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"Gosh can you even feel anything? I'm breaking up with you and all you've got to say is 'OK'? What is wrong with you?"
wrong...
Not the first time a girl asked him what was wrong with him, maybe unsurprisingly. The next time Shane decided to try talking with a girl again he should maybe start with daily reminders of his weirdness... maybe that would stop them from being surprised by it in the end. If there even was a next time, his hockey career chances steadily rising and looking to be big.
"Hello??? Earth to Shane Hollander!"
She was still standing in front of him, red faced and wide eyed.
"Yes... I'm sorry. Are you done?"
He wasn't sure what time it was, looking at his phone to check the time would be rude, but he had a feeling he was going to be late for practice.
"Am I done?? We are done! I can't believe I ever thought I could like you! Who could ever love you!"
With that she turned on her heels and walked away, towards one of the school's parking lots.
Huh, that hurt a bit more.
Shane let the breath he had unconsciously held leave his lungs again, clenching and unclenching his hands a few times. To get some blood flowing to his finger tips, it was cold outside again today. After a few seconds he gripped the straps of his bag with his hockey equipment and started walking towards the rink.
He had no time for this.
•••••••••
Practice went well. Same routine, same results.
His dad had picked him up from the rink, the car ride silent aside from the quiet tunes on the radio. His father did not like driving in complete silence, especially not when it was dark outside.
They entered the house just as his mom finished setting the table for dinner.
"Shane, David! Come eat before the food gets cold"
His mothers voice rang out while he was unlacing his boots.
Upon entering their kitchen and dining area he was hit with the smell of the rich parmesan loaded sauce his father loved with a good heaping of pasta.
His father sat down at his place, the head of the table, with Shane and his mother at either side.
"So... how was school? How was practice?"
Shane's hand that just reached the ladle for the pasta faltered for a millisecond.
"It was good."
"That's good."
Silence enveloped them like a tightly wrapped blanket, smothering.
Shane put half a ladle of pasta on his plate, with a bit of the thick savory sauce to the side, not touching the pasta yet.
"Take more of the pasta, you need carbs after practice."
"I'm good, I ate a lot at school before practice."
"Okay, okay."
His father was still enjoying his second serving as Shane finished his food for the evening. He tried to neatly arrange his used cutlery on top of his plate but every noise of metal on porcelain felt like a gunshot piercing the calm.
"Thank you for the food."
He said, looking at his mom's face but not looking her in the eyes.
He quickly took his dishes to the dishwasher and then told his parents that he would shower quickly and then head to bed early. Nothing unusual.
Standing in front of his mirror, ready to take his shower, Shane felt stuck for a brief moment.
••••••••
Freshly showered, burried under a thick blanket, Shane's thoughts circled back to the breakup.
Who could ever love you?
The girls voice echoed in his head.
Yeah who could.
Shane knew his parents loved him of course, but even Shane knew that she was talking about a different type of love in that moment.
Romantic love.
Who could ever love him? Could there ever be someone for him? Maybe she's out there somewhere, right now.
Something about it didn't seem right to Shane but he couldn't put a finger on it.
No.
Maybe he just wasn't made for it. Maybe he just wasn't made to be loved, or even to love.
Shane Hollander was made for hockey, hockey would be his future and it'd be fine.
The tears in the corner of his eyes stung a little bit, almost falling but hanging on still. It's not crying if they don't fall, leaving marks on his cheeks.
Shane turned his head to the side and closed his eyes.
It's time to sleep.