Chapter Text
Park Sohyun, by every definition of the term, was a rule follower. No drinking, no partying, no sleeping around. Just pure dedication to her academics, her health, and her sanity, for better or for worse.
Her friends… well, she couldn’t say the same about them.
Xinyu and Nien, to no one’s surprise, were certified party animals. Seoyeon, the only person Sohyun knew with a 4.0, was a proud owner of multiple fake IDs. And Mayu, even sweet, soft spoken Mayu, had a wild side to her that could not be curbed on the weekends.
Needless to say, this wasn’t the first time the four of them had tried to persuade Sohyun to tag along to a party.
“Come on, Sohyun! It will be fun!” Mayu exclaimed, her eyes shining with such innocent joy.
“Yeah!” Nien chimed in. “Seoyeon’s going to buy the drinks. She’ll get you anything you want.”
Sohyun sighed. “You guys know I don’t drink.”
Seoyeon seemed to ignore that comment. “Which ID should I use this time? Montana? South Carolina? Ohio?” She asked, already ruffling through the collection of cards in her wallet. Sohyun could only shake her head in disapproval.
Nien furrowed her brows in thought. “You’ve got an Ohio vibe.”
“I hope that’s a compliment,” Seoyeon deadpanned as she moved that ID to the front of her stash.
Now, as much as she loved her friends, college parties didn’t appeal to Sohyun at all. Crowded dance floors that reeked of sweat and alcohol. Random guys trying to flirt with her who clearly didn’t get the hint that she was a lesbian. Scores of irresponsible teenager-adults experiencing freedom for the first time.
Yeah, that wasn’t really her speed. But good for her friends, though.
For the first time, Xinyu spoke up. “We might need a designated driver, you know,” she said, nudging Sohyun playfully.
Sohyun just rolled her eyes. “The Uber drivers don’t want to deal with you people anymore?”
“Maybe,” Mayu said jokingly. “But there’s a lot more money going out of my bank account than going into it. Plus, you have a car.”
“So your solution is to make me pay for more gas?”
Mayu just giggled. Sohyun couldn’t even be mad.
In reality, Sohyun would be willing to do all this for her friends. It would only be one night (as far as Sohyun was aware). It was just that she had so many things she’d rather be doing on a Saturday night. Reading her favorite books, watching her favorite movies, working on her half-produced songs…
“Please, Sohyun?”
She looked over to Xinyu, who was staring at her with those fox eyes that Sohyun could hardly resist. A soft smile tugged at Zhou’s lips, her round eyes blinking sweetly, communicating her silent plea.
Okay, how could Sohyun say no to that?
“Fine,” Sohyun resigned. “But just this once.”
The table erupted in cheers, which would have been embarrassing for Sohyun had they not been sitting in a noisy dining hall. A wide smile burst onto Xinyu’s face, and she wrapped her arms around Sohyun in an appreciative hug, one that Sohyun had not expected.
Sohyun couldn’t help but smile at the girl’s excitement and lean into her embrace, ever so slightly.
.
.
.
If there was one more thing to know about Park Sohyun, it was that she was irrefutably in love with Zhou Xinyu.
Exhibit A: her face. The sharp eyes that softened with every smile and brightened with every laugh. The pink blush that crept up on her porcelain cheeks when she was excited. Her nose, her lips, her jawline, everything about her was practically flawless. Goddess-like. Even a blind person could see how beautiful Xinyu was, Sohyun thought.
Exhibit B: her personality. Zhou Xinyu was the kind of girl that lit up every room she walked in. Everything was so effortless for her, from playful flirting to silly jokes. She carried herself with an undeniable self-confidence, and Sohyun admired that.
Exhibit C: the way she made Sohyun feel. No matter what Sohyun needed, Xinyu was there. To chat, to laugh, even to have deep conversations. With Xinyu, Sohyun was safe. She was understood. When everything around her made her want to disappear, Xinyu made her feel like the most seen person in the world.
They were an unlikely pair. Park Sohyun, a loner from the suburbs of northern Virginia, and Zhou Xinyu, the picture perfect California girl. Somehow, they met in the middle in their Midwestern university, and they fit together like puzzle pieces.
They met each other in the second month of freshman year, when Sohyun was still struggling to make friends, and when Xinyu was still struggling to grasp what a partial derivative was.
-
(Two days out from Sohyun’s first ever college midterm, the library was at full capacity. Hundreds of equally terrified students packed into the only building that would force them to study, Sohyun included.
