Chapter Text
If you had told Bakugou Katsuki at the start of his first year that he was going to be friends, actually friends, with Monoma Neito, he probably would’ve asked you who the fuck you were talking about.
Once you explained who the fuck you were talking about, he probably would’ve told you to go to hell.
And really, even now Katsuki couldn’t believe it sometimes, because he was so goddamn irritating.
But unfortunately he could admit that they did have certain similarities. He could admit that their egos were in similar places, and took similar beatings through their time at UA, and especially during the war, when Katsuki had died and Monoma had been completely helpless, but horribly vital.
And really the guy was kinda funny when he wasn’t screaming. they’d gotten into the bad habit of using the same nicknames for people, (Kirishima almost broke his neck turning around when Monoma called him “shitty hair” for the first time) and exchanging information.
Monoma called it gossip, Katsuki would rather die than admit he was invested. It wasn’t his fault other people’s business was so goddamn compelling, because what do you mean a second year broke up with his boyfriend in the middle of the cafeteria the one time Katsuki skipped lunch? He was just keeping up to date on other potential heroes.
Of course, Monoma didn’t share with just anyone, he needed something in exchange. And thankfully Katsuki’s own collection of, cough, information, was nothing to sneeze at.
Monoma absolutely flipped when he found out Deku told Katsuki about one for all before anyone, even his mom, and Katsuki found himself oddly proud of the fact.
He, in turn, flipped his shit when he found out Shindo from Shiketsu actually had a girlfriend. (Because what the fuck was he flirting with Izuku for then?) It was a symbiotic relationship, having absolutely nothing to do with being friends in anyway.
And now that Monoma had flipped his universe on it’s head, any chance they had of becoming friends before had flown out the window.
It happened in the cafeteria, where he was sitting at his usual table with Monoma, shitty hair and the rest of his extras. (Not including Izuku, who was apparently having lunch with AllMight and didn’t tell Katsuki till like ten minutes ago. Which was fine, and did not piss him off at all because the nerd could do whatever he fucking wanted and it would not affect Katsuki in the slightest.)
Katsuki hunched over his lunch, eating with one hand and scowling at his text thread with Izuku, scrolling up and down like he could will the boy to suddenly change his mind and text that he would “be right there!” with way too many emoticons.
Monoma was currently sitting next to him gloating about his recent win against Kaminari during interclass training, talking about how much smarter he was, how he had better quirk control, the usual bull.
Then he said something that caught Katsuki’s interest. “We’re growing stronger everyday! One day even the great boy savior Deku won’t stand a chance against our might!”
Katsuki slammed his phone down on the table and scowled at Monoma, “in your most delusional dreams, copycat. It doesn’t matter how strong you are, or how many of you there are, Deku would kill you.”
Monoma turned to roll his eyes at him, “finally paying attention, Bakugo? Aren’t you too busy missing your boyfriend to speak to us lower class men?” God, but Monoma knew how to piss him off. Katsuki had gotten better at managing that anger though.
“Fuck you, and fuck off. I don’t need you slandering the nerd’s name while he’s not even here to defend himself.” He was about to leave it at that, and go back to missing his platonic friend, when Monoma continued.
Is it slander if I know for a fact that I could pull it off? I do know his weakness after all.”
“Oh this I gotta hear. Go ahead, counterfeit quirk. What’s Deku’s fatal flaw?”
Obviously Katsuki knew all of Izuku’s weaknesses. They’d been fighting so long, together and against each other, that Katsuki had catalogued his every move in his head, could identify one based on the twitching of a finger. It would be funny to see what Monoma thought he could possibly have noticed that Katsuki didn’t.
What a fucking laugh, somebody knowing a Deku secret before him.
Why, his darling Kacchan, of course.”
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch. It just kept reverberating inside his chest, the words and their poisonous hopeful meaning aching all the more each time they managed to latch onto his skin and seep inside him.
This was always happening, somebody misinterpreting their relationship as something more, and reminding Katsuki that he’d only ever be this close to that reality.
He’d usually just grumble about them being friends or something then promptly exit the conversation. But something about the phrasing, about calling him a weakness of Izuku’s, it poked at a weak possessive spot in his heart, and he bruised easily there.
A weakness. Wasn’t that how Shigaraki had viewed it? The closest person to Izuku Midoriya. But not as close as he’d like.
God, he was greedy.
“Fuck off.” He muttered halfheartedly, returning to his lunch. He didn’t even have the energy to try for something really clever to say, he just felt sort of…sullen.
Monoma frowned, “I’m serious! Well, mostly serious.” “Why the fuck would you say that? Are you mocking me, huh?” Katsuki tried to sound more offended this time but his words still felt hollow.
Monoma paused, for half a second he looked thoughtful, then confused, then shocked, before he went right back to smug. “Am I to assume that you’ve never heard of the blackwhip incident?”
