Work Text:
November 2023 - Ottawa
[Camera looking over the tunnel next to the locker room where players grab their sticks and wait to go out for warm ups. Ilya and Troy stand on opposite sides of the tunnel. Ilya is twisting is stick in his hands]
Ilya: I’m going to score three goals tonight
Troy: You say that before every game
Ilya: Yes, but one day I’ll be right
CUT
[Shane comes out to the tunnel in full gear, and heads straight towards Ilya. He and Ilya dap each other up, clasping hands and knocking their shoulders together. Except the married couple takes it an extra step and kisses each other’s cheeks. When they pull away, Shane methodically taps his stick against each of his skates, leans left, leans right, and then bounces up and down three times. Ilya watches while chewing his gum, twirling his stick in his hands]
Ilya: Feeling ready, Hollander?
Shane: Born ready, Rozanov.
CUT
[Rest of the team is filtering out into the tunnel for warm ups]
Ilya: LET’S GO BOYS!
CUT
[Ilya skating at warm ups, the techno pop music of the arena blasting, taking shots on net]
CUT
[Ilya skates up to Shane.]
Ilya: Watch, I’m gonna scare this kid.
Shane: No, don’t–
[Ilya skates up and slams his body against the glass. The kid, probably no more than seven years old, screams and popcorn goes flying. Ilya laughs and tosses the kid a puck as an apology.]
CUT
[Shane is stretching on the ice, Ilya is puck handling around him. They move quietly around each other, a comfortable routine.]
CUT
[Ilya standing on the blue line while the anthem singer is belting out ‘O Canada.’ He bounces on his skates during the song, keeping his body moving.]
CUT
[Ilya on the bench, watching the game]
Ilya: GOOD PLAY, HAAS!
CUT
[Ilya still on the bench, watching play in the other direction.]
Ilya: NICE!
CUT
[Ilya flying up the ice, chasing after the other team.]
Ilya: SKATE, SKATE SKATE!
CUT
[Ilya by the other team’s net, watching his teammates toss the puck back and forth. Ilya slams his stick against the ice twice.]
Ilya: HERE!
[Troy slaps it to Ilya, who shoots it at the net and misses. Ilya groans in frustration.]
CUT
[Shane and Ilya sitting on the bench, in what seems to be a TV timeout.]
Shane: Did you remember to leave money for the dog walker?
[Ilya thinks about it for a moment.]
Ilya: Yes
Shane: You had to think about it.
Ilya: Yes, and I think the answer is yes.
CUT
[Ilya stands up on the bench in excitement]
Ilya: GOOD PLAY!
CUT
[Ilya reaches back towards coaching staff.]
Ilya: Can I see iPad?
[One of the assistant coaches hands over an iPad to Ilya, who watches a replay]
CUT
[Ilya watches from the bench, leaning forward in anticipation, and then the whole bench rockets to their feet with a cheer as the goal horn goes off.]
Ilya: That’s my husband!
[Ilya grabs Troy’s shoulder and shakes him]
Ilya: That’s my husband!!
[Shane skates by for the fist bump line, and Ilya lets out a loud “WOO!” as Shane knocks into his fist and goes down the line.]
Ilya: Beautiful goal, beautiful goal.
CUT
[Ilya skating through the neutral zone]
Ilya: YAH!
CUT
[Ilya skating the opposite direction.]
Ilya: YAH!
CUT
[Ilya skating again, calling for the puck.]
Ilya: HERE!
CUT
[A scrum breaks out behind the net, both teams lunging for each other and getting in each other’s faces without actually dropping gloves. Ilya hooks an arm around an opposing player’s neck and drags him back away from the scrum.]
Ilya: Hey, hey, hey. All good here. All good here.
[One of the linesmen skates up and says something intelligible, the microphone muffled.]
Ilya: I’m just making friends! I’m just making friends! We’re all good here.
CUT
[Ilya leans over the bench to the equipment manager.]
Ilya: Can I get new gloves, please?
CUT
[Ilya watching on the bench, leaning forward]
Ilya: Nice, Bood!
CUT
[Ilya watching on the bench, whistles and leans back.]
Ilya: What a save, Hasey!
CUT
[Ilya bangs his stick against the boards.]
Ilya: Niiiiiiice!
CUT
[Shane skates up to Ilya, his glove covering his mouth.]
Shane: I’m gonna go up the left, get me the puck.
Ilya: Okay
CUT
[Shane cuts up the left, Ilya dances past the defense, whacks the puck to Shane, who pots it into the goal, top shelf. Shane lets the momentum of his skating take him forward and jumps into the boards while yelling while the fans leap to their feet screaming. He turns around just to get mobbed by his teammates in a hug. Ilya yelling the loudest.]
CUT
[Shane and Ilya skating back to the bench.]
Ilya: I’m just saying, your cellys are so boring!
Shane: Oh yeah, want me to do the heart breaker? The archer? The griddy?
Ilya: Yes, any of those would be more exciting than what you do now.
[Shane laughs and rolls his eyes.]
CUT
[The ref blows the whistle and holds up a hand. Ilya skates up to him.]
Ilya: What happened?
Ref: I don’t want to hear it, Rozanov
Ilya: I’m just asking what happened!!
CUT
[Ilya on the bench, squirting water into his mouth.]
CUT
[Ilya on the bench]
Ilya: BEHIND YOU HAAS, BEHIND YOU!