She wanted to be there no more than the next person. The threat of her looming calculus exam had been stressing her out for weeks, yet she procrastinated for as long as possible until it would just be self-sabotage to ignore it any longer.
Truthfully, Sohyun knew she was screwed. Still with not so much as an acquaintance, she knew no one taking this class that she could study with. Also, this exam would be no joke. She was taking Calc 3, a notoriously difficult course at her school.
Seriously, why did there need to be three calculus classes? One should have been sufficient. She was mentally cursing Newton and Leibniz and Euler and any other mathematician who committed such heinous crimes by discovering this horrific subject.
It didn’t matter. Sohyun had no choice but to drag herself inside, equipped with a coffee, a Five Hour Energy, and a fear of failure.
Now, it was peak midterm season, and not a single seat in the whole damn library was free. Sohyun swore she walked four laps around the building until she finally caught sight of an open chair at a table by the window, sitting right across from a girl.
Sohyun raced to grab it before anyone else could. Still, she decided to be polite and ask the girl if she could sit there.
“Is this seat taken?” Sohyun asked quietly, so as to not disturb the other students.
The girl looked up, and by god, she was beautiful. Like, impossibly beautiful. Her long black hair was tied back into a tight ponytail, and she wore an oversized pink hoodie with gray sweatpants. She dressed so casually, yet still looked so ethereal.
Sohyun’s eyes widened when they made eye contact, genuinely thinking that she just met an angel. She did her best to stop herself from stuttering and falling over (or, as her friends would later describe her, “being a gay loser”).
“Of course,” the girl responded with a kind smile, and Sohyun just about lost it again.
With a gulp, Sohyun sat down and started pulling out her laptop and notebook, trying not to fumble with anything. As she gathered her supplies, she took a quick glance at the opposite girl’s papers, noticing familiar equations and problem sets.
“You doing calc 3?” Sohyun worked up the courage to ask, hoping that she’d found, if not a potential friend, a potential study partner.
The girl looked up again. “Yeah, are you?”
Sohyun nodded in response, hoping that her face wasn’t bright red.
An expression of relief washed over the other girl’s face. “Oh, thank god,” she said. “I have no idea how to do any of this stuff.”
The girl slid her notes over to Sohyun, allowing her to take a look at the multitude of confused scribbles and crossed out solutions. Okay, Sohyun was a little screwed, but not this screwed. She already felt bad for this girl, who she just met.
Sohyun ran a hand through her hair. “Maybe I can help you? I’m no math genius, but I think I’ve got enough in me to give you a hand.”
The girl’s eyes noticeably lit up. “Would you mind?”
“Not at all,” Sohyun responded. “It will probably help me study, too.”
And that was how they spent the next six hours. They sat right there, going over every concept and practice exam until they felt like masters. Level curves, quadric surfaces, even the girl’s dreaded partial derivative.
For once, Sohyun didn’t feel like a social interaction was difficult for her. It wasn’t uncomfortable or anxiety inducing. Hours passed like minutes. Their conversations flowed easily, and this random girl, in such a short span of time, made her feel like she truly had a friend.
By the end of it all, the sun had dipped below the horizon, and they both needed to head back to their respective dorms. Sohyun couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed. She wanted to get to know this girl.
Suddenly, she spoke up. “I forgot to introduce myself,” the girl reached out her hand. “I’m Xinyu.”
Xinyu, Sohyun thought. Beautiful name for a beautiful girl.
“I’m Sohyun,” she responded as they shook hands.
She really hoped that Xinyu hadn’t noticed the blush on her face.)
-
Yeah, ever since then, Zhou Xinyu was permanently engraved into Park Sohyun’s brain.
They had exchanged contact information and started hanging out more often. They went beyond study sessions and started meeting for coffee or during a lunch break. Eventually, Sohyun opened up about her lack of friends, and Xinyu didn’t even hesitate before introducing her to her group of friends.
That was how Sohyun met Seoyeon, Nien, and Mayu. They all clicked instantly, and Sohyun felt like she truly belonged to a group.
But it didn’t stop there. The more time she spent with Xinyu, the more she felt like she was being pulled into her orbit. Truthfully, it didn’t take long for Sohyun to completely fall for the taller girl. And she had been hopelessly pining since.
Her gay ass.
.
.
.
Xinyu was the first stop on Sohyun’s route to pick up her four friends for the party. Totally not because she wanted an excuse to spend extra one-on-one time with her. She sat patiently on Xinyu’s bed while she rummaged through her closet, trying to find the perfect outfit.
