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“I think,” Kojiro started, which must’ve been a bad sign, considering he was also doing menial tasks around his apartment, meaning he could’ve been considering anything. Instead of fretting over the vast amount of possibilities, Kaoru turned the page of his book, hoping whatever left the gorilla’s mouth next would be forgettable for him to not even process it. “That I know you better.”
Safe to say Kaoru immediately stopped reading, spinning where he was sitting on the sofa to glare at the man on the other side of the room, a few random skating and cooking magazines in hand (he could’ve sworn there was also a calligraphy one in the mix, but Kaoru worried pointing it out would imply he was snooping, so he decided against it) that he was glancing over, likely thinking of somewhere to place them as if he hadn’t just said his most ridiculous statement since the year started. “And what makes you think that?”
They’d known each other for the same amount of time, obviously. Been with each other almost every moment of every day, but Kaoru was certain that not only did he listen to more of what Kojiro was saying (not for its intrigue but simply for the man speaking it) but that he also retained more of it. Kojiro was useless in both fields, constantly spacing out mid conversation and forgetting where he placed certain things. It could be argued Kaoru was similar, what with him constantly getting distracted and overthinking everything he said in conversation, but he was sure that Kojiro had no evidence to back that claim up.
“Well— whenever anyone asks me anything about you I always know the answer, I don’t think you would.” Kojiro replied, stating it so simply as if it was fact, irrefutable. Sadly, Kaoru knew he was right.
“You’re joking, right?” He asked dully, resting his chin on his hand to raise an eyebrow at the other when he glared back at him, his defences predictably pulling up. “You never listen to a thing I say.”
“I think I listen way more than you think I do.”
“Oh yeah? How much would you bet on that?”
Kaoru already had his phone out and the group chat opened as Kojiro stalked towards him, frowning. “I’d bet anything. I know I know more about you than you do about me.”
“Winner gets anything, then?”
“Winner of what?” Kojiro asked as Kaoru shot off the message, grinning when Kojiro scrambled to get his phone out at the notification noise, likely already onto what Kaoru was doing. “Oh my god.”
Kaoru: We’re settling a dispute; accumulate a list of questions about Kojiro and I and be at Kojiro’s apartment for five. Dinner provided.
Miya: o7
Reki: oh this is SO hype
Langa: What’s for dinner?????
“Did you seriously offer dinner on my behalf?” Kojiro bemoaned, apparently taking issue with that and nothing else as Kaoru went back to his reading, now calm in the knowledge he would be proven right soon enough, simply humming in reply to the man’s complaints.
“You’re making me carbonara anyway, just make more of it.”
“You’re so annoying.”
“You invited me.”
“Did I? I don’t remember, in fact I remember you barging your way in—“
“You invited me when you gave me a key.” Kaoru shot back, turning the page as Kojiro made a few annoyed noises behind him, likely wishing ill on him. “It tells me I’m welcome any time.”
Finally, Kojiro didn’t reply, because in Kaoru’s opinion a few incoherent grumbles didn’t quite count.
𖢻
“Are we ready?” Reki asked as he sat across from them, legs crossed with his sketchbook on his lap in front of him. Langa was still raiding the fridge and Miya was sitting on one of Kojiro’s spare chairs pretending to play on his switch, but Kaoru could tell he was far more interested in the game in front of him than in his hands. In reply to Reki, Kojiro lifted his own small whiteboard, reeking of smugness and overconfidence that made Kaoru feel a little sick, holding his board closer to make sure it didn’t get infected.
“More than ready. I’m gonna crush you.”
“You’ve never crushed a thing in your life.”
“Okay!” Reki interrupted, voice louder than necessary but successfully drawing their attention and shutting them up, looking between them before looking down at his book. “Question one.”
They both got their pens at the ready.
“What is the other’s favourite colour?”
And both wrote at record speed, flipping their boards at the same time before looking at them, frowning.
“Kaoru you said Kojiro’s favourite colour is yellow?”
“Yeah, yellow, like the sun and pasta,” Kaoru huffed like it was obvious (because it was) and pretending to not be confused by Reki’s furrowed brows and continuing frown.
