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Hayden is happy. Whenever he wakes up, or rather is woken up by his children, he feels a heady wave of delight. He might pretend to scold them and tell them off for jumping on his bed, but he will be missing them when they are on the road. His family gives him so much joy and love, that he can barely remember what it was like without them.
Lonely.
Sometimes, he wishes Shane would finally take him up on his offers to introduce him to Jackie’s friends.
His best friend is a nice man, handsome too, even if he has his particularities. Hayden has never met someone as meticulously strict with himself as Shane. The precision in the folding of his clothing and the execution of his diet remains fascinating to Hayden even after all these years. Of course, they play a sport at the highest level, but the intensity that runs through Shane’s life off the ice is unique to him.
Before meeting Shane, Hayden thought himself a pretty dedicated hockey player. Not a star player necessarily, but he knew his strengths and played well in the team. He knew some stats, he watched some games, he was on the rink more often than anywhere else, but that all seemed to pale in comparison to Shane Hollander.
The whole team had been excited that he had been drafted with them. This rookie, a boy still, already had a successful run as a junior player. Now, he was meant to carry Montreal to the playoffs. Big expectations, but from the videos Hayden had seen, this kid met them as he left his opponents in the dust.
He had been expecting a player who carried himself with arrogance, but Shane was rather shy and silent. He did not engage much with anyone outside of hockey from what Hayden could tell. He did not drink or party and he played very clean.
He was nice in all the ways that Ilya Rozanov was not.
Hayden decided to make an effort to befriend him and help him come out of his shell a bit. Thankfully, Shane and Jackie had taken an immediate liking to one another and by the time the twins were born, Shane had even teased him a bit about being a wife guy.
He became a fixture of their little family as he came to dinner and helped out with their children. He was good with them. The twins managed to break through the shyness in a way that Hayden never could.
He expected Shane to follow his example. Starting a family would exactly be the predictable act that suited his friend. Most hockey players settled down quite fast after all and Shane was nothing if not predictable.
But Shane never dated anyone.
Hayden does not remember the first time he noticed the texting. Shane had always seemed so straightforward that the realization that he had secrets from Hayden had come as a bit of a shock.
So was the idea that Shane was hooking up with a girl.
It was only natural of course, but Hayden had always thought him to be somewhat inert and virginal. He never said much on the topic when the guys were discussing sex and their past conquests. Sometimes, Hayden noticed him blushing at the more explicit anecdotes. He quickly concluded that Shane, shy around most people, was also terribly shy when it came to women.
Then Boston Lily started texting.
Whenever they played in Boston, Shane would get a text and disappear for hours. Upon his return, Hayden could not help but notice that most of his usual tension was gone. Like someone had gotten laid.
However, Shane responded poorly to his ribbing. After a couple of instances, Hayden learned to keep silent about his friend’s love life. Instead, he stewed in silence. Sometimes, he would bring up the topic with Jackie, but she did not have many ideas to offer.
At first they thought it might be because they were not dating yet. But as the years passed by, that became less and less probable.
Lily.
Hayden had caught a glimpse of her name in passing. That name never changed.
He wondered in silence what kind of girl would catch the attention of Shane Hollander. Maybe she was a hockey fan. Everything in Shane's life was hockey, so any girlfriend would have to be okay with that. The only counterpoint was that Lily lived in Boston. Not many Boston fans would look past the rivalry and sleep with Shane Hollander.
Today, he observed Shane as he made an effort getting dressed in their hotel room. Nothing that could be considered the heights of fashion, but anything besides sportswear was a step for Shane. He looked in the mirror several times and Hayden knew for sure that he was going on a date.
With Lily.
Shane shuffles when he tells him that he is meeting a friend. Hayden tries to remain disinterested, but he is burning with curiosity. However, when he gently prods about Lily, Shane freezes. Hayden hurries to talk him down, but his best friend remains defensive.
“You always play better after.”
