Chapter Text
For someone whose last memory I remembered was about me accidentally eating shrimp soup in a restaurant and literally choking into unconsciousness because of a stupid shellfish allergy. I like to think that I'm doing a pretty good job at not losing my shit when I’m abruptly woken up by a blurry figure trying their best to kill me via chest massage despite the complete lack of water on my lungs.
*Thud!*
Son of a bitch, if the shrimp doesn't kill me then this stupid moron definitly will.
Even more so since said individual is now struggling to raise what seems to be a ham–
‘No, that doesn't sound right.’ I frown at the thought and try to rephrase it better.
They are struggling to lift my hammer that was laying right by my side on the… sandy beach???
….
Fuck it. I can worry about this shit later.
Dismissing the mystery that can wait for now, I finally breathe enough oxygen back into my lungs after the moron all but removed it from me and immediately use it to yell at them.
“Stop with it already! I'm fine, just give me a sec for my eyes to stop hurting.” I angrily complain at the bluish figure who quickly drops my hammer and comes closer to check on me again, right before freezing at a small detail that almost escaped me unnoticed.
‘Hold up, I don’t record talking like someone who inhaled several helium balloons as a hobby for my voice to possibly sound like a cartoon chara–’
“Sorry, I kind of panicked a little.” The sheepish voice of a young kid awkwardly derails my previous train of thought with a small cough and thankfully helps me to stand up before I can spiral again.
With a few blink of my eyes and a deep breath, I all but bluescreen when the blurry figure slowly focuses into a worried face beneath a blue helmet with huge blades protruding from both his forehead and torso.
Pawniard.
“Yes?” He confusedly asks while pointing at himself.
Oh shit, did I say that outloud?
“N-Nevermind that.” I reply with a firm shake of my head. Just imagining why the actual hell I’m able to understand him in the first place is already doing wonders to my building migraine.
‘Why am I staring at a Pawniard and why is he almost as tall as me?’ Is my first real question about what kind of bullshit hallucination I was suffering from before it finally clicks in my head.
He wasn't almost as tall as me, it was me who shrunk down to be almost as small as him.
Frantically grabbing the makeshift hammer as if it didn't weigh shit, I ignore the curious pokémon who silently follows after me when I make my way to crystal clear water and feel a twitch of my eye at the pink gremlin who stares back from the reflection.
A Tinkatuff. I died in that restaurant and became an Arceus damned Tinkatuff for my troubles.
*Twitch*
“Hey, are you sure you’re doing fine?” The boy hesitantly asks from my side and all I can do is give him a stiff nod with a very fake smile on my face when I finally glance at the area in our surroundings.
Not that far away from us in the distance is a large lighthouse with a pair of Ampharos tiredly chatting between themselves as they leave the building. Probably having just finished their shift lighting it up for the night and now going back home during the morning.
The wooden docks with a sleeping Lapras currently laying their head on the deck and drooling heavily on it is just as amusing as the sight of the seaside town’s residents leaving their own homes with a couple yawns here and there.
What does get my attention though, is the fact that there isn't a single human in sight no matter where you look. Missus Kangaskhan casually gossiping with her Nidoqueen neighbor as their children excitedly run off to somewhere? Sure. A Spinda stumbling around the town like your perpetually drunk uncle and somehow not walking into anyone on her way? Very amusing to watch indeed. A group of kids accidentally crossing paths with this stern looking Aggron? Now they are happily using him as an improvised jungle-gym while he dramatically stomps his way across the street with a booming laugh.
It doesn't take a genius to guess where I ended up. A quick attempt at recalling my name or family and coming up with a blank spot just drives the last nail in the coffin for me.
‘Definitely some random town in the Mystery Dungeon universe.’ I numbly conclude to myself with a visible sag of my shoulders at the realization and turn back to answer my fellow Steel-Type.
“Not doing very great to be honest, but thanks for asking anyway.” I admit with a rueful smile at the kid before walking over to one of the several wooden stumps buried in the sand for other pokemon to sit on and decide to gather my thoughts lest I start smashing random shit out of sheer frustration.
‘On one hand I get to have a huge hammer that I can use to hit anyone I dislike on the face. While on the other I was turned into an honorary garden gnome and probably look downright adorable to everyone who happens to stare at me from above.’
Which just happens to be basically 87% of every pokémon ever created.
’....’
Shit.
Closing my eyes for a couple extra minutes and focusing on the sounds of the crashing waves nearby, the kid finally seems to gather the courage to speak up again with a mumble so low that it gets completely drowned by the waves.
“Could ya repeat that? Didn’t quite catch it.”
“I-I can show you the town if you want!” He timidly offers to me and I don’t see any reason to turn down his request after pondering on it for a bit.
“Hmm, sure. Why not?” I eventually agree with a bored shrug at not really having anything else better to do right now and try not to chuckle at the way he visibly brightens up at the answer with a very excited nod.
Is not like staying there sulking would magically solve any of my problems anyway.
I regret everything, sulking by myself might have been preferable compared to this brand new kind of personal hell.
“And this right here is Mr. Beartic's shop!” My surprisingly enthusiastic guide comments with a fond tone to the intimidating building that vaguely resembles a bear’s head snarling at the customers outside.
Looking past the entrance, I easily spot said owner behind a wooden counter carefully adjusting a comically small bowtie attached to his chest fur with a concentrated expression on his face. One that eventually gives way to a pleased smile when he deems it good enough.
“By the way! do you know if anyone around here has been wanting to hire some extra help around here?” I desperately ask the kid who was about to keep yapping for yet another hour of useless information about the town if I let him keep going on with a pointed head tilt to the ice cream shop.
I really do appreciate the enthusiasm from the usually timid fella, but holy shit he just wouldn't shut up from the moment I asked about these three statues built in the middle of the town's main square.
