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Venus’ phone buzzed with the Discord ringing sound, waking him out of his slumber. “What the heck…?” he groaned, reaching for his phone and picking up the call. “The fuck do you want? It’s 2 a.m. and I’ve got work in the morning.”
“Your dude’s digging through the trash again,” Mars’ voice came through the speakers.
Venus’ eyebrows furrowed. “What?”
“Your freaky little dwarf planet thing! He just ripped open the garbage bag, and now he’s eating an entire styrofoam cup! Tell him to stop digging through the trash—please.” Mars said, exasperation evident in his tone.
“Digging?” Venus repeated, a smirk on his face. “Like, shit, I dunno. Start-digging-in-your-butt-twin?” he said between snickers.
The corners of Mars’ mouth fell at the braindead internet reference. “Okay—no. Stop. You sound silly.”
“He’s obviously bored, red bitch.” Venus said bluntly, as if it was common knowledge. “Go take him for a walk.”
A walk? Seriously?
Mars brought his hand to his face, rubbing his temples. “I told you I’m not doing that anymore. He either needs a muzzle… or to get out.”
Venus raised an eyebrow. “Okay? Skill issue.” He rested head on his hand and stared at the screen, his eyelids threatening to close shut.
“Skill iss—He bit a toddler, Venus!” Mars snapped.
“And?” Venus asked, totally unfazed. “Kids bite people too. He got it for real.”
Mars groaned quietly. “You’re not even listening. He-” He was cut off by a sudden crash as Ceres knocked a vase over. “He’s destroying the apartment!” he exclaimed, his voice slightly higher-pitched than usual.
“Mars, the lease is in my name. I pay most of the bills, Earth’s putting—” Venus paused, searching for words. “Earth’s putting all his cash in crypto. You don’t even have a job.”
“That’s not true!” Mars denied. “I worked at a cafe for two days!”
“And at a party clown service…” Venus muttered under his breath.
Mars’ cheeks flushed pink behind the screen. “You—You needed my help to pay the electric bill!”
Venus rolled his eyes, to which Mars let out a frustrated sigh. “Point is, he’s staying. He’s family,” the morning star stated, snickering to himself as the red planet groaned and sighed on the other line.
“Family?” Mars repeated in utter disbelief. “That little dude is not family. He’s a feral gremlin in an oversized scarf—my scarf, mind you.”
“Mars, what the fuck are you talking about? You’re looking more sad than Earth’s wallet—”
“Shut up, Venus!” Earth shouted from Venus’ open doorway.
“Please,” Mars started, losing all hope. “Please just get rid of him. I beg you,” he pleaded, his voice trembling like he was on the verge of tears.
“No.”
“Please.”
“Nope.”
Mars just gave up. There was no point. “Fine. But if he eats you in your sleep, don’t come crying to me.”
Venus shrugged, turning his camera off. “I don’t know about you, but he likes me.”
Then, the sound of foil rustling caught Mars’ attention.
“…What are you doing?”
Venus let out a quiet “hm?” at Mars’ question. “Having a… midnight snack? What else?”
Mars sighed into his palm. “No wonder I can’t find the burritos—you keep eating them, Venus!”
“It’s my first one,” Venus countered.
“Try one plus eleven, dude.”
“Early bird gets the—” Venus stopped to chew his food. “Early bird gets the worm, buddy.”
“Venus, I can’t live like this. I can’t live like this no more.” His voice was laced through with hopelessness. “He’s ripping the cushions open, he—he hissed at me—”
“Kiss my dick by the tip and take your ass to bed, Mars.”
Mars was left speechless at Venus’ vulgar interruption. His camera turned on, revealing the pure shock etched on his features. “…What?”
“Hang up this damn phone or I’ll touch you.”
“…”
Surprise, surprise, the call ended.
Venus put down his phone, turning to Ceres who just entered his room. “Damn, the fuck is his problem?”
“Proooobleeeemmmmm,” Ceres drawled out in response, a wide, sharp-toothed grin on his face.