“Of course I have.” Katsuki grunted. Deku told him all about that shit, randomly gaining a new quirk in class had him totally freaked and then fucking round face calmed him down with the awful power of heterosexuality. Obviously.
Katsuki almost missed the looks that Kiri, Mina and Jirou exchanged. But he didn’t. “What was that?” He demanded, his old ire returning full force at the hint of a secret in front of him.
“Nothing.” Shitty hair said too quickly, making the girls shake their heads in disappointment at his suspicious behavior. “Don’t fucking lie to me, assholes! What the fuck-“
Monoma waved away his words with a grin, “in due time, I want to savor this. Well, my dearest darlingest Bakugo, I have a wonderful memory to share with you. One bright day, as me and the rest of the auspicious members of class 2B-1B at the time-were making our ways to the training grounds to demolish you all,-“
“oh my fucking god. How long is this story? Just tell me what-“ he had to stop and swallow back a bitter feeling. “What Deku’s keeping from me.”
And what everyone else apparently already knew.
Monoma smiled, “when Midoriya unlocked Blackwhip, what did he tell you happened?” “Just that he got a new quirk suddenly and wigged out on everyone.” “Quirks, at least ones developed later in life, are often times discovered in a moment of extreme distress.”
“…so you’re saying he was losing it before the quirk showed up.” “Precisely. Would you like to guess why?” Now Katsuki was really losing his patience.
“I don’t fucking know, he said he didn’t notice anything that might have triggered it, he said that…” he faltered, looking back at his stupid friends. If they were to be believed, then Izuku lied. Lied right to his fucking face without flinching.
How many other times had he done so, then?
“What if I told you that the reason Midoriya was under so much stress was because I was criticizing you? Because I said it was your fault AllMight had to retire, and that made him so angry he awakened a new quirk because of it?”
Katsuki took a deep breath, “you’re lying.” He decided instantly. It was easiest, of course, if he just didn’t let himself process what Monoma said as a possibility then he would never experience the disappointment of finding out he was just fucking with him.
“He’s not.” Kirishima spoke up finally, serious and smiling nervously. “Really, dude.”
Well shit. Monoma could be a shit-faced liar, but Kirishima he really relied on, always trusted to be straight with him. It was why he was his best friend.
But again, this wasn’t something Katsuki could let himself process. Besides, Deku was completely incapable of lying to Katsuki, he’d never been able to keep anything from him.
Why would he lie about it in the first place?
Katsuki tried to smother the pathetic spark of hope in his chest. He’d been through this before, the little gentle affectionate things between them that made him think that maybe, just maybe.
But then Izuku would dismiss it like it was nothing, or break away from him, leaving Katsuki nursing his reopened wounds.
But this was not a gentle affectionate moment, like cuddling on the couch or whispering jokes to each other under the cover of moonlight.
This was.
“He really didn’t tell you? How suspicious! Could it actually be he was embarrassed of his outburst? Maybe of acting so personally offended over an insult not even directed at him. Or maybe for leaping to defend you, literally and violently. I don’t know what he would’ve done if his quirk awakening hadn’t distracted him. Not that I was, ahem, scared or anything.”
“That’s not the only time.” Jirou added, “I wasn’t awake for this, but Tokoyami told me that during the training camp when you were…taken, that Midoriya actually dropped to his knees and screamed.”
“Oh yeah!” Kirishima agreed, “it like, shook the whole forest. I thought it was an animal or something.” Mina nodded vigorously, “totally! Super scary.”
Katsuki felt like his brain was broken. Maybe he needed to go back to the hospital or something, or maybe he’d never left. Surely this had to be an elaborate coma dream.
Monoma drifted into his dazed eyeline, smirking. “so Midoriya has a protective streak. How interesting.”
Katsuki shook himself, pulling out of the stupor he’d been falling into. “Shut the fuck up, all of you.” He grumbled, standing up. “Deku would protect anyone. For any reason. Doesn’t have shit to do with…” he didn’t know how to finish that sentence so he didn’t. He turned around sharply, deposited the rest of his lunch in the garbage and headed for the gym.
He thought about it on his way to the dorm to snag his gym bag, what the end of that sentence could possibly be. He also cursed himself for leaving it open like that, for any of the idiots to infer whatever they wanted. And god, would they infer.
It was as he was making his way down the stairs with his bag slung over his shoulder that he ran into the absolute last person he wanted to see at that moment.
Izuku was marching up the steps in the opposite direction when they collided. It was more like an accidental bump of the shoulders than an actual collision, but it still startled Katsuki enough to pull him out of his head and into the unfortunate present.
“Sorry, Kacchan!” Izuku smiled, his big dumb green eyes as sparkly and over eager as ever. Katsuki could feel butterflies swarming in his stomach the second Izuku acknowledged him, and he swallowed hard.
