Chapter Text
Arata was once glad he had that opportunity to be a Trainer. He wasn't the youngest by any means, but making it this far at 20 was something his mother had to acknowledge… if only it was so simple.
Tracen was great, amazing, even. He hadn't had the words once he heard he'd been allowed in, even given his own office and everything, something he couldn't have imagined for years. That nagging feeling of envy had returned in full force as he had gotten settled down, and finally decided to scout out a trainee.
He hadn't been paying much attention, at first, lost in his own head from the stinging reminder he could never have what he truly wanted most. The feeling of the wind behind him. To run unburdened of everything, past what he could ever wish to want anymore. That's when he saw her for the first time.
Nobody seemed to notice her, as if she was barely clinging to the world. Someone he could feel a connection to, if only for the most tangential of reasons. She had captivated him with her running, and most of all, the desire to be remembered. So he took her up as his trainee, and let her potential shine through.
It was not to last, though. No injuries or the sort, he wasn't so reckless and negligent as to ever allow that to happen, or so he thought. It was more so that the world itself pushed against his trainee. That star that shone so bright, snuffed by some cosmic joke after her first real victory. She took a G1 race, won it all, and then… nothing. He continued pushing her to race, come hell or high water. She hadn't… truly won once, after that fateful victory at the Sprinters Stakes that had drawn the ire of fate.
“Trainer-san? Hello?” Suddenly, Arata snapped back to reality at the soft voice of his trainee. He hadn't expected Machan to stick around him after they had thrown in the towel to no fanfare in the slightest.
“S-sorry, Machan. Just lost in my thoughts, is all…” Arata quickly replied, to a suspicious stare. She really had him figured out, didn't she…
“Machan knows that look, Trainer-san. It's okay, after all, you still remember Machan, right?” Arata's fist clenched tightly, and he could almost feel himself draw blood from the pressure.
“But I failed you, anyway. Just because I'm the one who remembers doesn't mean I should be… the only one. You were beautiful out there. You deserved more than being left behind while everyone else got to shine! Everything I did… just for you to be remembered… and I couldn't even do that.” He could feel the guilt eating him up, vision seemingly curtaining in purple as he felt his heart start to pound.
“Is it just so wrong for me to wish for you to have gotten what you wanted!?” He yelled out, all of his anger in that one scream that nobody but they could hear.
He breathed. Once, twice, until the world came back into focus. “S-sorry… I… got angry again.” Tears flowed down his face, as he turned away from his trainee.
“Machan, just… leave me alone for now. I can't forget you, but right now… I just can't be near you either…” He felt the ringing of shattered glass in his ears as he went for his office's door, and left it open as he madly sprung to life, lungs blazing in agony. The wind always helped… just the cold air, pushing against him, punishing him for his disgusting, worthless failures. The overbearing voices of his past, that damned man who insisted his son be exactly like him. Some uncaring, selfish bastard who took what he wanted.
Arata ran and ran, the world blending into blinding colors and sounds, as time seemingly flowed endlessly, body screaming from overexertion. He was… at home. He had run himself ragged until he couldn't flee from it anymore. Opening the door, he collapsed in a pile upon the bed, staring upwards at the roof, eyes hollow and sparkless.
“So what's the point of it all, if I can't even make one girl shine?” He droned robotically. It was the closest he could have to his dream, being a trainer. But even then, he couldn't do that right either.
It was starting to get hard to stay awake, as he felt his phone buzz repeatedly. He only had one idea of who it could be, and she was the last person he could ever talk to right now.
He just had to let sleep take him, for once in his life.