Work Text:
Ena @workaholicprick
Customer is always WRONG. I work here not you suck my balls
Coral Glasses @underpaid replying to @workaholicprick
They always so cocky bout it too like sit your ass DOWN
Ena @workaholicprick replying to @underpaid
Exactly we should start holding them at gunpoint
Coral Glasses @underpaid replying to @workaholic prick
that's NOT what I said but okay
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Merci @ih8thefrench
theres the worst typa people managing to bag multiple at a time meanwhile I can't even get my cat to love me. This is injustice
Ǝna @crybabybitch replying to @ih8thefrench
You just gotta lock in
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Mitu @partyrocker
Ur honor.. I zoned out what
Taski Maiden @(. ❛ ᴗ ❛.) replying to @paetyrocker
I ASKED IF YOU WANTED THE BAGGIE.
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Ǝna @crybabybitch
What do you get out of killing my joy and whimsy
Ena @workaholicprick replying @crybabybitch
a little hard
Ǝna @crybabybitch replying to @workaholicprick
oh.
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Phindoll @coolasfdolphin
I wish sleep worked like it did in Minecraft
Shepard @tiredasf replying to @coolasfdolphin
*slaps my bed and now unconscious for the next 12 hours*
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Hoarder Alex @hoardingisarealjob
in the lab sipping test tubes of substances
Dratula @NOTAPENGUIN replying to @hoardingisarealjob
critiquing them like fine wine
Froggy @tiredofeveryone replying to @hoardingisarealjob
all of you should not be legal adults
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Taski Maiden @(. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)
I could never be a lawyer
Coral Glasses @underpaid replying to @(. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)
Your honor, my clients guilty can I get another one
Ena @workaholicprick replying to @underpaid
Remind me NEVER to tell you guys anything incriminating
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Ǝna @crybabybitch
they should invent a brain that doesn't whisper bad things to you
Ena @workaholicprick replying to @crybabybitch
Just separate from negative nancys
Ena @workaholicprico replying to @workaholicprick
Okay FUCK YOU.
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Kane @shitngiggles
[3 AM]
Me: what are any of us doing with our lives really
Zoo keeper: I'm asking you specifically.
Runas @thegreatest replying to @shitngiggles
genuinely what are you doing with your life
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Taski Maiden @(. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)
Lab safety
1 ) drink whatevers in the beaker, ik you want too.
Shepard @tiredasf replying to @(. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)
What's with the obsession of drinking unfathomable chemicals
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Ǝna @crybabybitch
People who usually wear suits look 451% hotter in casual clothes. Trust me this is science
Ena @workaholicprick replying to @crybabybitch
Can second this
Moony @rockhead replying to @workaholicprick
well fuck it'd be you two who'd know
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Phindoll @coolasfdolphin
Trees live underground and use the above ground part as a snorkel
Froggy @tiredofeveryone replying to @coolasfdolphin
I fucking guess bro
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Mitu @partyrocker
Blood loss? No I know exactly where it is
Ena @workaholicprick replying to @partyrocker
Looks down at my bloodstained shirt before passing out as sarcastically as possible
Coral Glasses @underpaid replying to @workaholicprick
and you wonder why I'm stressed all the time
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Taski Maiden @(. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)
it's not even procrastinating anymore I'm just not gonna do it
Coral Glasses @underpaid replying to @(. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)
why'd I hire you
Taski Maiden @(. ❛ ᴗ ❛.) replying to @underpaid
I was the only one that applied
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Ena @workaholicprick
I've never been more offended to be called a “friend from work”
Coral Glasses @underpaid replying to @workaholicprick
IT WAS AN ACCIDENTTTT IM SORRY
Ena @workaholicprick replying to @underpaid
if we were your “friends from work” we're very unprofessional
Ǝna @crybabybitch replying to @workaholicprick
Yeah HR would have their hands full with that one
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Moony @rockhead
Your childhood wasn't lit if you didn't almost die
Ena @workaholicprick replying to @rockhead
what I'm saying actually
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Mitu @partyrocker
ending the chess match as soon as they take my cute horse
Phindoll @coolasfdolphin replying to @partyrocker
WE WERE PLAYING CHECKERS
Mitu @partyrocker replying to @coolasfdolphin
…and?
