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Jinki doesn't go back to his sub-basement apartment after the Omniscient View taping, instead following Moonsung back to his own home.
The car ride is quiet between them, which is not abnormal, especially when Jinki has to talk a lot for TV. It exhausts him, emotionally. But Moonsung knows the difference between Jinki's tired silence and his recharging silence and the silence that comes when Jinki is thinking, turning something over in his head over and over.
"What are you thinking about?" Moonsung finally asks when they get inside and Jinki is already nosing through his fridge for a snack.
Jinki finds some leftover banchan and sits at the counter with it, the whole time not looking up at Moonsung. Then he says,
"I'm thinking about saying 'I love you.'"
"Ah," Moonsung says, like it makes sense, because it does. He grabs a pair of chopsticks and sits across from Jinki to pick at the food as well.
"You say it to your girlfriend but it's rare a man your age says it to his mother," Moonsung repeats from the show.
"Mm," Jinki says. "The members, we say it to each other, too."
"If you mean it, it's right to say," Moonsung says.
"It's better if we say it when we feel it," Jinki adds, "because a time may come when you no longer can."
Moonsung doesn't reply to that.
But he thinks it's unfair the way Jinki had to learn that lesson.
—
It's not new, people saying things like "are you getting married to your manager?" like the panelists did. Anyone who sees how closely Jinki and Moonsung's lives are entwined might think the same thing. Their parents are practically in-laws, just as they said.
Moonsung can tell that Jinki is still thinking about it later, after dinner, when they're sitting on the couch and reading, jazz playing quietly on the stereo. They're opposite one another, Moonsung on "his" side and Jinki on "his," and of course, they've never spared a word to comment on the fact that they have "sides" of Moonsung's couch, or with what ease and regularity they sling a fleece blanket across both of their legs, covering the way their ankles tangle where they meet in the middle.
Moonsung can read Jinki's emotions in his eyes even under difficult circumstances, but the way Jinki's gaze is unfocused on the page in front of him gives it away especially easily tonight.
He considers just asking Jinki what he's thinking about, but he gets a better idea just as the name is leaving his lips.
"Jinki-ah," Moonsung says.
"Mn?" Jinki mumbles, delaying looking up from his book by a beat before meeting his eyes.
"I love you."
Jinki puts down his book.
"Why are you saying this now?" Jinki replies with a forced laugh, simply out of shy nerves.
"It's better if we say it when we feel it," Moonsung says. "You said so. And right now, I do."
"I did say that," Jinki replies quietly, nodding.
Moonsung moves to pick up his book and resume reading, but Jinki pipes up.
"Moonsungie?"
"Mm?" Moonsung replies, attentive. He's surprised that his face is warm, that his heart beats a little faster, anticipating Jinki's words.
"I love you too."
Moonsung nods. He wants to say I know, but instead, he says "Thank you."
Jinki smiles, warm and tight, and blinks his eyes cutely.
Then they pick up their books and settle back into reading, idly tracing one another's feet with their toes under the cover of the blanket and their deep, familiar emotional comfort.