“Whatever, Zuku.”
“Are you going to the gym?” “No, I’m carrying this around for shits and giggles.” “Can I come?” “Do whatever you want, loser.” “Well I want to come to the gym with you, is that okay?”
Ugh. This was a new thing Izuku did sometimes, where if he felt like Katsuki was in an okay mood, he’d refuse to take his blasé response as an answer and press until he said something damning, like that he wanted him around.
Katsuki was not in an okay mood, but he wasn’t in a particularly angry one either. He gave in. “Yeah, that’s okay. Get your stuff.”
Izuku smiled and turned to continue up the stairs.
Katsuki slumped against the wall and cursed himself for being born. Being near Izuku was the last thing he needed while he was trying to figure out how he felt about said boy.
Well technically he knew exactly how he felt himself, it was in light of recent discoveries that he found himself wondering how Izuku felt.
Which was not something he was used to. For years he’d had trouble figuring out what Deku was thinking, but he’d never once had a problem figuring out how he felt. He wore his heart on his sleeve, always.
Now Katsuki was questioning if that was ever really true. How much did he actually know about Izuku Midoriya’s feelings? About his heart?
“Hey.” He glanced up, and caught sight of Jirou, standing at the bottom of the stairs. He scowled, hoping whatever expression he’d had on a second ago wasn’t full of longing. “What.”
“You kinda wigged out on us. Any particular reason?” “You know the goddamn reason.” “Yeah, but Monoma and everyone tease you about that all the time. You’ve never reacted like that.” “Fuck off, okay? It just went farther than I wanted. Had to shut that shit down.”
Jirou raised an eyebrow, twirling an earlobe around her finger. “I’m no expert, but it seemed like the reason you ran off was the implication that Midoriya might actually like you back.” Katsuki glowered. He didn’t deny it. How could he?
“Wanna talk about that?” “Of course I fucking don’t.” “Okay, will you talk about that?” He rolled his eyes, looking away. He and Jirou had this tough love thing going on, where they always snapped the other one out of their self-deprecating thoughts. Normally it was helpful.
Right now, he wanted nothing more than to be a million miles away from the perceptive words of his friend. “Why don’t you think Midoriya will like you back?” She pressed.
“He’s fucking straight.” He tried. She laughed. “No. What else?” “I’m a dick.” “He doesn’t seem to mind. Neither does the rest of the class, or Monoma, or Best Jeanist, or your parents. A lot of people like you, Midoriya included.”
He froze. “shut up.” “Dude, I’m just trying to understand-“ “listen!” Jirou went quiet, eyes widening slightly as she registered the sound of Deku scrambling down the stairs with his own bag.
“Ready, Kacchan! Sorry it took a minute, I couldn’t find my arm brace. Hi, Jirou!” “Hey, Midoriya.” Ears smiled at Deku, then shot Katsuki a weird look. “See you later, guys.” And headed for her room.
“What were you guys talking about?” Izuku asked, bumping their shoulders together. “None of your damn business.” Katsuki answered, sharper than he intended.
Deku frowned slightly, but didn’t comment.
Goddamnit.
“…sorry.” He mumbled, refusing to look back at Izuku as he waited for the acceptance he knew was coming. “It’s okay, Kacchan.” He said it softly, Katsuki could barely have heard if he wasn’t looking for it. For some odd reason, it sent a shiver down his spine.
Surely they had to be fucking with him, right? He could picture Deku crashing the fuck out, but not over him. When it came to him, Izuku was all gooey sweetness and playful challenges.
But then again…
He pictured Izuku twisting around to scream his name as he plummeted to the ground, bleeding freely, so much anger and fear in his voice it almost didn’t sound human,
He pictured tiny, quirkiness Deku still in his school uniform running to save him, tears and snot streaming down his face, but a look of determination so strong it scared him,
He pictured a chubby faced little boy with green fluffy hair wading into the water to hold a hand out, worry and conviction in his face, in his heart, in his bones.
He’d thought that he and Izuku were done misunderstanding each other. But maybe there was something…something he’d totally missed about their relationship.
Deku was actually crazy about him.
His shoulders hiked up around his ears as the thought formed, then processed. A blush broke out on his face, embarrassed but also entirely confused.
They made their way inside the gym, and to the locker room. Katsuki pretended not to notice as Izuku chose to set up in the locker right next to him, even though there was ample space.
Deku rambled cheerfully about nothing in particular, and Katsuki satisfied his need for eternal conversation with a few well placed grunts of acknowledgment.
The gym was pretty empty except them, and that meant Katsuki couldn’t ignore the proximity. His newfound realization made it difficult to just coexist with Izuku like he was used to.
