Work Text:
If there was another thing that brought people together besides similar interests, love or whatever, the other had to be hatred. Hange Zoë thought, as they sat with their squad that they’d been with for as long as they could count, staring attentively at the words that might fall from the mouths of the so-called “World Peace” envoys. That made them lose their ease. But for what reason?
It was clear as day, and perhaps there was no hope—just blurred visions of interventions that came into Hange’s head.
“We must wage war against the devils of Paradis Island! Those filthy Eldians are the root of all fear in this world!” an envoy preached. Some cheered, some clapped, some cried, and some did all those three at once. Hange and their squad turned their heads around. It seemed that every one in that conference agreed to such bonkers.
Hange—the 14th Commander of the Survey Corps—tried to look as unfazed as possible. They had to be cool-headed despite the worried looks on their comrades’ faces. As their leader, they need to pave a path for the future.
They slowly looked at their squad—the people they loved, the soldiers they devoted their heart to. It got them thinking, “Would they survive this upcoming war?”
The feeling that gradually felt like it was choking the commander started to swell.
One. They turned their head towards Jean Kirstein who sat behind them. He already gave a depressing look, leaning his body towards his knees, elbows bent on them while intertwining both of his hands’ fingers, hiding his eyes as he offered a deep sigh. Did that take a toll on Hange? They were unsure if they felt their fingers twitching on top of the chair’s right arm.
Two. They caught Sasha Blause and Connie Springer crying like whining children who didn't get the toy they wanted their parents to buy for them. Those weren't tears of happiness; they were cries of despair, blending in with the people who actually supported the damn idea of waging war against the home they all loved. Hange’s eye started to warm up.
Three. Eren Yeager and Mikasa Ackerman disappeared from Marley’s International Conference. This looked bad. Very bad. To Hange, it affirmed that Eren’s disappearance likely has something to do with the future. Their team swiftly ran out of the room to find both of their comrades. The commander noticed that they had already left.
They left, they thought. This time, their right hand clenched at the chair’s arm. The features of their face started to frown. Their chest painfully tightened as wet crystals almost started falling from their right eye.
“Oi.” A voice beside them passed through both their ears. Levi Ackerman—the commander’s right-hand man. Their partner-in-crime. Their best friend. They had forgotten that he always sat to their left.
“Oh, Levi. I thought you left with the kids. I didn't see you there,” Hange said as they lowered their head to slightly wipe the almost falling tear on their eye.
In a pissed voice, Levi replied, “Tch. You look constipated.”
“Ah, right,” Hange said worriedly, “Sorry Levi, I didn't mean it.” The commander talked as if it was something only both they and the captain knew.
“Shut up Four-Eyes, you're literally blind.” He said.
“Pfft. I'm not completely blind,” Hange snorted, feeling a bit better as they finally noticed that he was still at their side while the remaining kids of the 104th Cadets looked for Eren and Mikasa—two troubled adulting teenagers.
Hange continued, “It seems like all the possibilities I tried to deduce—it really had to be this one.”
Silence began to consume them as the people inside the massive conference room gradually left, little by little, until it was just the two of them inside.
After a five minute conversation of saying nothing, Levi decided to initiate between them. “Let's get moving. Sulking here won't do anything, Hange,” he said in a firm, but soft voice. He stood up, fixed his formal coat, and put his hat back up on his head. He looked presentable—enough to catch Hange’s attention as they reminisced about him doing that once before.
“May I say, that dark blue coat really does suit you, Captain Levi!” they said excitedly as they got up from their chair.
He didn't reply, but to the commander, his silence meant he was embarrassed from a compliment like that. And so they walked out of “Marley’s International Conference for World Peace” to go look for their squad.
They arrived at Marley's prominent and biggest port. It was filled with large ships that came in and out of the country. Other than that, it was a place filled with different kinds of people—men, women, and children. But they never got used to seeing people of a variety of races. It still fascinated them, especially Hange Zoë.
“Levi, don't you think it’s amazing to see the foreign lands?” they said with sparkling eyes, while staring at him.
They continued to ramble about things like how they were the foreign people in Marley, how different races were created, and how humanity was able to reach a point where it united in civilization and progress. They talked and talked in the middle of the busy crowd as Levi shifted his eyes from left to right, trying not to care about one of Hange’s bad habits. He would've told them to keep quiet, but he preferred seeing them that way instead of looking so depressed all the time. While they were spitting out words non-stop, Levi continuously looked for the Survey Corps in the crowd.
“Four-Eyes, you can stop your rambling,” Levi said coldly.
“Awe Levi! You never find my rambling amusing don't you?” they said disappointedly.
