Work Text:
Today Hitoya was in Shinjuku, coming over for work as usual. This wasn’t new for him or anything but ever since the Jakurai incident and Kuko and Jyushi breaking into Hifumi’s club, he always expected the worst from the city. Even when leaving Nagoya behind, those two brats manage to follow him and stir up trouble. Still, today had been fun for him. He visited a few thrift stores, happy with his haul, and neither Kuko nor Jyushi had called him even once. As he was walking through the busy streets of Shinjuku back to his hotel, he suddenly heard a familiar screaming voice.
“HAH?! YOU WANT MY MONEY?! THE MONEY I’VE BEEN SLAVING AWAY FOR ALL THIS TIME?! THEN COME AT ME, YOU FUCKING COWARDS! I’LL FUCK YOU ALL UP IF YOU EVEN DARE TRY TO TAKE IT FROM ME!”
Hitoya peeked around the corner of an alleyway to see none other than Matenro’s Doppo Kannonzaka threatening a scary group of thugs. Huh, usually it’d be the other way around, no?
Hitoya decided it was best for him to interrupt before the situation escalated. “Hey, what the hell is happening here?!”
“I-I-I don’t know! This weirdo just started screaming out of nowhere! Y-You can have your money back!” one of them stammered, shoving a briefcase into Doppo’s hands.
As the other few guys quickly mumbled out an apology before running for the hills, Hitoya stared slackjawed. He was expecting to have to threaten them with the power of the law, but it looked like Doppo here scared them away all by himself. He looked over at Doppo expecting him to be pissed, but the man just seemed utterly confused.
“Hm? What’s up with them?” Doppo asked in a daze before turning around. “O-Oh! You’re that guy from Nagoya, Amaguni-san! I didn’t know you were here!” he bowed deeply. “I-I’m sorry you had to see that! What are you doing in Shinjuku anyways?”
“Kannonzaka, right? Jeez, raise your head. I’m just here for some work, that’s all. Why are you even apologizing to me of all people?”
“Ah, because you had to see such a pathetic act. Haha, of course it’s only natural I’d be mugged while walking home from work…” Despite the smile on his face, he looked awfully gloomy. He was staring absently down at the floor, as if he forgot Hitoya were there altogether. “Just look at this tired face that screams ‘please rob me!’. I waste my sad life away everyday just for the sake of the company, and this is how life repays–”
“Don’t say that, Kannonzaka.” Before Doppo could degrade himself anymore, Hitoya quickly grabbed him by the shoulders. “Here, why don’t we go get a drink together? It’ll be on me.”
“Eh? Are you sure?” Doppo looked up at him.
“Of course! I was planning on getting one anyways.” Hitoya said, already pushing Doppo towards the nearest bar. “Trust me, I have more than enough money to pay for the both of us.”
Doppo let out a small giggle. “W-Well, if you insist. That’s awfully kind of you.”
—
“HAHHH!” Doppo chugged another drink before slamming the mug against the bar. “And then that piece of shit fired me! Can you believe it?! After all the hard work I put into that shitty company, that bald fucking bastard FIRED me! Obviously I got my job back, but I had to fight tooth and nail for it first! And then—”
“Kannonzaka, if your work sounds so bad, why don’t you sue them for power harassment?” Hitoya interrupted him once more. “I could even help you. In fact, I can probably provide you with a cheap consultation if you’d like.”
He observed Doppo’s disheveled state, hair a ruffled mess and face tinted red. Clearly Doppo was someone who got more rowdy with alcohol, but Hitoya would be a bit of a hypocrite if he criticized him for it, and it wasn’t anything he couldn’t handle yet. Still, it was a bit annoying listening to the poor man rant about the same thing every second of the day, especially now that he was incoherently rambling and slurring every word. How did Jakurai deal with this everyday?
“Urghhh, I wish, but if I were to do that, my position at the company…”
“If I were you I’d just consider changing jobs altogether. It’s clearly having a negative effect on your health, both physical and mental.”
