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‘’You are always so happy, how do you do that?’’ Seokmin asked Mingyu during lunch. Mingyu shrugged.
‘’I don’t know. I like being happy and I like to make life brighter for others too.’’
‘’I wish I could be so cheerful every day,’’ Seokmin whined.
A chuckle came from Mingyu’s mouth as a reacting while he eyed Wonwoo restlessly, but the older didn’t move. Mingyu sighed in relief and turned back to Seokmin who was telling a hilarious story he could see by the other’s reactions.
Wonwoo wondered when the younger was going to tell him what was going on, why he came over at such unusual moments, but he wasn’t going to ask him now. He let out a scoff. It was kind of a secret, although they didn’t labelled like that. And Wonwoo knew that the thing about secrets is that they are meant to be kept secret. He certainly didn’t want everyone to know that Mingyu came over at night. They would totally get the wrong image at first, but then they will ask questions Wonwoo couldn’t answer and he knew Mingyu couldn’t do that as well. Mingyu didn’t deserve that. And Wonwoo wanted to find out about Mingyu’s life first.
The first time Mingyu was at the front door around midnight. Wonwoo panicked. Mingyu was a mess; he was wearing a hoodie with sweatpants and he was crying. When Wonwoo asked what was wrong Mingyu couldn’t even speak because he was sobbing so hard that the older just let him in.
Wonwoo made some tea and gave it to the younger asking what was wrong again. Mingyu shook his head and wiped his nose with his sleeve.
“I don’t really want to talk about it.’’
Wonwoo nodded in knowledge and sipped his tea. The room was filled with silence, if you ignored the sniffling sounds that came from Wonwoo’s left. When Mingyu finished his tea he asked Wonwoo a question the older didn’t expect.
‘’Can I sleep here?”
Wonwoo was taken aback by this question and choked on his tea. Mingyu padded his back hesitantly. “I mean I can just sleep on the couch but if you feel uncomfortable with that you can just tell me and I’ll… leave.”
By the look in the younger’s eyes Wonwoo could tell he definitely didn’t want to leave so the householder nodded.
“Uhm, yeah sure. I’ll just grab some blankets,” he said and went to his own room to get some blankets. He was still a bit confused why Mingyu would come to him and for God’s sake ask him if he could stay the night here. He and the boy weren’t best friends or something. They said ‘Hi’ when the saw each other in the school hallway and had a few mutual friends. They ate lunch at the same table but didn’t really talk to each other outside of the usual ‘How are you?’ and ‘Which class do you have next?’
Wonwoo was worried something was wrong (something definitely was), but the morning after the incident (as Wonwoo called it), he found a note from Mingyu thanking him for staying the night and that the older shouldn’t worry about him. So Wonwoo didn’t.
The two boys didn’t talk about it at school, or ever. Wonwoo thought it wouldn’t happen again but exactly 11 days later (Wonwoo didn’t count) the messed up boy was at his door again. He was wearing a hoodie with sweatpants again like he was expecting to stay the night at Wonwoo’s place, so the other let him.
These incidents happened about 7 times and Wonwoo was worrying so badly that he almost broke down next to Mingyu the last time he came by. He was becoming desperate. Imagine a classmate crying on your doorstep every week. You wouldn’t like that.
Wonwoo couldn’t send him away and he didn’t push because he knew the topic was sensitive. The weird thing about these meetings was that the older felt that their bond was getting stronger. Normally, Mingyu would come over, cry his heart out, sleep on the couch and leave in the morning again. But sometimes they would talk about casual topic. Things that didn’t involve one, or both of them crying their eyes out. And now and then they would tell funny stories and let the other laugh, but those situations were rare. But those made Wonwoo feel like he was with a whole other person
The bell rang and Wonwoo grabbed his bag pack to head to class. Before he could leave he felt a hand on his arm and he turned around.
“You’re not going to tell them, right?” Mingyu asked quietly and a bit panicked. The older tried to ignore the hand on his arm because it kind of left sparks.
Wonwoo tried to send him a reassuring smile, but failed. “I won’t.”
Mingyu nodded thankfully and left Wonwoo standing confused in the middle of the cafeteria. But Mingyu’s distressed face kept haunting him during the day.