“And Kaoru’s favourite colour is red?”
“Yeah,” Kojiro replied with a shrug, and Kaoru grumbled to himself because of course Kojiro was right. “It’s literally the colour his walls are painted.”
“… right, so a point each.” Reki muttered, glancing suspiciously between them before coughing it away, shaking it off. It was then that Langa returned, a bag of crisps in hand as he stood beside Reki who was reading the words off of his book, Kaoru and Kojiro erasing the words from their boards as he chose the next one. “Next question,” he declared, grinning as he looked back up, “What’s their favourite food?”
Rapid writing while Kojiro huffed a quiet this is too easy.
“Carbonara,” Reki read the moment Kojiro turned his board, Kojiro grinning with pride as Kaoru spun his own board, “And… trick question he doesn’t have one?”
“It’s true, I can’t choose.” Kojiro huffed, rubbing off his writing as Kaoru glared at him, annoyed at the easy question. The other seemed to share the sentiment. “Give us a more difficult one.”
“Uh, okay… just let me—“
“If they could relive any day the exact same as before, what day would it be?” Langa interrupted between bites, Kaoru and Kojiro immediately writing once again as Reki oo’ed and ah’ed.
Kaoru turned his board first this time, “August 18th 2015,” he announced, Kojiro pausing his writing to watch and listen, “It was the day he mastered not only a frontside air but also his carbonara recipe, but mainly because we were off school because of an issue with the plumbing.”
And then Kojiro smiled, but it wasn’t a smug grin but a soft, nostalgic tilt of his lips, something sweet and sugary that made Kaoru feel a little sick.
So he looked away.
“And Joe?” Reki asked, reading his board as he leaned closer, “What happened on January 24th?”
“Ditch day,” Kojiro replied, erasing his words already to prepare for the next question, Kaoru deciding to follow suit, “Kaoru spontaneously booked tickets to Tokyo without telling me, dragged me over there, and we skated until we had to fly back. They had this amazing ice cream that he said it was too cold to eat so I had to feed it to him so his hands could stay warm.”
When Reki gave him an unimpressed (but not shocked) glance, Kaoru just shrugged, “It was really good ice cream, I would do it again.”
“So you guys are tied three for three.” Reki huffed, “Next one—“
“Favourite person at S to beef?” Miya shouted from the corner, both hesitating before writing their very obvious answers. When they were turned around, no one was surprised to see ‘me’ written on both boards. “Act shocked.”
“Okay, next one— I didn’t bring these questions for nothing,” Reki huffed, though he didn’t seem too genuinely annoyed, still sat with that smile on his face, “Right, here we go— what’s one thing you know about the other that no one else knows?”
As the two started writing, Miya giggled from his seat. “Like the thing you’d get them to say if you suspected them to be fake? Or like if they were copied?”
“Exactly!”
“Surely they shouldn’t show us then,” Langa pitched, and Kaoru knew Reki was considering it by his uncharacteristic silence.
“Don’t worry, we have many things we could say. These will just be removed from the list.” Kaoru said as he capped his pen again, Kojiro glancing over at his board before chuckling, Kaoru smirking in return. “Plus, if fake Kojiro does use whatever he’s put, then I’ll know he’s fake because real Kojiro would remember today.”
“I think we’ve established that I remember many things.”
“Don’t get cocky, we're only on the fifth question.”
“What have we got?”
Kojiro spun his board around, forcing Kaoru to lean slightly forward to read it.
Kaoru once cried for two hours because I hid his teddy.
“Never steal my things,” Kaoru spat, Kojiro giving him that same worried look he had back then when he returned the toy.
Kaoru remembered the exact look on his face. Garnet eyes sparkling with guilt, hand shaking a little as he held it out, brows furrowed as his lips tugged down, radiating regret. Surprisingly, Kaoru only held it against him for a day, more happy that he had it back than hung up over why it was gone in the first place.
He knew Kojiro’s guilt over that never left.