“Which one should I wear?” Xinyu asked, holding up two jackets.
The jacket in her left hand was nothing too special. It was a basic black, very similar to the jacket Sohyun was wearing at that moment underneath her white long sleeve top. The other jacket, however, caught Sohyun’s eye. It had white on the top half, running down the sleeves, with black on the bottom.
Sohyun remembered that jacket. Xinyu had worn it once before, when the two of them had gone to a cafe together over an uneventful weekend. And Sohyun remembered her brain shortcircuiting at the sight.
“Wear that one,” Sohyun responded, pointing to the jacket in Xinyu’s right hand, her favorite. She definitely wanted to see her wearing it again.
Xinyu smiled at her friend, turning back around to hang up the black jacket and put Sohyun’s choice on. Sohyun rubbed at the back of her neck awkwardly, hoping that her excitement wasn’t showing too much.
“I know this isn’t really your scene,” Xinyu started as she pushed one arm into a sleeve, “but thank you for agreeing to come.”
“Yeah, of course,” Sohyun responded with a smile. “Anything to prevent you guys from calling me a loser again.”
Xinyu shook her head, a small smirk forming on her face. “You’re not a loser. Those three are just mean.”
Sohyun gave her a side eye. “I can name at least five occasions when you called me a loser.”
Zhou spun around rapidly, her mouth comically agape. “Name one!” She exclaimed, exasperated.
“Literally yesterday,” Sohyun started. “When you mentioned a movie night and I told you I had homework to do.”
Xinyu’s shoulders visibly slumped, resigning to Sohyun’s comment. “Not fair. I’m mostly nice to you.”
“Key word: mostly.”
“Shut up.”
With a grin still on her face, Xinyu turned back around to face the mirror, fixing her jacket. Sohyun, still feeling smug from proving Xinyu wrong, couldn’t help but look from behind. She watched intently as Xinyu fixed her collar, then her sleeves, then the hem of her shirt.
How was she beautiful no matter what she was doing?
Xinyu clearly noticed Sohyun’s staring, because she caught her eyes in the mirror. Sohyun started blushing before looking away, and Xinyu just smiled, her eyes lighting up ever so slightly. Sohyun was too embarrassed to notice.
The older girl turned around to face Park, giving her a little spin. “How do I look?”
In Sohyun’s head, she was telling her how gorgeous she was. In Sohyun’s head, she was gently pushing a stray strand of hair back behind her ear. In Sohyun’s head, she was pulling Xinyu in by the collar of that damn jacket to kiss her.
“Yeah, you look good,” Sohyun instead said.
Xinyu smiled. “Of course I do.”
Sohyun rolled her eyes. “Don’t let that get to your head.”
The two girls just chuckled before heading out of Xinyu’s dorm room and to Sohyun’s car.
First, they picked up Mayu, who lived only a few blocks from Xinyu’s building. She was dressed in a light pink blouse and a short white skirt. Word on the street was that she was trying to impress a senior named Yooyeon, one of the most recognizable figures on campus. Sohyun wouldn’t be surprised if she succeeded.
Then they headed to Seoyeon and Nien, who were roommates. As expected, Seoyeon arrived with multiple cases of beer in hand, looking like she had completed some sort of mission. Nien, on the other hand, was just there for the vibes. She showed up wearing her signature smile and some poorly attached hair extensions.
The chaos began the moment Nien opened the door to Sohyun’s run down Subaru. “You guys aren’t going to believe this! Seoyeon lied to me!”
Mayu, bless her heart, seemed genuinely offended on Nien’s behalf. “Really? How could you, Seoyeon?”
“It’s not even a big deal?” Seoyeon exclaimed, rolling her eyes.
“Of course it is!” Nien yelled as she (thankfully) buckled her seatbelt. “You bought the drinks with your Massachusetts ID! You told me you’d use Ohio!”
This was a ridiculous argument. Sohyun was not surprised in the slightest bit.
Seoyeon scoffed. “What difference does it make? The cashier was wearing a Cincinnati Bengals jersey, he would have seen right through my lies.”
Nien furrowed her brows. “What does a tiger have to do with Ohio?”
“You’re so stupid,” Xinyu muttered, facepalming.
“The Cincinnati Bengals, Nien,” Sohyun responded calmly, hoping she’d get the hint.
Nien still looked confused, and Sohyun was starting to wonder if she had been pregaming. “Oh, I’m sorry I don’t know baseball!” She exclaimed dramatically.