“I wish it were that easy to switch jobs, Hitoya-san! I don’t have time to look for a new job, every hour is just work, work, work! If I don’t make money I can’t survive, but what’s the point when work is the very thing killing me?!” Doppo began to slam the beer mug on the bar multiple times, granting multiple awkward stares from the people around them. “FUCKKK!!! I HATE THE WAY THIS SHITTY WORLD WORKS!!!”
“KANNONZAKA!” Hitoya grabbed him. “Calm down, calm down!”
“How the hell can I calm down when I’m always so damn stressed about everything?!” Doppo snapped back.
Hitoya sighed, letting go. “I get you’re in a tough situation, but I’m sure there’s something you can do that doesn’t involve quitting your job. What do you do in your free time to help destress?”
Doppo thought for a moment. “Well, the only thing I ever do is sleep. Sometimes Hifumi drags me out to do something, but most of the time I just want to sleep.”
Hitoya raised an eyebrow. “Okay, what are your hobbies?”
“Hobbies? I just work and sleep. Oh, and sometimes I go fishing with Hifumi and Sensei. Though a lot of the time I have to skip or leave early because of work…”
“S-Seriously? Well there’s your problem! How the hell do you expect to feel good when all you do is work and sleep like a damn robot?”
Doppo pouted. “It’s not that easy Hitoya-san! I mean, what do you do to relieve stress? You seem awfully busy being a successful lawyer, not to mention dealing with your teammates. Harai-kun and Aimono-san seem like a, er, rowdy bunch…”
“Hmph, you’re definitely not wrong about that.” Hitoya closed his eyes, thinking of all the times Kuko and Jyushi decided to break into his office while he was trying to work on a difficult case. “It’s tough but you just gotta balance things out. When I have free time I play my guitar, take my motorcycle out for a ride, or drink some coffee at a cafe. There’s all sorts of things you can try.”
Well, truthfully the only people who could get him to step away from those difficult cases were Kuko and Jyushi. Hitoya recalled the multiple times he was stuck at his desk as a pale, tired mess, all because he was too stubborn to step away from work for a bit, especially when it’s a case involving bullying. Luckily those two kids are just as stubborn and made him take a break, which he was usually grateful for by the end.
Doppo groaned, putting his head down on the bar table. “What’s the point? I have no time or money to waste on these things, I need some sort of quick fix.”
Hitoya scratched his goatee, thinking of solutions. Stress isn’t exactly something you can get a “quick fix” for, but there had to be something Doppo could do. Think, think, what could work for a guy like him? Suddenly, a light bulb went off in his head.
“Well, Kannonzaka, I have one idea that might work well for you..”
“Really?! Well, spit it out!”
“Sometimes when I’m stressed, like, really stressed, I like to find a secluded place and yell as loudly as possible.”
“...”
Doppo blinked back at him, stunned into silence for a moment. “E-Eh, seriously? Someone like you does something as crude as that?”
Hitoya scowled. “There are two things I can't stand. The first is coffee with too much sugar. The second is people who make rude assumptions about others.” He could see Doppo squirm under his glare, so he softened it. “Look, I’ve seen you screaming your heart out during the DRB’s, so clearly it does something for you, right? Hell, you were even screaming at those thugs earlier.”
“Ah, I guess I’ve never thought about that. When I reach my breaking point I just can’t help but start yelling…”Hitoya nodded. “Yeah, I totally get you! You don’t get many chances to just let it all out like that, huh? So what do you say? I’m sure there’s a forest or something around here.”
“O-Okay, I guess I’m willing to try anything at this point…”
—
And so, Doppo led Hitoya to a nice, isolated forest. It was a bit far from Shinjuku, but it’s not like Hitoya was expecting to find a whole forest near the big city. He actually enjoyed the change in scenery. The bright lights and busy scenery of Shinjuku were interesting for a bit, but once they lost their novelty they only made him more homesick for Nagoya.
“So, now what? Do I just yell?” Doppo looked around. “I-I’m a bit nervous…”
Hitoya pat his back reassuringly. “You’ll be fine, just think about all the terrible things you go through everyday! In fact, why don’t I go first?”
Doppo’s eyes widened with shock. “Huh?! You’re doing it too?!”
“Sure, why not?” Hitoya shrugged. “We’re here so might as well. I’m here to help you, so if you need an example to follow I’m willing to do it.”
