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It was a mostly quiet night from where Neteyam sat at the entrance of his family’s marui. The stars shone brightly in the night sky and the sounds of the ocean waves hitting the sand not far from him would normally be the loudest sound at this time of day.
If it wasn’t for the music. The music was so loud.
Loud enough to reach Neteyam’s ears at least. He sharpened his knife from where he sat, ever the big brother and protector as his siblings slept inside peacefully. His parents were at a, as they call it, adults only party at the center of the Awa’atlu village. The events of the past few weeks had shaken everyone to their core and his parents had initially intended to decline Tonowari’s invitation, who had promised some strong fermented reef drink that Ronal was pretty famous for. Neteyam was the one who convinced them to go.
“It’s only been a few weeks since…” Jake couldn’t speak out what had happened, the horrors of his eldest child being shot and almost dying still vividly on his mind, every hour of every day since it had happened. He felt Neytiri squeeze his shoulder next to him as they both looked at their son. “Since everything. You don’t need to watch over your siblings for a whole night just yet.”
Neteyam sighed in frustration, appreciative of his parent’s protectiveness but felt agitated at how much they were hovering over him. It took his sense of normalcy away since he was always in charge of taking care and watching over his siblings when he was old enough to do so whenever his parents wanted to have a date night.
“I am well, dad. I am okay. And I want things to be normal again. Go and have fun. Let me watch over my little siblings, please.” Jake and Neytiri visibly softened at Neteyam’s pleading yet insistent tone. Neytiri looked up at Jake and they had one of their silent conversations where they communicated with just their eyes that their children found fascinating yet creepy at the same time. Jake looked back at Neteyam with a small smile and nod.
And so, Neteyam found himself awake well past eclipse, tired from not going to sleep at his usual time and from his recurring nightmares since his near death experience. It wasn’t always the same dream but it never changed much either… the only consistency they had was that he died in every single one of them. His mother’s agonizing screams still rang in his ears sometimes, the way her usual comforting scent of Billowwood and citrus turned sour and smelled more like grief than something that once helped him sleep as a baby and still comforted him as a teenager. The way his father's eyes went completely blank, as lifeless and motionless as Neteyam himself, as if he wasn't able to grapple with the reality of losing his firstborn child. Lo’ak, his sweet little brother by his side looking down at him with his furrowed eyebrows, as if he was hoping that Neteyam was just unconscious.
Those images and senses his head conjured up in the face of his own trauma haunted Neteyam in a way nothing ever had. He sometimes wondered if he could ever beat himself out of the suffocating blanket of grief and pain that still lingered on him and all around him. He could only hope he would be okay one day.
Despite his exhaustion and the state of his mental health, he smiled to himself at how normal this felt. If he closed his eyes and ignored the ever constant sound of the ocean, he could imagine being back home. Their home in the forrest, not at High Camp, where he was left with the responsibility of looking over his siblings and protecting them. It came naturally to Neteyam and he loved nothing more than getting to have some time for himself to just listen to the sounds of the nearby forest, breathe in the air and sometimes have Lo’ak join him when his little brother couldn’t sleep.
Like now.
He didn’t need to turn his head or even listen very closely to the shuffling and footsteps behind him. He knew his siblings like the back of his hand, knew how Kiri tended to be the loudest when she was trying to wake up quietly, how Tuk’s small footsteps were so different and reminded him so much of how young she was, how Lo’ak was definitely the most trained in being quiet like a mouse. Spider had always slept in the shack at High Camp and then was taken by the Recoms so he had never slept with their family until now but the lightness of his feet compared to him and his siblings reminded him eerily of Tuk which Neteyam would have to remember to never tell him to not embarrass the human boy. Alas, Lo’ak sat down next to him by the entrance of the marui and Neteyam put the knife he was sharpening away as he faced his baby brother.
“You will whine like a baby in the morning if you don’t go back to sleep, bro.” Neteyam grinned at his own words and Lo’ak pushed him by the arm, an equally playful smile on his lips.