“Stop getting carried away Hange, they're over there,” he added.
They noticed Jean, Connie, Sasha, Armin, Mikasa, and Onyankopon—but there was no Eren Yeager in sight. The commander and captain briskly walked toward them to ask for information. Everyone looked down, especially Mikasa. She always had a time when her eyes looked dead when her loved ones were greatly affected, and this circumstance is one of them. No one could even look at the commander nor the captain’s eyes.
Despite the answer being obvious, Levi still asked. “Oi, brat.” He said as he looked at Armin. “Where's that lost-cause of a friend of yours?”
Armin looked hesitant to answer. In his head he still denied it, thinking that this was all probably a dream. That his best friend left them for go–
“Eren left. We looked all over the place. No one could find him. He's gone.” Mikasa responded stoically, as Armin snapped back to reality.
He thought: Eren really is gone. But why?
Jean scoffed, “Ugh. That dumbass left with no explanation at all,” he said, as he kicked the ground with nothing on it. Just the sound of friction between the soles of his shoes and the road, while dust scattered out into the air.
The sun began to set, and the sky held hues of purple abyss, pink cotton candy, light blue waters, and tanned-oranges—layered unevenly atop one another. It was a hazy and uneven mixture. The vastness was just too much for the eyes to handle. To look for something that could get up on each color was impossible. The sky has no stairs, and no certainty. It will never line up accordingly. Just like how Hange and her beloved soldiers might lose their life to the future’s ambiguity.
________
It was time to head home—back to Paradis Island. The Survey Corps couldn't waste any more time. In a few years they could get attacked. Without a plan, what were they for? They were the scouts. They don't know when to stop. And they won't stop even if they had to die trying to find answers in a world full of the unknown.
Onyankopon had just given each of the members of the Survey Corps their ferry ticket back home. In unison, they walked in a straight line to get inside the ferry through a movable and narrow staircase entrance. No passenger was allowed to walk through the area of parked vehicles. Everyone else was ahead, while Hange was at the back of the line. No one else was following them. They were the last passenger, carrying the weight of the future on their shoulders. The narrow staircase was several meters away from the waves of the water. Like any normal human being, they had intrusive thoughts too.
“Hm, what if I jump out of here?” they playfully thought. The silence of the commander’s thoughts took place.
“Will I finally get that freedom I've always wanted?”
Suddenly, their world turned pitch black and a smoke of souls started to surround them. It was Erwin—their dear old friend. Moblit—their dearest assistant whom they cherished deeply. There were also Miche, Nanaba, Nifa…you name it. It was the souls of their dead comrades. They all stared at them, and Hange knew. They needed them. The Survey Corps needed them. Paradis needed them. And heck! Maybe even the whole world needed them.
“Are you going to jump or not?” a passenger behind them said in a slow and cold voice. “Lady, you're not the only one who's going to board the ferry y’know. Other people are already lining up behind us, and this staircase is as slim as a toothpick," the passenger added.
Hange snapped back to reality, offended by the remark the old hag made in front of them. They had enough of their patience being tested for one day. Thus, they moved quickly out of the stairs.
If they had the energy to take out their anger on an old woman, they would have folded the narrow staircase with their raw strength and let that hag flip in the air and drown into the deep waters, they thought intrusively.
“Tsk. She could have asked nicely,” Hange thought, as they swiftly walked into their assigned room on the ferry.
“Oi, Hange. What happened? We looked all over for you. I thought your dumb ass got lost in this huge pile of steel.” Levi said knowingly, as he gradually went closer to them after appearing so suddenly. Perhaps Levi Ackerman had mind reading powers…or is it because he is the only one who knows what truly goes into his commander’s head.
“Where's everyone else?” Hange asked.
Levi responded. “I told them to rest. The journey to Paradis is several hours away. They were all pretty fucked up today.”
“Well isn't that sweet of you Levi?” they said as they chuckled. They noticed the plastic bag he was holding, and proceeded to ask him what was inside it.
“Oh, this? It's tea. I figured you might need it.” Levi answered.
At first Hange was shocked. But they also found out that he was kinda eager to try it out already.
With that, they laughed hysterically, as they said with so much effort, almost running out of breath.
“L-Levi, s-stop being so r-ridiculous. We both know you wanted that for yourself!” Hange was badly tweaking as they knew what he was trying to do, but still awkwardly failed at doing so.
Embarrassed, he continued “Shut it Titan-Freak, are you going to try it out with me or not?!”
Slowly catching the rhythm of their breathing, they replied in a relieved manner. “Yes, yes. I will.”