Hitoya stepped up and thought of all the frustrations he’d been through recently: Kuko pawning off the expensive whiskey he’d been saving, Jyushi whining to him about losing Amanda for the 15th time, the annoying bullies who barged into his office thinking they could pay him off. He could feel the anger welling inside him, until he channeled it into one long, powerful scream. The trees and bushes around them rustled as the forest creatures scurried away in a hurry. When he finished, he sighed in relief, thinking he already felt better. He looked behind him to see Doppo still standing there, jaw dropped in shock.
“W-Woah, I didn’t know you could be so loud! Well, you were always pretty loud when you rapped, but that was on a whole other level!”
Hitoya’s cheeks tinged pink, feeling slightly embarrassed now. “W-Well, it’s nothing. Like I said, I just wanted to give you an example. This is for you, remember? You’re definitely louder than me.”
Doppo nodded and shakily walked up to the front, staring out into the vast wilderness.
“Uhm, maybe I can just–”
“Kannonzaka!” Hitoya crossed his arms. “I don't tolerate people running from their problems like this. If you're gonna complain, then I better see you trying your damn hardest to find a solution for your problems.”
Doppo gulped and rapidly bowed. “Y-Yes sir! No excuses coming from me, sir!”
Hitoya just sighed loudly and motioned for him to start.
Now, Hitoya had heard Doppo’s screams during the DRB. He himself was a victim to the terrifyingly powerful effects of Berserker, and no one can forget the moment he lit the entire stadium up with his pure, unadulterated rage during the final showdown of the second DRB. However, nothing could have prepared him for the noise that was about to exit Doppo’s body.
Doppo stepped up, mumbled something about his shitty balding boss, and took a deep breath. The second he opened his mouth, a roar akin to that of a wild beast exited him. It could barely even be described as human. Hitoya could swear he felt the ground shake as a strong gust of wind rustled the trees. Surely that was a coincidence, right? The forest animals ran about in a panic as the birds hiding in trees flew away hurriedly.
When he was done, he stooped over and stumbled forward a few steps. Before Hitoya could make sure him and his vocal cords were okay, Doppo turned around with a huge, lopsided grin on his face.
“That was AWESOME!” he exclaimed excitedly, a completely different man from the dreary salaryman he was just a few minutes ago. He ran up to Hitoya animatedly. “Wow, it was so exhilarating and freeing! I just imagined my boss was right there in front of me, and now I feel so much better!”
Hitoya gave him an incredibly awkward smile, confusion and fear still lingering inside him. “Uhm, I’m glad to hear that, Kannonzaka. You were very… loud.”
Doppo bowed. “Thank you so much for helping me, Hitoya-san! I’m sure this will help me with managing my stress much better! I mean, in an empty forest like this, I can say whatever I want! This will be nothing like that time I accidentally posted all my vent posts about my boss online and he found out!”
“Yeah, glad to help…” Hitoya scratched the back of his neck, unsure of how to feel. For some reason it felt like he’d awakened a monster of some kind.
He watched as Doppo pranced around, running in circles while yelling curses about his boss. Jeez, this guy was never going to get better. Hitoya huffed, deciding it wasn’t his business. Jakurai could deal with whatever this is now.
—
After that ordeal, the two headed back to Shinjuku and said their farewells. The next day Hitoya headed back to Nagoya, the entire incident becoming a faded memory in his head. A week later, however, he received a unique text from Jakurai.
“Hitoya, how are you doing today? Doppo wanted me to tell you that he found another method to relieve his stress. Apparently lion dancing has been very helpful for him.”
…Lion dancing?
Hitoya clicked on the video Jakurai attached to see that it was, in fact, Doppo dancing around his apartment listening to the music one would hear at a Chinese festival when they bring out the lion dancers. Hitoya stared with astonishment, a mix of emotions bubbling inside him. Is the man’s life so terrible these are the things he has to resort to?
Hitoya groaned, sitting at his desk and going on his computer, typing in “E.L. Medical Co., Ltd”. It’s Hitoya’s fault the man seemed to have snapped, so the least he could do was report his shitty company to the right people. That will provide Doppo at least some saving grace, right?