“First of all,” Seoyeon began to respond, “it’s football. Second of all, you don’t even need to know the sport! Cincinnati is a city!”
The rest of the car ride went exactly like that: a back and forth between Nien and Seoyeon about something that wasn’t important at all, interrupted only by disappointed comments from Sohyun and Xinyu and supportive ones from Mayu. By the end of it all, the four of them had managed to confirm to Nien that Cincinnati was, in fact, a city in Ohio.
Finally, they arrived at the party, taking place at some run down frat house that Sohyun had a feeling was probably infested with the exact type of guys that she really hated to be around.
When she stepped in, she was immediately greeted by the bass of the music, so loud that it felt like it was inside her. She also noticed the significant crowd that had already gathered in the house, and she instantly got nervous. Almost as if an instinct, she shifted her body closer to Xinyu, knowing that she’d be there for her.
It didn’t take long for Seoyeon and Nien to disappear, presumably to drop off the drinks in the kitchen. Sohyun knew she wouldn’t see the two of them for a while. Then, as if on cue, Yooyeon materialized from the crowd, and Mayu’s eyes lit up. They went off on their own, too. Sohyun could only hope that those three were planning on making good choices throughout the night.
So, once again, it was just her and Xinyu. Sohyun scanned the room, trying to see if there was a person she knew or a less crowded place to have fun. Upon realizing that neither of those things were there, she stiffened. Xinyu must have noticed Sohyun’s apprehension to proceed further, and she placed a gentle hand on her shoulder.
“Wanna get drinks?” Xinyu asked.
Sohyun squinted her eyes, looking away. “Xinyu, we’ve been over this. I have to drive tonight.”
Xinyu started laughing. “I didn’t mean alcohol, silly. You can get a soda.”
“Oh,” Sohyun gulped, realizing how stupid she must have sounded. She really was inexperienced in this college party scene.
Xinyu smiled before leading Sohyun to the kitchen. While Xinyu got herself a beer, Sohyun opted for a Mountain Dew, wishing the caffeine and sugar would power her through the night. She poured it into a red solo cup in hopes of looking less out of place.
They stood there in the kitchen for a moment. Sohyun took a sip of her soda, the carbonation and sweetness nearly igniting her tongue, while Xinyu just held onto her beer.
“Initial thoughts?” Xinyu asked.
Sohyun huffed, running a hand through her hair. “I’m not sure. It’s a lot of people. I don’t know what to do.”
“That’s okay!” Xinyu beamed. “I’ll make sure you’re always in my sight so you’re never alone!”
Sohyun felt her heart warm at the comment. How could Xinyu be so nice to her? Didn’t she want to have her own fun? Either way, she was thankful for having such a great friend.
“Thanks,” she muttered awkwardly in response, looking down at her bright yellow drink so as to not show her blush.
“You’re welcome,” Xinyu smiled, setting her drink down on a counter. “I’m gonna go dance for a bit. Wanna come?”
Sohyun shook her head, still too anxious. “I’m okay. I think I’ll just watch.”
Xinyu nodded. “Okay, come get me if you want to join!”
She walked off towards the crowded dance floor, and Sohyun followed. She found a little corner in the back of the room and decided to sit there, away from the people but close enough to see Xinyu.
Sohyun knew she was being kind of lame, but this wasn’t her vibe at all. The people and the loud music made her nervous. She was perfectly satisfied sitting there, so long as Xinyu was always within eyeshot.
As time passed, she alternated between scrolling through Instagram reels and scanning the room. Cute dog video. Mayu in the corner, standing suspiciously close to Yooyeon. Another cute dog video. Nien and Seoyeon engaging in a heated match of beer pong down the hall. More cute dog videos. Xinyu trying to push away a creepy man.
Wait.
It wasn’t odd, per se, for Xinyu to be flirty with someone, especially at a party. That was just her personality, and Sohyun had learned to deal with it, no matter how much she wanted to be the subject of her romantic endeavors. She had heard stories of Xinyu drunkenly dancing with fellow partygoers, maybe with a coy gaze, but it was all in good fun.
This was different.
The man wore a disgusting, cocky smile, with an unmistakable look of mischief dancing in his eyes. Without even bothering to ask, he closed the gap between himself and Xinyu. His hands crept up to her waist, trying to press his body up against her. And Xinyu, the flirt, wasn’t responding as she normally would.
She was visibly uncomfortable. Her eyes avoided his arrogant stare. She tried to swat away his hands as she leaned away, even though he continued to chase her. It was difficult to tell from a distance, but Sohyun swore she could see fresh tears welling up in Xinyu’s eyes.
