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Barely awake, Shadow pushed himself up on his elbows, the bed creaking under him. He squinted, looking at the glowing digital clock on the nightstand. It read 4 AM.
The place beside him was empty.
Shadow lifted his hand and touched the other half of their double bed. The blanket on that side was tucked in, its surface smooth and even. The pillow was fluffed up, as if no one had slept here in the first place.
"Espio?" Shadow called out.
He looked at the clock again, no need to squint this time. Suddenly, he felt really awake. It was still 4 AM.
He got out of bed. He rushed to the kitchen.
"Espio!"
Their kitchen was perfectly clean — neither of them would allow it to be any other way. Shadow's little "coffee" corner, as Espio called it, was somehow even cleaner. The espresso machine was gleaming in the dim light.
A single bluebell rested in the vase on their dinner table. Espio had brought the flower yesterday. A few days before that it had been a purple iris Shadow had found. And some more days before it had been a chamomile. Shadow couldn't remember what he had brought a week ago.
Except for the vase, the table was empty. Shadow then looked at the fridge, hoping that among magnets, photos and old notes he would see a new one.
"I'm off to the Agency. Contact me in case of anything, love ♡" one of the notes read. It was the one Shadow hadn't let Espio take down. The paper had turned yellow already.
Shadow looked at one of the photos. The chameleon in the image wasn't even facing the camera — too absorbed in the breathtaking landscape in front of him. In front of them. Shadow wasn't in the picture, but he had been there, and he had made sure he captured everything important on camera.
Nothing new was on the fridge though.
"What is going on here?" Shadow muttered to himself.
He returned to their bedroom and picked up his communicator lying on the nightstand. Probably should've done it in the first place. He called the very first contact.
A buzzing sound came from the opposite side of the bed, where Espio's own nightstand was.
Shadow almost started jumping to conclusions. Almost. But he trusted Espio more than that.
He turned around and went to their wardrobe. When he put his hand on its door, he didn't open it immediately, feeling hesitant all of a sudden. He took a deep breath, realizing he hadn't done so in a while now. He opened the door.
He shouldn't feel relieved, he thought. Of course Espio's clothes would still be here. Of course Espio would still be here. Had he given any reason to think otherwise?
Shadow quickly put on his gloves and shoes and went back to the kitchen, where an entrance to the terrace was. A big glass door and floor-to-celling windows allowed Shadow to see the forest outside. The upper parts of the trees were a lighter shade of green as the sky started to brighten already, but their house remained shadowed, only some reflected light reaching it through tree branches. Sliding the door open, Shadow stepped outside onto a wooden floor and was hit by a strong pine scent and the chill air around him. He closed the door behind him so as not to let the cold ruin the warmth of their house. He could almost imagine Espio sitting inside, complaining that Shadow had left it open for too long on his way out.
He couldn't imagine Espio enjoying his morning tea on the terrace, especially at such an early hour. But Espio wasn't here either anyway.
Shadow pricked up his ears when he heard a sound. But not one of those belonging to the forest. It wasn't a wind, an animal or a creaking tree. It was consistent and rhythmic, but muted and barerly audible — something Shadow couldn't have heard inside the house. He looked behind at the glass door he didn't have the keys for, wondering if leaving the house like this was safe.
But he didn't think for too long, as the most important thing Shadow had wasn't here anyway.
He went deeper into the forest, leaving the house behind. He didn't have to make his way through wild grass or bushes, as the sound was conveniently coming from the direction of a paved path. This path led to a small clearing in the forest, which served as their training grounds. Shadow quickened his steps, feeling lighter suddenly.
He saw the opening. There were some massive boulders and logs lying around, but they all had their designated places, despite appearing random. There were also pillars Espio usually used for practicing shurikens and kunai throws.
Now he was persistently punching one of the pillars with his fists.
He looked like Shadow had never seen him look before. Embittered. Unfocused and messy with his punches, despite hitting with equal time intervals. Occasionally some of his hits were louder. Shadow cautiously came closer to him.
"Espio?"
Shadow thought Espio already knew he was here, but the chameleon nearly jumped out of surprise. He let his guard down. While all alone. In the forest. Shadow really wondered what was going on.
Espio stopped hitting the pillar, his eyes immediately drifted down to ground.
"Why are you awake?" chameleon muttered.
"I could ask you the same thing. You got me worried over you!" Shadow argued with a harsh tone. He immediately corrected himself to sound more gentle. "You... didn't even warn me. I didn't know if something has happened to you or... Why are you awake?"
Espio was still staring at the ground, as though he couldn’t bring himself to meet Shadow’s eyes. "I couldn't sleep."
The answer was seemingly too simple to be informative, but Shadow got what Espio meant.
"Your dreams?" he asked in a low and tender voice.
It must have worked, because Espio finally looked back at Shadow, his gaze softening immediately. The chameleon stepped closer and hugged him unexpectedly. They both usually weren't the most tactile people, so Shadow figured Espio really needed it this time. He hugged him back tightly — both to comfort and to warm him up, because he had noticed how cold the other was.
"I'm sorry for not warning you," Espio murmured, still in Shadow's arms. "I was hoping I'd be back before you woke up."
"Didn't you plan to go back to bed?" Shadow remembered neatly made sheets.
"No... I figured I won't get much sleep anyway."
Espio was the first one to break their hug, but he remained quiet after that.
"You had bad dreams before, but they didn't make you go all alone in the forest at night. And why were you punching?"
Espio looked at his own arm. That's when Shadow noticed his gloves were nearly torn at the knuckles. Espio frowned. "I've realized how limited I am in my abilities. But even the skills I possess are stagnating with every passing day. What's there to talk about improvement? If I just let it be as it is then one day... I won't be able to protect people I love."
