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"Okay, I can't wait any longer. I have to say something." Hongbin had waited until the front door had shut behind Hakyeon before turning to the group and speaking.
Taekwoon reluctantly looked up from the blueberries he was munching on. The five remaining members were still in a circle on the floor, facing the array of snacks between them. Hakyeon had decided to take a quick trip to the convenience store when he'd discovered Jaehwan hadn't picked up any banana milk, and Hongbin took the opportunity to share his feelings.
"I can't be the only one who's noticed it. I could be crazy, but...do you think Hakyeon hyung has a crush on Seo Inguk sunbaenim?" There was a moment of silence after Hongbin's words, and Taekwoon felt a small twinge in his chest at the unexpected question. He never really thought about things like that, and it certainly wasn't something the members discussed often. It wasn't that he was opposed to Hakyeon liking men it just...wasn't something that ever came up in conversation.
"Oh, there's no doubt about it," Jaehwan piped up first. "He's always talking about him and he always gets so flustered when he's around."
"Not to mention the fact that he LOVES bringing him up in interviews," Sanghyuk added with a devilish grin. "'Don't you think I'm more handsome than him, though?' But when Inguk sunbaenim is around, 'I never said those things, hyung!'" The maknae imitated Hakyeon's whine perfectly, earning him laughs from the entire group. All except for Taekwoon. He couldn't figure out why he didn't laugh. Normally he'd love jokes at their leader's expense, but something about the situation made everything very unamusing.
"I'm going to bed now," Taekwoon said shortly, rising and leaving the blueberries on the floor. He glanced briefly at the members' confused expressions before moving away to the room he shared with Hongbin. He vaguely heard Wonshik's "Good night, hyung..." as he shut the door behind him.
Taekwoon flopped down onto his mattress with a loud sigh, laying on his back. He rested his arm over his eyes, frustrated at himself for overreacting. Why couldn't he just have a normal conversation with his dongsaengs? He didn't even know why he had left the group. Was he just taken aback at a topic that they'd never discussed before? That must have been it...but it didn't explain the twinge that Taekwoon felt in his chest all the way down to his stomach at the thought of Hakyeon liking Inguk. Taekwoon thought himself to be a very accepting guy, nothing phased him, but somehow this bothered him.
Taekwoon jumped at the sound of the door to his room opening slowly, but he kept his arm draped over his eyes. He heard a rustling beside him and then silence. He didn't have to look up to know that someone was sitting next to him.
"Hyung, are you feeling okay?" Hongbin's kind voice confirmed Taekwoon's guess, and Taekwoon removed his arm from his eyes, sitting up. Hongbin was sitting cross-legged on his own mattress, which laid right next to Taekwoon's. Taekwoon mirrored the way Hongbin was sitting, facing him in silence.
"I know you sometimes don't want to talk, but you left so abruptly," Hongbin tried again. "Is something wrong?"
If it had been any of the other members pestering him, he'd have pushed them by the head or given a swift kick by now. Taekwoon always had a soft spot for Hongbin. He knew that Hongbin was kind and gentle and he always trusted that Hongbin wouldn't bother him when he didn't want to be bothered. After a whole day of enduring Hakyeon's nagging or Jaehwan's loud jokes, it was always nice to come back to his room and watch videos in comfortable silence with Hongbin.
"Hyung, you can tell me." Taekwoon finally made eye contact with Hongbin, carefully deciding what to say. He knew Hongbin would wait patiently for him to answer. Hongbin understood the deliberate way Taekwoon chose his words, and he always let him finish.
"I don't know," were the words that Taekwoon finally chose. When Hongbin continued to wait, Taekwoon knew that he had to elaborate. He felt the urge to roll his eyes, but he knew Hongbin was only asking because he cared. It wasn't Hongbin's fault that Taekwoon didn't know how to express his emotions or that Taekwoon couldn't even figure out why he was bothered.
"I really don't know," he said softly. "It's about Hakyeon. I think. I don't know. I'm tired. I'm going to sleep now." He was about to be honest, but his thoughts sounded stupid even in his own head. The best thing was to just shut down the conversation and pretend that everything was fine.
Taekwoon lay back down on his mattress, facing away from Hongbin. A few moments passed before he heard the creak of Hongbin's mattress as he must have laid down as well. Taekwoon suddenly felt guilty. His friend had only been trying to help, but there was nothing Taekwoon could do about it now. The only thing he could do was drift off to sleep and try desperately to ignore the persistent twinge in his chest.
***
Taekwoon poured himself a bowl of Special K cereal, rubbing his eyes and yawning. He knew he was the only one up at seven in the morning. In the past, he hadn't been too fond of waking up early. Nowadays, though, early morning was the best time for him to be alone without being surrounded by constant noise.
He leaned against the counter, bringing the spoon up to his mouth slowly and munching on his breakfast, cheeks puffing out a bit as he chewed. Setting the bowl down carefully, he grabbed a glass and shuffled over to the refrigerator. His hand hovered over the small bottles of banana milk. He wasn't too fond of them but he knew they were Hakyeon's favorite. Unsure of why he did it, he grabbed a bottle, picking a straw from a jar on the counter. Taekwoon jabbed the straw into the aluminum top and took a long sip.