Yeah, no. She was not going to let this happen.
Sohyun stood up rapidly, leaving behind her cup and her phone, and rushed over to the dance floor, pushing her way through the crowd. When she reached the two of them, the man had begun to whisper into Xinyu’s ear. Xinyu was wincing at whatever he was saying.
“Hey, get off of her,” Sohyun called out sternly. She stepped in, pushing the man’s arms off of Xinyu’s body as she grabbed Xinyu’s wrist to ground her.
Xinyu’s eyes widened when she noticed Sohyun, tears threatening to spill. Sohyun could see how the tension in Xinyu’s body momentarily dissipated at the presence of her friend, but it didn’t last for long. The man was still there, and he wasn’t going to leave without a fight.
The man sized Sohyun up and chuckled, seemingly confident that he’d get his way. “And who do you think you are?” He spat, his smug grin not fading.
“Her best friend,” Sohyun deadpanned, looking the man right into his eyes. She stepped in front of Xinyu, putting distance between her and the man. “Get the fuck away from her. Now.”
Sohyun felt more anxious than ever. But she knew she had to protect Xinyu, no matter what it took from her. Even the man seemed a little shocked at Sohyun’s display of chivalry. Still, he didn’t back down.
“And why do you get to decide what she wants?” He asked, leaning in closer to Sohyun threateningly.
Sohyun stepped aside slightly for the man to get a look at Xinyu, keeping a possessive hold of her wrist. “Xinyu, do you want to be with him?”
Xinyu shook her head, averting her gaze, burying her body into Sohyun’s side.
Turning back to the man, Sohyun cocked her head, stealing his arrogance. “She says no. Go.”
The man squinted at Sohyun, his jaw clenched. She noticed how his body tensed with irritation, before he finally huffed and stormed off.
Sohyun let out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding.
Immediately, she turned to Xinyu. She had nestled her head in Sohyun’s neck, her long arms wrapped around her torso. She heard a faint sniffle as Xinyu exhaled. Sohyun could feel her warm breath on her skin.
“You’re okay. I’m here,” Sohyun said, stroking Xinyu’s hair softly. It was an out of place gesture amidst the crowd of rowdy students, but really, it just felt like the two of them in the room.
“Thank you,” Xinyu whispered into Sohyun’s neck. Sohyun nearly shivered at the contact, but she knew it wasn’t the time to think about that. She just had to be there for Xinyu.
“Let’s go somewhere else.”
Sohyun led Xinyu out of the frat house and out to the front yard. She didn’t let go of her grip on her hand, afraid that another man would come up and try to take advantage of her.
Once they were outside, they found a spot on the grass to sit in. It was peaceful, save for the loud bumping of the music still audible. What really mattered was that there were no other people, and Xinyu could relax. Sohyun kept her hand on Xinyu’s, while Xinyu leaned her head onto Sohyun’s shoulder.
“Did he hurt you?” Sohyun asked carefully, hoping Xinyu was okay.
She shook her head. “I’m fine. Thank you.”
“Of course.”
They sat there like that for a while, just the two of them. Sohyun caressed the back of Xinyu’s hand with her thumb, her heart racing at the contact. Of course, her main goal at the moment was to protect Xinyu, but she couldn’t help but feel excited to be able to share this kind of time with the girl she had been hopelessly crushing on.
It was times like these when Sohyun wondered if maybe, just maybe, Xinyu felt the same.
This wasn’t the first time the two of them had shared close physical contact. Things from hugs to hand holding to sweet stares at each other. All the things that gave Sohyun innocent hope that her feelings were reciprocated.
No, she just needed to be protected, Sohyun thought. Stop thinking that.
This was about Xinyu. Of all times, this was not the time to be thinking about romantic feelings.
“Sohyun?”
“Hmm?”
Sohyun turned towards Xinyu, who was avoiding Sohyun’s gaze. She chewed on her lower lip nervously.
“Can we just stay out here? Just us two?”
Xinyu sounded so fragile. Her voice cracked slightly with each word, still with fear pulsing through her veins. And if Xinyu needed Sohyun to feel safe again, Sohyun was going to do everything in her power to help her get there.
“Yes, of course,” she replied sweetly, brushing a hair out of Xinyu’s face with her hand. Xinyu just smiled. “Do you need anything else?”
Xinyu paused. “Maybe another drink.”
