Archive of Our Own

Noli traced his fingertips over the others’ scarred back as they brushed out the knots in his hair with the other, eyes half-lidded with lingering sleep and worry. His earlier attempts at cheering the other up hadn’t worked, the thought of their failure at getting his partner’s mind off of whatever had terrorized him this night caused an ache in his chest and his throat to feel stuffy, the memory of the interaction fresh in his head.

“-Sev?” He tried to blink the sleep from his eyes, hissing slightly at the nails digging into their skin as he tried to focus on what his husband was saying between barely contained sobs, quieting himself with a hand pushed over his own mouth.

“Sevens?!” They ended up hitting their wrist against the nightstand to his side when trying to turn on the lamp, but succeeded, illuminating the room with a soft and warm glow, not fit for such a worrying scene. The light glinted off of his beloved’s tears, showcasing just how many there were.
“Talk to me, sweetheart.” He forced out, pretending their own throat wasn’t closing off at just how panicked he seemed.

Noli pushed himself up and coerced the other to do the same, carding his hand through his hair whilst cupping his cheek.
“You’re safe, you’re safe with me, no-one will get their hands on you, not whilst I’m here,” they shushed, starting to place short kisses on the others face brows furrowing at the way his partner struggled to breath.

They moved their hand from his messy hair and instead let it find its place on Seven’s chest, lightly pushing against it in a way that mimicked a calmer breathing pattern, trying to gently steer him away from his panic.
“C’mon, you can do it, in and out…in…and out.” He leaned his forehead against his partner’s and calmed their own breathing, soothing themself in the process as well.

When Seven found the strength to force himself to stop breathing in such an erratic manner, he wiped the tears off his face, staining his sleeves as he did.
Ignoring how the room seemed to spin around them and the way it felt as if his head was about to fall off, an indicator of an oncoming headache for sure, he pushed himself against Noli, wracking sobs into their shoulder as he enveloped them in a tight hug.

“Noli-! Noli-” his voice cracked and he sniffed. He tried to keep his tears from dripping onto his lover's shirt. Those efforts ended up being in vain. He held the other as if they’d disappear if he let go, no doubt marking the space between their shoulderblades red.

Their embrace was soft but firm, it grounded him and managed to distract him from the horrid imagery his subconscious had forced him to witness only a few minutes ago. Noli’s hands, which had slipped under his shirt just moments ago to caress his lower back, were cold against his seemingly burning skin. The action, calming as it may be, reminded him of the way his shirt, drenched in sweat, clung to his back—making him curl in on himself.

“Dear, can you talk to me?” They quietly asked, hoping to soothe their husband whilst still figuring out what had caused this. “I-I…” Seven’s breathing caught and he for a second, he choked on his saliva, prompting Noli to shush him whilst rubbing his back slowly. ‘Take your time, don’t force yourself.” His voice had shifted into a whisper as he brushed his lips against the space behind the brunet’s ear, barely counting as a kiss but enough to bring him back from his panic once again.

It took him a bit, but eventually the ex-hacker managed to force out what he wished to say: “Please don’t be dead. Please?” He looked up at his partner, tears reappearing and wetting his eyes. “Please, Noli? You-you can’t be-you have to promise you aren’t.” The barely hidden panic in his voice made them bite down on their lip, they couldn’t stand how horribly saddened their sweetheart sounded.

“I promise, Sevs, I’m right here with you.” He hesitated, if only for a second, to continue. “This is real, you aren’t stuck anymore.” He pressed many, feather-light kisses to Seven’s face, as if trying to prove their words as fact. Luckily for the both of them, they were.
The action distracted the chubbier man and whilst he leaned into the touch, he hoped to remember what it reminded him of.

His partner eventually hugged him again, lighter this time, it didn’t feel like they were the only thing anchoring him to reality this time, it felt nice.
Oh. Right, the kisses had reminded him of the first time they got high, Noli had pecked him all over in the same manner back then. He smiled faintly at the memory yet couldn’t help but focus on the stinging that’d been left by the constant rubbing at his eyes.

“Sorry…I didn’t mean to wake you, you must be-” He was cut off by his partner squeezing him tightly resulting in him coughing for a moment.
“Don’t you dare disregard yourself. Who cares if I don’t sleep as long as usual? I’m just glad you’re okay.” They hid their face in his neck, trying to mask the shaky tone he had, they sounded as if on the brink of tears—had he really affected them so much?