It was Saturday night when it happened again. Wonwoo got a bowl of potato chips and a beer and sat down on the couch to watch some Korean action drama. He received a few pictures from Seokmin and his other friends who were out to party again. They complained when Wonwoo didn’t join, but after asking a few times they knew Wonwoo wasn’t coming anyway. He never did. He’d rather sat down on his couch at home and had a marathon of a drama or something.
It was 23:14 when Wonwoo heard a knock on the door (why didn’t people use the doorbell?). He got up from the couch with a sigh and dragged himself to the door. A second before the door was completely open Wonwoo knew who was going to be on the other side.
Mingyu.
He was right.
This time the younger wasn’t a sobbing mess but his face was tear-stained. Wonwoo opened the door without saying anything and his eyes followed the boy inside. His heart was in his throat. He knew shouldn’t let the boy stay the night but his heart broke at the sight of the broken boy. Something in him didn’t mind that the younger was here. He felt his cheeks burn a little because Mingyu always came to him in this situation. He was probably overanalysing it again. Wonwoo sat down next to Mingyu who stared at the television.
“What are you watching? Is this your Saturday night activity?” Mingyu snorted.
“Mingyu.”
The younger noticed the stern voice turned to face the other. He was afraid for this moment, the both were.
“You need to tell me what’s going on,” Wonwoo pleaded and Mingyu gave him the reaction he didn’t want at all.
“I’ll tell you later.”
Wonwoo slammed his hand on the coffee table in front of them which made Mingyu jump.
‘Damnit Mingyu! You’ve been pulling this for almost two and a half months now and every time I ask you what’s going on you act like it’s nothing. Is it nothing that I find you crying on my doorstep almost every freaking week? Is it normal that I’m getting used to you crying and that I find you smiling remarkable? You can’t go on like this! And neither can I,” Wonwoo panted heavily after his rant and didn’t even noticed that he stood up halfway through his raving.
Mingyu’s lip trembled and the older’s heart broke. He didn’t mean to do this to him. “I’m so sorry Wonwoo.”
The younger started crying and first Wonwoo wanted to pull his hair out, but after looking at the other for a few seconds he felt a voice inside him screaming that he needed to do something. So he sat down next to him and put an arm around him. Mingyu flinched so Wonwoo withdrew his hand from Mingyu’s shoulder quickly.
“Mingyu, why are you flinching?”
Mingyu stared at the tv and sniffled a bit but the older wasn’t going to be ignored. Wonwoo didn’t want to be creepy when his hand moved to the hem of the other’s hoodie carefully. Mingyu noticed and jumped up from the couch yelling: “Don’t!”
Wonwoo stared at him with eyes wide open. He stammered some inaudible words but he recovered quickly. He knew he had to push a little more.
“Tell me then, please.”
Mingyu turned around to leave but didn’t walk into the direction of the door. Instead he just stood there. After a minute or so he turned around and slowly sat down on the couch. Wonwoo was patient, he knew Mingyu was going to tell him tonight. He just had to wait.
So he waited. A minute, two minutes, three minutes. Then he got up from the couch and made some tea and when he got back he saw Mingyu looking up at him.
He was ready.
Wonwoo held the cup of tea in his hands and gave Mingyu a comforting smile.
“I come here so often because… I cry every week because I… I-I…” Mingyu stammered. Wonwoo lay a hand on the younger’s knee. He felt sparks again. “Take your time.”
Mingyu shook his head and Wonwoo felt slightly frustrated. Don’t lose it Won, he told himself.
“I can’t tell you,” Mingyu mumbled while Wonwoo sipped his tea. “But I can show you.”
The cup of tea was put back on the coffee table a bit too hard so a snippet of the tea spilled but for once Wonwoo didn’t mind. Mingyu exhaled shakily.
“Here we go. Just… don’t freak out please.”
Wonwoo didn’t even know what to expect anymore. Especially not when the younger reached for the hem of his hoodie. Wonwoo gulped, this wasn’t how he was imagining this scene. He felt a bit nervous and his cheeks began to turn red. Mingyu removed the hoodie from his upper body in a swift move when Wonwoo saw. What Wonwoo saw.
Scars all over the other boy’s back. Some of them were still open and bleeding a bit. Wonwoo didn’t know what to do. He gasped and put a hand over his mouth.
“Quite impressive huh?” Mingyu said with tears in his eyes. He reached for his hoodie again. “Show’s over now.”
