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“Is this what parents feel when they realize that their children have grown up?”
“You’re being dramatic.”
Kim Iwol ignored Choi Jeho’s comment as he shrugged off his shoes by the entryway. A familiar heaviness weighed on his shoulders as he took in Spark’s dorm. There had been six people living in it, but now, there were only two. It was an emptiness that Kim Iwol hadn’t felt in a long time since his own bout of independence.
To an outsider’s perspective, the dorm didn’t look different for a place vacated by four people. It’s still furnished, of course, with several knickknacks neatly scattered around. Choi Jeho’s stupid nightlight was still perched on the dining table, too.
But that was it.
To Kim Iwol’s perspective, the dorm looked bare now that it was devoid of items belonging to the younger members. Kang Kiyeon’s manga on the coffee table, Park Joowoo’s pristine blankets in the laundry, Lee Cheonghyeon’s colorful pencils, and Jeong Seongbin’s cotton-scented perfume—items like those were gone. So were the owners.
…Maybe he is being dramatic. He would never admit it out loud and give his roommate the satisfaction.
Choi Jeho walked past him, beelining to his—their—room. Kim Iwol should talk to him about that; there’s no point in sharing a room when there’s a free bedroom that one of them could use. He sighed. Glanced at the wall clock. It was still early in the afternoon, but he already wanted to retire for the day.
The day after the last two younger members moved out of the dorm, Kim Iwol caught himself preparing breakfast for six people.
Well, to be more precise, Choi Jeho did.
Kim Iwol had his attention on the toast he’s cooking when Choi Jeho joined him in the kitchen, fetching a glass of water for himself. He didn’t have his glasses on, Kim Iwol had noticed, so it was a while before Choi Jeho spoke up.
“Kim Iwol,” he said. Kim Iwol glanced at him. Choi Jeho wasn’t even looking at him. “Don’t you think this is too much?”
Confused, Kim Iwol checked the amount of toast he’d prepared on the dining table. It was the usual amount, so what’s Choi Jeho talking about?
“I didn’t toast extra, though.”
Choi Jeho’s brows furrowed. The back of Kim Iwol’s neck ached, his hand twitching in restraint. Choi Jeho remained oblivious and said, “You prepared toast for six people.”
“Yeah?”
Choi Jeho glanced at him, then shook his head. He sat down at the table without much of a peep. Still confused, Kim Iwol looked at the prepared breakfast to get a sense of what Choi Jeho was talking about.
Six plates of toast sat on the table.
“Huh.” Kim Iwol’s shoulders slumped. “Guess we’re eating double then.”
Choi Jeho remained silent.
Turns out it wasn’t just Kim Iwol who was struggling to get used to having less members around. It had been a while since they’d separated rooms, wanting a semblance of privacy now that the opportunity presented itself. Kim Iwol had been working in his room when there was a knock on the door and Choi Jeho opened it after a moment.
“Ki—” He froze when he saw Kim Iwol sitting on the bed, laptop open and situated on his lap.
“Yes?” Kim Iwol said while raising a brow. Choi Jeho stared at him briefly. Kim Iwol sighed and decided to show mercy on him. “Call the manager if you want to go to the gym with Kang Kiyeon.”
A beat.
Choi Jeho drew in a breath. “Right.”
Kim Iwol reverted his eyes back on his laptop, though he’s still quite aware of Choi Jeho lingering by the door. Defeated was not what Kim Iwol would usually describe Choi Jeho, but right now, it was the only word that fitted him. If Kim Iwol thought it was out of character for him, then he kept his mouth shut.
"Kim Iwol."
"Yes?"
"Let's go to the gym."
Kim Iwol hummed. Maybe the other members will join them too, if they would hear their gym plans through Kang Kiyeon. "Alright; let me just finish this."
Choi Jeho nodded. It took a while before he retreated from the room. His footsteps sounded heavier than usual. Kim Iwol returned to his work then, the fingers tapping on the keyboard matching Choi Jeho’s footsteps.
“Should we get an apartment too?”
Kim Iwol wasn’t prepared for Choi Jeho to casually drop the question as if he was asking about the weather forecast for the day. Most of all, Kim Iwol was not prepared for Choi Jeho to ask that question in the first place.