“...Sevens? Are you..feeling any better?” The question lingered for a moment, asked in a cautious manner—it made him feel weak, as if he had to be talked down to like a child, though he knew that’s not what the other intended, they’d never purposely make him feel like that, so he pushed the feeling aside.

It took a moment longer, but he eventually responded: “Yea. I’ve already told you. I-I’m wasting your time. You should be asleep, dearest. I’m not…” Noli already knew he wouldn’t like the way this sentence would end. “I’m not worth your time—alright?” Called it.

Despite anticipating the self-deprecation, they couldn’t help but slow their movements, frowning whilst doing so, his grip subconsciously tightening on the brush’s handle.
“You’re worth all of my time. You’re worth more than time itself. I’d do anything you asked of me, happily.” He doesn't know why, but they were reminded of the Voidstar, how badly Sev had wanted it, and how that changed the moment they figured out just how dangerous it is.

“If you told me you'd changed your mind, told me you wanted me to get the Voidstar anyway, I would. In a heartbeat.” His husband jolted and looked over his shoulder, brows furrowed and biting into his lip in discomfort, before he could say anything they continued: “Anything is worth doing if I’m doing it for you. …And no, I’m not planning to get that cursed artifact anytime soon, I just...needed something of high enough risk to properly explain to you just how much I love you.”

The room felt enclosed in a tense manner, nearly claustrophobic, even. It made the hair on their uncovered arms stand on end and pupils dilate.
“I don’t think I deserve that.” Seven stated almost casually, he wasn’t particularly bothered by the fact, at least, not any longer, it felt more like fact than insult. Perhaps that’s what made it ache all the more for them.
“I don’t deserve any of it. Not your time—and certainly not your love.”

Seeing his husband look down had Noli bracing for whatever hateful words he was about to add—but chose to let him continue, knowing he needed a moment reserved just for himself—stating them as fact despite being so undoubtedly far from the truth.
He stared at his hands, grimacing at the corruption lingering on his fingertips before he balled his hands into fists, digging his nails into his palms at the reminder of all he’d caused.
“Noli,” he started, sounding more resolute than he had all night, “Do you think-” He inhaled sharply. “-That I deserve death?”

Oh. Oh. So, that’s not a good question.
Noli blinked, and then blinked again…And again.
”Oh.”
Well that’s not what he was meant to say.
Subconsciously they found it odd how focused they were on the feeling of their husband’s bare back rising and falling with every breath all of the sudden, or how noticeable the quiet buzz of their old bathroom light happened to be.
Odd how the brain does that, isn’t it?

They were snapped out of their little moment when feeling Seven tense underneath his hands, having long stilled their movements completely.
Right. He has to say something. They can’t just keep reassuring him in their head.
“You’re the most wonderful man I’ve ever met, Double’oh Seven N Seven.” He paused for a moment still processing the underlying meaning of what his beloved had asked him.
“Please don’t kill yourself.”

“What-” “I think I’d die from sadness. Natural selection, or something.” A pause. Then? Laughter. Unexpected, really.
They flinched, looking down at the other’s sitting figure, the familiar sound pulling him from his state of lingering shock.
“What? Why are you laughing? I’m serious, Sevs.”
“Sorry-! Sorry-! That just-That just caught me off guard,”

Slowly but surely they continued brushing their husband’s hair as he calmed down from his fit of laughter.
“Sorry for the…ah…Shock. I wasn’t…planning on doing anything, though. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“Not like I’d let you.”
Oh maybe that sounds a little off.
“But thanks for the reassurance? …I love you.”

Seven turned to look over his shoulder as he’d done earlier, a soft smile on his face—despite his eyes still being red and puffy from the recent crying—whilst he sighed in exasperation.
“Love you too, Null.”
They admired the way the corner of his eyes wrinkled as his smile grew.
“Though, the bathwater’s cold at this point…Want to just…Go back to bed? We can—er, should—talk about this later, when we’re both less dazed.”

“Yea, that’s-that’s a good idea, I’d like that.”
“Do you want to eh—Hug? Cuddle? Whatever it’s called?”
“Please.”