It is true. Hayden does not know the precise stats, but whenever they face Boston, Shane plays like a beast.
Unfortunately, so does Ilya Rozanov.
This time however, something is different. Shane comes back early. His eyes are strangely red as if he has been crying. Hayden wants to ask, but Shane shoots him down briskly.
He pretends that he cannot hear the muffled sobs coming from the other bed when they turn off the light.
Shane plays horribly the next day. They would have been in trouble, but for some reason Rozanov is also playing poorly so a single point defeat is all they are taking home.
He does not have a chance to speak to Shane in private before their return to Montreal.
It is almost as if Shane evades him on purpose.
Barely days later, Jackie sends him a picture from some gossip site with a bunch of question marks.
Shane is photographed holding hands with none other than Rose Landry. Shy Shane somehow managed to charm a movie star.
Their relationship soars brightly in front of the cameras as Rose Landry shows up to games in Shane’s jersey. Hayden is quick to invite them for dinner to show his support. However, before they can set a date that suits both their games and Rose’s filming schedule, Shane quietly tells him they have broken up.
Hayden tries not to be too upset when he asks Shane for the reason, but he does feel slightly hurt when Shane tells him the same vague statement that gets spread in the media.
Something about complicated busy schedules.
Hayden can tell it is a lie as Shane keeps shifting his eyes away. Somehow this has to do with Lily, he just knows it.
“We’re going to stay friends.” Shane meets his gaze this time.
“That’s nice. Um… Jackie still has this friend- unless you’re limiting yourself to film stars now?”
Shane takes the tease in stride, but firmly declines the offer.
Then he comes back from Tampa and Hayden glimpses Lily’s name again. He never cared much for the All Star games and his lack of invites, but now he wonders what happened there.
Of course, the only thing sports news offers is the great teamwork shown between Shane and Rozanov. No one is talking about a girl named Lily.
“It was nice,” Shane tells him when he asks about the All Stars. “It was fun to play with Rozanov. The weather was nice.”
Some days, it is as if Shane never drops his media voice.
But Hayden sees him smiling at his phone. Lily is back. Somehow, she was in Tampa and Shane must have apologized to her.
Maybe he will finally introduce her to Hayden after all these years.
—
Hayden tries not to scowl at the paramedic patching up his hands, but he remains furious. It was a fair hit. They showed him the tapes.
Still, it was bad and they had to take Shane to the hospital.
By the time they let him leave the rink, visiting hours were already over. Jackie holds him that night as he rants about the unfairness of it all.
“We’ll go tomorrow morning. I’ll call my mother to watch the kids and we’ll visit him.”
Hayden sighs. She is always the reasonable one.
However, the next morning it takes a long time to reach Jackie’s mother. She is away for the weekend with some friends. Then Jackie tries to call their babysitter, but she does not pick up. In the end, Hayden goes to the hospital alone, bearing a drawing the twins made. Jackie wrote Get well Shane above the dogs that do not look like dogs and giant colorful butterflies.
He hopes Shane is awake.
Then the elevator doors open and he finds himself face to face with none other than Ilya Rozanov. The Boston player is similarly taken aback. Hayden can tell, because he does not even bother to chirp. He just pulls his head in a short nod and before Hayden can decide if he should punch him, Rozanov is gone.
He only gets lost once on the way to Shane’s room. His friend looks bruised and young in the white of the hospital bed, but he is smiling.
Then he starts talking and it becomes clear they gave him the good stuff. He drags out his words and he smiles more than Hayden has ever seen him smile. Usually, Shane keeps his emotions quite strictly under wraps. Even the smiles addressed to his phone are short and fleeting, dropped immediately when Shane realizes what he is doing.
Hayden shows him the drawing and Shane makes noises of admiration that are not entirely justified. He props the drawing on the nightstand.
“So, I saw Rozanov leave. What did he want?”
Shane’s smile gets even wider. “He came to see me~”
Hayden tries to get a proper answer to his questions, but Shane remains very out of it. He is happy about Rozanov in a way that makes Hayden wonder if he hit his head harder than the doctors think.