“Why?” That had sounded defensive—at least to Kim Iwol’s ears—and he couldn’t help but grimace at the realization. He couldn’t take it back anymore though. He’ll be grateful to Choi Jeho if he wouldn’t mention it, but he’s on thin ice even if he hadn’t. Kim Iwol continued, “The dorm’s fine.”
Choi Jeho went silent. He knew Kim Iwol’s right, but judging by his reaction, it seemed that he’s ready to argue his case. Kim Iwol stared down at him. Waiting. Daring for him to speak.
“A new environment could be good,” was all Choi Jeho said. Kim Iwol almost laughed; Choi Jeho most definitely did not think of that as his reason. If he’s not willing to share the real reason, then Kim Iwol wouldn’t pry.
Kim Iwol huffed, warmth flooding his cheeks as he placed a hand atop of his chest. The steady beat of his heart quickened for a brief moment. His ears went numb from the unexpected heat.
This didn't go unnoticed.
“Just forget it if it bothers you so much,” Choi Jeho said. He averted his gaze, but its lingering effect burns a hole in Kim Iwol’s mind.
The couch rose from the lack of weight. Kim Iwol snapped back into focus. Subconsciously, he’d raised his hand and grasped at Choi Jeho’s shirt—stretched from being pulled as Choi Jeho failed to halt in time. As soon as Kim Iwol realized he had done that, he immediately let go.
“I’ll think about it,” Kim Iwol said.
The aircon whirred in the background. Choi Jeho left the room without acknowledging him. Everything was burning, Kim Iwol noticed. He would take medication later in case he’s coming down with something. He still couldn’t feel his ears.
The decision was easier than Kim Iwol had expected. Saying goodbye to Spark’s former dorm was harder than he’d ever imagined.
It took almost a day for Kim Iwol to get used to the new layout. Kept running into furniture, into walls. Kept forgetting that they had to rearrange it to fit into the new apartment. It was almost comical—almost, because neither he nor Choi Jeho were laughing.
Kim Iwol was lounging on the couch, phone in his hand. He glanced up when Choi Jeho stepped out of the bathroom, drying his hair with the towel draped across his shoulders. Kim Iwol caught sight of a stray droplet trailing down Choi Jeho’s neck. He gulped, then looked away.
“Should we order takeout?” Kim Iwol asked, gaze stubbornly fixated on his phone. Several sentences of his own Bubble Pop message stared back at him.
Choi Jeho lightly shrugged. “Sure,” he replied.
As Kim Iwol exited out of the Bubble Pop application, the doorbell suddenly rang. He and Choi Jeho shared confused glances, neither of them expecting anyone to drop by. Kim Iwol tilted his head towards the front door, wordlessly ordering Choi Jeho to check it. The younger man sighed and complied—thankfully, without any complaints.
Kim Iwol only got a few seconds of peace before chaos broke out.
“Hello!”
“Thanks for having me…”
“We’re here!”
“Hello, hyung.”
In such a short time, Kim Iwol rose from the couch and beelined for the voices, where Spark’s younger members crowded the entryway. He took in their appearances: fashionably decent, faces beaming, and hands carrying colorful bags. His eyes squinted, suspicion curling at the edges of his mind.
Lee Cheonghyeon approached him first, his arms already outstretched to engulf Kim Iwol in an embrace. He’d let him, settling a hand on Lee Cheonghyeon’s back. “Hyung! Congrats on the new place!”
“Thank you,” Kim Iwol said. He locked eyes with the other members. “Come in; it’s more spacious inside than here. Choi Jeho, you showed them where the guest slippers are, didn’t you?”
It was a bit of a hassle, though fortunately, the members were trained to be orderly, so they didn’t cause a massive headache. Kim Iwol shook his head. He refused to remember what Spark was like before regression. When they were all ushered into the living room, Kim Iwol’s gaze locked in on the pile of bags—gifts, his mind corrected—perched innocently atop the coffee table.
“Thank you for having us, hyung,” Jeong Seongbin said. He was sitting on the couch, alongside Park Joowoo and Kang Kiyeon. Lee Cheonghyeon sat by their feet, patting the space beside him as soon as he caught Kim Iwol’s gaze. Choi Jeho was missing, having retreated to his room. He’d come back out later—Kim Iwol made sure he would.
