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He didn't meant to make Leo thought that he was mad on him. Sangwon simply need a breather. Time alone. Time to process things in his own pace instead of letting themselves being dragged by the need flow of demands.
Being busy is a badge of honour, especially as a rookie like them. The fact that they got called and accepted into so many different show following their debut is something to be celebrated about. But in these moment of autorun, Sangwon could feel his own virtue forcing him to question himself. Especially monday, when the sudden hecticness of music show chains dropped to nothingness.
The surge of all problem, questions, critique, praise, hate, demand, expectations — all those things that they couldn't fully perceive during the music show chains just flooding to be perceived.
Day off my ass.
Even if their schedule really being emptied today — from the music shows — other things would still be waiting for them to fill in the empty days.
A breather is a big need—moment where they can catch up with their own pace to perceive the reality that can ground them instead of continuing the full power automatic mode that they tend to let it run to keep up with the insane demand that is music show chains.
.
Sangwon looked back,
His gaze found that grinning ear to ear face guy with thick as hell padded jacket, hat covered with jacket hood as well.
And fucking shorts.
This is literally 5~° right now.
“Brrrr…. I didn't expect it'd be that cold” that guy trembled.
Logically speaking this guy has lived in Korea for almost a decade isn't it. What's wrong with his brain that led him to think he could do such thoughtless things like that?
“Hyung…” Sangwon was smiling when he saw him before his annoyed face followed soon after questioning the stupidity of this guy once he noticed that Leo was wearing goddamn shorts . “We still have schedule at noon, why waste your time outside”
That man didn't seem to care about Sangwon's sulky lips that followed after, well it would be nice to kiss it and have his breakfast with it but they are in a convenient store. He can't be that foolish even when he can pretend to. “I want coffee” with his usual joking tone he just shouts whatever passes his mind in those seconds.
“You don't drink coffee…” Sangwon sighed, they have a coffee maker too in the dorm, he can always ask someone to help him make one if he really wanted it. Stupid reason. Sangwon walked to continue scanning the aisle, hinting Leo may follow instead of going back. Despite that annoyance on Sangwon's face.
“I'm recharging” Leo sings and he just followed Sangwon like a baby duck, his hand slipping some snacks in Sangwon's basket though, while his other hand on his phone, scrolling on his insta reels — obviously, all MU reels and cat videos
Sangwon stared at him when he heard the answer.
And that guy grinned again.
Sangwon let out a deep sigh, “Ori-hyung stupid” followed by a chuckle.
Leo is stupid
— and yet Sangwon loves him nevertheless.
He can't be angry for that long with him.
His goofy side, his serious side, everything about him. Intentional or not, work and their own thoughts might put some distance between them but he wants to believe that it wouldn't be enough to actually push them apart.
It just gets tough when Sangwon has to focus on himself and at the same time watching his hyung doing things a little bit too much for his own self in the moments where Sangwon can't do anything to help him. Of course Leo is an adult. He is pretty much capable of handling things himself. All the time he managed to do it all alone but that Leo was out of Sangwon's sight. He was doing his best not where Sangwon could see. Right now it's different. They are with each other all the time. Like it or not, Leo will be in his line of sight.
And it gets extra frustrating when the man you worried about just let it happen. It's frustrating to see him grinned like nothing happened. It's annoying to see how strong he withstand it all knowing all the breathless and tearful nights they spent together because of it all.
But when he looks at him in a simple moment like this…
“Did you pay for that already?” Sangwon stared at Leo who was somehow already eating pepero sticks nonchalantly while stirring his hot chocolate. —since when did Leo leave his side?
Leo nodded.
Then he pushed the pepero in, biting it to smaller pieces then chewing it “they have the strawberry flavour here, there wasn't one yesterday”
… Sangwon stopped thinking about it all.
Maybe Leo has charmed him.
Or maybe his heart just missed this simpleness in their life that he actually desired a breather. Small moments doing nothing important. Small moments without eyes on them. Small moments of their reality that ground them in the moment.
This is just a convenient store. What are you getting emotional about, Sangwon?
Sangwon decided to just ignore Leo and his Pepero even if deep down he wonders if Leo is teasing him about yesterday. He went to pay for the things in his basket but then Leo just gave his card to the cashier while lazily biting the Pepero stick.
“I don't want to get back yet”
And they both know they can't do that. Their manager just reminds them to get prepared because the car will fetch them in an hour.
“Aren't your legs dying in the cold?” Sangwon nodded a little to the cashier, picking up the bag but Leo already snatched it first so he only said thank you to the cashier.
Leo didn't answer because his pepero stick is stuck on his mouth while one hand is holding his phone and another is holding Sangwon's bags “mmm…” he just nodded
Sangwon actually desires to just pull that Pepero stick or eat it now…
But he refrained.
He stole the pocket of Pepero stick that Leo held between his arm, Leo’s eyes following and questioning what Sangwon is doing. Sangwon just casually eats one stick as they walk back to the dorm. “This one is pretty good”
Leo nodded, he might not be that fond of real strawberry flavour but artificial sweetness like this is unfortunately quite addicting.