“Can’t sleep.”
“And that’s why you have to come bother me?” Lo’ak rolled his eyes and Neteyam chuckled in amusement. He looked at Lo’ak again and saw a lingering heaviness that hadn’t been there before he had gone to sleep which concerned Neteyam. He knew he wasn’t the only one trying to cope with his near death experience.
“It was a nightmare again?” Lo’ak nodded at Neteyam’s question and the eldest sighed, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder and giving it a light squeeze. Neteyam knew that what had happened still impacted all of his family members but his brother in particular, blaming himself over and over again for what happened. Apparently, the reassurances Neteyam tried to drill into his brother’s very thick skull needed to be repeated.
“Lo’ak… It was not your fault. I chose to come with you to save Spider. I chose to let you two jump off the ship first so I’d know you would be safe. I would’ve taken the bullet for you and for him a million times over if it meant that you were safe. You’re my little brother and my responsibility.” Lo’ak’s lowered his head in shame and insecurity but it lifted slightly at Neteyam’s words. The eldest was struck by how much he looked like a toddler again in this light that chased him everywhere and was so eager to be just like him and there’s an indescribable ache that cracked open in Neteyam’s heart at that. How could he have looked at his baby brother, his mischievous, rebellious but fiercely loyal little brother that looked up at him like he hung the stars and not willingly gave his own life to save him? If the roles had been reversed… Neteyam didn’t want to know what he would have felt if it had been Lo’ak that was shot. He would have personally skinned every recom until he found the one that had been responsible and torture the sick, cruel man that would have hurt his brother.
“Besides, somebody needs to keep your skxawng ass alive, baby bro. And I need to be alive to keep you alive.”
That finally drew a small laugh from Lo’ak who shoved his elbow into Neteyam’s ribs lightly and had both of them laughing joyfully. Before any other words can be exchanged, there’s quick footsteps approaching them and Neteyam stood up in alert when a young Metkayina villager, just a few years older than Neteyam, approached them and gave them a quick greeting before he spoke hurriedly.
“Olo’eyktan has sent me for you, Son of Toruk Makto.” Neteyam frowned at that and didn’t wait for an explanation as he quickly took his knife that he had sharpened and put it in it’s sheath on his vest that he was wearing. He quickly turned to his younger brother, the look in his eyes making it clear for Lo’ak to do as he said.
“Watch over Kiri, Tuk and Spider. I’ll be back, okay?” He knows Lo’ak wants to protest, to come with him at the possible danger that might be awaiting but Neteyam turned and ran off with the Metkayina before his little brother could protest. They ran towards the party and Neteyam frowned in confusion when there seemed to be no threat or danger. On the contrary, the party seemed to be alive and well with everyone dancing around the fire, laughing and singing. Him and the man, Aoza as Neteyam remembered on the sprint there, came to a stop by a corner where Tonowari stood, clearly amused by something as he turned to Neteyam, who panted slightly.
“Oel ngati kameie, Olo’eyktan. You sent for me.” The Chief returned the greeting and Neteyam noted that he was without his usual spear and seemed more relaxed than usual, most likely due to the alcohol that had been freely running at the party.
“Son of Great Warrior. I must apologize for the burden I have put on you.”
“Burden? What burden? Is it my parents? Are they okay?” Despite how lively everything seemed, there was something akin to stones on Neteyam’s heart. It had only ever been him or his siblings in danger but never ever his parents, Neteyam couldn’t even think about it because of how invincible they always seemed. If something happened to both of his parents, his siblings would be his responsibility alone. That thought alone formed a new, profound fear in his mind and he sent a mental prayer to Eywa for that to never happen.
“They are well, young warrior, do not worry. It is only my fault that they… how do I say…”
“Drank too much.” Neteyam’s eyes turned to the side to find Ronal stepping up next to her husband, her eyes not as cold and unyielding as they usually were. He blinked at her words and she seemed to recognize the bewilderment on Neteyam’s face.
“I take it your parents do not drink often?”
