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Penelope Bridgerton looked uncertainly around the drawing room of Bridgerton House. The entire family was present. Even Daphne and Simon had come to Mayfair with their now three children to welcome the Viscount and Viscountess. But while all the other family members were excited and joyfully awaiting the arrival of the head of the family, she couldn't help but feel uneasy.
She knew Anthony and Kate knew of her secret identity. Colin had regularly exchanged letters with his eldest brother over the past few months. But even though he had assured her that Anthony would accept Lady Whistledown, she was still unsure how he would react to her. Especially since it wasn't the only thing Anthony could be angry about.
She glanced over at her husband, who was sitting on the drawing room floor, watching their son Elliot and Daphne’s daughter Caroline play together. Elliot Bridgerton, her beloved son, who had been born almost exactly seven and a half months after his parents' wedding. Officially, Elliot had simply been an early baby, but she didn't have to be Lady Whistledown to know that most members of the ton suspected she and Colin had been intimate before they were married. She was certain that at least some believed that was the very reason Colin had married her in the first place.
She was pulled from her thoughts when she heard Elliot crying. Colin took him in his arms and tried to soothe him, but Penelope knew he would have no success. In that regard, Elliot was exactly like his father; once he was hungry, there was little that could distract him. She walked over to her husband and holding out her arms for their son.
"I’ll go feed him quickly!" she offered. Colin sought her gaze, and she could see the hesitation in it. "I can have a message sent to Marie. She can be here in 15 minutes!". Penelope shook her head, laughing. "And how do you plan to explain to him that he has to wait 15 minutes?" she asked amusedly, taking her son from him. She pressed a kiss to Colin’s hair. "I’ll be right back!" she promised and left the room with Elliot.
She had insisted on breastfeeding her son herself, at least most of the time, although she had to admit she was very grateful for Marie, the wet nurse they had hired after Elliot's birth. Marie not only allowed her to sleep through most nights but also to leave her son home alone for longer periods. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have been able to restart her column at the beginning of the season, and she didn’t even want to imagine what the Queen would have said if she had explained that she was taking a season off.
She unfastened the three buttons on the front of her dress and loosened the lacing of her corset enough to free one of her breasts, letting her son drink. She watched him thoughtfully as he did. It didn’t take long before Elliot let go of her breast and his tiny eyes began to close. Penelope smiled softly, carefully laid him down on the armchair in the nursery of Bridgerton House, and began to get dressed again.
In recent weeks, Elliot had been the only grandchild spending time here. But from today on, that would change. Even though she dreaded seeing Anthony again, she was looking forward to meeting her nephew. She hoped that Elliot would have the chance to grow up alongside his cousin, who was three months older, and that the two of them would have the close relationship the Bridgerton brothers shared.
Carefully, she took her son back into her arms and headed back toward the drawing room. She could hear the voices from afar, and her heart began to beat faster. Quietly, she entered the room and stood in the doorway. Anthony and Kate were surrounded by their family, while Violet held her grandson in her arms, obviously enchanted by the little boy. Penelope couldn’t blame her. Edmund Bridgerton was incredibly sweet and watched the crowd of Bridgertons with wide eyes.
“Ah, there she is!” she heard Colin’s voice. She looked over to him, and her husband led his eldest brother toward her with a proud smile on his face. He carefully took Elliot from her and looked at Anthony with beaming eyes. “May I introduce your nephew? This is Elliot Bridgerton!”.
Penelope watched as a grin spread across the Viscount's lips while he looked at the boy. “He may have your wife's hair, but otherwise, he is a Bridgerton through and through!”. Uncertainly, Penelope watched the Viscount gently stroke his nephew's cheek. Finally, he looked away from him and over to her.
“Forgive me, Penelope. Your son made me completely forget that I haven’t greeted you yet!”. Penelope couldn't bring herself to look him in the eye. Instead, she curtsied slightly. “Lord Bridgerton!” she managed to say. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Anthony exchange a confused look with Colin before looking back at her.