CUT
[Ilya skating down the ice]
Ilya: HEADS UP HEADS UP HEADS UP
CUT
[Ilya watches as Troy gets in a fight, whaling on the opposing player. Ilya uses his stick to push aside the dropped gloves so no one trips on them.]
Ilya: ATTA BOY, TROY!
CUT
[Ilya and Shane leaning in together over an iPad, watching a replay of their previous power play. Shane points at the screen]
Shane: No, right there.
Ilya: Yeah
Shane: I think if you don’t, yell to me and I get low.
Ilya: You eat it on your backhand there, and we go.
Shane: Yeah, keep him on your shoulder.
Ilya: Yeah, okay. Good.
CUT
[Ilya on the bench, standing up.]
Ilya: GET THERE, GET THERE!
[Ilya huffs and sits back down.
Ilya: Okay, nice try, boys.
CUT
[Ilya slams an opposing player into the boards.]
Ilya: Excuse me, coming through.
CUT
[Ilya chatting with an opposing player on a TV time out.]
Ilya: Hey, congrats, on your latest baby!
Player: Oh, thanks Rozanov.
Ilya: Is this your fourteenth child?
Player, in the exact same tone, with no heat: Fuck you, Rozanov/
CUT
[Ilya slaps the puck into the net from the top of the left circle. The goal horn goes off, and Ilya drops to one knee as he skates and draws a heart with his hands and blows a kiss to Shane on the bench.]
CUT
[Ilya skating up to the bench after his goal. Shane is grinning at him, and paws at his helmet with his glove on, shaking his head.]
Shane: You’re ridiculous.
Ilya: You love it.
CUT
[Ilya on the bench watching, winces.]
Ilya: Oof. That is not good.
CUT
[Ilya holds the bench door open as Shane and Luca come off the ice from their shift. He smacks them both on the ass as they go by.]
CUT
[Ilya leans over to Luca, holding the iPad.]
Ilya: No you’ve got it. Stop second guessing yourself, you’re fine
Luca: I don’t know, Roz
Ilya: You got it, kid. You’re fine.
CUT
[Ilya skating on the ice]
Ilya: HEADS UP!
CUT
[Troy skates up to Ilya on the ice.]
Troy: So far, you only have one goal.
Ilya: There’s still time.
CUT
[Wyatt makes a crazy cartwheel save. The crowd goes crazy as he stands up, bouncing the puck in his glove. Ilya skates up and taps his stick against Wyatt’s pads.]
Ilya: That was insane, Hayes!
Wyatt: Please don’t make me do that again.
CUT
[Ilya on the bench, banging his stick on the boards.]
Ilya: ATTA BOY, HOLLANDER!
CUT
[Ilya and Troy sitting next to each other on the bench. Ilya opens his mouth and Troy squirts a water bottle at him. It mostly goes in Ilya’s eye.]
CUT
[Ilya sings along with the Taylor Swift song blasting in the arena.]
CUT
[Ilya skates up to Shane and puts his glove up over his mouth.]
Shane: Are we changing the play?
Ilya: No, I just want to freak the other team out.
Shane: Oh, okay.
[Shane covers his mouth with his glove too, their heads close together.]
Shane: What do you want for dinner?
Ilya: Not salmon again, please.
Shane: If you score on this power play, I’ll make you whatever you want.
Ilya: And if I don’t?
Shane: Salmon.
CUT
[Ilya comes back to the bench with a huff, Shane behind him.]
Ilya: I’m so sick of salmon.
Shane: Should have scored, Rozanov!
CUT
[Shane and Ilya on the bench, and the whole bench rockets to their feet in outrage.]
Ilya: What the [BLEEP] was that?
Shane: Come the [BLEEP on!
CUT
[Ilya flying up the ice, puck on his stick.]
Ilya: BOOD! HEADS UP! HEADS UP!
CUT
[Ilya skates into the penalty box, arguing with the ref over his shoulder.]
Ilya: I DIDN’T EVEN TOUCH HIM! I DIDN’T EVEN TOUCH HIM!
[Ilya sits down in the box, looking up at the jumbotron for the replay. He winces, and then shrugs.]
Ilya: Okay, so I did touch him.
CUT:
[another goal horn goes off, and Ilya leans over the edge of the bench to cheer while beside him, Shane cheers. Dykstra goes down the fistbump line first.]
CUT
[Troy and Ilya sit down on the bench after getting off the ice.]
Troy: Still think there’s time for a hat trick?
Ilya: [BLEEP] you, Barrett
CUT
[Ilya and the team empty off the bench as the final goal horn sounds. They won, the arena lights flashing and the crowd cheering, all the Cens headed to Wyatt for the customary goalie headbonks line. Everyone’s fist bumping and whacking each other on the head.]
CUT
[Ilya throws his arms around Wyatt for a big hug.]
Ilya: Our super hero!
Wyatt: Aww, shucks, Roz.
CUT
[Ilya fist bumps each player as they go off the ice.]
Ilya: I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.
[Shane is the last one on the ice and comes up to Ilya with a huge grin on his face, and kisses him square on the lips with an audible smack. Ilya grins at him.]
Ilya: And I love you the most.
Shane: Get off the ice, loverboy.
[Shane and Ilya tussle to see which one of them will get off the ice first, grinning and laughing at each other. Shane breaks free and books it down the tunnel, Ilya hot on his heels and smacking Shane’s ass.]