“This is a surprise,” Kim Iwol said. He glanced at the pile again, then to the food containers on the dining table. He had a feeling that those were from the kids' parents, especially Jeong Seongbin's. A pang of guilt flared up in his chest. “You didn’t have to get us these.”
“Of course we have to!” Lee Cheonghyeon exclaimed. He pulled Kim Iwol down to the ground when he got near him.
“Don’t be silly, hyung. You got us gifts when we moved too,” Kang Kiyeon added. Park Joowoo nodded. Kim Iwol sensed a budding headache coming on. It felt like the kids were ganging up on him, but for what reason, he didn’t know. He reached up and rubbed his aching nape.
Kim Iwol sighed. “Alright. Thank you, everyone.”
“Should we open the gifts first or should we eat?” Lee Cheonghyeon asked, leaning his head on Kim Iwol’s shoulder.
“Have you not eaten yet?” Kim Iwol asked. All the members shook their heads and the decision was as clear as day. “Let’s wait for Choi Jeho to come out, then let’s eat.”
Kim Iwol stood up after he caught sight of Jeong Seongbin cleaning up after the members. “Seongbin, you’re a guest. Just leave it there,” he said, joining Jeong Seongbin at his side. Kim Iwol tried to take the dishes from Jeong Seongbin, but the man held it away from his reach.
“It’s okay, hyung.” Jeong Seongbin smiled. He rolled up his sleeves. “It’s not a bother at all.”
It is to me, Kim Iwol wanted to say, but before he knew it, Lee Cheonghyeon was already dragging him away. He didn’t miss the not-so-subtle wink Lee Cheonghyeon sent to Jeong Seongbin.
“Hyung! It’s time for you and Jeho-hyung to open our gifts,” Lee Cheonghyeon exclaimed, manhandling Kim Iwol into sitting on the couch beside Choi Jeho. The taller man had his arms crossed, brows furrowed ever so slightly.
Kim Iwol pressed a finger in between Choi Jeho’s eyebrows almost instinctively. “How many times do I have to tell you not to frown?” Choi Jeho grumbled, but said nothing. Kim Iwol sighed. He knew Choi Jeho would do it again for sure. Once more, he wondered why he kept trying when the other man didn’t listen to him time and again.
A giftbag was suddenly shoved to Kim Iwol’s face. Lee Cheonghyeon grinned at him from behind the offered gift, eyes shining in a way that had Kim Iwol wanting to wear sunglasses indoors.
"Thank you," Kim Iwol hesitantly said. He took the offered gift, confusion clearly written on his face.
"That's Seongbin-hyung's, by the way," Lee Cheonghyeon revealed.
"I thought you said yours was gonna get open first?" Kang Kiyeon asked.
"It's whatever." Lee Cheonghyeon shrugged. "Seongbin-hyung! Iwol-hyung's gonna open your gift first, 'kay?"
Jeong Seongbin called out from the kitchen, "Sure, go ahead. I'll be with you in a sec."
Lee Cheonghyeon nodded and turned his attention back to Kim Iwol. "Okay, you can open it now, hyung."
Kim Iwol didn't have any expectations. Really, he didn't. He wasn't even prepared to have guests over, much less receiving gifts. Nevertheless, he still didn't expect to open the gift and reveal fluffy red towels hidden in it.
When Kim Iwol unraveled the towels to inspect it, he found that it was designed with random letters and a weird-looking infinite symbol beneath them. He didn't think it was custom-made until his eyes landed on the date embroidered on the towels. It was the date he and Choi Jeho moved into their shared apartment. The random letters were he and Choi Jeho's initials.
Kim Iwol's head was reeling. He glanced at Choi Jeho, wanting to see if he wasn't the only one overthinking this. It didn’t make any sense; he couldn’t wrap his mind around it. His prayers for an ally in this trying time went unheard. Choi Jeho wasn't looking at him—not even at the towels in Kim Iwol's hands. He was unconcerned, like this wasn't a gift for him too. He didn't find the answer he was looking for in Choi Jeho, but one thing was clear: Kim Iwol was on his own.
Jeong Seongbin emerged from the kitchen with a smile. He settled on the floor beside Park Joowoo, then he asked, "Did you like it?"