“Did you have to use that one?” Kojiro grumbled when Kaoru turned his own around, smirking at him. Reki and Langa both leaned forward to read it as Miya sat up higher in his seat to see it over the sofa. Kojiro asked me to teach him how to kiss in high school because he liked a girl and didn’t want to embarrass himself.
“It’s hilarious.”
“What did you say?” Miya asked from across the room, all four looking his way before the kids turned to look at Kaoru who was, with great difficulty, trying not to blush.
It didn’t work.
“Oh my god you said yes?!”
“I needed to prove I was better— and, as much as I hate it, Kojiro is my… friend. If he embarrasses himself he’s also embarrassing me.”
“Or did you just want to kiss him?” Miya asked, Kojiro immediately catching on to the way Kaoru was closing in on himself and swiftly, expertly moving the conversation forward.
They asked several more questions. So many questions, in fact, that they were sitting there for an hour before Langa’s complaints encouraged Kojiro to stand and sort food, the score on an even eighteen points.
And they’d not stopped to think about a single answer.
It made Kaoru wonder if there was anything they didn’t know about each other.
He wondered if that was normal for two best friends.
Granted, they’d never been normal best friends, but surely they were nothing more.
Surely the suspicious look Miya was casting him didn’t mean much.
𖢻
“What was my first cat’s name?”
“Kaida. Who’s my favourite actor?”
“Haruka Fukuhara. What was my fourth proper skating injury?”
“You think that’s a hard one?” Kojiro scoffed as he sat back down on the sofa, handing Kaoru a glass of wine as he turned his nose up, daring. In reply, Kojiro sighed, smiling something fond and amused as his eyes closed, looking entirely content where he was sitting. Even Kaoru kicking his legs over his lap didn’t change that look on his face. “You slashed your left cheek really badly on a rock, needed it stitched.” Kojiro said, drawing it down his face as Kaoru frowned.
“No it—“ he started, brows furrowing as he thought it over. Sprained elbow, twisted ankle, broken collarbone— “Oh yeah. So it was.”
“See! I know you better than you know you.”
“That’s not the argument we’re having, idiot.” Kaoru shot back, but he couldn’t help his own smile at the thought.
It was difficult to find someone that knew you better than yourself.
And Kaoru never had to search for it.
He glanced back at Kojiro as the man reached for the TV remote, his eyes sparkling even in the dim light of the room, and he wondered what he’d ever do without him. He’d have no infinite supplies of wine, would probably have never tried carbonara— his whole routine would be entirely different, because it wouldn’t revolve around the long work hours of a restaurant or the late hours of a skating ring they founded together.
Without Kojiro he wouldn’t have discovered his love for classical music and his hatred for soulless western pop music, he wouldn’t have discovered his love for calligraphy through his insults and quiet confessions, he wouldn’t have had a chance to discover himself.
And what a gift it was to know someone.
There was very little he didn’t know about Kojiro, in fact he was rather sure he knew everything, and Kaoru wouldn’t be the last person to know how special that was.
“Hey, you alright?” Kojiro whispered, leaning in a little closer as some random film started playing on the TV (it wasn’t a random film, Kaoru knew that introduction, because of course Kojiro wanted to prove he knew Kaoru’s favourite film). “You’ve got a weird look on your face.”
“Do you think there’s anything about you I don’t know?” Kaoru asked quietly, watching Kojiro’s face shift into careful neutrality, considering the question. For a moment, that’s all he did, tapping the remote on the palm of his other hand as he watched Kaoru back, eyes flicking between his own as if searching for the right answer.
As if he had something to hide and he was simply contemplating whether he should say it or not.
Instead, he leaned forward on the palm of his hand, elbow resting on his knee, and asked, “Do you?”
“Everyone’s got a secret they keep to themselves,” Kaoru returned, Kojiro’s features unchanging, “It just depends whether it’s worth sharing.”
“What’s that mean?”
“There’s a reason people keep secrets.” Kaoru practically informed him, but judging by the almost stressed look on the man’s face he had a feeling he knew what he was talking about. He continued, anywho. “Are the consequences of knowing worse than the consequences of ignorance?”