Maybe Rozanov was not a complete asshole during All Stars.
Oh fuck, Lily.
“Hey, Shane. Buddy. What about Lily? Should I tell her you’re okay?”
Another smile. “Lily was here.”
“When?”
Hayden tries to remember whether he saw any pretty girls on his way here. He did not really pay attention after bumping into Rozanov.
Fucking asshole.
“She came to see me.” Shane’s eyes are fluttering shut and Hayden concludes that he will not get a decent answer while his friend is heavily concussed.
When he walks back to his car, he sighs. The playoffs will be lost without Shane. So much for a dynasty.
He unlocks the car. At least he will be able to play again next season. Sometimes, a bad fall like that is all it takes. Especially with concussions. He remembers talented players losing their dreams like that when he was still playing Juniors.
—
Hayden stares at his phone after he hangs up. He knows that he is nowhere near his full brain-capacity. Lack of sleep with a newborn will do that. Although Amber cries less than Arthur did. Still, he knows that something was up with Shane.
Those sounds were-
Hayden shakes his head. He knows Shane was lying about- what did he say? An amazon package? That was a lie.
Shane does not really lie. There have been cases before where he could have been a little less honest to spare others’ feelings.
The only topic that has Shane anywhere close to lying is Lily.
But Shane said he was at his cottage. Not in Boston.
And Shane is always alone in his cottage.
Hayden takes a deep breath. If Shane is not alone at his cottage- And if Hayden tries to ignore that it is Shane he was calling, then- then he was listening to his best friend have sex.
Hayden shakes his head.
It is unbelievable really. Shane can barely hear about sex without blushing. To think that he would do anything with Hayden on the other end of the line is insane. And yet, he is quite sure that he heard someone else.
It must be Lily.
Who else can it be?
—
Hayden is glad when Shane calls him to invite him for lunch. It really has been too long, so he will even suffer his friend’s bird food with minimal teasing. Of course, he has been very busy with Amber this summer. The pre-season is starting in two weeks and then Jackie will have to handle most of the care again, so he tries to give her some rest now.
Shane must have been busy too. They have not been training together this summer, since he was mostly down in Ottawa. Hayden likes to think that it was all of the usual, discussing sponsor ships and advertisements with Yuna Hollander.
But he cannot stop thinking about the phone call.
The weird phone call, since Shane did call him several times after that with a perfectly steady voice.
If Hayden is not completely wrong about everything, Shane spent his summer together with Lily.
He rings the bell to Shane’s house. He gives his friend a brief hug, before taking off his shoes, because Shane hates outside shoes on his floor.
Shane has meticulously set the table for the two of them. The food is green as ever, but Hayden is surprised to actually detect some flavor on his first bite. “Did you cook this?”
“Yes.” Shane stares at his plate.
“Did you take cooking classes over the summer?”
Shane’s face turns red. “Fuck you, my cooking was not that bad.”
Hayden hums. “But it is better now. Someone introduced you to herbs and spices. I think I taste some salt and pepper.”
“Shut up,” Shane mumbles. “How- how’s Amber?”
He smiles. “She’s great. Very adorable. You should meet her.”
Shane nods. “I want to.”
“What did you do all summer?”
“Oh, you know,” Shane makes a gesture that Hayden takes to mean yoga, swimming, jogging in nature and all other exciting Ottawa things. “The usual.”
Not sex with Lily.
Hayden is just about to open his mouth to chirp something about phone calls and booty calls, when Shane sighs deeply.
“Hayd, I need to tell you something.” He does not meet his eyes. “I- I need you to know I’m still me, but I really want you to know the truth.”
“You can tell me.” Hayden feels his heart racing.
“I’m gay.”
Oh.
“Oh.”
Shane gives him a nervous look. “Are you upset?”
“No, buddy! No! I’m not upset, just a bit- confused. Is this because of Scott Hunter?”