Wonwoo put a hand on Mingyu’s arm to prevent him from pulling his hoodie on. “Let me take care of the fresh ones. Please let me.”
The boys shared looks for a moment before Wonwoo rushed to his bathroom and grabbed his first aid kit with trembling hands. How? Who? And most importantly: How long has he been getting these scars?
When he returned he saw that Mingyu was shaking a bit. Wonwoo gave the younger a blanket. “I’ll be quick.” He received a nod.
Wonwoo started to disinfect the wounds and Mingyu whimpered in pain. “Are you okay?” Wonwoo asked worriedly.
“It hurts a bit. Just hurry.” Mingyu said with clenched teeth.
Wonwoo had never seen Mingyu like this before. He was kind of calm, like he went through this before. Or that he’s been through much worse pain. It made Wonwoo’s heart clench.
Carefully he placed the last bandages on Mingyu’s back and quietly spoke the words “I’m done.” Mingyu pulled his hoodie on again and faced Wonwoo again, he was horrifyingly calm. “Thanks.”
A silence fell and Wonwoo stared at his hands. “Can I still ask you what happened?” Wonwoo asked while he fiddled with his fingers in his lap.
“Okay, ask away,“ was Mingyu’s short answer.
“How long has this been going on?” Wonwoo said, now focussing on the spilled tea on the coffee table.
“About four months ago it happened again. Before that it was 3 years ago or so.”
Wonwoo swallowed hard. Didn’t he tell anybody?
“D-didn’t you tell anybody?”
“I thought no one cared. Or that anybody would believe me.”
“I believe you,“ Wonwoo reacted a little too quickly so Mingyu raised his brow.
“Fine by me.” The older knew that Mingyu acted like he didn’t care and that the scars weren’t important, but it definitely hurt the younger. He was going through tough times and no one even listened to him.
“One more question,” Wonwoo said quietly and Mingyu gestured that he should hurry. “W- who did this to you?”
Mingyu’s eyes filled with tears. A sickening silence fell and Wonwoo felt like he already knew the answer.
“My father.”
Wonwoo immediately reached forward and hugged the younger, still careful of his bruised back. As Wonwoo predicted, the younger started to cry but it didn’t bother him. It never bothered him. He never told himself he liked the boy, but it was so obvious for him now. Without even thinking about it Wonwoo pressed a kiss against Mingyu’s temple. They both froze. Wonwoo’s ears turned red and he pulled back swiftly.
“I-I’m sorry. I was just… caught up in the moment or something,” Wonwoo murmured.
Mingyu’s eyes drifted to Wonwoo’s lips and leaned forward a bit. Like a magnet they were pulled towards each other. Wonwoo imagined this moment a handful of times. But he didn’t want to kiss the younger in a situation like this. When their noses brushed the older jumped back and shook his head repeatedly. “We shouldn’t do this, not right now. I don’t think you are in the right mind set.”
Mingyu moved closer to Wonwoo until the older was pressed against the side of the couch. “I’m fine. I’m sure want this.”
Wonwoo felt butterflies flutter in his stomach when Mingyu came closer again. The older tried to jump up from the couch but the injured grabbed his wrist and pulled him down.
“No, stop Mingyu. I don’t want to do this. Not right now at least,” Wonwoo said determined and he mumbled the last part.
Mingyu nodded understandingly. “You don’t want to use my feelings right now. I get it.” He sighed and loosened his grip on Wonwoo’s wrist, but didn’t let go completely. “But can I hold you?”
Mingyu looked at Wonwoo with puppy eyes and the older couldn’t resist. He sat down carefully and felt Mingyu’s arms wrap around him. It was a bit awkward first but after changing positions a few times it got better and Wonwoo snuggled against Mingyu’s chest.
“Do you want to stay the night again?“
“If you don’t mind.”
Wonwoo shook his head and hesitated for a second before asking: “You can sleep in my bed if you want?”
Mingyu looked down at Wonwoo with wide eyes.
“I mean, if that makes you feel better.” Wonwoo spoke awkwardly and Mingyu laughed at the older’s shame.
“Yes it would definitely make me feel better,” He said and hugged the other closely.
Not much later they moved to the bedroom and lay down face-to-face. Wonwoo was trying to remember the details of Mingyu’s face before he fell asleep, which didn’t take long. And somewhere in the night the two got tangled together. They’ll figure it out was what Wonwoo thought.