“Penelope…!” he began, but she didn’t catch what else he said. Everything around her began to blur, and she found it difficult to breathe. “I…!” she started, but couldn't manage anything else. She turned on the spot and ran away. Tears streamed down her cheeks. She had to get away from here.
All those months, she might have suppressed it, but deep down, she knew that Anthony would never accept her as Colin's wife. The family had endured enough scandals in recent years, not least thanks to her column. It would have been better for all of them if Colin had accepted her offer and annulled the marriage before it was too late.
***
She didn’t know how long she had been sitting there when the door opened. She didn’t look up.
“Leave me alone, Colin, you should be with your family!”
“It is your family as well. It has been for a long time, even before you married Colin!”
Surprised, she looked up. She had been mistaken; it wasn’t her husband standing before her, but her brother-in-law. “And I would like to know why you have suddenly started calling me Lord Bridgerton again!” he said in a low voice, and to her great surprise, he sat down on the floor beside her and looked at her thoughtfully. Penelope looked at her hands and did not answer immediately. She didn’t know what she had expected, but Anthony simply remained sitting silently beside her.
“I should never have agreed to marry Colin, but I was so overwhelmed by my feelings and I truly believed I could keep my identity secret from the ton. But at the latest after the Queen offered a reward for my identity, I should have ended the engagement!” she began to speak softly. “I offered Colin an annulment after the truth came to light, but he wouldn’t hear of it. I should have forced him!”
That seemed to catch Anthony’s attention. “You offered him an annulment even though you were pregnant?”
Penelope closed her eyes. Of course he knew that Elliot had been conceived before their wedding. If Colin hadn't even confessed it to him himself.
“I didn’t know I was pregnant!”
“But…!” Anthony began, confused.
“My courses had never been particularly regular. When I was younger, my mother forced various diets on me to lose weight. I assume that’s the reason, but it’s nothing unusual for me if my courses do not arrive for eight weeks, especially when I’m stressed!” she explained quietly.
“Be that as it may, despite everything, Colin would have had no grounds for an annulment anyway!” Anthony said softly.
Penelope looked up. “I am Lady Whistledown. Any judge would have granted the annulment!”
The Viscount shook his head. “If Colin hadn’t known about it, perhaps, but my little brother knew who you really were when you got married!” Penelope only shrugged her shoulders and gave him a pained smile.
The two were silent for a while. When it seemed obvious that she would not speak further, she felt Anthony reach for her hand and squeeze it firmly. “You still haven’t explained to me what I have done to you?”
She looked at him confused. What he had done to her? She was the one who had nearly ruined his family several times. Why did he believe that he had done something?
“Penelope!” His voice was gentle. She couldn’t remember ever hearing him talk like that, especially not to her. “In every letter Colin wrote to me after your sisters' ball, he spoke about your life together. How happy he was. And my siblings and my mother wrote as well, about how happy you both are and how much you seem to love each other. I know your pregnancy wasn’t easy, especially toward the end. But I assumed I would return and find my little brother in a happy marriage. Instead, we are sitting here on the floor of the library and you are talking about annulling your marriage. So, either my family has been wrong this whole time and you were never happy with Colin, or it is because of me!”
Penelope couldn't stop the tears, and before she knew it, Anthony had pulled her into his arms, and she wept against his shoulder. "You mustn't hate him!" she burst out. "I gave him no choice. He would never have left me after we had been intimate. Even without Elliot. He is a good man, the best. He looks up to you; he always has, even before your father died. If you cannot accept me, I can live with that. I will leave London. I promise you, but you cannot cast Colin out. It would break his heart!".
Anthony sighed softly and stroked her back soothingly. "You think I am angry with you because of Whistledown?". Penelope only nodded. Anthony gently pushed her back so he could look her in the eye. "When I learned that you were Lady Whistledown, I was shocked. But the thought that Colin shouldn't have married you never even crossed my mind!".