“Uh, no, Tsahik. My father does it rarely but I don’t think I have ever witnessed them drunk.” His words seemed to make both of the adults chuckle and Tonowari nodded in amusement.
“I could tell. Follow me, young warrior.” Neteyam did as he was told and they walked to a quiet corner where a log of wood is dug into the sand to sit on and the sight he was greeted with made him question if the people in front of him were actually his mom and dad. Neytiri was giggling gleefully and leaning into her mate as she seemed to poke dots into… the air? Neteyam glanced at his father whose eyes were wide and fascinated as he watched her finger wave aimlessly in the air and when she seemed to reach as high as she could, she made a shrieking sound and they both dissolved into giggles like two kids. Neteyam turned to Tonowari in clear disbelief.
“Uhm… How much did they drink, sir?” Ronal appeared out of nowhere seemingly as she held up a big, empty jug with an unimpressed expression.
“This is the strongest alcohol in all of Awa’atlu. It is my fermented reef drink I have perfected over the years.”
“And my parents drank the whole jug?”
“No. They drank three.” Neteyam’s eyes widened comically and he glanced back at his parents, almost as if watching two completely different people. They looked so much younger like this and it swelled Neteyam’s heart for a few seconds to know that they allowed themselves to let loose, maybe for the first time since at least he had been a child since he can’t remember his parents ever having behaved like this. He sighed and turned to Ronal and Tonowari with his hands on his hips, as if he was the father picking up his children.
“I apologize for my parents behavior, Olo’eyktan, Tsahik.” Tonowari laughed in amusement and placed a hand on Neteyam’s shoulder as he leaned in, seemingly so Ronal couldn’t hear him.
“You are not here for me to scold you, son. But if your parents open another jug, and they have tried, my mate might throw the two of them into the water and let an akula decide their faith. If you could just take them home?” Neteyam sighed in relief and nodded quickly, not missing Ronal’s glare as she seemed to have gathered the jugs of alcohol that his parents had emptied. Neteyam stepped closer to his parents.
“Hey mom, dad. Come one, let me take you-”
“Baby!” Neteyam could barely blink before his mother was on her feet and had his cheeks between her hands, cooing at him as if he was a child. She giggled softly and took him into her arms and Neteyam’s arms hovered around her, his mother’s grip surprisingly strong despite the alcohol she had.
“My baby boy. My first one. I missed you so much!” He felt his mother practically squeeze him and felt a stronger set of arms join them, the scent of his father enveloping both of them.
“Where were you, boy? Me and your mother missed you so much, and your siblings!” Neteyam realized then, squished between his parents that they must be even more drunk than he had assumed if they couldn’t even remember that he was home because he was watching his siblings. Neteyam somehow pried himself away from their clingy hands and chuckled in amusement at the absurd situation. He could see in both of their unfocused set of eyes how intoxicated they were.
“C’mon. We gotta go home, Lo’ak’s waiting and he must be worried.” At his words, he practically saw his mother melt at the mention of his little brother as she leaned her weight against Neteyam, who held her with all his strength since she had no sense of balance and was a good chunk taller than him.
“Oh… My baby, Lo’ak… We can not keep him waiting, my son! We must go!” Neteyam saved his mother’s endearing words to the back of his head and wrapped each of his arms around his mother and father and realized how hard of a time they have balancing themselves and it takes Neteyam all his effort to support his stumbling, giggly parents and to drag them away from the party. He would have found it much more amusing if it wasn’t taking them way too long to walk along the wooden path to their home since his parents were getting distracted by pretty much anything and each other, drunkenly mumbling to themselves as they point at whatever it is their eyes find.
Neteyam’s arms ached by the time he spotted Lo’ak pacing outside the entrance and he sighed in relief.
“Lo’ak! Bro, come here and help me!” His younger brother turned to him and rushed up to them, panic in his eyes until he stepped closer and saw that his parents weren't leaning on Neteyam because they were hurt but because they were drunk. Lo’ak can barely get a word, clearly having planned on laughing and asking what had happened when his father spotted him and enveloped him in a bear hug he hadn’t felt in years.