Sohyun hesitated. She didn’t like it when Xinyu drank so much. But she wasn’t going to press, not when Xinyu was in such a vulnerable state. So she squeezed Xinyu’s hand, got up, and headed inside to grab her another beer.
.
.
.
By the end of the night, Xinyu was drunk.
It wasn’t difficult to tell. She started laughing easily at “jokes” that weren’t remotely funny. Her moonlight eyes were glassier than usual. Besides, there were multiple empty beer bottles laying in the grass at her feet. Sohyun didn’t mind taking care of her, of course, but she had two other passengers to deal with, and her stress levels were rising just thinking about the inebriation of the others.
Two, because Mayu informed her that she would be going back with Yooyeon (!!).
As expected, Nien and Seoyeon were completely wasted. Nien’s balance faltered with every step, despite her usual athletic ability. Seoyeon, a typically articulate speaker, slurred every other word. Who knows how many rounds of beer pong they’d played, how many drinks they’d collectively had.
What Sohyun knew for sure: she was confiscating each and every one of Seoyeon’s fake IDs, effective immediately. Including Ohio.
In the back of Sohyun’s car, more banter between the drunk pair ensued. This time, it was Seoyeon’s turn to be acting… unusually stupid, though Nien wasn’t of her right mind, either.
“Have you guys ever heard of Santa Claus?” Seoyeon asked, the drunkenness evident in her speech. She spoke the name, interestingly, like it was poison on her tongue.
It was March. Sohyun had no idea where this was coming from. But she decided to play dumb, curious what kind of comments she’d get out of the drunk girl.
“No, we haven’t.”
Nien, on the other hand, looked truly intrigued. “Tell me about him!”
Was this a common side effect of alcohol? Forgetting who Santa was?
Seoyeon took a deep breath in, leaning closer to Nien to tell the tale. “He watches children all year and keeps tabs on their behavior. And get this! He breaks into their houses on Christmas!”
“On Christmas?” Nien exclaimed. “What kind of evil person does that to poor children?”
“It gets worse,” Seoyeon whispered. “He subjects nine reindeer to fly him around all night! That’s animal abuse!”
Nien gasped, seemingly not at the fact that the reindeer were flying, but purely because she was horrified at the prospect of Santa Claus.
“Where does he live? I’ll track him down and kill him!” Nien yelled, fired up. Santa, of course, being a fictional man who brought presents to kids.
Seoyeon furrowed her brows. “I heard it’s called the North Pole. I don’t know where that is, but you know what? It could be in Ohio...”
Okay, enough about Ohio.
Eventually, they made it back to Nien and Seoyeon’s dorm in one piece. As much as Sohyun loved them, she had to admit that she was relieved to have them off her hands. She didn’t have much energy to begin with, and the two of them just continued to drain it.
Plus, she got some extra alone time with Xinyu.
The drive back to Xinyu’s dorm was quiet, the silence only filled by the faint whir of the cold AC and the low volume of whatever song was on the radio. Occasionally, Sohyun looked over to Xinyu, who was resting her head on the window. Her face was illuminated by the streetlights, somehow making her look even more beautiful than usual.
She thought back to earlier, how she had protected Xinyu from that disgusting man. It was so out of character for Sohyun, yet it felt so right. Considering all of the times Xinyu had made her feel safe, it only felt natural to return the favor. Sohyun was proud of herself, of course, but she was mostly thankful that Xinyu was okay.
And Sohyun had never felt so close to Xinyu. It was like something in their relationship had shifted in just that one moment. There was something about the way Xinyu clung to her on the dance floor that felt different. The way she asked Sohyun to stay with her afterwards felt different. Everything felt different.
Yet she was sure that for Xinyu, it was nothing but ordinary.
That, or just the effects of intoxication.
She clenched her jaw just thinking about it, gripping the steering wheel even harder. She was being delusional, and she knew it. All it was was her protecting her friend. That was it. Nothing more, as far as Xinyu was aware.
Sohyun must have looked over again to her passenger without noticing, because Xinyu was quick to point it out.
“Why do you keep looking at me like that?” Xinyu asked. Her tone wasn’t stern, nor was it accusatory. It almost sounded like she asked out of pure curiosity, like she was confirming a suspicion.
Park decided to pretend she had no idea what she was talking about. “Like what?” She responded flatly, eyes still trained on the road.
“You know what,” Xinyu replied matter of factly, turning her head towards her window and away from Sohyun.
Of course Sohyun knew, but she wondered if Xinyu actually knew too. Was Sohyun just being too obvious? Or was there something more that neither of them were willing to admit?
