Chapter Text
Dimitri didn’t want to think about university. He really didn’t want to think about anything right now, but especially university. Which was weird, considering he’d spent practically all of the past two years worrying about grades and tests and staying up until six in the morning studying to get into university. In fact, all he thought about for the past two years was university. But now, he was sitting on the floor of his bedroom, messing with his guitar, his best friend asleep on his bed, and trying everything to think about anything but university.
Well, whatever he was doing wasn’t helping. Dimitri let out a deep sigh and shoved his guitar off to the side. He lay his head back onto his bed and looked over at Nil, who was now in such a deep sleep he could’ve passed as a dead body. A warm smile tugged at the corner of his mouth as he looked at Nil, a small laugh escaping him as he saw the splotch of drool that had accumulated on his sleeve. Nil usually never slept this well. Dimitri’s eyes softened, and the fondness was evident in his gaze. For a split second as he looked at his best friend, he forgot about the daunting concept of leaving for university.
Emphasis on a split second. Dimitri’s fond gaze quickly turned to a bittersweet one, and he hesitated for a moment, making sure Nil was definitely, one hundred percent, asleep (which he was). Once Dimitri was sure Nil wouldn’t hear him, he turned his head towards the ceiling.
“I’m scared. About all of this,” Dimitri admitted to his friend’s sleeping body. “I know I seem like I’m not, but there's a part of me... there's a pretty big part of me that doesn’t want shit to change.”
Dimitri looked over at Nil again, still out like a light. He wasn’t hearing any of this confession. Probably. Hopefully.
“I’m just… conflicted. I want to go to university. I worked so goddamn hard for this, and I’m ecstatic about it, and I know that, but I-” He didn’t realize tears were forming in his eyes until he felt his throat start to burn. He frantically tried to wipe his tears away and let out a quiet noise that was somewhere on the spectrum between a laugh and a sob. Thank God Nil was asleep. “I probably sound really pathetic talking to myself, don’t I? Whatever.”
Dimitri let himself sit in silence for a little while, staring back up at the ceiling, just taking in Nil’s presence for a bit.
After who knows how long, he took a breath and pressed the heels of his palms to his eyes, wiping his tear-stained face again. Quietly, he said, “I don’t know. I love you, man. I love you a lot, and it’s gonna be weird to not spend every day together anymore.”
He sat up slightly and let his gaze fall on different objects in his room. The photo of him and Nil on Halloween as kids. The stop sign Nil knocked over. The cool stick Nil found in the woods that Dimitri taped to his wall. He gave up on trying to force back the tears that silently fell from his eyes. Dear God, please do not let Nil wake up right now. He let out another sigh-sob-laugh-groan noise and forced himself to speak again.
“But.. it’s fine. We’re gonna be fine. It’s not like you’re dying,” He said to Nil’s still sleeping figure. “I’ll be back here for breaks and stuff. And we’ve got the rest of the summer,” Dimitri let himself smile. “Three whole months of us fucking around and being stupid kids.”
Dimitri’s eyes were red, and his face was stained with tears, but he managed to smile wider. He stood up and sat on the edge of his bed next to Nil. He pulled off Nil’s hat and set it to the side, glancing at the boy’s tangled, messy hair. He’d probably bring that up to him tomorrow. His hand itched to run through it, but he restrained himself. Instead, he grabbed one of the blankets on his bed and threw it over Nil. He shifted to lean against the wall, and with a soft smile still on his face, his tears slowly subsided.
Dimitri had stopped paying attention to how much time had passed, but after what he thought was probably around twenty minutes, he could feel Nil starting to stir. Dimitri froze; it was still obvious from his face that he’d been crying.
“Mm.. Dee?” Nil said groggily, sitting up slightly, still half asleep. He opened his eyes and fixed them on Dimitri, a soft look of concern gracing his sleepy features as he saw Dimitri’s face. “Hey… you alright?” Dimitri opened his mouth to say something, but was cut off by Nil sleepily leaning forward and wrapping his arms around his waist, gently pushing him back onto his bed, his head resting on his chest.
Suddenly, both Dimitri and Nil were acutely aware of what Nil had just done, and way too focused on themselves to notice how flustered the other was. Nil’s face burned as he hid it in the other boy’s chest, muttering something along the lines of “Stop crying and go to sleep, dork,” which earned a flustered laugh from Dimitri, who hesitantly threaded one hand through Nil’s tangled hair, the other one falling to the small of his back.
“Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Goodnight, loser,” Dimitri said, shutting his eyes and finally falling asleep with Nil for the night. “Love you,” He muttered mindlessly as he drifted off, flustering Nil in his half-asleep state even more.
“...Love you too.” Nil decided to whisper back to Dimitri, who had already fallen back asleep, his face bright red as he fell back asleep as well.