“No, yes, maybe a bit.” Shane sighs. “I’ve not known for a very long time. This summer, I- I came out to my parents.”
“Oh, that’s good! I think?”
“It was a bit of a shock for them, but they don’t mind.”
“Oh, that’s nice. That’s really nice. Um, I just- what about Rose Landry? Was that real? It looked pretty real.”
Shane stares at his plate, still blushing profusely. “I tried to convince myself that it was real, but-” He shakes his head. “-I don’t like girls like that and she-” Shane is so red in the face that Hayden is getting a little worried. “-she kind of came out for me?”
“Drink some water. Okay, what does that mean? She told you you were gay?”
Shane nods. “Um, yes.”
Hayden forces the corners of his mouth to stay down, but Shane has already caught the mirth in his eyes. “I know. It’s embarrassing.”
Hayden laughs. “No, it makes perfect sense. Why else would you break up with Rose Landry?”
He pauses. “Wait, what about Boston Lily?”
Shane stares intently at his can of ginger ale. “Lily knows. That- that I’m gay.”
Hayden feels as if he stepped through the looking glass. “Lily is a man.”
Shane nods.
“It’s not a real name.”
Shane shakes his head.
“Do- do I know him? Is he a player?” Shane does not answer. “Tell me it’s not Scott Hunter.”
“What? No! He has a boyfriend!”
“Sorry, I don’t know any other gay hockey players.”
“He’s not out. Like me.”
“Wait, I’m right? It’s a hockey player?” Hayden knows he is staring, but he never expected anything like this from Shane. His head is spinning with this new information. “Wait, you said Lily came to see you in the hospital. No. Shane.”
Shane covers his face with both hands.
“Don’t tell me- Ilya Rozanov? Lily is Ilya Rozanov?” Hayden stands up and paces next to the table. “I can’t believe it. Since when? Has he been Lily this whole time?”
Shane nods. “We- um, we’ve been- something, since rookie season.”
“What? How?”
Shane is blushing again. “Just whenever we played Boston…”
“Okay, okay, okay, you’re seeing Ilya Rozanov. And you have been, for a decade. Almost a decade. Now, what? Are you going to pull a Scott Hunter?”
Shane winces. “No. Ilya can’t- He cannot be sent back to Russia. It’s not safe. And with the whole rivalry…”
“People would be very upset.”
“Yes.” Shane hesitates. “He is going to move teams. For me.”
“He’s coming to Montreal?”
Shane shakes his head and gives him a look of disappointment as he often does when Hayden lacks hockey intelligence. “Hayden, Montreal doesn’t have the cap space for Ilya. And they don’t need another star center. They have me. No, he’s going to Ottawa.”
“Ottawa? But-”
“They’re terrible, but they’ve got space. And it’s only two hours driving from Montreal.”
“Wow. So this, it’s serious, then?”
Shane smiles. “I love him.”
Hayden sighs. “I suppose I could try and be friends with him then. Even though he’s still an asshole. If he makes you happy?”
“He does.”
“But Shane, please, next time you’re with him, just hang up the phone.”
“You heard that?” Shane sounds mortified.
“You’re not a very good liar.”
“I can’t believe you heard that.” Shane unlocks his phone.
“Don’t tell him! That asshole will probably use it for his chirps.”
Shane groans and locks his phone again.
“You know, it’s never too late. Jackie has this friend from work- this guy-”
Shane glares at him and Hayden raises his hands. “Okay, okay, I’ll stop teasing, but if you ever get married-”
Shane elbows him.
“Alright, can you introduce me to Rose Landry now?” Hayden lowers his voice. “I want to talk to other people who know.”
“You just want to talk to Rose Landry.”
“Jackie and I never got to meet her!” He pauses. “Great, now I’ll have to have dinner with Ilya Rozanov.”
“He likes kids,” Shane says quickly and he starts blushing again.
“Oh, does he?” Hayden will never be able to stop teasing Shane.