“I’m just making sure you’re okay,” Sohyun said, shrugging it off. Her voice deepened, not letting any of her true emotions slip through her voice.
Xinyu sighed. “Sure.”
Weird, Sohyun thought.
Of all times, why was Xinyu pointing this out now? Sohyun was fairly confident that nothing had changed in the way she looked at her friend. Perhaps Xinyu finally realized the truth about Sohyun’s feelings once she had protected her. She was shockingly perceptive for someone who appeared to be quite drunk.
About a minute of driving in silence later, Sohyun pulled up to Xinyu’s dorm building. She parked on the side of the road, right in front of the main entrance, but Xinyu didn’t budge. She didn’t reach for the door handle, didn’t gather her things. She just sat there, seatbelt unbuckled.
Sohyun furrowed her brows. Xinyu must have been really out of it.
“You’re drunk, Xinyu. You need to go to bed.”
Xinyu bit her lip. “I know, but… I want to stay with you.”
Her voice came out as a near whisper, like she was afraid to say the words. She fidgeted with her fingers as she looked out the front windshield.
Sohyun didn’t know if she was supposed to say anything in response, or if it was better for her to stay quiet. So, she rested back in her chair, realizing that Xinyu probably wasn’t leaving any time soon. She propped her right arm up onto the center console, leaving her left hand on the wheel.
All of a sudden, she felt contact.
Xinyu’s hand crept slowly up to Sohyun’s arm. She started tugging gently at her jacket sleeves, before resting her much larger hand on top of Sohyun’s.
Did Xinyu know what she was doing? The touch sent shivers up Sohyun’s spine, her body stiffening at the intimacy. Xinyu’s hand was soft and warm. She had so many reservations, yet this was everything she had wanted. So she flipped her hand over, allowing Xinyu to interlock their fingers tightly.
Whether it was a comforting mechanism for Xinyu or a selfish gesture of affection, Sohyun wasn’t sure.
Out of the corner of her eye, Sohyun could see a small, almost indiscernible, smile spread on Xinyu’s face. Suddenly, her eyes appeared less tired and glassy. She seemed oddly aware, but Sohyun wasn’t convinced that that was the reality. It was probably her brain playing tricks on her, again.
“If I do something stupid,” Xinyu started, still not looking at Sohyun, “will you still like me?”
Sohyun pursed her lips. “Depends on how stupid.”
Xinyu’s shoulders dropped, and she suddenly let go of Sohyun’s hand. This confused the younger girl, who feared that she had made a mistake somewhere.
But then, Xinyu turned to Sohyun, closing the space between them. It was a slow and careful movement, but not calculated. Zhou seemed to be trying to gauge Sohyun’s reaction with each centimeter she came closer.
“W- what are you doing?” Sohyun said, confused. She backed away slightly, not because she didn’t want it, but because she was shocked by Xinyu’s actions. Xinyu just followed her as she backed up.
Now, Xinyu was making eye contact. Her gaze was so clear, so intentional.
“You’re so beautiful, Sohyun. I can’t help it.”
Sohyun’s heart started pounding at her words. She didn’t want to let herself believe it, for fear of disappointment. But damn, those were words she always wanted to hear from Zhou Xinyu.
She still had her doubts, though. Whether Xinyu knew what she was doing or not, she was drunk, and she didn’t want anything to be done while she was in that state.
“Xinyu, we can’t do this right now,” Sohyun said, her voice apologetic yet stern. Still, she didn’t pull away.
A pout briefly flashed over the taller’s face. “And why not?”
“Because you’re drunk,” Sohyun replied, looking Xinyu straight in the eyes, hoping to get her message across.
“I’m tipsy. There’s a difference.”
Sohyun briefly closed her eyes out of frustration, taking a deep breath.
That was a mistake.
When her eyes reopened, she realized how close they really were. Foreheads nearly brushing. She could make out every detail of Xinyu’s face: the creases of her pink lips, her deep brown irises. Hell, she could probably count every single one of her eyelashes. This was the kind of view Sohyun could never get tired of looking at.
But that wasn’t the point. She was still trying to uncover if Xinyu was just drunk and initmately appreciative of Sohyun’s valor from earlier, or if she truly meant what she was saying and doing in the same way that Sohyun meant it.
Her eyes flipped back and forth between Xinyu’s eyes and lips. It took a whole lot of willpower for Sohyun not to just pounce on her right then and there. Xinyu smiled softly when she noticed.
“You’re so handsome.”