Kim Iwol resisted the urge to sigh. With great reluctance, he nodded. The dull ache in his head was getting worse.
Kang Kiyeon's gift came next. Instead of Kim Iwol, it was Choi Jeho who opened it. He had no choice—Kim Iwol all but shoved it to him. He hadn't even opened his mouth to complain when Kim Iwol's sharp glare pierced him.
As Choi Jeho ripped the gift's wrapping, Kim Iwol's chest began to thump madly. He almost let out a breath of relief when he realized that it was a pair of pajamas and Pepero snacks.
"Thank you for the snacks." Kim Iwol caught the boxes as they fell out of the clothing when Choi Jeho unfolded them. "The pajamas are cute too."
"I'm not sure if it'll fit you both," Kang Kiyeon commented. "It's Cheonghyeon's fault if it didn't."
Lee Cheonghyeon pouted. "Oh, c'mon."
"Why don't you try it on?" Jeong Seongbin suggested. "I'm sure Kiyeon would want to see you in it too."
Kim Iwol felt dread crawl up his spine. With Kang Kiyeon agreeing, he wasn't sure if he would be able to refuse. Choi Jeho standing up with the larger pajamas clutched in his hand was what decided it for Kim Iwol.
Rubbing his temple, Kim Iwol said, "Alright, alright. We'll try it on."
"Let's open the Pepero later too," Park Joowoo said, his eyes glinting. Beside him, Lee Cheonghyeon's eyes were the same; however, it held mischief in it. Dread settled itself in the pit of Kim Iwol's stomach.
In all thirtysomething years of Kim Iwol's life, he had never imagined himself playing the Pepero game. He remembered thinking, "I'm too old for this," whenever he heard talks of the Pepero game.
Yet here he was, partnered with Choi Jeho, a single stick of Pepero biscuit held on each end between their mouths, both of them wearing the matching pajamas Kang Kiyeon gifted them. Kim Iwol had his eyes closed, lips slowly inching closer and closer to Jeho's. The younger members were cheering them on—the loudest one being Lee Cheonghyeon.
Kim Iwol usually has extraordinary patience as a result of being a subordinate to Manager Nam. Compared to editing Spark photos with several revisions in such a short time, he almost couldn't believe that this game would shorten his patience by a considerable amount.
"Go, Iwol-hyung! Go, Jeho-hyung!"
Lee Cheonghyeon's cheer was the straw that broke the camel's back, as well as the Pepero stick currently in Kim Iwol's and Choi Jeho's mouths.
"Okay, that's enough of that game," Kim Iwol declared as soon as he swallowed the remains of his Pepero stick. He turned hotly away from Choi Jeho's face, a dark blush flushing his pale cheeks as he confiscated the offending Pepero box from Lee Cheonghyeon's hand and gave it to Park Joowoo instead, whose eyes sparkled at the snack.
Lee Cheonghyeon pouted at the game's abrupt finish. He bounced back quite quickly as he picked the remaining gifts from the coffee table. Kim Iwol's eyes briefly flicked towards Park Joowoo's lap, where a small gift box sat innocently. It must be the last one.
"Open mine next," Lee Cheonghyeon said, giving Kim Iwol and Choi Jeho each one. Immediately upon contact, Kim Iwol could guess that Lee Cheonghyeon gave him a pillow. He had almost sighed in relief, then remembered the previous gifts.
"Do we still have to continue this?" Choi Jeho quipped, glaring at the gift clutched in his hand as if it had offended his whole clan. Kim Iwol wouldn't be surprised if that turned out to be true by the time they unveiled the gift.
"Why not?" Kang Kiyeon quipped. "We spent a lot of time trying to pick which ones to give you." He huffed, crossing his arms. Kim Iwol decided to put a stop to this before it turned into a full-blown argument.
Kim Iwol's heart thudded painfully against his chest as he unwrapped Lee Cheonghyeon’s gift. The moment Kim Iwol saw the red pillow with a large heart and embroidered "YES" in the middle, he almost cried in embarrassment. The younger members were laughing at his misery. Beside him, Choi Jeho unwrapped another pillow with a similar design. His ears were as red as the pillow in his hand—Kim Iwol was glad he wasn't the only one flustered over the implication of the design.
“Please stop laughing already.”