"Not so bad, is it?"
Taekwoon jumped at the sudden voice, nearly spitting up the milk. His heartbeat quickened and it took all his self control not to slam the bottle on the counter as he glared at Hakyeon and his smug smile.
"I was trying it again, and it's just as disgusting as it was before." Taekwoon wasn't quite sure why he lied, but he wasn't quite sure about anything these days. The truth was that the banana milk tasted sweeter than he remembered, and the flavor brought up memories of the first time Hakyeon had given it to him to try.
Hakyeon scoffed, approaching Taekwoon. He snatched the bottle from Taekwoon's hand and put the straw into his own mouth, drinking the milk in big gulps. Taekwoon couldn't help but stare. He should have been annoyed, but a small part of his brain was stuck on the fact that Hakyeon was using the same straw that he'd been using. 'What a dumb thought,' he chastised himself. The members shared food and drinks all the time, what was so different about this moment?
Hakyeon took one last gulp before removing the straw from his mouth. His eyes widened as he gave an exaggerated "Mmm!" and handed the bottle back to Taekwoon. Taekwoon stared down at the straw, noting the faint residue of Hakyeon's lip balm. Forcing his eyes away, he made himself meet Hakyeon's gaze.
"What are you doing up at this hour?" he asked softly.
"I couldn't sleep," Hakyeon answered shortly, leaning against the counter next to Taekwoon. "But I suppose I could ask you the same question."
Taekwoon shrugged. He let a few moments of silence pass before answering, "I'm always up at this time. It's my only chance to get some quiet time away from the annoying members." He didn't know why he was suddenly being so open. Now he had given Hakyeon ammo for his teasing.
"Am I an annoying member?" Hakyeon teased, as expected. Out of the corner of Taekwoon's eye, he saw Hakyeon's smirk as he leaned into Taekwoon's shoulder. His breath hitched, but it couldn't have been because of Hakyeon's stupid smile or the sudden contact. It must have been the sudden chill in the air. It was winter, after all.
Taekwoon absentmindedly lifted the bottle of banana milk to his mouth and took a sip from the straw. Hakyeon's face widened into a grin and Taekwoon pulled the bottle away quickly, suddenly aware of what he'd done. He pushed the bottle into Hakyeon's hands.
"Still disgusting," he said flatly, turning on his heel and leaving his leader alone in the kitchen.
***
Taekwoon was alone in his workroom. At least, that's what he'd thought.
"That was beautiful, Taekwoon hyung," came Hongbin's voice as Taekwoon finished playing the melody that he had been composing on his keyboard.
"I thought I told you to knock," Taekwoon muttered, but he couldn't find it in himself to be angry at Hongbin. Hongbin ignored the statement and sat down on the swivel chair next to Taekwoon.
"You've been extra distant lately." Hongbin wasted no time in getting right to the point. Sometimes Taekwoon envied the way that Hongbin was able to express his emotions so easily. Other times, he pitied the fact that nothing stayed hidden.
"I wish you'd tell me what's wrong. I want to help you. You know how much I love you, hyung." Taekwoon sighed at Hongbin's honest words. He considered asking Hongbin to leave him alone and let him compose in peace, but he was still feeling guilty from brushing his friend off three nights prior. He then decided to be truthful.
"Honestly, I wish I understood." Taekwoon's voice was barely above a whisper as he finally admitted the truth. "Something about the whole Hakyeon thing has been bothering me. Ever since you said that...thing...I don't know, I just can't look at him the same way. It's not that I'm opposed to...that. It's just...I don't know. Something's bothering me and I wish I knew what it was." Taekwoon felt a rush of shame as he openly expressed how he was feeling. He had surprised himself with his honesty, but if anyone would be understanding and take him seriously, it would be Hongbin.
When Taekwoon finally looked up, Hongbin's eyes were wide. Taekwoon narrowed his eyes in confusion.
"Oh my god, it all makes sense now..." Hongbin placed a hand over his open mouth. "You like Hakyeon hyung!" Taekwoon felt the twinge in his chest again, but this time it was a full blown pang. He shook his head violently, nearly laughing at Hongbin's words.
"That's absolutely ridiculous. Why would I ever...like...him?" As ridiculous as it seemed, it was also ridiculously difficult to get those words out. Hongbin gave a knowing smile, dimples deepening as the smile grew. Taekwoon hated that smug look- it was the same one that Hakyeon had worn the morning he'd found him with banana milk. Thinking about Hakyeon's smile made Taekwoon's heart race again. He buried his face in his hands, feeling like a stupid schoolgirl.
"It's okay, you know," Hongbin said gently.