“Baby boy, there you are! Your mama and me missed you so much!” Lo’ak was frozen where he stood and Neteyam had to hold himself back from laughing as he had an arm wrapped around his mom’s waist whilst she had her face buried in his braids. He distantly heard his father coo at Lo’ak as if his brother was a baby and winced when he saw him simply pluck Lo’ak off of the ground with his arms wrapped around him, as if he was one of those wooden toys their father had carved for them to play with as children. Neteyam rushed forward as much as he could with his very off balance mother, thankful that his father wasn’t focused on speed.
“Dad, dad! Do me a favor, yeah? Let Lo’ak go so he can help get you back home, please! You had too much to drink and I’m scared you’ll drop him… or crash him into something…” His father blinked at him, his eyes unfocused and clearly displeased at his eldest son’s words but he did as told. Neteyam really tried to hold his laughter back when Lo’ak was dropped back on the ground and his face was visible again, clearly mirroring how perplexed he was, the lack of light hiding how purple his cheeks must be.
With each son helping a parent get to their home, they were both glad to finally reach their marui. The boys lead their parents towards their shared hammock and quickly realize their error when their father, instead of laying down into it, simply bent over it and giggled gleefully as he let his arms and legs dangle on each end. Their mother found this absolutely hilarious and seemingly wanted to lay herself across her husband as well but Neteyam quickly held her back and was thankfully distracted enough, back to hugging her eldest son like a snail. Neteyam looked at Lo’ak in question for only a second before gesturing over to the sleeping mats on the ground, figuring their parents would have to sleep there for the night since it seemed an impossible task to get them into the hammock. They successfully laid both of their parents down next to each other and Neteyam breathed out in relief whilst Lo’ak allowed himself to laugh lowly, mindful of Kiri, Tuk and Spider sleeping in the corner on the other side.
“Bro, what happened to them?” Neteyam put his hands on his hips as they both watched their parents, their mother having resorted to stroking her pillow with a content smile and their father laying on his stomach with a twisted arm and seemingly already drooling on his pillow.
“They drank three jugs of that fermented stuff Ronal makes. It’s apparently a lot stronger than mom and dad thought.”
“Three? Wow, I…” Lo’ak had to hold back his laughter when their mother seemed to draw random things on her pillow with her finger. “They’ve never drank this much. At least not that I can remember.”
“Me neither. But we got them home. I swear my shoulders would have fallen off if I had to carry Mom any longer.” Lo’ak grinned at him and before they could leave to go to sleep themselves, Neteyam felt a hand on the back of his cummerbund that yanked him back and he could only let out a startled yelp before being gently pushed down to lie next to his mother, who held him close with a disgruntled expression on her face.
“And where did you think you were going, my boy?” His mother was evidently unphased by Neteyam’s wide eyes and blushy cheeks at his mother’s affection and Lo’ak broke out into another fit of laughter that was only curbed by their father turning on his back and yanking Lo’ak down the same way their mother had, tucking Lo’ak into his arms like a disobedient puppy. Neteyam laughed this time at his younger brother’s startled and embarrassed reaction and unlike Neteyam, believed he could still get himself out of his very drunk father’s hold.
“Dad, let me go! I wanna sleep!”
“Then sleep, baby boy. I’m not stopping you.” Lo’ak looked at his father incrediously. It had been many years since their father had last called him that pet name, born out of the special connection between them due to how much Lo’ak had always been so attached to their father as a child. The past year had vanished away all of Neteyam and Lo’ak’s innocence in the face of a returning war and especially Jake’s relationship with his youngest son had been difficult. So Lo’ak doesn’t fight to get out of his father’s hold, opting to simply enjoy these rare affectionate moments. He faces his older brother who’s grinning knowingly but not unkindly until Neytiri ran her nose along Neteyam’s forehead, seemingly scenting him which greatly embarrassed him and made Lo’ak chuckle.
