Work Text:
The car door opened. John Watson climbed in, looking over his shoulder, and fumbled the door closed.
She said nothing, her fingers busy.
Message from THE_Woman: "I'm in your palace blowing your princes. Sorry, have to lock the pix in my life insurance file, but I'll tell you all about it over tea. Try Willie sometime, he's good."
Message to THE_Woman: "Been there, blown that. Rather watch my nail polish dry. Bored now."
Message from Barack_Obama: "Check out my new lightsaber."
Message to Barack_Obama: "You're supposed to turn on the flashlight in the handle, n00b."
John Watson shifted nervously in the car beside her. "What's your name, then?" he asked.
Message from HooperMoll: "Rec 'Snapes Girls' on AFF. I would so bend over for Severus."
Message to HooperMoll: "Rec 'If Two's Company, And Three's A Crowd, Then Four Is....?' on Wraithbait. I'd like to shag Rodney through a wall. A sentient voyeuristic Atlantean wall."
Message from Brit_gov: "John is speaking to you. Reply to him."
She didn't bother to look at John. "Anthea," she improvised.
Message from FarmerJim007: "You seem busy. I'm sending you a Farmhand. By the way, what player level are you on FarmVille?"
Message to FarmerJim007: "Had to pick up a package, and he WON'T SHUT UP. I'm at level 1201. Here, have a cherry tree."
Not to be dissuaded, John asked, "Is it your real name?"
Post to The Science of Deduction: "WRONG."
Message from Brit_gov: "John is speaking to you again! Reply to him -- and try to pay attention."
"No," she said to John. Her real names were never spoken, only typed into user ID fields scattered across a hundred services.
Message from THE_Woman: "Kink Bingo communal cards are live. I'm taking #1. Race you to blackout?"
Message to THE_Woman: "OMG yes! Dibs on card #2. Dare you to slash Mycroft with the Prime Minister for penance/punishment."
John fidgeted.
Message from Brit_gov: "Would it be entirely too much trouble for you keep John calm whilst he is sitting right next to you?"
The distress was ignored.
Message from THE_Woman: "I'm on that like eyeballs on booty. Here's your challenge, should you choose to accept it."
Message to THE_Woman: "Bitch. Bilbo couldn't get laid if you dipped him in chocolate and threw him to the goblins. But you're on. I'll think of something."
eOffice 4.7: word processor open: "In a hobbit in the ground, there was a hole."
The car rolled to a stop.
Message from Brit_gov: "How long do I have to wait for this meeting to commence?"
The Kingdom of Loathing: Login: BAMFette1 Password: ******
Finally John opened the door and got out.
She didn't look up then either.