“And you’re so drunk.”
That didn’t stop Xinyu from leaning in even closer, though.
Sohyun gulped, knowing where this was going. Still, even after years of pining, with the opportunity (quite literally) right at her face, she was unsure if she was ready.
“Don’t act like you want me to stop,” Xinyu purred. “I’ve seen the way you look at me.”
Sohyun could smell the alcohol on her breath, and it reeked of insincerity. Yet Xinyu’s words still felt so genuine.
“What if you regret this?” Sohyun breathed out, shifting slightly in her seat. She dropped her head, unable to look at the older girl.
Xinyu clearly didn’t like that, and she had a response.
She carefully grabbed Sohyun’s chin and lifted it up slightly with her pointer finger, forcing their eyes to lock again. Sohyun’s breath hitched at the movement. And when their eyes met again, Sohyun could see the true, real Xinyu.
Xinyu was drunk, yes, but this was no drunken mistake.
“I won’t,” Xinyu said, confident but tender.
A pause.
“Would you?”
Sohyun, really, thought about it. Of course she wouldn’t regret it. It was everything she had ever wanted. In fact, she knew she would regret it if she didn’t take this opportunity. But Xinyu, regardless of what she claimed and regardless of how honest she seemed, was under some influence of alcohol. That made Sohyun worry she was accidentally taking advantage of the girl, even though Xinyu was the one to initiate.
But this was Park Sohyun. Possibly the world’s biggest lesbian, according to friends. Unbelievably down bad for Zhou Xinyu, who was possibly the world’s most beautiful woman.
Who would she be to refuse?
She inhaled deeply, before letting out a single word in a breathy whisper.
“No.”
Then Xinyu closed the gap.
Their lips first met as a tentative brush, but it didn’t take long for it to shift into a more certain pressing of lips together. It was a new feeling, but it was remarkably natural for them to settle into a rhythm, parting their lips before crashing into each other once again.
Sure enough, the bitter taste of some cheap beer lingered on Xinyu’s mouth, but honestly, Sohyun didn’t mind. Her lips were soft and warm, exactly as she had imagined them to be.
Sohyun, now emboldened by the kiss, placed one hand on the back of Xinyu’s neck, interlacing her fingers in her hair. This allowed her to pull Xinyu in closer, if that was even possible. In return, Xinyu reached out to Sohyun’s free arm. She wrapped her hand around her bicep, before sliding it down to her hand, joining their fingers together.
For an unknown amount of time to either girl, their lips kept interlocking in an intricate pattern that only they knew. Sohyun could feel herself getting intoxicated by Xinyu’s touch, so gentle yet so certain. She started to kiss more forcefully, more passionately, her hands beginning to roam from Xinyu’s nape to her chest…
Xinyu, seemingly with a sound mind, reluctantly parted their lips before things escalated. “Not now.”
Sohyun sighed as they parted, removing her hands but keeping their foreheads connected. She nodded, agreeing. She got too caught up in the moment. Of course, Xinyu’s words implied that there would be another chance, so she couldn’t be too disappointed.
Xinyu had a soft smile tattooed on her face. She hesitated before leaning in once more to give Sohyun a quick peck, before pulling away, gathering her things, and opening the car door.
“Good night, Sohyun,” she said before disappearing into her dorm.
Once the door was shut, Sohyun could hardly move. She sat there, hands gripping the wheel tightly until her knuckles turned white, eyes staring out into the darkness. She could barely breathe as her heart pounded in her chest. Remnants of alcohol lingered on her own lips, the taste reminding her of Xinyu.
What the fuck had just happened?
The kiss was everything she had ever wanted, plus more. How long had she been dreaming of that very moment? It had felt so natural, so right, and Sohyun already found herself craving more of Xinyu. She wanted to explore every millimeter of her mouth and every inch of her skin, feel that hot breath against her body once more. To Sohyun, Xinyu was addictive, and it only took one kiss for her to know that she wouldn’t be able to break that addiction.
But would Xinyu even remember this? She seemed awfully lucid, like she had never been more certain of anything in her life. And Sohyun gave in to temptation. Yet still, Sohyun was fairly confident that Xinyu was drunk and would be subject to a mean hangover in the morning. The chances of her remembering seemed slim.
What would she do then? It wasn’t like Sohyun would forget – she would just desire Xinyu even more. But she wasn’t sure she could just march up to Xinyu and kiss her again, in the case that it really meant nothing to Xinyu.
Yeah, Park Sohyun was fucked.