“Mom! I’m not a pup! You do not need to scent me, I promise!” Their mother frowned deeply and only wrapped her arms tighter around her eldest son.
“I am aware it is not needed, my sweet boy. Let your mother enjoy some time with her son. You never cuddle me like this anymore.”
“I’m too old for that, Mom! I’m fifteen!”
His mother gave him one of those hisses that were usually reserved for when a parent is trying to get their infant to settle down and Neteyam only felt even more mortified as she pressed a loud, sloppy kiss on his temple. “You are my baby. You will let your mother cuddle you.”
Neteyam sighed softly and opened his eyes, chuckling in amusement at how small Lo’ak looked in their father’s arms. His younger brother glared at him and Neteyam laughed before once again being interrupted by their mother.
“I miss this. I miss my boys. I miss how tiny you used to be. How you hung onto mine and your father’s every word. How you used to seek us out and wordlessly cuddle us. I miss my sweet boys.” Neteyam felt his heart break at the melancholy in his mother’s voice since she usually hid these feelings, never voicing out how much she missed their childhood years. He sighed and squeezes her arm around him, despite his embarrassment never wanting his mother to be sad.
“It’s okay, mama. We can cuddle.” Neytiri lit up at the old name he used to call her, before he felt too grown and resorted to calling her mom or mother. He smiled softly, deciding that for just tonight, he could let himself be a boy again that didn’t have to grow up way too quickly, cuddling with one of the two people in the world who gave him endless comfort and safety. He glanced at Lo’ak who still looked apprehensive and the image of his mammoth of a father cradling a thin limbed Lo’ak made Neteyam chuckle.
“Don’t laugh. You’re the one who’s in mom’s arms like a little pup.” Jake’s arms only tightened at Lo’ak’s words and he pressed an embarrassing kiss on Lo’ak’s temple.
“Stop squirming or I’ll bundle you into my arms like when you were a baby and rock you to sleep.” Neteyam couldn’t help his laugh at Lo’ak’s comically wide eyes and fear as he shook his head.
“Not necessary, dad. I’ll stay still.” Those words were enough for Jake to sigh and settle back down and Lo’ak relaxed in his father’s hold, sighing as he sleepily closed his eyes. Neteyam does the same but it only lasted for a few seconds when he felt a warm, gentle but clumsy hand on his hip seemingly trying to pull him closer. When he opened his eyes, he saw that it was his father who had his eyes closed but a concentrated frown on his face as he was reaching over Lo’ak to pull Neteyam closer. Neytiri grumbled at his actions and weakly hissed at her mate before she pulled her eldest son closer to her, tucking his head under her chin as she grumpily glared at Jake, who had his eyes open now and looked at her back in a similarly grumpy expression.
“You have your baby to cuddle. Do not be greedy, Ma’Jake.”
“They’re both my babies, y’know? I’m allowed to cuddle with both of them!” Neytiri narrowed her eyes at him and Neteyam and Lo’ak watched as their parents almost territorially fought over them. Neteyam wonders for a brief moment if it was like this when they were babies or children.
“Then I shall have both in my arms to cuddle. I gave birth to them after all.” Jake rolled his eyes but tugged Lo’ak closer as if it was even possible.
“You have your twin baby. I have mine. Just… Lo’ak, baby boy, scoot over to your brother.” The gentleness in Jake’s voice made Lo’ak’s heart soften in a way it hadn’t in a long time, not used to his father being so soft and gentle with him. He does as told and laid next to his older brother, each of their parents protectively reaching their arms to the other child. Neteyam and Lo’ak exchanged a pointed look before the eldest looked up at his mother.
“What do you mean with twin baby?” Neytiri smiled gently and caressed his cheek, her eyes so soft with nothing but love and care for her son.
“It means that you and your brother resemble me and your father very much. You are my twin and Lo’ak is your father’s.” Neteyam blinked at her words and looked at his little brother who seemed to contemplate those words as well. Jake placed a soft kiss on Lo’ak’s forehead which made him blush in embarrassment and squeezed Neteyam’s shoulder.