Apparently they were the saviors of Azure Town or whatever this place is called after a bunch of mystery dungeons in the region had gone apeshit and started releasing their feral residents en masse to the outside. The absolute madlads would then be gone for days inside of the damn things fighting against wave after wave of enemies until they solved the problem and were able to return.
“Maybe? The only one that comes to mind is Ms. Miltank. During one of her morning deliveries I heard her lamenting that she isn't as fast as she was before, but I think she was mostly just joking.” Pawniard hesitantly answers my question with an apologetic look.
Well fuck me I guess, either she hires me or I’m just gonna have to thug it out by living in a cave or some shit.
“Sounds good enough for me, do you know where she lives?”
“Yeah, if we follow the main road we should get there in just a couple minutes. And if I remember correctly there’s this fancy store along the way that Lady Furfrou owns with some really pretty scarv– WOAH!” He yelps when I firmly grab his arm and all but drag him along the way before he gets the chance to enter another rabbit hole that is the townsfolk gossip mill.
Miltank
Carefully closing the straps of her bag and doing a last recounting of the bottles inside for the third time and last time, Miltank satisfiedly nods to herself and prepares to start her daily routine when a pair of young voices outside bring her attention.
“I dunno, what if she isn't home?” The meek one asks from behind the curtains she installed on her doorway a couple weeks ago.
Curiously pointing both ears to better hear the conversation happening right outside her home, Miltank slowly approaches the window and peeks at the two unexpected guests on her doorstep.
‘What is Bisharp's kid doing around here with a new friend? I thought he was supposed to be at school at this time.’ She wonders with an idle swoosh of her tail.
“If she isn't then I'll just wait around here until she comes back. ‘S not like I have much to do anyways…” The pink one replies with a grumble and Milktank barely stops herself from outing her position by deadpanning ‘School’ outloud. “But don't you worry, I have the perfect method to discover whether or not someone is home, this old reliable trick always works!"
“Oh! And what's it?”
“Shouting their name really loud, if they don't show up by the third time then we can be absolutely sure that they aren’t home.” The small fairy brightly explains to the easily gullible boy with an undertone of mischief in her voice.
With a low sigh of exasperation at their antics, Miltank decides to spare her poor ears from the imminent screaming session on her doorstep and hopefully rescue the neighbor’s kid while he still wasn't completely corrupted by the chaotic influence standing by his side while at it.
*Inhale*
Taking that as her signal, Miltank shoves a hoof through the leafy curtain separating them and places it directly on the pink menace's puffed mouth. Watching amusedly as the small child owlishly blinks in surprise at the sudden limb on her mouth before sputtering with a loud ‘Blergh!’
“No need for any of that missy, I already knew you kids were here with how loud you two were talking. Now, why are you two here and not at the school?” She pointedly asks the last part to Pawniard whose face quickly shifts to a panicked expression. Probably having just remembered that he's way past the time to attend his classes with Professor Archeops.
“Ahem! Because of this!” The manic child dramatically declares as she pulls an improvised pamphlet made out of twigs, vines and dry tree bark with a very bad writing scratched on it.
Tiny Tinka's Handyman!
We accept requests such as: Delivery, Massages (Back and shoulders only), Retrieval of any items you may have lost in the last couple days, a temporary assistant for your store, and much more!
“If your problems can't be solved with a big ass hammer, then we're clearly not hitting it hard enough!” –Tinka
With an audible snort at the phrase, she can't help but feel a smile tugging at her lips.
“Let's say I hire you, how are you going to be here and still attend school?” Miltank curiously asks with a dubious look at the still smiling kid who doesn't seem fazed in the slightest by her question.
“Easily, I simply don't go to school. So I'm technically free at any time!”
What.
“Wait, you don’t!?” Pawniard exclaims in surprise as he turns to face the fairy's completely unapologetic expression.
“Nope, I’m planning on settling down somewhere along the beach. If I’m lucky, the coconuts there will be enough to sustain me until I get money for some actual food.” Tinka sagely explains to him and playfully swings the hunk of metal that she calls a hammer against an invisible target.
“W-What about your folks? Where are they now?” Miltank finally blurts out after processing what the pink child had just said and receives an awkward shrug in response.
“I dunno, can't remember them at all. The only thing I know for certain is that Pawniard over here found me unconscious on the seashore and came to check up on me.”
With a rub of her forehead at the headache starting to make its presence known, Miltank silently motions for the two of them to follow her inside and swiftly places her bag on top of a table before sitting down to face the pair.
“Okay, you are hired.” She says and quickly raises a hoof before the child in front of her can get herself worked up without hearing the rest of what she has to say. “But! There's three requirements for it. Firstly, I’m going to arrange an extra room for you to live in here with me, so don't worry about food or something silly like that. Secondly, you are going to school just like all the other kids your age, so don’t even try to argue with me on that. And at last but not least… you will make friends.”
With an inaudible grumble at her requirements, Tinka ever so slowly raises an arm.
“And no, just Pawniard over here doesn't count.” She deadpans with a roll of her eyes when the smartass was about to point it out with a finger aimed directly at the still fidgeting Dark-type.
“Fiiine, but can I ask you something if you don’t mind?”
“Sure, go ahead.”
“Why did you make that last part sound like a threat?”
Because it is.
“I have no idea what you are talking about~!” Miltank innocently says with a friendly smile at the now very wary fairy.
The pair of flat stares that she receives from the both of them for the blatant lie almost makes her want to giggle in mirth. But she successfully manages to divert their attention with a small basket of berries she had laying around in case of guests.
‘Well, at least Bisharp is going to be happy to know that his son is making friends.’ She happily hums to herself as both children devour the meal in front of them after a few reluctant bites.