“If you told me,” Kojiro wagered, head tilting in curiosity, Kaoru’s heart beating that bit quicker, “What would the consequences be?”
“You’d leave, probably.”
“I’d never leave you.”
“What if the big secret was that I’d murdered your mother and got some actor to pretend to be her?”
“… is it?”
“No, of course not.”
“Then what does it matter? Just tell me.”
“You tell me yours first.”
At that, Kojiro chuckled, as if the idea he had a secret to keep was laughable at best, but there was a stress to his eyebrows and a worry in his eyes that told Kaoru enough. “I don’t have any big secret I’m keeping from you.”
“So what’s your big secret that you keep from everyone else then? That I definitely know?” Kaoru dared to ask, and he almost believed the man was sweating.
A rare sight.
“And if I tell you,” Kojiro eventually said, eyes no longer locked with Kaoru’s and instead watching his fidgeting hands move the remote back and forth, “You’ll tell me yours?”
Instead of replying, Kaoru stuck his pinkie finger out, smirking the moment Kojiro locked it with his own.
He wondered if Kojiro could feel his heartbeat.
He wondered if he even needed to hear how fast it was beating to know.
“Okay,” Kojiro started, and when Kaoru started to pull his pinkie away Kojiro tightened his hold, keeping them there as he looked at Kaoru again, garnet deep and worried and holding a regret for something Kaoru knew hadn’t even happened yet.
It was a colour Kaoru knew, a colour that inspired the shade of his walls and his favourite kimono, of his favourite mug. There were a few specks of gold in his irises that always reminded Kaoru of the sun, like the one Kaoru had meticulously drawn onto Kojiro’s skin back in highschool. There was a glimmer to them too, a boyish naive optimism that kept Kaoru going on the harder days. The shade was close to red but it wasn’t as sharp— “I’m in love with you.”
Kaoru blinked.
Kojiro tightened his hold further, as if worried Kaoru would flee.
Or as a reminder of what he’d promised.
“I’m right, aren’t I?” Kojiro continued at Kaoru’s silence, leaning further down to get a better look at his face. “You didn’t know that?”
“… no.”
“Are you… okay? I can leave—“
“Kojiro sit back down.” Kaoru spat the moment he stood to leave, kicking his legs to shove the man back into the sofa, shooting him an annoyed look as he swallowed, looking back. “This is literally your own apartment.”
“You’re not annoyed at me?”
“I’m annoyed at you for not saying sooner! You’ve seriously been keeping that a secret? For what?!”
“I didn’t want to make our friendship weird! Like it will be now!”
“We better not be fucking friends after this!”
“And this is exactly why I didn’t want to tell you! These kind of things ruin everything and what I have with you is something I don’t want with anyone else, I didn’t want to lose that, but now you’ve made me tell you and everything’s down the—“
Kaoru was on his lap and kissing him before he could breathe, hoping it would, at the very least, shut him up.
It worked only while their lips were pressed together.
So Kaoru was determined to keep it that way.
That was totally the only reason why.
“Kaoru—“ he threaded his hands behind his neck, pulled him closer, “Hey—“ a tug on his hair, “Oi.”
Kaoru finally pulled back with a pout, hoping it would be enough. Of course Kojiro’s gaze didn’t leave his lips as he attempted to remember what he was so desperate to say. He remembered eventually.
“You promised to tell me your secret.”
“… seriously?”
“Is it that you were in love with Adam? Because we all knew that.”
“You’re an actual idiot.”
The grin Kojiro shot at him then directly disproved this statement. It was full of mischief, of knowing. Kaoru hated it.
The speed of his heart directly disproved that statement.
“Tell me. I don’t think I can figure it out.”
“I’m busy right now, can I get back to you tomorrow?”
What Kaoru had expected was more complaints and more arguments, but this was not the response he was given. Instead it was a bright, joyous, excited grin.
“You’ll be here tomorrow? I can do tomorrow.”
“Good.”
“Though I do have this thing at eight—“
“Cancel it.”
“You got it.”