Kim Iwol’s pleading fell on deaf ears.
Lee Cheonghyeon still hadn't settled down by the time it was Park Joowoo's turn to give Kim Iwol and Choi Jeho his gift. Jeong Seongbin offered Lee Cheonghyeon a glass of water when he coughed, almost choking on his own spit at the intensity of his laughter. Kim Iwol would have believed Lee Cheonghyeon deserved it if it hadn't been for his own concern about the younger man.
"I hope you like mine." Park Joowoo lightly scratched his cheek, a bashful smile gracing his face. "When I saw that, it just clicked for me that I should give it to you. I really am glad you finally moved in together, Iwol-hyung, Jeho-hyung. Congratulations."
Kim Iwol paused briefly. He was at a loss for words. With how the previous gift-giving had gone, he hadn't expected Park Joowoo to express his honest thoughts like this. Kim Iwol returned the younger member's smile, warmth swelling at his chest. "Thank you, Joowoo."
The small gift box handed to them couldn't be heavier than a glass of water. Kim Iwol let out a soft hum and wondered what it could be. Judging by how it sounded when the box was shaken lightly, it was possible that it held more than one item inside. Though before he could think further, Choi Jeho, ever the straightforward man, hadn't spared any thought and swiftly unwrapped the box.
As soon as Kim Iwol's eyes landed on the wooden ducks, realization dawned on him. These ducks weren't just simple ducks—these were prosperity ducks. He'd seen these before when he was still doing errands for Manager Nam's daughter. He had been searching for gifts to give to an idol and came across a random website featuring these ducks. He wasn't sure why it would show these, but he'd ignored it then, deeming it too unfit to give to Choi Jeho.
He couldn't believe Park Joowoo was giving these ducks to Choi Jeho. To him too. The room spun before him. The other members' gifts flashed in his mind. The implication of the gifts had finally sunk in.
Wedding gifts.
The kids had given them wedding gifts instead of housewarming ones.
"Hyung? Are you okay?" Jeong Seongbin worriedly asked. "You look like you're burning up." He reached out to feel for the eldest member's forehead, but Kim Iwol abruptly standing up broke off his attempt.
"Excuse me for a bit…!" Kim Iwol uttered and retreated to the bathroom. He avoided everyone's gaze on the way, especially Choi Jeho's. The pounding in his head matched the quick pace of his heartbeat.
Kim Iwol stayed cooped up in the bathroom until his embarrassingly reddened cheeks went back to its naturally pale state. He gave a crooked smile at the members as he sat back on the couch, hoping that it would wipe away the worried expression on their faces.
"I'm sorry about that," Kim Iwol said. "I'm fine."
He deliberately ignored the intense stare from the man beside him, as well as the hand hovering above his.
"Thank you for having us," Jeong Seongbin said, waiting by the open front door for the other members to finish putting on their shoes. He was smiling at both Kim Iwol and Choi Jeho. Red tinged the tips of their ears; though in Kim Iwol's case, the redness spread to his cheeks.
"We'll visit again soon, hyung!" As soon as Lee Cheonghyeon slipped his shoes on, he leapt at Kim Iwol for a hug. "Don't get too lonely without us here!"
"Like I'll be," Kim Iwol countered jokingly. "Having Choi Jeho here is enough to feel like you four are still living here with me."
"Basically, you are feeling lonely without us," Kang Kiyeon quipped, his lips curving into a teasing smirk. His conversation with Choi Jeho seemed to have been finished. Kim Iwol eyed the red thread in Choi Jeho’s hand. "You know you can still call us anytime, right?"
Kim Iwol could feel Choi Jeho's gaze riveted on him as the man said, "He knows that. We know he won't do it anyway."
Choi Jeho didn't need to say that out loud. A deep blush of embarrassment heated Kim Iwol's cheeks and he averted his face away from the younger members, hoping none of them saw before it faded away.
Park Joowoo briefly embraced Kim Iwol as soon as Lee Cheonghyeon relinquished his hold on him. "It's okay, hyung. We'll just call you instead."
"You don't need to bother so much, everyone…" But even if Kim Iwol told them so, he was certain it would only fall on deaf ears.