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Ena @workaholicprick
“People you may know” and it's sm1 I would set on fire
Hoarder Alex @hoardingisarealjob replying to @workaholicprick
is that why you haven't followed back
Ena @workaholicprick replying to @hoardingisarealjob
if the boot fits.
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Shepard @tiredasf
Getting better but also getting worse, you wouldn't get it
Runas @thegreatest replying to @tiredasf
You'd be surprised
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Ena @workaholicprick
I get so angry sometimes i might be able to generate electricity
Froggy @tiredofeveryone replying to @workaholicprick
We should test this
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Ena @workaholicprick
“I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy” I would.
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Merci @ih8thefrench
Birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas do it. us next, we're flying straight into glass door and die
Coral Glasses @underpaid replying to @ih8thefrench
I laughed so loudly at work they're staring at me sos
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Hoarder Alex @hoardingisarealjob
kill me once, shame on you
Froggy @tiredofeveryone replying to @hoardingisarealjob
kill me twice, how'd you do that
Mitu @partyrocker replying to @tiredofeveryone
Kill me three times, this time loop sucks
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Ena @workaholicprick
Ragebait only works because I'm already pissed off
Kane @shitsngiggles replying to @workaholicprick
I'll keep that in mind
Ena @workaholicprick replying to @shitsngiggles
YOU ASS
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Runas @thegreatest
@workaholicprick your lack of whimsy disturbs me
Ena @workaholicprick replying to @thegreatest
I'm going to overthrow you.
Shepard @tiredasf replying to @workaholicprick
Point proven
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Coral Glasses @underpaid
In light of recent events, fuck.
Froggy @tiredofeveryone replying to @underpaid
We're so cooked
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Dratula @NOTASTINKYPENGUIN
Realistically how long does deadorant last
Taski Maiden @(. ❛ ᴗ ❛.) replying to @NOTASTINKYPENGUIN
usually 3 or 4 bites
Dratula @NOTASTINKYPENGUIN replying to @(. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)
why do I even bother
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Moony @rockhead
How to make macncheese
Froggy @tiredofeveryone replying to @rockhead
you guys treat Twitter like google
Kane @shitsngiggles replying to @tiredofeveryone
Boiling point of water
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Coral Glasses @underpaid
I wanna be friendly but there's all this anxiety. and the horrors
Ena @workaholicprick replying to @underpaid
And the rage
Coral Glasses @underpaid replying to @workaholicprick
yeah and the rage
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Phindoll @coolasfdolphin
People say I'm going places.. mf where??
Merci @ih8thefrench replying to @coolasfdolphin
the asylum
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Ǝna @crybabybitch
Grating cheese is fun
Ǝna @crybabybitch replying to @crybabybitch
until it gets scary
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Ena @workaholicprick
I would cannibalize God's corpse if given the chance
Runas @thegreatest replying to @workaholicprick
hello??
Froggy @tiredofeveryone replying to @workaholicprick
that implies you're the same species
Ena @workaholicprick replying to @tiredofeveryone
Yes! Glad you caught that
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Hoarder Alex @hoardingbum
Been loving CLIT recently
Ena @workaholicprick replying to @hoardingbum
I know your gay ass is lying
Hoarder Alex @hoardingbum replying to @workaholicprick
Name ONE classical literature book.
Ena @workaholicprick replying to @hoardingbum
Who the FUCK shortens classical literature
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Mitu @partyrocker
Just gonna start squashing 16 babies a month with a boulder. That's what I'm gonna do
Dratula @NOTAPENGUIN replying to @partyrocker
How are you even getting access
Taski Maiden @(. ❛ ᴗ ❛.) replying to @NOTAPENGUIN
Just start volunteering at the maternity ward
Kane @crackkid replying to @(. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)
Who tf is ward and why are they pregnant
Froggy @tiredofeveryone replying to @(. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)
after the first time they'd kick you out right
Phindoll @coolasfdolphin replying to @tiredofeveryone
They don't
Froggy @tiredofeveryone replying to @coolasfdolphin
Oh okay
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Coral Glasses @underpaid
Why did I log on to see an entire chain of all my coworkers talking about crushing babies with boulders.. should I be worried?
