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You knew.
You knew from the moment he walked onto the field that the smile on his lips wasn’t the same smile you had fallen in love with. It didn’t completely reach his eyes and he seemed almost out of it as he conversed with the coaches and other players of the team. Sure, the man always seemed a bit unmotivated when it came to practice (even if everyone knew otherwise), but right now, to you, it was clear as day that something else was bothering him.
“Ah, did you hear Eri finally confessed to that boy she liked on the Volleyball team?” one of the other managers in the dugout with you spoke up.
“Oh, she did? I wish she had told me! What happened?” the third and final manager for Yakushi replied.
You listened to the two of them absent mindedly for a moment as you tried to place what was wrong with Sanada, but somewhere between their conversation and your constant worry you began filling in the pieces.
For a moment you felt the world around you freeze.
Dread was beginning to fill your veins and the blood within them quickly grew colder as you fished your phone out of your pocket. You scrolled through some of your more recent texts before you stopped on the last message Sanada had sent you. That’s right, he had texted you last night that he was finally going to confess to his ‘wife’. You had completely forgotten about that message…or rather you had forced yourself to forget not yet prepared for the heartbreak that would occur the moment this other girl admitted to reciprocating his feelings. At the time you had been positive that his feelings would have been returned; after all, to you Sanada was like the sun. He was bright, cheerful, passionate, handsome, reliable…you could make a list a mile long with compliments about him. There was just no way in your mind someone would turn him down.
You weren’t sure what to feel right now. A plethora of emotions were overwhelming your very being and it was impossible for you to pinpoint only one.
You felt relief over the fact that you still had a chance, but then you immediately felt disgust for even thinking something like that.
You felt confused over what kind of girl would actually turn down that big ball of sunshine. Did she see a side to Sanada that you yourself couldn’t even see? That was impossible, right? You’d known him since middle school since when you and your brother had both joined the baseball team. You as a manager and him as a shortstop.
You felt remorse for not having realized what had happened sooner. It should have been obvious the moment he hadn’t texted you back some kind of good news. You should have run over to his dorm last night with a bucket of chocolate ice cream and scientific facts that it could always help a broken heart.
Most of all though….most of all, you felt angry.
Who the hell did she think she was? You didn’t have a name or a face for her, but you had always pictured her as some kind hearted beauty that you could never compete with. Sanada had always appeared brighter on the days he had seen her and she genuinely appeared to have had some kind of interest in him if the texts he sometimes showed off to you was any sign of that.
Had she been leading him on? Was everything that transpired between her and Sanada just some kind of sick game or joke to her? Was she just a naturally touchy and flirtatious person? Did she know how badly she had hurt him? Did she even care?
God, you were just so angry and frustrated and you seriously never wanted to punch something in your life so badly.
You paused in your thoughts though when you noticed Sanada slowly walking toward you. You bit down on your lower lip briefly before you shoved your phone back into your pocket. The male quickly stepped down into the shaded area and took a seat not too far from where you were standing. The two other managers looked toward the taller male as he stared up at the ceiling before pulling his hat over his face. They whispered a few things to each other, but you couldn’t hear what the two of them were saying. You imagined it had something to do with the sudden atmosphere change in the dugout because they soon left to join the other players on the field making up some excuse of double checking that all the players water bottles were full.
You slowly looked toward Sanada before taking a small breath to steel your nerves. You doubted anything you said could make him feel better right now, but you had to try something. You cautiously moved toward the man as if he’d get upset and tell you to leave at any second; however, that thankfully never occurred and soon enough you were seated in the spot beside him.
The two of you sat in silence for a moment; however, your brain on the other hand was anything, but silent. It was chaos within your mind as you tried to pep talk yourself to say or do something…anything that might make the man you loved feel a bit better. In the end you settled for gently placing your right hand on his knee. You took note that his uniform was slightly warmed from the sun and the dirt that clung to it felt a bit grainy under your smooth hands.
“Do I look that pathetic right now?” Sanada spoke up without looking toward you or even so much as removing his hat.
“You could never look pathetic to me,” your response was instant and soft, but you were sure he had heard it especially when your felt his hand suddenly clasp down on your own. You smiled softly at the feeling of your hand squashed between his knee and hand. The smile on your lips soon became a sorrow filled one though when you felt the slight shake of his larger hand against your own. You knew there was nothing romantic behind the gesture, but you decided you couldn’t help trying to trick your brain into thinking there was.
You slowly leaned back into your own seat without removing your hand from him. Your eyes gently fluttered closed and you mouthed four simple words into the humid air of the dugout. One day…maybe you’d tell him how you felt, but for now you figured that this would have to suffice; after all, what he needed right now more than anything was a friend he could lean on.
‘I love you, Sanada’