Just like how they'd entered Kim Iwol and Choi Jeho's apartment, it was just as chaotic as they left it. The younger members bid their farewells, their loud voices echoing in the otherwise quiet hallway. A familiar lump settled itself in Kim Iwol's throat as he watched them go—until Lee Cheonghyeon stopped waving at them, until Park Joowoo stopped laughing, until all the younger members finally disappeared from his sight.
Something warm and heavy rested on Kim Iwol's shoulder and he released a breath he wasn't aware he had been holding. He blinked away the tears welled up in his eyes before they trailed down his cheeks.
“We’ll see them again,” Choi Jeho said, pulling Kim Iwol inside and closing the front door. Kim Iwol hadn’t even noticed that he was just standing there, gazing at the shadows that the kids left behind. He hated it when Choi Jeho was right.
With a sigh, Kim Iwol trudged towards the living room, where the gifts were laid in a neat row on the coffee table. His gaze caught on the pillows and fought the urge to burn Lee Cheonghyeon’s ridiculous gift.
Whatever. He should put the gifts away now that the kids have finally gone home.
Just as he was about to reach for the pillows, a glass of water appeared in his vision. Kim Iwol stared at the hand holding the glass, then lifted his gaze up to Choi Jeho’s face. Choi Jeho was looking at him expectantly.
“Oh, thank you,” Kim Iwol said. He took the offered glass and emptied it, taking the Pepero boxes they hadn’t touched yet to store it away in the cupboards. He fanned himself, believing that it was just an unusually warm day. He placed his empty glass on the sink—he would come back to clean it later.
He returned to the living room to see Choi Jeho putting the prosperity ducks on the TV stand. He arranged them so they would face each other, then tied the red thread Kang Kiyeon had given him around the ducks’ necks.
“What’s the red thread for?” Kim Iwol asked.
Choi Jeho paused. It was only for a brief moment, but Kim Iwol had noticed him do so. His brows furrowed, suspicion curling at the edges of his mind.
“Kiyeon just told me to do it,” Choi Jeho said. The redness of his ears suggested that there was more to it than he’d let on. Kim Iwol decided not to pry any further.
“But are you sure you’re going to display them there?” Kim Iwol crossed his arms. “Everyone will see.”
“Let them.” Choi Jeho picked the towels up from the coffee table and draped them across his arm. He wasn’t directly looking at Kim Iwol, so he hadn’t noticed at first, but it turned out that the redness in Choi Jeho’s ears had spread to his neck. Kim Iwol blew out a breath, fighting the urge to put a hand on his chest. His heart had suddenly quickened.
“Oh.” Kim Iwol breathed out. “You knew.”
Choi Jeho looked at him with a confused expression. “What?”
“The ducks,” Kim Iwol clarified. He felt heat crawling up his cheeks—he’d lost count how many times it happened that day alone.
Choi Jeho said nothing. Silence reigned between them as they stared at each other, both parties watching each other’s reactions. Eventually, Choi Jeho broke the atmosphere. He averted his gaze and it settled on the ducks.
“Should I hide these instead?”
“No!”
It was embarrassingly quick how Kim Iwol had protested. Fortunately for him, Choi Jeho didn’t point it out. Though it didn’t stop Kim Iwol’s heart from thudding quickly against his chest as Choi Jeho approached him with an expression he couldn’t make out.
Kim Iwol’s gaze was locked on Choi Jeho’s. Warm fingers grazed Kim Iwol’s face—featherlight and gentle. If he weren’t seeing it, then he wouldn’t have felt it.
“Okay,” Choi Jeho said. It was unusually quiet. Soft. Kim Iwol was witnessing a side to Choi Jeho he hadn’t expected.
As soon as the moment came, it ended. Kim Iwol felt like he’d imagined everything, but the ghost of a smile on Choi Jeho’s lips confirmed that it was not. He gathered the remaining gifts on the table.
“I’ll put these in our bedroom,” Choi Jeho said before turning away. Kim Iwol stared at his retreating back before Choi Jeho’s words sunk in his mind.
Our bedroom?
Logically, Kim Iwol knew Choi Jeho was talking about their separate bedrooms. He knew that.
And yet—
Kim Iwol hid his face in his hands. Now, he couldn’t deny that it was only Choi Jeho’s effect on him that his face was constantly burning and not that he wasn’t coming down with something.