He stopped for a moment though which made Sangwon stop too, wondering why Leo didn't continue walking. “Is everything okay?”
Leo didn't answer, after putting his phone in his pocket, he took an airpod from the same pocket and steps in front of Sangwon and he helped Sangwon to wear one side of it — all while crunching that Pepero stick.
The moment that sound clicked Sangwon stared at Leo, he couldn't hide the wide smile. It's nostalgic.
My guy pretty like a girl~
It would be a lie if Sangwon says he doesn't remember the era of time where they listened to the song a little bit too much on repeat—to be precise it was Leo who played it on repeat. In their dorm, in their calls, in their practice room. He stares at Leo and wonders if he prepared this all. But when he look down on that shorts, he only laughed softly
No, Sangwon sure, It's just part of his randomness.
Maybe the song just shuffled at that moment and Leo wanted him to listen to it.
This guy is romantic, in the most random way possible.
And Sangwon loves it.
Leo smirked when he noticed Sangwon's smile. It's always nice to see how Sangwon can smile brightly and widely only for him like that. Maybe, going out without getting on his long pants isn't so bad.
— nevermind, the moment wind blows, Leo can feel the intense pain on his legs “Sangwon…” even his voice is actually trembling a little
Sangwon looked up at him, confused.
Leo’s pained grin welcomed him as soon as their eyes met “my legs are dying …. Lets run?”
“Why did you even wear shorts if you had time to get your padded jacket —” Sangwon whined, yet when Leo gave his hand, he held it as they ran back to the building.
“No thoughts, Head empty, My Guy Pretty like a Girl alone outside. Without my supervision” Leo sings.
It's surely annoying how stable his voice is, singing nonsense melodies like that while running in the cold.
Melodies that make Sangwon can't help but to smile even when running like that. Even when his heart is heavy for him.
.
For a moment, this stupidity made Sangwon feel like they are returning to their simple preparation days for boys2planet. Those days where it was just the two of them, talking about the dream that they once buried. Despite all the worries, all the pain hovering, preparing the stage was fun. Being with Leo, was—is fun.
Even if he never really said it, part of him does miss those simple days.
Sangwon was a bit too busy thinking about the past until Leo suddenly experiences a coughing fit the moment they walk into the lift. “Hyung…” Sangwon slipped his hand to reach stuff in the bag that Leo carried, opening the water bottle and giving it to Leo “drink first”
“Sorry sorry…” even between his attempt to calm down himself, Leo still apologised first.
And Sangwon’s eyes never left him until he calmed down. His hand reached a bit on Leo's back to pat him gently. “I really need hyung to stop doing something that can make me worried like this”
“I know sorry…” and he looked down again, taking the bottle cap from Sangwon's hand to close it again. “Thank you” he finally lifted up his face a bit.
Sangwon used his thumb to wipe Leo’s lips, his gaze still locked on Leo’s face.
‘…”The touch felt cold, he could feel Leo actually trembling in the cold.
Did he run around to look for me earlier…?
Even if the person himself couldn't recognise it. Being this close, perceiving Leo with naked eyes—naked touch—left Sangwon puzzled. That shock sent a drop to his heart, letting the reality sink him down along with the pain he is witnessing. Why didn't Leo just call him? Why did he do something so reckless like this? The promotion still continues this week, he shouldn't be — there are tons of questions, anger, sadness, disappointment, worry, That he wished to let out there but in the end, Sangwon didn't say a thing, he only nodded at Leo’s word of gratitude, reaching up to cup Leo’s face and warming his face.
Sangwon could only assume the reasons.
As messy as Leo can be, he is someone who would usually make sure to stay proper anytime anywhere, he is very self aware of every eye staring at them after all. Words, action, even expression, he knows every single second of his life is being judged. You might think that as public figure its part of the cost they ought to pay along with everything else. But for Lee Leo, the eyes watching simply tons heavier.
Sangwon knows, that Leo is too self aware to breathe freely. That's why you might caught him breathing through mouth unconsciously. Usually he can manage it just fine.. But in his moment of lost, it became much harder for Leo to perceive himself. To look at himself, To be the proper Leo that everyone expected him to be.
Sangwon knows the best he can do is not a talk it out — no talk can take out the core of the problem. They have been through this tons of time, every time they think everything has started to tone down, those voices will creep back again.
Like a curse.
Perhaps… it is.
Even if he'd put a smile and acknowledge it all, what Leo needs is simply someone to hold his hand and stand by his side.
He doesn't need any bullets to shoot back at those who stabbed him, he only needs the trust of people who love him. The voice of people who support him. That alone is enough. Leo himself was the one who kept telling him to ignore it all and focus on what they have now. Sangwon is trying. He tried to look away and focus on what was in front of him. But on time like this, watching all kinds of arrows stabbing Leo blindly without knowing anything…
it hurts… to see it.
To see how it does affect him.
How he did his best to look away.
How he barely recognised his body screaming for that help.
I'm allowed to feel this pain too right, Hyung…? For someone who loves you, I have the right to feel your pain too, right?