He found it hard to look away while Izuku lifted, his arms flexing under the brace. You would expect it to be easier to ignore since his arm was covered, but strangely the black fabric just seemed to accentuate the strong lines of his body.
Fucking hell.
His face broke out in a humiliating red when Izuku drank from his water bottle without asking, which they did all the time, shit, Katsuki had started it, but for some reason right then it was embarrassing just to think about.
He actually stuttered mid-sentence when Izuku lifted his shirt to wipe his face, and then of course Izuku had to laugh at him for messing up which prompted Katsuki to scream at him for wiping his sweat with his clothes instead of a towel like an animal.
Damn it all to hell. He couldn’t go on like this. He couldn’t even start avoiding Izuku, Deku would notice. Their friends would notice. His nervous system would notice. It just wasn’t an option.
He took the first excuse he found to leave, which just so happened to be a volley of texts from Kaminari and Kirishima asking if he wanted to “hang” and “maybe talk about it but no pressure”.
He showered as quickly as he could and booked it out of there, trying to ignore the way his muscles tensed when he heard Izuku calling his goodbye.
He seriously couldn’t live like this. He had already accepted a while ago that he and Izuku were never on the table, and he had to suck it up. And he had.
He had ignored every stray thought, every moronic urge, had never given into the temptation of just seeing how he’d react if he flirted the smallest bit, because it was too fucking risky.
He slammed Sero’s door behind him and dropped onto the ground beside his bed. “Hello to you too.” Kaminari said from the beanbag in the corner.
Katsuki flipped him off and leaned his head back against the mattress. Kirishima scooted closer to him for some reason. “Hey, you good, man?”
“I’m fucking great.” “Your hair is still wet.” Sero complained, “get it off my mattress.” Katsuki flipped him off and shook out his hair like a dog, flicking droplets everywhere. “Dude!” Sero groaned, Kirishima laughed.
Katsuki allowed himself the smallest smile. Then he thought that Deku would have thought that was really funny and his good mood turned into something tangled up in his chest, squeezing around his weak heart.
Kaminari leaned forward and pulled open Sero’s snack drawer, “you guys wanna play some smash bros or what!” “Sure, man.” Kirishima agreed, still looking at Katsuki in that weird concerned way.
“Nice! Sero, why the fuck do you only have baked chips in here?!”
-
The hangout helped. Katsuki and his losers did virtual battle until the sun went down. Katsuki was as loud and combative as ever, gloating and cackling every time he won, cursing and yelling when he lost.
Still, he couldn’t stop thinking about it. There was just no way Izuku thought of him like that. But he seriously didn’t know why he’d act that way if he didn’t. Their relationship had been so fucked before, now he wasn’t sure what to make of this. Was it just another side effect of the jealousy and competition? Or did it actually mean something good?
He couldn’t deny there was a tiny part of him that liked the idea of being Izuku’s special person, the only one who could trigger that feral reaction. He was kind of worried about what that said for his mental health.
When he finished up his last match with Sero around eight, he said his good nights and headed for bed.
He just couldn’t figure it out. And he still had no idea why the hell Izuku would lie about it.
In the hallway just outside his bedroom, he ran into the man himself.
Izuku was leaving round face’s room, the both of them smiling and laughing about something like they were having the time of their lives. Katsuki couldn’t help but want to roll his eyes.
Only he was stupid enough to fall in love with a guy this straight.
He was too slow to get to his room before Izuku noticed him, his eyes lighting up like he was just handed a case of free AllMight merch. “Kacchan!”
Huh.
“Hey, Izu.” Ururaka smiled as she looked between the two of them, “see you later, Deku. Let me know how it goes.” “Oh yeah, bye.” Izuku laughed, fidgeting with the end of his shirt.
Hmm.
The second Ururaka’s door was closed, a determined expression came over Izuku’s face. “So, Kacchan! I wanted to ask you something.” “Yeah, what?” “Uh, do you want to…can we…do you want to go…” he closed his eyes and his shoulders slumped ever so slightly like he was admitting defeat. “and get some groceries with me tomorrow?”
Interesting.
“Yeah, sure, whatever.” “Okay, cool.” Izuku wouldn’t make eye contact, staring down at his feet like he was disappointed by something. Katsuki couldn’t believe he was about to do this.
As he passed by Izuku on his way to his room, he leaned down to speak in his ear, letting their arms brush against each other and his breath to hit his neck. “later, Izuku.”
And kept walking. It was nothing really, he didn’t want to make any crazy obvious moves just yet. He still needed confirmation. He was testing the waters a little.
He allowed himself to glance back over his shoulder, just to check, and couldn’t resist smiling.
Izuku was frozen in place, red coloring his whole face as he stared at Katsuki’s retreating form. “Uh, yeah!” He managed to choke out, voice cracking. “Bye, Kacchan!”
Oh, okay. Katsuki could work with this.