise as her sister rammed a distressingly large knife into the head of the nearest rat.
"...I insert the sacrificial dagger into the focal reagent," The goth girl continued, showing no reaction as a sequence of bright red symbols began to appear along the flat of the blade, "And speak the incantation."
"We call upon the soul of Lincoln Loud!" Lucy intoned, raising her arms into the air. "We beseech you! Return from whence you came!"
Lisa held her breath, ready for whatever was to come next. But there was no rumble of thunder or flash of fire. No smell of brimstone, or ghoulish wails from the great beyond. There was just…a sound. Low and droning, yet strangely familiar.
"Is that…" Lisa asked, her brow furrowing in concentration. "...A dial tone?"
There was a loud CLICK, and then…
"Um, h-hello?" A voice spoke, one which was immediately recognizable. "This is the soul of Lincoln Loud. Sorry, but I can't come to the—HEY! What the heck, Sera? We said no edgeguarding!"
CLICK
...And the room fell silent once more.
Still trying to process what she'd just experienced, Lisa looked to her older sister.
"...Sigh," Lucy said, shaking her head. "Clearly, the materials were lacking. I'm going to go see if Lana has anything more...substantial, we can use."
Lisa immediately perked up upon hearing this.
"Is it simply a matter of biomass?" She asked, curious in spite of herself. "If so, I believe I can help with that. Just let me retrieve my cloning machine…"
"...You mean the one that mom and dad ordered you to dispose of?"
"The very same, yes."