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"No! No, no, no! Dammit!"
You can't tear your eyes away from the floor, even though they're rapidly filling with tears.
It's not even the wasted food, although that's upsetting as well. But you know Reth isn't stingy and will happily give you another helping of fried rice.
You sink to your knees, desperately willing the scattered shards of your favourite bowl to glue themselves back together again like magic. The one with the beautiful vines and flowers and birds and rabbits, all rendered in a soft glaze of blues and teals.
The one Ashura always makes sure to serve your food in, after you've told him how much you admired the workmanship and artistry in such an everyday object.
The man in question hurries over from behind the counter, just as you brush your hand over the largest shard. "[Y/N]! Are you hurt?"
You try to keep your voice steady, even though it's taking you a lot of effort. "It's not that, Ashura. Look what I did! I'm so sorry!"
"Now, don't you worry about that, girl! Just be careful, those fragments of pottery can be dang sharp!"
Ashura's face shows nothing but concern for you as he pulls you back on your feet. You really don't deserve his kindness. That thought brings another wave of tears to yours eyes, and you blink furiously to try and dispel them.
"Let me... let me get something to clean... shit, I'm so sorry, I'll give you money to replace... fuck, I always do stupid stuff like this, dammit!"
And with those words, your tears can no longer be controlled. You collapse into Ashura's arms like a pathetic idiot, bawling your eyes out.
It's probably not even because of the bowl. You're just so tired of screwing things up. It seems that since you arrived here, nothing goes according to plan. You're exhausted. You need a break. But instead, you just end up breaking things.
Like the bowl.
Weakly, you allow someone to guide you home, concerned hands covering you with a blanket and giving you something that tastes like a sleeping draught maybe, but you just can't summon the energy to pay attention to any of it. It's all too much. With your eyes still feeling gummy and sore from how much you've cried, you drift off to sleep, hoping beyond hope that things will fix themselves somehow.
You get woken up by a soft, hesitant knock on the door.
You have no idea how long you've slept. It's sunny and bright outside, just like every day, so that doesn't give you a clue either.
The knock doesn't repeat itself, so you take your time getting up and trying to gather your energy, before going to the door to see if someone left a message for you, or if they were simply at the wrong house.
You don't expect to see Hodari, staring off into the distance, his brow furrowed as if he's not exactly sure what he's doing here, while fiddling with a wrapped object in his hands. At the sound of the door opening, he turns around and greets you with a nod and a gruff, "Hey," but a blush creeps across his cheeks as he does so.
"Hodari? Wait... was that you knocking? Have you been waiting here all this time?"
You can't help but feel mortified. Even though you and Hodari have been getting along pretty well recently, he surely has better things to do than waiting for you to drag your pathetic ass out of bed.
"Dammit, I'm sorry! I had no idea! Do you want to come in? No wait, you're probably on your way to the mines or something. Something to drink maybe? A snack? Shit, I mean, sorry! Is... is there a reason you were waiting for me?"
Hodari starts laughing softly. "Calm down, lass. Just here t'give you somethin'. But I 'preciate yer kindness. As always."
He presses the covered object into your hands, and for a moment his fingers linger on yours. You look at what you're holding, and then up again to meet his gaze. "What...?"
Hodari rubs a hand across his neck, fidgeting a bit. "'S not really my style, makin' a big deal outta things. But... well, open it."
You turn the object over in your hands, trying to find the best place to start. The paper is plain, but that doesn't really make a difference to you. Something wrapped with care should be unwrapped the same way.
Hodari's eyes shine with appreciation at your gentle way of handling his gift.
As the paper peels away, a flash of gold catches the sunlight.
Your breath hitches and your hands start to tremble. "Hodari... what... No, wait, I can't accept this, it looks expensive, I can't..."
Suddenly, large hands enfold yours, keeping them steady. "You can, lass. Go on."
The paper flutters to the ground. The tears in your eyes give the bowl in your hands a misty, blurry appearance. Beautiful vines and flowers and birds and rabbits, all rendered in a soft glaze of blues and teals, cut through with fine threads of gold, filling every crack.
"I guess I jus' wanted to say... I see how much you care for ev'ryone an' ev'rything here, [Y/N]. Yer so scared of doin' something wrong, and my heart jus' breaks for you, 'cause yer doin' so much right. You jus' need someone to tell you yer doin' good. An'... this is what I'm good at, fixin' things. So... it's yours, if you want it."
Hodari's voice is a low rumble, barely audible over the breeze and the sounds of animals in the distance. But it reverberates deep inside you, nevertheless.
You look up and meet his gaze.
You take a small step closer. He doesn't move away. His hands tighten on yours, still holding the bowl.
"Thank you," you whisper.
Hodari's eyes crinkle with a soft, gentle smile. "Thank you for fixin' that bowl, or thank you for all the stupid stuff I jus' said?"
At a loss for words, you do the only thing you can think of. You stand on the tips of your toes and press a quick kiss to Hodari's cheek.
He blushes a deep purple, but doesn't let go of your hands.
"Lass, I..."
Suddenly he blinks, and starts laughing.
Flustered, you try to turn away, but his firm grip won't let you. In a desperate attempt to salvage the situation, you blurt out, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have, I just..."
"Shh, shhh. I was jus' thinkin'..." His voice is soothing, calm, even as he pulls you closer. "If you want to try more of that, might be best to set the bowl down."
His laughter caresses your skin.
"Y'know, in case we end up breakin' it again."