Ǝna @crybabybitch replying to @underpaid
I think we shouldn't worry Ena exists.
Merci @ih8thefrench replying to @crybabybitch
I don't think any of us are brave enough to commit suicide by joking like that about the board member.
Ena @workaholicprick replying to @ih8thefrench
Good, was worried I'd need to make an example.
Merci @ih8thefrench replying to @workaholicprick
Is this a threat.
Ena @workaholicprick replying to @ih8thefrench
Depends.
Merci @ih8thefrench replying to @workaholicprick
FUCK YOU MEAN DEPENDS
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Kane @crackkid
Walked in a subway thinking I could show my face after months. One of the clearly newer hires immediately shouts “feetmeat ball long”.
I. Cannot. Go. Back.
Mitu @partyrocker replying to @crackkid
MB had to for the bit
Kane @crackkid replying to @partyrocker
Why the FUCK do you work at subway
Mitu @partyrocker replying to @crackkid
Why don't you is the question
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Moony @rockhead
Heard screaming down the hall but also high asf so it could just be a hallucination
Ena @workaholicprick replying to @rockhead
Probs just a hallucination then
Moony @rockhead replying to @workaholicprick
Yeah u right
Moony @rockhead replying to @workaholicprick
Wait you never give good advice to me.
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Ǝna @crybabybitch
Lemme run this by everyone rq
Coral (panicked): oh my god I beat someone
Ena (dead toned): yeah. With a 2 by 4
Runas @thegreatest replying to @crybabybitch
What could possibly be the context of this.
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Coral Glasses @underpaid
Anyone know how to get Ena to stop bringing home malicious white boys that sound eerily similar to Sales
Ǝna @crybabybitch replying to @underpaid
Especially because she keeps trying to raise them instead of getting them back into proper universes
Eclipse @bestantagonist replying to @crybabybitch
Wait I'm not the first??
Zenitsu @lightningcrybaby replying to @bestantagonist
No.
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Coral Glasses @underpaid
I keep accidentally typing Coral's user as underlaid I'm gonna get fired bro
Coral Glasses @underpaid replying to @(. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)
Two things can be true at once
Taski Maiden @(. ❛ ᴗ ❛.) replying to @underpaid
🍅🍅🍅🍅
Coral Glasses @underpaid replying to @(. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)
that's.. the most upsetting thing I've ever experienced
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Runas @thegreatest
Help I'm having ideas above my skill level
Shepard @tiredasf replying to @thegreatest
aren't you literally god.
Runas @thegreatest replying to @tiredasf
and?
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Mitu @partyrocker
y'all ever look at a couple and know one of them will mourn like Erika Kirk
Froggy @tiredofeveryone replying to @partyrocker
What?
Mitu @partyrocker replying to @tiredofeveryone
You know exactly what this means
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Taski Maiden @(. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)
Just got McDonald's on someone porch #huntingandgathering
Phindoll @coolasfdolphin replying to @(. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)
You did not hunt you just gathering man
Taski Maiden @(. ❛ ᴗ ❛.) replying to @coolasfdolphin
I killed the door dasher
Phindoll @coolasfdolphin replying to @(. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)
Okay go on then
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Froggy @tiredofeveryone
I miss when Coral used to constantly be dissing and borderline slut shaming Ena that shit was funny and no one could tell me otherwise
Coral Glasses @underpaid replying to @tiredofeveryone
Who says I haven't been
Froggy @tiredofeveryone replying to @underpaid
My bad man
Froggy @tiredofeveryone replying to @underpaid
wait.
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Moony @rockhead
I love how this entire group lwky feels like listening to 2000s-2010s white girl music ifykwim
Kane @crackkid replying to @rockhead
y'know what fuck yeah
Phindoll @coolasfdolphin replying to @rockhead
I was hoping I'd give off that vibe
Ena @workaholicprick replying to @rockhead
We'd all be so fire at the purge event if it didn't turn you into a fuckin reptile
Mitu @partyrocker replying to @workaholicprick
You're STILL bitter about that???
Ena @workaholicprick replying to @partyrocker
Yes.
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Moony @rockhead
Hey wait has anyone seen Merci…