Her eyes widened. "It didn´t?". He shook his head. "Lady Whistledown may have made my life difficult over the last three years, but I also have a lot to thank her for. Without you, Daphne would have been forced to marry Nigel Berbrooke. Colin would now be married to your cousin, raising two children that weren't his, and I haven't forgotten how kindly you wrote about me and Kate after our wedding!".
Penelope looked at him uncertainly, and he nodded slightly. "And now that I know why you wrote about Eloise, I suppose I must add that to my list as well!". Penelope laughed softly. "So you aren't angry that I've involved your name in even more scandal?".
Anthony shook his head, laughing. "Whether I like it or not, scandal has a way of finding us Bridgertons; why should you be an exception!". He stood up and held out his hand to her. "Don't worry, Penelope. You belong in this family, and for me to disown Colin, he would have to do something much worse than marrying the woman he loves!". Penelope took his hand and let him pull her up. "Thank you, Anthony!" she said softly, and he smiled.
"And now, let us go back. I fear my wife won't be able to keep my little brother from coming to look for you much longer!". Penelope laughed out loud as she tucked her arm into his, and together they walked back toward the drawing room.
As the two of them entered the drawing room, her eyes found Colin’s, at once. She could see that he was relieved and he smiled at her gently. But before she could walk over to him, Kate approached her, carrying Elliot in her arms. "He missed his mother!" she said softly, and Penelope accepted him gratefully. "I hope once we’ve settled back in a bit, you will accept my invitation to tea. We have so much to talk about!". She glanced over at her son, whom Francesca was currently holding. "And I’m sure Edmund can’t wait to get to know his cousin properly!". Penelope smiled at her softly and thanked her. The other woman nodded and winked at her before taking her husband’s arm and leading him over to the others.
Penelope looked down at her son, who was now awake and watching her with wide eyes. "Everything alright?". She looked up; Colin was standing beside her, placing an arm around her shoulder to draw his wife and son closer to him. "I was worried!" she confessed. Colin nodded. "I know!". She looked at him in surprise. "I’ve known you since you were seven years old, Pen. I know when something is troubling you". She laughed softly and snuggled closer to him.
"I know you told me Anthony wrote to you saying he has no problem with Whistledown, but I don’t know. These last few days, I had let myself believe that Anthony could never accept me!". Her husband sighed. "I’m afraid that’s my fault!". Confused, Penelope looked at him. "Why?". "Pen... you... you really don't know?". "Know what?" she asked, even more confused than before.
Colin looked around cautiously to see if anyone was close enough to hear them before turning back to her. "I am relatively certain that you are pregnant again. Your courses have not arrived for 10 weeks, you have developed a craving for vanilla eclairs—even though you normally only eat the chocolate ones—and you cannot stand the smell of fish!". Penelope stared at him with her mouth open; she had to admit he was right. The last time she had eaten vanilla eclairs was when she was pregnant with Elliot.
She placed her hand on her stomach and sought Colin’s gaze. "I thought you knew!". She shook her head and had to laugh. "No, Colin. I was so busy with the Queen, with Whistledown, with your brother. I didn't even notice, but I'm afraid you’re right!". "I hope it’s good news for you?" he asked cautiously. Penelope laughed softly and nodded. "The best!" she confirmed with a smile. She let her gaze drift over the family members present and finally lingered on Francesca. "But perhaps we should keep our news to ourselves for now". Colin followed her gaze and sighed. "I believe you’re right".
The two were silent for a moment. They knew how much Francesca wished for a baby, and while they were sure she would be happy for them, they realized how unfair it was. She and John had been trying for a baby for almost a year, whereas she and Colin had conceived Elliot the very first time they were intimate and now she was pregnant again only six months after his birth.
"You mustn’t feel guilty!" She looked up and saw that Colin had been watching her closely. "You deserve to be happy!". Penelope looked down at her son, still in her arms, and back at her husband. "I am, Colin. Happier than I ever could have imagined!". He smiled gently and leaned forward, capturing her lips in a tender kiss. She only vaguely noticed Benedict shouting a comment at them, but she couldn't care less. She was kissing Colin Bridgerton, her husband and the father of her children, and it was wonderful.