Hange and Levi were really close despite looking like they would be at each others' asses all the time. Despite being so opposite, their relationship was built over the years of working together, and eventually they were each others’ safe space. They were each others’ emotional support. They had no one else besides each other. And when one of them starts breaking, without a second thought, they would be there for one another. This time, Levi knew Hange needed his presence, and he'll be there for it no matter how long they would crumble in front of him.
With their room key, they opened their room and switched the lights on. It was pretty huge for a room in a ferry. Perhaps Onyankopon wanted them to have a good night's sleep after discovering what they had found out back in the Marley Conference.
“Hm, how sweet of him.” Levi said, as both him and Hange stepped in the room.
It really was massive, more than two people could fit inside it. The children could hang out in the room if they wanted to.
The bed was probably king-sized, with a big white couch a few meters in front of it. The TV was big too.
At the lower left corner, there was a desk by the big window. The night stars and deep sea were visible from their point of view. There was also a cabinet clinging to the right wall, a few inches away from the bed.
What caught Levi’s attention was the mini area beside the cabinet. It was separated with marble tiles on it. It was where tea-cups, teaspoons, and a water boiling device resided. Beneath it was also a mini refrigerator, good for storing water and sweets.
Without a second thought, he started making tea for both him and Hange.
“So are you going to answer my question?” Levi asked stoically.
Hange grunted as they sat by the table with the big window. “Mhfm, an old woman insulted me. I was having a moment and I didn't realize I was blocking the way of the passengers back there at the entrance.” They pouted.
“What kind of moment were you having, Four-Eyes?” This time Levi asked softly. He seemed worried.
“Oh, y’know.” They said light-heartedly, but deep inside they knew.
He knew.
The sound of boiling hot water took over the room. Levi didn't ask any further questions. Instead, he brought the tea he made for his commander, holding the whole top of the tea-cup instead of its handle. He really had an odd way of holding his cups, and it's a habit he's had ever since.
Levi placed the cup of tea on Hange's table. Beside him was an emotionally constipated commander. Recently, that was something both him and them have in common. Ever since they were given the title of 14th Commander of the Survey Corps, they hardly ever smiled, unless faced with scientific inventions Yelena and Onyankopon would often show them.
“Hey Four-Eyes.” A hint of sadness and restraint came from Captain Levi’s voice.
“Hm?” Hange replied in an ambiguous tone.
“You know that when I see you like this it also makes me feel shit.” He added.
Hange’s lip curled. It’s as if they wanted to start spilling everything out. Their whole body tightened too, starting from every nerve until it reached their chest. An emotional pain that could leave anyone ugly crying. Holding back as much as they could, they gritted their teeth and left a huge sigh that the captain heard.
“Levi, I-”
They tried to talk but he stopped them. At last, his hand on their head finally brought them to tears. He gently patted the head of their commander. Hange lowered themselves and clenched both of their hands that was resting on each thigh, while tears simultaneously fell from their eyes. From Levi’s point of view, Hange looked like a beaten-up kid who had a difficult time explaining what happened to their mother.
“Four-Eyes, you're way terrible at being constipated than me. Why are you even doing it in the first place? That's not very like you.” He said.
Levi was right, that wasn't like Hange. If anything, it was always them who could easily say what they feel, while it took longer for the captain. It's just that once Erwin was gone, there was no room for oneself, no room for excuses, and no room for this exact moment. There was hardly anytime for the commander to break down like this.
Hange continued their emotional outburst, as he slowly wiped the crystals away from their eyes. They also sniffled as he did this, looking at the comforting eyes he would always give them. He took care of them like no other.
He bent on his knees and continued to say, “Look at me Four-Eyes. I’m here to carry that burden with you. So don't go shutting yourself away from us, away from me.” Those were the only words that Levi uttered, but to Hange it meant a lot.
Their last set of tears dropped, and wiped them on their own. Levi stood up to sit by the bed, making sure he faced them.
“Thank you, Levi.” They finally spoke, along with a soft grin they gave to him.
Levi knew they were starting to feel composed. This was a sign that they were ready to talk, and that he’d give his full attention to them the whole evening, and until they’d be ready to fall asleep.
________
To the commander, they feel challenged and incompetent, but with Levi, they'd share this whole. To the captain, he won't let them lose themselves, and so he’d bear it with them—the responsibility, and the sins from before and the future. As the ferry treads back to Paradis Island, what remains in the commander's room is the comfort of their captain’s hand, the smell of tea, and his presence. It might as well be gone once they arrive, as what's waiting beyond them is a handful of meetings, paperwork, training, and their nation’s progress. Despite everything, this is a crucial moment for the last two veterans standing in the Survey Corps whose hearts beat for their soldiers, the past, their motherland, and for one another.