"Are you crazy?" Taekwoon retorted through his fingers. He felt his cheeks burning. Maybe he did like him. It certainly would explain the dumb twinge in his chest and his unexplainable jealousy towards Seo Inguk and...oh. The banana milk incident. Taekwoon never really tried to pick apart his emotions. He must have had crushes in the past, but he was so used to repressing everything. It never occurred to him that he could possibly like another boy, but it made sense. He was half grateful towards Hongbin and half furious at him for bringing about this sudden self-awareness.
Taekwoon finally lifted his head and made eye contact with Hongbin, resigning himself to the truth.
"Don't you dare say anything to anyone."
***
"Come on, Taekwoonie hyung! Drama sets are fun, you'll really be missing out," Sanghyuk pestered Taekwoon in an ill-fated attempt at convincing his hyung to join the group's trip. The last person Taekwoon wanted to visit at the moment was Seo Inguk, but he wasn't about to explain why. Instead, he pried the maknae's hands from his arm, saying, "There's too many people. I'm staying home." Taekwoon turned and flopped down on the couch, taking out his phone and putting in his earphones, giving the maknae no chance to argue any further.
With an exasperated sigh, Sanghyuk grabbed his coat and joined the other members at the door. Taekwoon could hear the members saying goodbye to him, but he was already turning up the volume on his music, so he chose not to answer. Instead, his ears were filled with the sound of Busker Busker's Cherry Blossom Ending.
About a minute into the song, Taekwoon felt the couch cave beside him. A hand reached out in front of his face and plucked one side of the earphones out of his left ear. Startled, Taekwoon turned his head to the right to find Hakyeon putting the earphone into his own ear.
"I just wanted to know what you were listening to," he said unapologetically. The twinge in Taekwoon's chest returned, and he could think of a thousand ways to scold or threaten his leader for startling him and ruining his song. Instead, he decided to ask, "Don't you want to see Inguk sunbaenim?" Hakyeon waved away the question.
"I can see him any time," he said dismissively, bobbing his head to the music.
"Why are you here?" Taekwoon knew he sounded rude, but he couldn't remove the monotony from his own voice. Hakyeon shrugged.
"Just checking up on you, I guess." Taekwoon didn't know what to say to that, so he blurted out the first thing that came to mind.
"Hongbin thinks you like Inguk sunbaenim."
He didn't know why he said it. Hakyeon was making him nervous and he couldn't stand the unbothered way that he had been answering his questions. If he was trying to make Hakyeon flustered, he had succeeded.
"I...when did he say that?" Hakyeon slowly took the earphone out. Part of Taekwoon felt bad for saying it, but the satisfaction of making Hakyeon suddenly flustered far outweighed the guilt.
"The other day, when you went out to get banana milk," Taekwoon murmured, also taking the earphone out of his own ear. Hakyeon cleared his throat.
"Well, is it true?" Taekwoon couldn't believe his own boldness, but it was too late to take back his question. He wanted to know the answer, anyway, and Hakyeon wasn't one to hide the truth.
"I...well...yes, I guess." Hakyeon laughed uncomfortably and Taekwoon felt a strong pang of jealousy. "I guess I've sort of had a crush on him since we were in that musical together...but it's not like I've expected it to go anywhere. Why do you want to know so bad?" Hakyeon's defensiveness caught Taekwoon off guard. He had no response for that. He stared at Hakyeon, half wishing he could tell him the reason why. Hakyeon met his gaze right back and it was all Taekwoon could do to not look away. His cheeks burned and he involuntarily lifted his hands to his face to cool it down. Hakyeon raised an eyebrow. Taekwoon's heart jumped- he knew how observant his leader was. Hakyeon picked up on everything.
Taekwoon desperately searched for a witty response, but nothing came to mind. He dropped his hands onto his lap, keeping his gaze fixed on Hakyeon, his heart racing.
Realization suddenly filled Hakyeon's eyes. He lifted a cautious hand towards Taekwoon, cupping his cheek gently. Taekwoon's heart threatened to leap out of his chest and his breathing quickened, but he didn't stop him. Hakyeon took this as a sign to continue. He slowly pulled Taekwoon's face closer to him, his other hand resting on Taekwoon's waist. Taekwoon tensed at the contact, all instincts screaming to push Hakyeon away, but he didn't move. Pulling Taekwoon ever closer, Hakyeon pressed his lips gently to Taekwoon's lips. The twinge in Taekwoon's chest was stronger than it had ever been. Taekwoon breathed in Hakyeon's scent, hesitating for a moment, before slowly giving in. He brought his hands to Hakyeon's waist and pulled him gently closer, kissing him back. He felt Hakyeon smile into the kiss, and that made Taekwoon's heart soar. He reveled in the soft plumpness of Hakyeon's lips, and allowed himself to taste the fine layer of lip balm.
Hakyeon pulled away first and Taekwoon let out a small whine at the sudden absence of contact. Their hands hadn't moved, but Hakyeon couldn't be stopped when he wanted to say something.
"You always surprise me, Taekwoonie," he said, grinning. "And to think, all this time..."
"No more talking," Taekwoon interrupted, tangling a hand in Hakyeon's hair and pulling him in for another kiss. The twinge in his chest was going full force, but this time, he wouldn't shy away from it.