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A hand drawn paper sign was taped up on the door to Rosie’s Emporium: ‘Closed for private party’. Inside, a large banner was strung up, with ‘Welcome, Back Alastor!’ written with the blood of a butchered overlord. The main room was filled with sinners and cannibals, happily feasting on one another as a live band (off limits for dining on) played lively swing music. Some party guests feasted, others danced, and many sat and talked around the dozen or so round tables, draped with bright red tablecloths in the cheery color of freshly oxygenated blood, reaching down to the polished white tile floors. Rosie and Alastor sat at one of those very tables. Rosie had decided to host this party just for Alastor, welcoming him back after she made him disappear for the past seven years. She planned every detail to serve Alastor’s many particular preferences, yet Alastor wasn’t expressing the gratitude she had expected for her efforts.
“You mean to tell me,” Alastor said, griping the edge of the table with his claws. “That MILLIONS of people died… from a GLOBAL PANDEMIC, wreaking CHAOS and HAVOC throughout the entire Pride Ring… and I MISSED THE ENTIRE THING???”
Rosie calmly sipped her tea, allowing Alastor a moment to collect himself. He did not.
“Oh, Alastor, don’t be so dramatic!” Rosie said, setting down her tea cup in its matching saucer. “I’m sure there will be another, eventually.”
Alastor raked his claws down his face, pulling his eyelids down and scratching his cheeks.
“I must say, though, this one was quite the ordeal!” Rosie continued, chucking at the memories. “So many new sinners! Spawning everywhere, left and right, writhing around on the streets, gasping for air as they recounted the last agonizing moments before their deaths!”
Alastor groaned as he slowly slid down his chair.
“Such a sharp increase in population in such a short amount of time! And so much blame to go around! Oh, there was so much violence targeting the anti-vaxxers, and let me tell you, there were so many of them down here!”
Alastor sobbed underneath the table.
“Everyone was so traumatized! You would have loved it, had you been around to experience it. But you know who was around and enjoyed it quite a bit?”
Alastor stopped crying and poked his head up, his reddened eyes and matching ears poking up from under the table to look at Rosie. “Who?”
“Why, Vox, of course! He spread so much fear and hate around in the media, and of course, with you gone, he was dominating for quite a while! Oh, he had the time of his life with that pandemic!”
Alastor fell back to the floor, moaning in misery.
“Rosie, how could you?” he asked, his voice pained. “You made me miss the most entertaining years in Hell that ever occured throughout my entire afterlife!”
“You’re a grown man, Alastor, stop acting like a baby,” Rosie said, giving Alastor a quick kick under the table with her pointed shoe.
Manic cackling was heard, moments before Niffy arrived, zooming over with incredible speed. She nearly choked on the arm she was attemping to scarf down while simultaneously laughing and running. Upon seeing Alastor on the ground, she paused to gulp down the rest of the limb, then knelt down next to Alastor.
“Are you okay?” she asked, sounding worried.
“He’s fine,” Rosie said.
“I’m not,” said Alastor.
“What’s wrong?” Niffty asked.
“I missed the COVID-19 pandemic during my absence,” Alastor explained, sitting up and pulling Niffty in for a hug.
Niffty squeezed back. The hug was quick, and soon, Niffty’s eyes were glowing bright with her own memories of the pandemic.
“Oh, it was really fun, Alastor,” Niffty said, grinning as Alastor used his long tongue to quickly lick away any remaining tears from his cheeks.
“I’m sure it was, my dearest Niffty,” Alastor said, patting her head gently.
“Don’t worry, Alastor,” Niffty said, pulling out a knife and cradling it to her chest like a stuffed animal. “There’s plenty of more entertaining things still happening. While you were gone, America re-elected that nasty, nasty president! He’s doing all sorts of awful things now, more than last time! Its really bad. Oh, and you missed the start of a war!”
Alastor fell back to the floor, writhing around in pain.
“But it hasn’t ended yet!” Niffty quickly added.
Alastor sat up again, interested. He forced his ears to perk up, and his smile to widen. “I see… Oh, I must apologize for my behaviour, my dearest Niffty. It seems I was sent away at the very worst time. Perhaps I’m having a bit of trouble adjusting. You’ve been very helpful.”
Alastor smiled kindly at Niffty, who started to giggle proudly and she gently stroked the blade of her knife. Alastor then turned his gaze towards Rosie. He gave her a sarcastic grin, his eyes filled with bitter accusation.
“If you keep pouting like a child, I’ll just have to treat you like one,” Rosie warned. “Would you like that, Alastor?”
Alastor nearly frowned.
“No, Rosie,” he said through gritted teeth.
“Aren’t you happy to be back, Alastor? I arranged this all for you,” Rosie said, gesturing towards the entire decorated room filled with celebrating party guests.
“Yes, Rosie,” Alastor said, turning his mouth into a radio speaker so he could play his pre-recorded voice rather than repeat the words himself.
“Good. Now pull yourself together and go mingle with the guests! You are the guest of honor, after all. You wouldn’t want to be rude, would you?”
“No, Rosie,” Alastor said, using his pre-recorded voice again as his yellow grin lit up from inside with each word.
Alastor stood up and dusted himself off with his hands. He took Rosie’s hand and gave it a quick kiss on her gloved knuckles to politely signal his departure from her presence. Niffty bit the blade of her knife to hold it while she climbed up Alastor’s long legs and perched herself up on his shoulders.
“Let’s go, Niffty. I suppose there’s still a lot for me to catch up on. Say, is that dreadful south-African white billionaire still causing trouble up there in America?”
“Hmm, which one?” Niffty asked.
“Ha ha!” Alastor laughed. “I do suppose I’m looking forward to meeting them ALL once they arrive! You remember how much I enjoy torturing the beneficiaries of slavery and apartheid! Ha! HAHAHA!”
Niffty grabbed onto Alastor’s hair to avoid falling as she threw her head back in uncontrollable laughter, imagining all the things she could do with them with her knife.
“I’ll even let you clean up after the mess!” Alastor said, his spirits finally lifting as he stood up straighter.
Niffty cackled, kicking her feet with glee.