“Doesn’t mean you’re not still very much parts of both of us because you always will be. But it’s what we named you when you were just babies. ‘Teyam looked like the spitting image of your mother and you”, Jake playfully squeezed Lo’ak’s cheek which he batted away with a small smile, “looked just like me.”
Neteyam smiled at his father’s words and tucked his head back to its previous spot, under his mother’s chin, who hummed happily and let her scent envelop her family.
“My precious sons. I miss when you were babies.” Neytiri rubbed Neteyam’s back with a gentle hand, a fond smile on her lips with her eyes closed.
“And what a fat baby you were.”
“Mom!” Neytiri laughed at her eldest son’s embarrassed exclamation, the remnants of the alcohol clearly still having an effect.
“It is true! I thought you were breaking my hips when you came out. Your grandmother has helped deliver countless babies and said that her first grandson is the biggest that she has witnessed. Did you know I broke your father’s hand during labor?” Neteyam’s embarrassment formed into amusement and he turned around again to face his father and Lo’ak, the latter one looking up at Jake curiously, who was looking at his family, sleepy but amused.
“Yeah, yeah. It’s your fault, technically. You put your mom through the ringer.” Neteyam looked utterly embarrassed again and Lo’ak had a hard time suppressing his giggles.
“I’m really sorry, mom.” Neytiri coos at him in amusement and kisses his temple, once again rubbing her nose along his hairline which made him whine in embarrassment. “I will reek of you all day tomorrow. Like a two year old pup.”
Of course, his mother only frowned and increased her scenting.
“You are my pup.”
Neteyam decided to admit defeat at those words, knowing his mother was way stronger anyway and that he was not getting out of her arms tonight. A few minutes of silence went by as he listened to the ocean outside, despite his tiredness not quite being able to sleep yet. He faced his mother and felt her warmth on one side and Lo’ak’s on his back and the large, comforting hand on his arm must’ve been his father’s. He couldn’t remember the last time they slept like this… maybe they had never even slept like this before since in his childhood years, Kiri would have also been lying somewhere between them, snuggled up with one foot in Lo’ak’s face and a hand unconsciously pulling Neteyam’s braids.
He raised his head carefully to not disturb his mother and casted a glance towards the other, more normal looking pile of his sleeping family and saw that Kiri, Tuk and Spider seemed undisturbed. Neteyam faintly remembered that the three of them had spent the entire day collecting shells and were barely awake enough to eat dinner before collapsing and he’s glad that they hadn’t woken up from his parents' rather loud entrance. When he craned his neck, he saw Lo’ak fast asleep behind him, his father’s hand buried beneath the braids and seemingly massaging his scalp as his father scented Lo’ak the same way his mother had with Neteyam, a fond, loving smile on his father’s face that clearly reflected how much he loved his youngest son. He would make sure to remember to tease Lo’ak about how content he seemed to sleep in their father’s arms. He felt a gentle but firm hand guide his face back into his mother’s neck and unwillingly felt her scent calm him down, just like it always did.
“Sleep, my sweet boy. You do not need to keep watch over your siblings right now. Just fall asleep with mama, hm?” He was sure that his mother’s scent made him extra tired but he didn't complain. He tucked his face back into her neck, her scent as soothing as it had been his entire life, something that put him to sleep with no fail as a baby. Maybe, for a short moment, he could pretend that’s where he was, fifteen years ago when it was just him and his parents for the short while until Kiri had been born. He didn’t even remember it, had no recollection of the first year of his life but he could imagine being in his mother’s arms, how she rocked him gently in their old home, in the forest in their old Hometree. He could imagine a sweet smile on her face, so unlike her agonizing screams and devastation on her face when he had almost died of his gunshot wound. His lack of proper sleep added up to his exhaustion so with his little brother’s warm back on his and his mother’s comforting scent all around him, Neteyam finally fell asleep.
It was the first time he slept through the night in weeks.