"You know I'm strong enough to protect myself."
"And I'm not strong enough to not have you worried over me because of simply not being home."
"Don't twist it like that."
"I know, but it's just... This is how it simply is. I need to get better. I need more training. I have gone too soft."
"That would make two of us, then. But you don't see me complaining."
"You're The Ultimate Lifeform. You can't go too soft or weak. You're perfection, Shadow. I need to match you."
Shadow deeply sighed.
"Just what was this dream, Espio?" When Espio didn't answer, Shadow tried to take a guess. "Me, Chaotix and everyone got in trouble, and you couldn't protect us? Was that it?"
"Chaotix. And everyone. I couldn't protect them... from you."
Shadow simply blinked before making sure his ears weren't lying to him. "Me?"
"Ugh, it sounds so ridiculous now that I'm describing it out loud."
"Still. Keep going," Shadow nudged.
"I think it was something I did. Something that made you upset. Or there was something about me in general? That I wasn't what you needed anymore, I think. I remember something happened and you became the threat. I remember thinking that, since I know you, I should be able to defeat you. But you were too strong. My weapons didn't work, nothing did, and then I was lying on the ground, watching you in the distance. Do things. I couldn't do anything."
"That's certainly new."
"I need you to know that I do not think of you as evil or malicious in any way. I trust you more than anyone in this world, my love. So I don't know... I don't know why my mind had these horrible visions of you. I'm sorry."
Despite the horrors Espio has described, Shadow smirked at him.
"Well, I am the most powerful lifeform around here. I should feel honored you see me as the ultimate threat," he half-joked.
Espio looked shocked. "How could you say this so light-heartedly?"
Shadow's smirk turned into more secure relaxed smile.
"I have long found peace with who I am. I have found new purpose in this world and new people I care about. I have learned to trust myself, but more importantly — trust others." Shadow did mean their friends too, but looking at Espio now, he wanted to emphasize that he was the one Shadow trusted the most. "I trust your perception of me. And if you say this dream is not how you see me really, then it must be the truth."
"But still... These are fragments of my imagination. Do they mean... I'm not sincere in my words?"
It was honestly a little adorable how worried Espio was over his own thoughts about Shadow. Even after all this time they had spent together, Espio viewed his partner as some sort of higher being, someone strong and powerful enough to be a potential threat. Shadow didn't know if it was a healthy approach to the relationship, but he couldn't deny he felt prideful being put so high in the eyes of his partner. But surely it wasn't the only way to interpret this dream. If you love someone so strong you can't imagine them being affected by any outside threats... would it make sense for your fears of losing them to manifest in a dream like this?
Instead of answering, Shadow took Espio's hand. He turned it from side to side, studying a ripped glove. He couldn't help but wince, imagining how the knuckles must have looked underneath the fabric.
"I don't know," he finally said. He then looked at Espio and smiled smugly. "Maybe it's because I didn't let you meditate in peace yesterday's morning? That was pretty villainous of me."
Blushing, Espio chuckled. It was quiet and nervous, but a chuckle nonetheless. Glad to be able to cheer Espio up, Shadow relaxed his expression and gave the situation some more thought, still holding the chameleon's hand.
His dream wasn't all that meaningless. And Espio was somewhat right in his concerns. Not the ones about Shadow becoming evil of course. But there was something to say about "stagnating skills", and it was applicable to both of them. They did train regularly, however, those were merely friendly sparring sessions now that Shadow thought about it. It all became part of the routine — helped them keep their shape, but it wasn't challenging in any way. And it's been like this for a while now. No real threats, no real missions. Just comfort life Shadow never thought was possible for him.
The Ultimate Lifeform has gone soft.
"Why didn't you use bandages for the knuckles? Not the smartest idea to punch a wooden pillar like that."
"It was a spontaneous idea. I wanted—" Espio stopped himself from continuing.
"Wanted what?"
Shadow was ready to not get the answer — that's how long Espio remained silent. But eventually he finished his sentence. "I wanted to see how long I could endure it."
Shadow felt a pang in his chest.
He lifted Espio's hands closer to himself. He took off the gloves and frowned at what he saw. When Shadow looked back at Espio, the chameleon shamefully averted his gaze. Was this dream really that bad?
As softly as Shadow could, he kissed the knuckles. Then again. And again. He squeezed the hands tighter and started licking them.
"Sha— Shadow!" Espio tried to pull away, but his hands were tightly held in place.
"You inflicted this upon yourself," Shadow stated simply. "You should've been ready to face the consequences." He continued licking.
"I get it, I get it!"
Shadow noticed how the arms in his hold turned a brighter shade of pink. That pleased him, and he let the chameleon free.
"Can we go back home now?" Shadow asked.
Espio looked down at his gloves, lying on the ground, then at the pillar he was hitting recently, then at Shadow. He wasn't ready to go just yet. His concerns were still relevant.
"Shadow..."
"I thought about what you said, by the way," Shadow interrupted suddenly. "I suppose we both could use some more training these days. I suggest we start tomorrow." At that Espio had finally dropped his gloomy expression he had throughout the night. "But let's approach it gradually, please."
Espio straightened up, then bowed. "Of course."
It wasn't really night anymore. The sky was turning into a greyish-blue canvas, soon to be even lighter. Morning fog left dewdrops on the grass, glistering like silver, and the forest didn't look all that dangerous anymore. By the time they returned, the sun had already risen. Morning light made its way to their house.
Shadow closed the blinds in their bedroom to let Espio have a few more hours of peaceful sleep after restless night. Then he gladly joined him in this too.