Sangwon took another thing from the bag and opened a can of cough drops, popping it in Leo’s mouth without even telling him first. “Just promise me…”
Leo was surprised at the sudden candy but he just accepted it, he is more worried about the change of Sangwon's tone and the air of his expression. His gaze fell back to the screen displaying the floor number, he just realised neither pressed the floor yet, that's why the lift didn't move at all.
Instead of pressing the button, Leo decides to take this chance to pull Sangwon to his hug instead. His head is in a mess, he couldn't properly think of anything but he can at least tell that he has made Sangwon hurt.
Leo might be unable to look properly on his ownself.
He might not be able to recognise his own pain.
But when Sangwon displayed his pain like this, the guilt that kept building up deep inside him resurfaced. Forcing him to face how terrible his self management could affect people who love him.
“I can't promise, I don't want to lie to you…” yet he still tries to be as honest as possible.
“Hyung —”
The least he wants to happen is to lie and make an empty promise to Sangwon.
For Sangwon alone. He doesn't want to do anything that would betray him again. “But I'll try” he tightened his hug “I'm sorry.”
“Not sorry…” Sangwon sighed, he allowed himself to be buried to Leo’s hug, it faints, but he can feel how slow Leo’s heart beat is. “I don't want to hear sorry”
Leo nodded, he moved a bit just to look at Sangwon’s face. Both his hands reached up to hold that face after he let go of the bag he was holding.
Sangwon can feel how cold Leo’s fingers are but it doesn't matter to him. His gaze looked back at those eyes staring at him. Being this close made him realise how Leo’s eyes looked jaded, he was tired, very tired. But then Leo closed his eyes as he leaned to kiss Sangwon's forehead. “Thank you…” another kiss, down to his nose.
Sangwon didn't move. He only let Leo hold onto him, into his presence. Feeling his existence, his breathing, his kisses — the reality that felt so distant lately. Despite the coldness, part of him felt that rare warmth that he missed. “That's better” he finally said, feeling a bit more eased as Leo’s fingers started warming up.
Leo smiled.
Not with his goofy grin, not with his excited smirk. Just the plain old smile. He leaned again, letting their nose touch as he pulled his hand down to Sangwon's jaw, gently lifting his chin up. His smile cracked into a chuckle, Sangwon couldn't help but to chuckle along.
Their lips meet, Sangwon can taste the leftover strawberry flavours of that cough drops on his lips. Leo gave him a gentle bite and chuckled again when Sangwon whined on the bite. But he took that chance to slip in the cough drop and this time letting another touch before he pulled himself. “That was selfish”
Sangwon was a little breathless but he grinned “You can be selfish with me”
Leo sneaked to buried his face on Sangwon's nape “don't steal my words like that”
“Nh… hyung…” he didn't push but he noticed that the number on the screen started changing. The lift is moving “... Hyung…”
Leo clicked his tongue, but he didn't move, until the very end when the lift stopped at the upstairs dorm floor. He just pulled his face from Sangwon's neck but continued hugging him—dropping his weight on him.
“Wow —” Anxin almost yelled. Well his usual voice is already loud enough for that. “get a room?”
Sangwon just smiled at him. “Come on Leo hyung…”
Leo whispered “can't I pretend to pass out here”
“No one gonna carry you in Hyung be for real.” Anxin folded his arms “besides we need to be prepared for the next schedule already… get a grip”
Leo let out a long ass loud sigh as he pulled himself from Sangwon. “Fine.” He pulled the bag and gave it to Sangwon. “See you later”
Sangwon just shook his head over that exchange, laughing a bit. “Mhm. Don't forget your medicine” he stepped out of the lift, Anxin finally entered it once Sangwon left. Not that it's too small or anything.
He smelled something sus
Leo leaned on the wall, watching Sangwon disappear as the door of the lift closed.
“I'm not going to be kissed too because I'm here right” Anxin finally said.
Leo stared at him, even if being with Sangwon recharged him the energy he needed, it was not really enough. In a way, it was a blessing that the one opening the lift earlier is Anxin, not some stranger. Leo exhaled a little, finally responding “why, want a second round?” he asked, pressing the button to go down.
Anxin gave him a tired look. “go get more sleep after the chat session Leo hyung”
“Mhm” Leo just closed his eyes for a moment but the lift already returned to his dorm floor. “I'm off,” he said, messing Anxin’s hair as he walked out.
.
He hates the idea of him not being able to control himself.
He hates the idea of those poison affecting himself
but what he hates the most is to see people who trusted him—who supported him, getting hurt for loving him.
He holds the handle of the door after inputting the password but he just drops his head on the door instead of opening it.
Just a couple of seconds..
Breathe…
Breathe…
!
“Guys, Manager-hyung said 30 minutes to go… everyone ready?” That loud voice back the moment he opened the door.
Geonwoo peeked from his room door “Hao-ge is doing light make up. You're the only one who haven't showered hyung”
“Easy, 5 minutes is enough. Where is Sanghyeonnie?”
Arno left his room, ready with all his stuff. The crutches off, he should be allowed to join them all now “probably business in other bathroom”
Leo stopped for a moment when he saw Arno but then he just smirked. “Good, then I'll shower first”
Another day as Alpha drive one leader—Lee Leo just started